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Everything wrong with Hollyoaks


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Old 05-09-2014, 17:17
ChessStringClay
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Don't get me wrong, I do love Hollyoaks(don't ask me why, it's bonkers) but it certainly does have it's fair share of ludicrous moments, pointless reveals and plot holes. And then there are the characters and their crazy, questionable antics...

So here's the chance for us all to point out its sins...
*DRUM ROLL*

I'll start...

1) You are more likely to get arrested for a crime that you haven't committed than for one you are actually guilty of... (*Cough Freddie Roscoe)
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Old 05-09-2014, 17:57
dubgaz
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Live in the village for 6 months and ALL of these things will happen to you

Find out you have a secret Mother/Father that you did not know about
Be hugged gay by Ste
Get a life threatening illness but but fine in a week
Get married and divorced within a month
Be arrested for a crime you did not commit
One of your siblings will die
You will be kidnapped at least 3 times.
You will fall in love 4 times
You will be blackmailed 10 times
You will find a bag full of money and use it to set up a business in the area that will later be blown up by one of the local gangsters.
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Old 05-09-2014, 18:26
Cal_Scream2
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You will harbor a dark secret
You will have cash whenever you want it
You will be shot at least once a year
You will get away with every crime under the sun, but be arrested for every crime under the sun you did not commit.
You will steal a bus.
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Old 05-09-2014, 18:46
MegMog2014
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You will be able to dispose of all evidence, murder weapons and bodies in a pond that's never dredged!
You will able to do the above in broad daylight outside a busy pub in a pond thats never dredged
You will be able to float a house boat on a pond thats never dredged
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:26
srhgts
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You will have a personality change at least once per storyline.
At your wedding/funeral/general big event about 3 people you know will attend and numerous family members will be conspicuously absent with no explanation.
If you are a young character in perfect health and so are your friends, you will all be dead within a year.
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:28
winter99
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You'll find out you have a child you never knew about out. (Even if you're a virgin)
You'll end up getting kidnapped once or twice a month. (Get use to it)
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:28
Purple.
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You will be impossibly good looking and sleep with pretty much every other character.
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:40
Ownnnn
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Your partner will cheat on you, I can't think of one stable couple on the show at the moment who haven't cheated on one another (Trevor and Grace?)
Your family members will probably die in the same week in completely different circumstances.
You'll end up in hospital around three times a year, under different circumstances also.
If someone close to you dies you'll forget about them in a week.
A violent man will manage to get away with abusing his partner for a year with no police even mentioned.
Your residence will be broken into and trashed.
You'll fail your exams, no matter who you are.
You'll be arrested at some point.
You'll get involved with the gangsters.
You'll sleep with Mercedes.
Any illness you suffer will disappear in a small amount of time and be forgotten about.
Your sister will probably actually be your mother.
You'll get locked away by a family member and kept hostage.
A wedding will be planned within a week.
You won't have any hobbies.
You'll get fired an hour after starting a job.
Your family history will be rewritten.
You'll turn up in the village with a 'shocking secret' which is then forgotten about and never actually brought up.
You'll become completely thick to drag out a storyline even longer.
Half of your family will have been sectioned.
And after all that you'll die yourself.
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:47
MissPGC
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If someone close to you dies you'll forget about them in a week.
The lomax death was ridiculous. . Sam and danny was forgotten like the next episode
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Old 05-09-2014, 19:52
Kazza81
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I don't even look at hollyoaks with any respect, and it's become a trashy, time passing soap
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Old 05-09-2014, 20:32
D.DotA
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There's nothing wrong with it apart from one thing - the producer!!

Usually I have defended him look back at all my posts as I think people on here are way too harsh, but now this is getting out of hand I agree with what people on here are saying.
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Old 05-09-2014, 20:45
mandie_bizerk
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You will be able to dispose of all evidence, murder weapons and bodies in a pond that's never dredged!
You will able to do the above in broad daylight outside a busy pub in a pond thats never dredged
You will be able to float a house boat on a pond thats never dredged
You will be able to live in a houseboat without local residents and local council asking for it to be removed
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Old 05-09-2014, 23:00
MegMog2014
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You will be able to live in a houseboat without local residents and local council asking for it to be removed
Absolutely! that dog in the pond, pond has enough in it to end all hollyoakers lol!
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Old 05-09-2014, 23:29
srhgts
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If you decide to emigrate it will magically be possible to arrange everything; jobs, selling your house and buying a new one, schools, pet transport, shipping possessions, the works- in about half an hour.
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Old 05-09-2014, 23:32
sally_bowles
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the frank sinatra song 'my way' comes to mind, the end is near, they are facing the final curtain. how long will channel 4 keep it going???
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Old 05-09-2014, 23:48
ChelseaEllie
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You will be able to become a teacher, and teach with no checks
All teachers have keys to the school
You can take holiday in term time if you are a teacher

You will sleep with as many partners of all relatives as possible
You will have a who is the daddy scare weekly
Looking shocked/bemused/stoned will be considered acting

If you are gay you will sleep with your straight best friend
If your best friend stops washing, randomly gets in fights and starts dating the local drug dealer, you will ignore this then rant at him when you find out why he's like that

If your son beats people up. You will cover this up
You will have a fav outfit you wear all the time
Your children are often forgotten until the plot calls for it
You will own the loft at one point
If In hospital you will be fixed with in 10 mins
Private threatening chats in public areas are never overheard
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Old 05-09-2014, 23:50
Hildaonpluto
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the frank sinatra song 'my way' comes to mind, the end is near, they are facing the final curtain. how long will channel 4 keep it going???
Good Call!!I do think the rot has set in now.Its too late.
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Old 06-09-2014, 00:14
Abbey_Stewart
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The problem is nothing will be done about Kirkwood since HO won the BSA I bet the people at lime think he can do no wrong.

2-3 years time I reckon HO will have be axed.
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Old 06-09-2014, 00:18
TrebleKing
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If you're a semi decent looking guy, you'll more than likely shag most of the women in the village sooner or later.
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Old 06-09-2014, 00:27
ChelseaEllie
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If you're a semi decent looking guy, you'll more than likely shag most of the women in the village sooner or later.
Or be hugged by Ste, we know what that leads too
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Old 06-09-2014, 01:45
Gulftastic
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Your IQ will fluctuate, depending on the plot.
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Old 06-09-2014, 02:15
Matthew_Howarth
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Don't get me wrong, I do love Hollyoaks(don't ask me why, it's bonkers) but it certainly does have it's fair share of ludicrous moments, pointless reveals and plot holes. And then there are the characters and their crazy, questionable antics...

So here's the chance for us all to point out its sins...
*DRUM ROLL*

I'll start...

1) You are more likely to get arrested for a crime that you haven't committed than for one you are actually guilty of... (*Cough Freddie Roscoe)
Good choice of thread title by the way, ChessStringClay - great first post & welcome to the DS Forums / threads, too.

The second poster replied with a lot of good reasons & explanations as to what is wrong with Hollyoaks, at the moment tbh
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Old 06-09-2014, 02:25
Sez_babe
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Your phone will be stolen at the same time the person you love is phoning to say that they are leaving and if you don't reply you're never see them again.
You will get spied on by a hidden camera.
If you confide in anyone about something they will either forget about it in a day or tell everyone even when they promised not to.
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Old 06-09-2014, 02:36
Gulftastic
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You will disappear sometimes for weeks at a time. Even after a major life changing event. Then you'll just turn up again, and magically, your plot will re-start as if no time had passed.

If you are gay, you will end up with the only other gay person in the village, even if you had another girlfriend/boyfriend when you first came to town.
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Old 06-09-2014, 03:06
Sez_babe
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You can keep starting up businesses, even if your previous ones fail, with money that keeps appearing if and when your storyline needs it.

If you are bullied and attempt to take your own life because of it, you will become best friends with them a few weeks afterwards.
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