If anyone gives my mum a present, she'll spend ages looking at the wrapped box, shaking it, and saying, "What is it? What is it?!" I understand enjoying the anticipation of a wrapped present, but I'm always tempted to reply either "it's a [whatever]" or "OPEN IT AND FIND OUT DAMMIT!"

I actually got a wake-up call about just that, many years ago. I must have been about 18 or so. I was merrily brushing my long hair on the bus, and an older woman behind me told me off because loose ones were going all over her. I was totally embarrassed and very apologetic, and I haven't done it since.

So, there's hope out there - say something, and you'll maybe teach them a lesson.

Just to add to this, when the other person leaves at about half 3 I at least get the small comfort of having an hour and a half where I can just dick about on the net to kill time.

However, today, not only is this person still here (meaning I'm covertly typing this in between doing actual work) she says she's gonna stay until around half five to finish some stuff meaning I could have had an early finish for once but it's too late now as I'd started some work that I'm now going to have to finish >: (

An itch on my back that I cannot reach because of a frozen shoulder

Stephen Merchant.

How is he still forging a career in America? He can't play anyone but himself.

Getting cat food on your hand when opening a sachet or foil tray.

I sit down with a cup of tea or glass of wine and my dogs decide it's very important that they immediately start to scuffle with each other on top of me, resulting in tea everywhere and me shouting YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE A CUP OF TEA IN THIS HOUSE at them while they ignore me.

Rub it against the door frame.

endless research results on the news. Do you remember when the news was only 10 mins long, apart from the nine o'clock news or news at ten. Now BBc1, itv and c4 all have 30 min shows at 6 or 7, and then the local news for another 30 mins. Why? And then of course there's the news channels........

Soon as we get a sunny day , the outside of our local pub is heaving with people sitting outside drinking.

I just think its a nice day ,can't you think of something better to do ?

Getting Christmas songs stuck in your head when it is completely out of season.

For the last few days I've been hearing a mental "Last Christmas" on loop and it's driving me to distraction; I wrapped it up and sent it - with a note saying "I love you, I meant it."

Now I know what a fool I've been - but if you kissed me now... I know you'd fool me again.

(Merry Christmas)

Stuff, other than cheese, in cheese.

Cheese is brilliant. I can't think of any other thing on this planet that tastes as good, and leaves you as satiated as cheese. It's the perfect foodstuff. The range of flavours over the myriad types of cheese on this planet are a gastronomic wonder.

Cheese doesn't need bloody chives, or onion, or chili, or, FFS, apricot in it.

You get all excited about the cheese board but when it comes out it's full of crap like cranberries, garlic, mango, shallots etc. and is essentially inedible.

Don't get me wrong, I love all those things I mentioned but none of them are as good as cheese and when they put them in cheese they ruin the cheese.

Stop putting things in cheese that aren't cheese.

When I go to Asda early in the morning (9 am) and there are no manned tills in operation, only the self service ones (which I can't stand !)
As soon as I get my shopping on the conveyor belt and half way through, they open the bloody tills !

As Noddy Holder would say "IT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAS !!"

If you're considering buying an airbed please stay clear of the ones with a flocked covering on one side. They put it there "for your comfort". flock is kinda like those fleeced sweatshirts, kinda ish. Anyway, when your airbed punctures, whch it will, if it does so on the flocked side you're screwed. The included patches won't stay down and you'll wake up to a deflated bed and a deflated mood. Maybe I'm doing it wrong but I say "stay well clear of 'em" and get a normal boring airbed and just put a comfy blanket on top instead.

I've just eaten a meat samosa

There was two left in the container marked "Veg Sam", I checked the first one but didn't check the second one, I could hear my sister coming and wanted to escape the kitchen before she got there...then I heard my sister's louder than necessary high pitch whiny voice telling my mum that she put the meat and veg samosas together

The fact I've taken 2 co codamol, a nefopam and some Andrews yet I STILL have a headache and tummy ache!

If you live anywhere near Brighton, there's a great jeweller's at the bottom of Dukes Arcade that has really unusual pendants. They have things like shooting stars, skulls and running hares.

This guy makes some lovely pendants http://michael-michaud.com/collections/pendants - very unusual, and wonderful workmanship.

my dvd player keeps freezing and getting crackled picture, hence why it's freezing..Damn machine..a new one is coming soon missed the end of the film i was watching tonight

Sorry, couldn't resist "fixing" your post

Audiences that applaud loudly three seconds into an act. I'm looking at you, BGT...

People who fail to realise that the big black metal box, with the word "Post" on it in big letters, is for putting post in.

They insist on putting leaflets, takeway menus, notices about jumble sales etc through the letter box in the front door, whereupon the dog shreds them into tiny pieces. The hoover has had several unscheduled outings in recent weeks.

I may vote Lib Dem simply because they know where to put their leaflets.

The weather forecast!

I was supposed to go out today to an event but when i checked the weather forecast yesterday it was non stop rain and light winds all day until 6pm. During the night i felt unwell so was half pleased the weather would be bad because the thing would be cancelled so i wouldnt miss out.

Has it rained? Has it heck. Checked the forecast again and its changed to being dry all day!

What is the point of the weather forecast when its the opposite of what they say?

As an actor/comedian, he is utterly shite. Really tiresome and does nothing but that hackneyed faux-bemused observational schtick. A twunt of monolithic proportions.


Annoying indeed, but I can think of approximately 5,819 bigger criticisms of BGT than the over-enthusiastic audience.

Oh god, yes. It's such a cliché in films. Every character that receives a wrapped present, the character always looks at the other character and asks "What is it?"

That makes the inner me want to scream like a banshee.