That's exactly what it is



Me too. I've been worried ever since.

I hadn't made the connection with Series 3 (cricketing wardrobe consciously erased from memory banks) until I saw your post to that effect and my blood ran cold. At least I'm not invested in any other contestant this time the way I was with Colin.

#Colinwuzrobbed.

The 'dance' move that Marky blokey bloke no moves did in his first dance of cha cha (basically throwing self down on floor and rippling slightly) which was completely different to what Darren Blokey bloke no moves did in his first dance of cha cha. Even got the same/similar free willy comments from Len.

I think I was so traumatised by the whole week one to week 2 journey spun out over an entire series that anything that looks remotely similar brings on the twitches.

I've found a happy place to go to when Mark's on. I imagine him having sleepless nights trying to fathom why all his 'sincerity', sales pitches and sobs haven't kept him out of the bottom two when Judy's 'doesn't bother me' grins haven't landed her there yet.

I love it on here because you encapsulate my feelings about that twonk so succinctly. He must be tearing his hair out puzzling why his wonderful sales pich aint working.
He has done "triple nan" "tears" " humble" "faux sincerity". I wonder what he will pull out of the bag next?

Read an article by Andy saying his mum was the happiest he had seen her and if she was happy so was he.

How could I forget the triple nan?

*Slaps self*

Made me realise that if Andy doesn't get a riggle on and WIN his next two matches at the O2 (won't be easy since one is against Federer), then he will have no excuse not to be sat front and centre on Saturday at Blackpool..... And we all know that he wants to stick pins in his eyes more....

Loving the talk about Blokey Mark.... I agree with all you've put.

Can we organise him in the bottom 2 with Pixie next week please - to guarantee him going?

If nothing else, Judy's stint in scd has done wonders for his tennis form. Mind you, if the alternative for me was to watch Anton press himself up against my mum and not be able to barf due to a camera being in my face, I think that I would develop a winning tennis streak, despite me being overweight, close to middle age and showing no aptitude for the sport thus far.

I'm going to try that this week - as well as see if he still is hogging the limelight again.

The difference is (and I am not a huge fan of Judy's) is that Judy is finally doing something for herself and she is enjoying wearing make-up and the lovely dresses - she has worn some really nice costumes. She knows she isn't great but she is enjoying the experience - she doesn't need SCD to boost her career.

Mark, on the other hand, is a desperate wannabe. His previous attempts at presenting haven't worked out - and despite predictions - he did not win I'm a Celebrity. Perhaps he should stick to being a DJ (people can't see him then) and not try so hard. He hasn't been totally honest about his stage school training and I really hope he goes soon. I much prefer watching Judy walk through her routine than Mark turning on the tears and the fake reactions.

I wish we could organize him in the bottom 2. You know in all the years I've watched Strictly I have never disliked a contestant more than Mark - he is so fake. . .

As for Andy - he was lamentable in the match yesterday. Then again Nishamura has beaten all he top 5 players this year I think. Somehow I don't think we will see him in the audience at all.

Shutupshutupshutup! *kicks wardrobe. feels slightly better*

With regard to Mark, it's like he's got one of those "I Spy" books you used to be able to get (no idea if you still can - may be showing my age). You were given a location (zoo, airport, street, fairground etc) and loads of different things to see while you were there with point scores next to them.

Mark seems to have "I Spy Strictly Come Dancing" and appears to be cheating with the points allocation by having most of them himself. Various categories include -

Journey - 80 points
Nan - 40 points
Dead nan - 50 points
Double nan - 60 points
Double dead nan - 80 points
Triple nan - 90 points
Triple dead nan - 100 points
Tears - 20 points
Snot - 20 points
Shock bottom two - 40 points
Shock boot - 60 points
Redemption arc - 60 points (only 50 if it's a Charleston, 70 if it's a rumba, 80 for a bloke rumba)
Len's pickled walnuts - 30 points (and therapy)
Darcey 10 - 10 points
Bruno 10 - 30 points
Len 10 - 40 points
Craig 10 - 70 points
Donny 10 - lose all points
Ben 10 - wrong show
Topless paso - 30 points (50 if it's Aljaz or Tristan, -50 if it's TTF or Anton, 200 points and show cancelled if it's female)
Harder for boyz - 10 points (only 5 for a rumba)
Yer cahm aht - 20 points (on first utterance, -5 for each subsequent hearing)

Please feel free to add. The book is very, very long...

Perhaps we could include;
Fiancée - 20 pts
Weddin' - 50 pts

Yes you can still get I spy books! Not sure if there is still a BIg Chief I Spy though.
Perhaps you had better copyright this idea, the Beeb will be rushing it out for Christmas!


10 points- The Waltz is the hardest dance, rise and fall,swing and sway, blah blah blah
10 points- The Quickstep is the hardest dance- it's quick!
10 points - The Samba is the hardest dance- got to keep your leg straight
10 points- The paso is the hardest dance- all the shaping
10 points- The Tango is the hardest dance plus you have to do a Tango face!
10 points- The Foxtrot is the hardest dance, no rise and fall

30 points- I have been working incredibly hard on my day job, which I knew I would have to combine with Strictly and no other celebs over the years have told me, you have to work so hard on Strictly.

100 points- Standing ovation ( it's not often seen)
500 points Tess makes an unscripted witty retort

I bet Mark is somewhere doing voodoo on a Sindy doll because Pixie pulled out the Dead Nan. What's the point on having two nans if both of them are selfishly alive?

In other news it's taken me over a week but I've finally realised who Green Frankie and Stubbly Jake remind me of. Green Frankie is Nana Mouskouri and Stubbly Jake is a Cheesy Wotsit. Stick a big pair of specs on Frankie and it's uncanny.

Brilliant

50 points - Umble speech on ITT
100 points - Umble speech in kiss and cry, but automatic deduction for Claudia/Tess taking the mickey.
100 points for live Nan bringing baked goods to training room.
25 points for a birthday.
50 points for a special birthday.
75 points for friend throwing surprise party in training room.
100 points if more than one friend turns up.
50 points for a little owie.
75 points if trip needed to A&E
100 points if pro partner pushes you into A&E in wheelchair.

I am hoping that that impression of TTF on the results show finally does for him. He seems to be making so many people's teeth itch despite triple mamas and all.

If he misses training to take his sick old Labrador to the vet and sprains his ankle but manages to carry on despite the pain, with an ice bag strapped over his boot, the only thing he has got left is chicken pox and look where that landed tiny Tina.

No one wants a scabby contestant. He could go now for me, even Mr Coopertop who has a masters in patience now winces when he is on.

Also Karen, shudders

I cannot stand him, he's pretty much the reason I really can't get into it this year, his Uriah Heep 'ever so 'umble routine makes my teeth itch and my skin crawl, he nearly makes TTF bearable

With that utterly dire, cringe-making "impression" he wrought the miracle of my actually preferring TTF

I felt like I needed a wash

Ah finally

With the early demise of Ggreggg we were missing a person we could really really dislike this year,

So far Mark ticks most boxes

And if ever he fails

we can send the spears towards wardrobe re Caroline.


I feel strictly has finally begun, so much to unappreciate in one person 😃😛

I fear we dare not pronounce his true name any more. An epithet must be found. For starters, I suggest The Worm or possibly The Geezer. Any more offers?

Triple Nan

MDF- Mark does fake

Just having a look at Judy's Twitter and it seems Mark has commenced with Wedding Warz in Hello Magazine. How many points does he get for that?