I'd ask:

Why are you commissioning silly storylines for Alfie like selling dodgy crap on the stall and driving unlicensed in a cab that he's blackmailed his mate to lend him? Are you trying to force Shane to quit?

Why have you decided that Kat and Alfie are to have two boys instead of the girl that you must have known they wanted so they could name her Victoria after Alfie's Nana?

And why are you commissioning storylines that make Alfie look stupid like calling the kids muppet names and having him interfere in Roxy and Aleks' relationship for no apparent reason?

Why didn't Alfie call an ambulance when Kat had her scare? She should have gone to hospital to get checked out anyway because she's in her 40s and older mums are vulnerable aren't they?

Please keep your promise to make Kat and Alfie enjoyable again!

This!! Giving Kat a little girl would be the perfect way to have her mention Zoe regularly and inform/remind newer viewers of that storyline - which was why she became such a legend that people cared for in the first place. Plus I think a daughter of Kat's has more potential as a future character than a son.

Mr Treadwell-Collins, what do you think about all these creepy weirdos obsessing over your soap and its fictional characters? Do you think they should be in the loony bin?

I wouldn't say any of them have good bums

Sacrilege!

dean in a jockstrap!??

I would have to inspect them all before I decided.


When have I ever denied being filthy?

how would you inspect them...

Do you have first-hand experience then?

I award you the title of DS Soap Slag.

It's a hard title to concede.

haha I'd say Max has a great bum!

You're my new best friend lol!

What lies ahead for Roxy in the long term future?

No denying though

Why are you turning Carol's cancer story into a parody of Breaking Bad?

Well the lucy plot is similar to broadchurch. I am just waiting fot fatboy to return with a dalek as his girlfriend.

What are your thoughts on Cora being Sharon's birth mother?

What are your thoughts on a male rape storyline?

Kind regards, Digital Spy.

Dear DTC, can we keep Terry?

Please!

And can you point Alfie in the direction of the Job centre?

Thanks..

Retro xxx

DTC why do you and TPTB continue to worship the ground that the short, ageing thug Philth Mitchell walks on?

It really is getting totally preposterous now, everyone I know laughs when Philth tries his hardman crap on much bigger younger men - Dean's arms are the size of Philth's entire body for example.

How much longer will this 'totally invincible' shit go on for?

When you going to bring Pat back?

I fooking love Phil. I miss him actually...although not enough to actually watch but he's the man.

You need a bloody good spanking young lady!

Ohhhh. I love a bit of fighting talk.

Suits me!

I'm having three because someone once said I was two faced and because one of those is a beautiful face.

1) Is Kathy getting women's weekly delivered in witness protection?

2) please, please, please can you pair up Peter and Johnny <3

3) Did my fanmail letter to Ben Hardy get stolen by Billy Mitchell?