Zoe enjoys urinating on the wretched street-dwellers that shuffle on the pavement below her luxury penthouse apartment.

Every few months, Zoe has her security team abduct a member of the public. In many cases, these are audience members who have displeased Zoe with their slack-jaw, bovine expression and putrescent odour. Terrified, blindfolded and disorientated, they are dumped from a van into a forest, where Zoe will then hunt them for sport. She knows no mercy, but gains a great deal of satisfaction in hearing her quarry beg for it.

She battles daily with the burden of her "eeleete" sexual appeal.

Being such a prolific "lob on" inducer is a curse.

But plucky Zoe ploughs on bravely.

Due to her impact on BB and channel 5s upsurge in ratings their is a buzz about Zoe. An insider told a guy who used to have a twitter account that he believes she will be the perfect replacement for the stuck up royal correspondent Jennie Bond. Poor Jennie will be out of action for 6 months with a dehydrated tongue due to all the arse licking the role requires and they see Zoe as a firm favorite to take the role if she is willing to kill Nicholas Witchell. A friend said Zoe is perfect for this job and her dad Johnny likes to think of numbers.

Zoe has created a cure for cancer but just hasn't realised it yet, one day when she is in full flow practising the scales and giving it full jazz hands-it will pop into her head.

Zoe chews bread for local toothless pensioners. "She's a feckin saint that girl", reported local coffin dodger Mr Bert Pympe of South Shields

Zoe has had a poo at Carnegie Hall.

once while being driven to that nights performance to the Lyric Theatre, she was witness to a terrifying accident involving a hedgehog and a white van, this scarred her for life, and is certainly something that she wouldn't have seen had she been working a cushy little number in Tesco's

I'd imagine she has crapped in some of the world's most iconic places, it's hard to be on a par with that