When you want to watch TV and there is nothing on.

Women at work...

Every time one of them gets pregnant it's like it's an excuse for them to be lazy. Latest one is only 3 months gone and she just sits on a chair all day with a fan in her face. Oh and she refuses to lift ANYTHING heavier than a pen.

When you're stood for ages at a bar and barstaff keep ignoring you and serving other people who have only just walked in before you making you feel like you're bloody invisible.

When you see really luxurious seats in an expensive car. Why don't they bring out a cheap car with luxurious seats in the front and to keep it cheap, put shit seats in the back?

What do I care about the seats in the back. I'm the driver.

Tell me about it. And that thing my mum told me - 'lean over into the bar slightly and you're more likely to be served' it's not true! She also thinks taller people get served quicker cus they're easily spotted - that imo is also not true lol.
Maybe I shouldn't listen to her advice!

Try this method.

When you first get to the front of the bar before it's your turn and the staff are looking around for the next person to serve, give a big "them next" gesture towards the person stood next to you. Not only are you making your presence known to the bar staff but often the person next to you is so grateful that they will point back at you once they've been served. Very occasionally, if the bar is packed and the person is drunk enough, you can even get a free pint out of this method.

Alternatively, if you are in a Wetherspoons and it's taking forever to get served (such as when there are five people working the bar and six people buying drinks...that's a 25 minute wait right there) then make sure you stand directly in front of the till. I think it's part of the standard Wetherspoons training that after finishing with the till the bar staff look straight up and the very first person they see is next.

I'm irritated by my date who told me he'd be late today - so I thought 10 or 15 mins. Try 50 mins - I was standing in the city looking like a right lemon.
Also it was only an ok date - didn't really feel that attracted to him

If you are paying with a note hold it in view so they know you need serving and are not one of those who hang around the bar with their drink

Often if you are waiting they look and see 'someones' pint there and assume it is yours and you are standing at the bar to drink it

Stand near to the beer pumps and when the bar staff member is pouring a pint, smile, say hello and order one easy drink saying something like "Hi. Could you do me a pint of... next please. Thanks" + another smile. Once you've got one on the way you can order whatever else you want. IME bar staff aren't that bothered about serving people in the right order and this saves them having to scan for the next hopeful punter waving a fiver in the air. Never fails...

Don't say "can I get a pint?", cos if the barman has any sense he'll clock the appalling grammar and either ignore you [rightly so] or pour it over your head, also rightly so.

Oh, yes! Absolutely! You have really made my day in knowing that there is someone else out there who wants to die every time they hear the words 'can I get'.

Bravo!

"... wants to kill" is more my way of thinking tbh.

Just popped to Sainsburys and had my entrance and exit marred by the trauma of enduring a bunch of schoolkids waving cash buckets around whilst warbling sickeningly saccharine songs from that 'Camp Rock' abomination. The only thing worse than kids singing, is kids singing in an American accent. It was like a live re-enactment of the nightmare of those ASDA ads from a few years back

Yes, I thought of that after I had made my post, and I'm sure that the judge would accept my plea of extreme mitigating circumstances!

The first day of a cold and it starts running like a tap, especially when your doing somethings..Nose starts running, grabs tissue, wipes nose, dries up, washes hands, starts again repeat etc etc
haha

You have all my sympathy. Mine kept dripping into my soup and washing up bowl.

^stick wads of cotton wool up there and bingo -freedom from the drips for an hour or so. Removing them might be a tad icky, but that hour is bliss

I used to work in a bar and if you wanted to piss off the bar staff waving a note under their nose would surely do it and you would be ignored all the more.. A simple 'excuse me' was enough to get attention

Ooh and asking for a round of drinks and then adding on a pint of Guinness at the end.. Always guaranteed to boil the blood of all bar staff

That is ok in a quiet organised bar, But when it is a loud club and free for all bar then you have to make yourself seen

Being asked what my salary is.

I was asked this twice at a wedding today. It's a common question at social events now and it's getting on my nerves, even though I can give a diplomatic variation of mind your own business.

Squealing children in restaurants, seriously put them in a perspex dome or something.

Charity.

People,even TV announcers sometimes, who cannot
pronounce 'nuclear' and insist on the incorrect and
annoying 'nuke-you-lar'......

Or Ronald Regan's "nookela".

Those charity bag-packers who stand at the end of the checkout and start bagging my stuff before I've a chance to tell them 'no thanks'. I always pay by debit card so never have any change on me - I feel bad for telling them no and then even badder for telling them I have no change on me after they have bagged my few items

They always say 'that's okay' but I kind of know what they're thinking...

Ed Milliband