And the regular Mars Bar is small enough as it is these days.

The adverts for these that say, "Kills all known germs... DEAD!"

Well DUH! If you kill it of course it's going to be f*cking dead....

People who choose to sit next to me on a train when the carriage is half empty!!!

Get out my personal space God damn it

I am sure I will soon become a trivial thing that annoys you all intensely.... but three people have been having conversations on their mobile phones within the last 25 minutes. Aargh!

Procrastination is still an issue, damn it.

Oral-B TV adverts. Surely the people in them can't be that irritating in real life.

I've 9 black printer ink cartridges, 1 blue and 1 red... and the bloody printer is asking for a yellow one.... darn it.

Something I have noticed recently are mobile phone zombies, walking really slowly and stopping suddenly whilst transfixed to their phones

People who take Al Murray's election campaign seriously. They either have no sense of humour and/or dim.

It's election time, the time when politicians of all parties try and look 'normal' and pretend they watch Top Gear, cook in their tiny kitchen (just don't mention the huge 2nd one downstairs...) eat bacon sarnies in a factory up north. This acts been going on for decades and it ain't ending soon!

"Are you sure you want to delete this email?" Ggggrrrrrr!

all the hype with Jeremy Clarkson

For the past few nights I've hard nothing but motorbike/scooter engines in the distance. The noise seems to go on for ages which makes my neighbourhood sound like a racetrack.

When I go to unwrap a Cadbury's Creme Egg and I discover it's one of the sticky ones. I don't usually mind getting sticky fingers to be honest, but trying to get the damn foil off piece by piece, ruins the whole experience.

Exchange of money.

I really hate it when money is placed on the surface instead of in the hand. Used to work in a pub and amount of people who'd find the one wet spot to place their change on was annoying.

People who invite you over to their house/out for the day and sit there....texting. If I wanted to stare off into space, I'd have stayed in...it's so rude, like unbelievably rude.

When the ring-pull on my tin of sweetcorn snaps off, leaving me having to delicately remove the lid with a vegetable knife.

The commentator during the Man City game yesterday who kept rolling his "r" sounds, when pronouncing "Aguerro". It sounds pretentious and it ain't a sign of your multi-lingual prowess...noodle-head.

Can opener not available?

Restaurants that have blinds/curtains drawn so you can't see if it's busy or empty. I hate going into empty restaurants (I always feel really awkward).

Another thing that really annoys me is how some people can't seem to park their cars properly within the lines in a car park. How hard can it be to straighten your car up if you didn't park within the lines straight away?

"This email has no subject, do you want to send it anyway?"

People who say 'miles an hour' instead of miles per hour (MPH).

My 15-year-old and 16-year-old.

They had a ridiculous fight before leaving for school earlier. "You're stupid!" "You are!" "Shut up!" "You shut up!"

Jesus Christ. What are you, five?

I resent all parents who didn't warn me just how bewilderingly nightmarish it can be in being a parent to teenagers with logic that makes no ****ing sense.

Last Tuesday I arranged with a builder to come over to do a few jobs for me, next Monday. So here I am sitting here feeling really stupid because everyone but me knows that next Monday isn't the next Monday, it's the Monday after. The arrangement would have been for this Monday. He must think I'm a stupid f*cking cow, and yes, I know I am!

If I arranged something last Tuesday for next Monday I would assume that that meant the following Monday ie. today