I got about 2 paragraphs in until I realised it was a joke. 
EastEnders: Shirley Week
4 of 5
Originally Posted by T.K. Mazin:
“Coming this week on EastEnders, a drunken Shirley makes a shocking discovery whilst rummaging through Stan's house. After finding a diary belonging to her great grandmother, Nora Carter, she learns that her ancestors built Albert Square in the 1800s, confirming Shirley's suspicions that she is the true Queen of Walford. A smug Shirley is quick to reveal this fact to Sharon and the entire Vic, mocking her love rival for ever thinking she was the Queen of Walford. Shirley is ordered to leave the Vic by Linda as a tearful Sharon struggles to take in the news. She questions whether her whole life has been a lie and cries uncontrollably.”
“Coming this week on EastEnders, a drunken Shirley makes a shocking discovery whilst rummaging through Stan's house. After finding a diary belonging to her great grandmother, Nora Carter, she learns that her ancestors built Albert Square in the 1800s, confirming Shirley's suspicions that she is the true Queen of Walford. A smug Shirley is quick to reveal this fact to Sharon and the entire Vic, mocking her love rival for ever thinking she was the Queen of Walford. Shirley is ordered to leave the Vic by Linda as a tearful Sharon struggles to take in the news. She questions whether her whole life has been a lie and cries uncontrollably.”
This leads to a explosive summer storyline where Shirley plots to take over the Queen Vic under the feet of Mick and Linda and rename it to Queen Shirl.
Originally Posted by priscilla:
“Exclusive: Zayn Malik, reveals the true reasons behind his 1D departure
In an interview with What the Shirl Zayn Malik revealed he left One Direction, after talking to his long term friend and new manager Shirley Carter, she advised him it was time to step away from the shadows and make a name for himself. He also revealed, he has teamed up with Ms Carter for his debut single, which has been predicted to the biggest summer song of 2015.
Ms Carter wars
In a poll done by 'What's hot & what's not' a overwhelming 95% voted The Carters over Beyonce & Jay Z Carter as their favourite 'Carters'. In celebration of this news, the Carters threw a karaoke party at their pub, unfortunately Dame Shirley Carter was on tour so was unable to attend.”
“Exclusive: Zayn Malik, reveals the true reasons behind his 1D departure
In an interview with What the Shirl Zayn Malik revealed he left One Direction, after talking to his long term friend and new manager Shirley Carter, she advised him it was time to step away from the shadows and make a name for himself. He also revealed, he has teamed up with Ms Carter for his debut single, which has been predicted to the biggest summer song of 2015.
Ms Carter wars
In a poll done by 'What's hot & what's not' a overwhelming 95% voted The Carters over Beyonce & Jay Z Carter as their favourite 'Carters'. In celebration of this news, the Carters threw a karaoke party at their pub, unfortunately Dame Shirley Carter was on tour so was unable to attend.”
PRISCILLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Where have you been?
Haha Love it.
Originally Posted by NoughtiesMusic:
“Shirley Carter Vs Shirley Benson is A MUST for Shirley Week to determine who the Undisputed Shirley really is. Shirley C would use vodka bottles as her weapon of choice. Shirley B would blare out the loudest emitting music from concert speakers.
Stupid trivia - Shirley C's choice of footwear is boots; Shirley B's dearly departed cat went by the name of Boots. That is MORE THAN just a coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They both share a unique bond.”
“Shirley Carter Vs Shirley Benson is A MUST for Shirley Week to determine who the Undisputed Shirley really is. Shirley C would use vodka bottles as her weapon of choice. Shirley B would blare out the loudest emitting music from concert speakers.
Stupid trivia - Shirley C's choice of footwear is boots; Shirley B's dearly departed cat went by the name of Boots. That is MORE THAN just a coincidence!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They both share a unique bond.”
Noughties, that will be a special 2 hander to conclude Shirley Week.
Originally Posted by Bathsheba:
“I got about 2 paragraphs in until I realised it was a joke. :”
“I got about 2 paragraphs in until I realised it was a joke. :”
Originally Posted by T.K. Mazin:
“This leads to a explosive summer storyline where Shirley plots to take over the Queen Vic under the feet of Mick and Linda and rename it to Queen Shirl.”
“This leads to a explosive summer storyline where Shirley plots to take over the Queen Vic under the feet of Mick and Linda and rename it to Queen Shirl.”
The Shirley Gutter.
BREAKING NEWS
Queen Shirley has launched a tirade against the Mods following her demotion to the games room. More to follow...
Originally Posted by priscilla:
“Exclusive: Zayn Malik, reveals the true reasons behind his 1D departure
In an interview with What the Shirl Zayn Malik revealed he left One Direction, after talking to his long term friend and new manager Shirley Carter, she advised him it was time to step away from the shadows and make a name for himself. He also revealed, he has teamed up with Ms Carter for his debut single, which has been predicted to the biggest summer song of 2015.
Ms Carter wars
In a poll done by 'What's hot & what's not' a overwhelming 95% voted The Carters over Beyonce & Jay Z Carter as their favourite 'Carters'. In celebration of this news, the Carters threw a karaoke party at their pub, unfortunately Dame Shirley Carter was on tour so was unable to attend.”
“Exclusive: Zayn Malik, reveals the true reasons behind his 1D departure
In an interview with What the Shirl Zayn Malik revealed he left One Direction, after talking to his long term friend and new manager Shirley Carter, she advised him it was time to step away from the shadows and make a name for himself. He also revealed, he has teamed up with Ms Carter for his debut single, which has been predicted to the biggest summer song of 2015.
Ms Carter wars
In a poll done by 'What's hot & what's not' a overwhelming 95% voted The Carters over Beyonce & Jay Z Carter as their favourite 'Carters'. In celebration of this news, the Carters threw a karaoke party at their pub, unfortunately Dame Shirley Carter was on tour so was unable to attend.”
The two Mrs Carters go head to head for the love of Philip Mitchell.
Our Shirl wins the day with her triumphant rendition of
'I don't think you're ready for this Philly
I don't think you're ready for this Philly
My body's too Shirleylicuous for ya baby!'
Jay Z runs off screaming 'I got 99 problems but a Shirl ain't one!'
Apparently Disney have struck a deal with EastEnders to release some Shirley themed classics. I am looking forward to Shirley Poppins where she gets employed as a nanny, look out for songs such as a bottle full of vodka helps the vodka go down, I love to drink, it's a jolly holiday with you Shirl and Go and Sling Your Hook.
Originally Posted by Scrabbler:
“Apparently Disney have struck a deal with EastEnders to release some Shirley themed classics. I am looking forward to Shirley Poppins where she gets employed as a nanny, look out for songs such as a bottle full of vodka helps the vodka go down, I love to drink, it's a jolly holiday with you Shirl and Go and Sling Your Hook.”
“Apparently Disney have struck a deal with EastEnders to release some Shirley themed classics. I am looking forward to Shirley Poppins where she gets employed as a nanny, look out for songs such as a bottle full of vodka helps the vodka go down, I love to drink, it's a jolly holiday with you Shirl and Go and Sling Your Hook.”
Mr Danny Dyer is practicing his best Cockney accent:
"Gawd bless ya Shirley Poopins!"
It has been announced that Shirley Carter and Linda Carter will appear in a sequel to Bride Wars.
Bride Wars is a romantic comedy that was released in 2009. Gary Winick returns as director but he promises that this will be very different in tone, 'Shirley and Linda are sworn enemies and each will go to extreme lengths to ensure that their big day goes without a hitch.'
Each have found the men they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But while most of the details regarding their respective weddings don't overlap, a clerical error means that they are set for the same date at different venues. A source said, 'The Carter feud has already hit fever pitch. There's no telling what trouble this error will cause.'
Linda and Mick are childhood sweethearts but never married. Since the proposal on 19th February 2015, Linda has gone into Bridezilla mode to ensure it's the biggest, pinkest, campest wedding Walford has ever seen with Queen of Camp, Sharon Mitchell, as her maid of honour. Linda's mother-in-law, Shirley, has enjoyed a whirlwind romance with her first love, Buster Blood Vessel. Shirley has shown a penchant for baldy men and is determined to wear her favourite boots down the aisle.
Both ceremonies are expected to be very different with a dour, Addams family theme planned for Shirley and a pink, princess, fairytale wedding theme planned by Linda. Months of passive aggressive hostility will pass before the women make it clear that neither will compromise.
This will signal war within the clan and Omniscient Shirley will force people to take her side or threaten to tell their deepest secrets- of which she's knows all. Threats and insults will be thrown and special 'Team Shirley' banners will be made by her passionate, avid followers.
Shirley will ultimately attempt to sabotage the day but fans will have to go to the cinema and watch it on the big screen to find out what happens.
This film will not be universally panned by critics and will receive a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Future Hollywood icon, Shirley Carter, refused to confirm or deny the reports hiding behind shades to block the heavy rainfall.
In other news:
Shirley's 'people' are in deep talks with the Mods to get Shirley Week moved back in front of the sofa.
Shirley's agent is trying to persuade her to be the new face of Snickers 'Inner Diva' advert replacing Joan Collins.
Bride Wars is a romantic comedy that was released in 2009. Gary Winick returns as director but he promises that this will be very different in tone, 'Shirley and Linda are sworn enemies and each will go to extreme lengths to ensure that their big day goes without a hitch.'
Each have found the men they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But while most of the details regarding their respective weddings don't overlap, a clerical error means that they are set for the same date at different venues. A source said, 'The Carter feud has already hit fever pitch. There's no telling what trouble this error will cause.'
Linda and Mick are childhood sweethearts but never married. Since the proposal on 19th February 2015, Linda has gone into Bridezilla mode to ensure it's the biggest, pinkest, campest wedding Walford has ever seen with Queen of Camp, Sharon Mitchell, as her maid of honour. Linda's mother-in-law, Shirley, has enjoyed a whirlwind romance with her first love, Buster Blood Vessel. Shirley has shown a penchant for baldy men and is determined to wear her favourite boots down the aisle.
Both ceremonies are expected to be very different with a dour, Addams family theme planned for Shirley and a pink, princess, fairytale wedding theme planned by Linda. Months of passive aggressive hostility will pass before the women make it clear that neither will compromise.
This will signal war within the clan and Omniscient Shirley will force people to take her side or threaten to tell their deepest secrets- of which she's knows all. Threats and insults will be thrown and special 'Team Shirley' banners will be made by her passionate, avid followers.
Shirley will ultimately attempt to sabotage the day but fans will have to go to the cinema and watch it on the big screen to find out what happens.
This film will not be universally panned by critics and will receive a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Future Hollywood icon, Shirley Carter, refused to confirm or deny the reports hiding behind shades to block the heavy rainfall.
In other news:
Shirley's 'people' are in deep talks with the Mods to get Shirley Week moved back in front of the sofa.
Shirley's agent is trying to persuade her to be the new face of Snickers 'Inner Diva' advert replacing Joan Collins.
Originally Posted by dullagj2:
“It has been announced that Shirley Carter and Linda Carter will appear in a sequel to Bride Wars.
Bride Wars is a romantic comedy that was released in 2009. Gary Winick returns as director but he promises that this will be very different in tone, 'Shirley and Linda are sworn enemies and each will go to extreme lengths to ensure that their big day goes without a hitch.'
Each have found the men they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But while most of the details regarding their respective weddings don't overlap, a clerical error means that they are set for the same date at different venues. A source said, 'The Carter feud has already hit fever pitch. There's no telling what trouble this error will cause.'
Linda and Mick are childhood sweethearts but never married. Since the proposal on 19th February 2015, Linda has gone into Bridezilla mode to ensure it's the biggest, pinkest, campest wedding Walford has ever seen with Queen of Camp, Sharon Mitchell, as her maid of honour. Linda's mother-in-law, Shirley, has enjoyed a whirlwind romance with her first love, Buster Blood Vessel. Shirley has shown a penchant for baldy men and is determined to wear her favourite boots down the aisle.
Both ceremonies are expected to be very different with a dour, Addams family theme planned for Shirley and a pink, princess, fairytale wedding theme planned by Linda. Months of passive aggressive hostility will pass before the women make it clear that neither will compromise.
This will signal war within the clan and Omniscient Shirley will force people to take her side or threaten to tell their deepest secrets- of which she's knows all. Threats and insults will be thrown and special 'Team Shirley' banners will be made by her passionate, avid followers.
Shirley will ultimately attempt to sabotage the day but fans will have to go to the cinema and watch it on the big screen to find out what happens.
This film will not be universally panned by critics and will receive a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Future Hollywood icon, Shirley Carter, refused to confirm or deny the reports hiding behind shades to block the heavy rainfall.
In other news:
Shirley's 'people' are in deep talks with the Mods to get Shirley Week moved back in front of the sofa.
Shirley's agent is trying to persuade her to be the new face of Snickers 'Inner Diva' advert replacing Joan Collins.”
“It has been announced that Shirley Carter and Linda Carter will appear in a sequel to Bride Wars.
Bride Wars is a romantic comedy that was released in 2009. Gary Winick returns as director but he promises that this will be very different in tone, 'Shirley and Linda are sworn enemies and each will go to extreme lengths to ensure that their big day goes without a hitch.'
Each have found the men they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But while most of the details regarding their respective weddings don't overlap, a clerical error means that they are set for the same date at different venues. A source said, 'The Carter feud has already hit fever pitch. There's no telling what trouble this error will cause.'
Linda and Mick are childhood sweethearts but never married. Since the proposal on 19th February 2015, Linda has gone into Bridezilla mode to ensure it's the biggest, pinkest, campest wedding Walford has ever seen with Queen of Camp, Sharon Mitchell, as her maid of honour. Linda's mother-in-law, Shirley, has enjoyed a whirlwind romance with her first love, Buster Blood Vessel. Shirley has shown a penchant for baldy men and is determined to wear her favourite boots down the aisle.
Both ceremonies are expected to be very different with a dour, Addams family theme planned for Shirley and a pink, princess, fairytale wedding theme planned by Linda. Months of passive aggressive hostility will pass before the women make it clear that neither will compromise.
This will signal war within the clan and Omniscient Shirley will force people to take her side or threaten to tell their deepest secrets- of which she's knows all. Threats and insults will be thrown and special 'Team Shirley' banners will be made by her passionate, avid followers.
Shirley will ultimately attempt to sabotage the day but fans will have to go to the cinema and watch it on the big screen to find out what happens.
This film will not be universally panned by critics and will receive a 100% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Future Hollywood icon, Shirley Carter, refused to confirm or deny the reports hiding behind shades to block the heavy rainfall.
In other news:
Shirley's 'people' are in deep talks with the Mods to get Shirley Week moved back in front of the sofa.
Shirley's agent is trying to persuade her to be the new face of Snickers 'Inner Diva' advert replacing Joan Collins.”
I presume Buster Blood Vessel will be wearing his Uncle Fester costume, whilst Shirley will be dressed as Lurch?
To coincide with Shirley's daring transgender plot, Danny Dyer will release a cover version of the Neil Diamond classic "Shirl, You'll be a Woman Soon"
Love this thread, best one since Max and Ronnie's diaries. Buster blood vessel is inspired!Inspired by her power to resurrect Priscilla and TK from the dead our Shirl sets plans in motion for her most ambitious goal yet; to bring back Ev.
Project Evenstein will begin next week, culminating in EE's best ever Christmas after seven delightful months on screen.
Roll on Project Evenstein!
Shirley Carter receives her own animated series
Following the axing of the EastEnders omnibus and with the closure of BBC Three imminent, EastEnders bosses have announced the launch of a special animated series centring around everyone's favourite sourface, Shirley Carter.
Shirley's Guy will follow the exploits of Shirley and her family as they engage in hilarious caper and will include cutaway gags poking fun at British culture. Mick and Linda will take the roles of Peter and Lois. Their newborn will be thrown straight into the limelight striking up a friendship with their pet dog, Lady Di. Nancy will play spotty Megan while Babe will morph into Chris. The show will centre primarily on The Carters but there's scope for more characters to be introduced over time. Shirley will play Peter's long lost mum. He's grown up thinking she was his sister. A source stated that 'Shirley's arrival in the first episode will set the precedent for an enthralling series.'
Head of BBC drama, Ben Stephenson, added his excitement at this ambitious BBC animation commission, 'EastEnders is our flagship show and it makes sense for us to expand the brand and bring a whole new audience to the show. '
Dominic Treadwell Collins, EastEnders producer, added that he was privileged to be overseeing this exciting project and promised that it wasn't being lined up as a potential EastEnders replacement, 'The post watershed slot will allow us to be more daring and explicit in the issues we explore. Viewers will see Danny Dyer in all his f*cking glory!'
Shirley's Guy is expected to launch in August in the Graham Norton slot with an initial 6 episodes to test fan reaction. EastEnders continues weekdays on BBC One.
Other News
+ Shirley's agent stated on BBC radio this morning that he's struggling to cope with the TV Exec interest in Shirley Carter. Possible titles being thrown around are Can't Pay Shirl Will Take It Away, Give Shirl A Home, Shirley Warrior, Shirley takes a slow train through Africa to look for her grandchildren and Long Lost Carters.
+ The Sun is offering 1million for Shirley to appear on Page Three as she becomes odds-on-favourite to become the next Bond Girl.
Originally Posted by doormouse1:
“I presume Buster Blood Vessel will be wearing his Uncle Fester costume, whilst Shirley will be dressed as Lurch?”
“I presume Buster Blood Vessel will be wearing his Uncle Fester costume, whilst Shirley will be dressed as Lurch?”
Shirley Carter receives her own animated series
Following the axing of the EastEnders omnibus and with the closure of BBC Three imminent, EastEnders bosses have announced the launch of a special animated series centring around everyone's favourite sourface, Shirley Carter.
Shirley's Guy will follow the exploits of Shirley and her family as they engage in hilarious caper and will include cutaway gags poking fun at British culture. Mick and Linda will take the roles of Peter and Lois. Their newborn will be thrown straight into the limelight striking up a friendship with their pet dog, Lady Di. Nancy will play spotty Megan while Babe will morph into Chris. The show will centre primarily on The Carters but there's scope for more characters to be introduced over time. Shirley will play Peter's long lost mum. He's grown up thinking she was his sister. A source stated that 'Shirley's arrival in the first episode will set the precedent for an enthralling series.'
Head of BBC drama, Ben Stephenson, added his excitement at this ambitious BBC animation commission, 'EastEnders is our flagship show and it makes sense for us to expand the brand and bring a whole new audience to the show. '
Dominic Treadwell Collins, EastEnders producer, added that he was privileged to be overseeing this exciting project and promised that it wasn't being lined up as a potential EastEnders replacement, 'The post watershed slot will allow us to be more daring and explicit in the issues we explore. Viewers will see Danny Dyer in all his f*cking glory!'
Shirley's Guy is expected to launch in August in the Graham Norton slot with an initial 6 episodes to test fan reaction. EastEnders continues weekdays on BBC One.
Other News
+ Shirley's agent stated on BBC radio this morning that he's struggling to cope with the TV Exec interest in Shirley Carter. Possible titles being thrown around are Can't Pay Shirl Will Take It Away, Give Shirl A Home, Shirley Warrior, Shirley takes a slow train through Africa to look for her grandchildren and Long Lost Carters.
+ The Sun is offering 1million for Shirley to appear on Page Three as she becomes odds-on-favourite to become the next Bond Girl.
In other news Dominic Treadwell Collins has announced plans to launch "Shirl Friday" - throughout the summer months every Friday installment is to be a Shirley Carter single hander. In his statement Treadwell Collins said "The popularity of Shirley Carter is unique throughout Eastenders history. Never before has a character captured the public's imagination to such a degree and we all felt the time was right to capitalise on such unprecedented levels of adoration from the audience. "Shirl Friday" is innovative, exciting and iconic, much like the lady herself."
In further movie news Shirley will play Bond Girl, Bond Villain and Bond himself.
Rumoured titles include A Quantum Of Shirl, Shirlopussy and The Shirl is Not Enough.
Rumoured titles include A Quantum Of Shirl, Shirlopussy and The Shirl is Not Enough.
Originally Posted by 0...0:
“In further movie news Shirley will play Bond Girl, Bond Villain and Bond himself.
Rumoured titles include A Quantum Of Shirl, Shirlopussy and The Shirl is Not Enough.”
“In further movie news Shirley will play Bond Girl, Bond Villain and Bond himself.
Rumoured titles include A Quantum Of Shirl, Shirlopussy and The Shirl is Not Enough.”
For Shirl's eye's Only
MI6 has reporting given Shirl a licence to kill after she complained to the Queen that there were people in the country that had more guns then her.
Shirl's even got her new Q/R. She's called "'Ev"
Press Office Spoiler Leaks
SPOILER ALERT!
Monday 22nd June 2015
Shirley vows to fight for Roya and refuses to let the Masoods get in her way.
Linda's emotional baby shower is short lived when Dean and Shirley make an appearance.
It's a day of surprises for the Carters as Babe makes a trifle.
Tuesday 23rd June 2015
Linda's day is full of surprises as she starts to feel twinges and is pampered by her friends and family.
Shirley is pi$$ed off that Linda is getting all the attention. During a confrontation, she demands she get a paternity test...
Tina organises a karaoke party for Linda's bump.
Thursday 25th June 2015
Dean clashes with Shirley again, accusing her of trying to bring Roya back to Walford so that she can prove herself as a responsible mother.
A stressed Linda tries to go about her daily business. As she hides from Dean, her waters break. Shirley is passing in a cab about to leave Walford and orders them to stop. Linda hops in and begs Shirley to call Mick...
Karaoke night begins at the Vic but Mick and Max are busy trying to get themselves out of the mess they find themselves in with Phil.
Friday 26th June 2015
Shirley's phone is dead and she plays midwife in the cab as they head to the hospital. When the cab breaks down, Shirley is forced to deliver the baby....
Carter karaoke plays over the birth scenes with Babe, Tina and Lee all taking to the mic.
Mick and Dean come to blows when Dean takes Phil's side in the Phil/Max feud.
Other news:
- A Celebrity Juice special, 'Shirley Juice' will air Thursday 9th July.
- A special One Born Every Minute with every baby delivered by Shirley has been commissioned and is due to air in early 2016.
- Jeremy Kyle will attempt to reconcile the Carters in a Jezza special. Linda, Mick, Dean and Queen Shirley are all expected to feature. Can Dean pass the lie detector test and who is the daddy of Linda's baby?
SPOILER ALERT!
Monday 22nd June 2015
Shirley vows to fight for Roya and refuses to let the Masoods get in her way.
Linda's emotional baby shower is short lived when Dean and Shirley make an appearance.
It's a day of surprises for the Carters as Babe makes a trifle.
Tuesday 23rd June 2015
Linda's day is full of surprises as she starts to feel twinges and is pampered by her friends and family.
Shirley is pi$$ed off that Linda is getting all the attention. During a confrontation, she demands she get a paternity test...
Tina organises a karaoke party for Linda's bump.
Thursday 25th June 2015
Dean clashes with Shirley again, accusing her of trying to bring Roya back to Walford so that she can prove herself as a responsible mother.
A stressed Linda tries to go about her daily business. As she hides from Dean, her waters break. Shirley is passing in a cab about to leave Walford and orders them to stop. Linda hops in and begs Shirley to call Mick...
Karaoke night begins at the Vic but Mick and Max are busy trying to get themselves out of the mess they find themselves in with Phil.
Friday 26th June 2015
Shirley's phone is dead and she plays midwife in the cab as they head to the hospital. When the cab breaks down, Shirley is forced to deliver the baby....
Carter karaoke plays over the birth scenes with Babe, Tina and Lee all taking to the mic.
Mick and Dean come to blows when Dean takes Phil's side in the Phil/Max feud.
Other news:
- A Celebrity Juice special, 'Shirley Juice' will air Thursday 9th July.
- A special One Born Every Minute with every baby delivered by Shirley has been commissioned and is due to air in early 2016.
- Jeremy Kyle will attempt to reconcile the Carters in a Jezza special. Linda, Mick, Dean and Queen Shirley are all expected to feature. Can Dean pass the lie detector test and who is the daddy of Linda's baby?
Shirley carter is to film special scenes for the new Airplane! Special Edition DVD. The film starring Leslie Neilson and Robert Hays.
Every time the characters use the phrase "and don't call me Shirley", Shirley Carter will appear on screen and say "you talking to me?"
Every time the characters use the phrase "and don't call me Shirley", Shirley Carter will appear on screen and say "you talking to me?"
Originally Posted by The_abbott:
“For Shirl's eye's Only
MI6 has reporting given Shirl a licence to kill after she complained to the Queen that there were people in the country that had more guns then her.
Shirl's even got her new Q/R. She's called "'Ev"”
“For Shirl's eye's Only
MI6 has reporting given Shirl a licence to kill after she complained to the Queen that there were people in the country that had more guns then her.
Shirl's even got her new Q/R. She's called "'Ev"”
Awesome!
"Ere Shirl, this pen writes in invisible ink, and will 'elp you shoot Phil. I want cheese."
Quote:
“Tickets have gone on sale today for Shirley's Spa which will be opening for one weekend only in Essex for the May Bank Holiday. Tickets were sold out within an hour with Shirley fanatics queuing for 48 hours in the hope of getting a chance to meet their idol. Shop owners reported Shirlimoninum as the tickets sellers opened this morning with accusations of biting, hair pulling and scratching. Shirley released a statement urging fans to think 'What would Shirley do?'
Shirley will offer a range of special treatments on the day. Among these will be a 'ManiShirl' which will get you the desired cuticles ie cuticles like our Shirley. A special Shirley cream will also be added to help those varicose veins. The 'PediShirl' will improve your feet as full-time boot wearer Shirl can attest. This treatment will remove all your hard skin and a special Shirley liquid with a mystery ingredient will be added.
'Shirwaxing' will get rid of any unwanted hair. Shirley promises that no spatulas will be reused. Eye Tinting, Shirley facials and make-up like Shirl will also be offered at this special event.
Shirley's salon will also give full body massages and spray tans. Shirley has insisted that she herself performs the spray tans. A special Ronseal is expected to be used, one of Shirley's favourites as 'It does exactly what it says on the tin' and Shirley likes objects with tough exteriors that are truthful and trustworthy.
The most anticipated treatment is the 'Shijazzle' which sees crystal ornaments spelling Shirley attached to your nether regions. Shirley Benson and her cat will be unavailing the first Shijazzle ahead of the launch. There's also expected to be a chapter on this in Shirley's autobiography called, 'Me, Myself and Shirl' in which she talks about her Muff makeover.
Your ticket will allow you to receive any ONE treatment for free. Shirley will be there for meet and greets along with her bodyguards Bill & Ben. It's hoped that Shirley's salon will tour the length and breadth of Britain before going global. An insider said, 'Everyone's always surprised at how good Shirley's nails look on the show. It's time to spread the Shirley secrets...'”
“Tickets have gone on sale today for Shirley's Spa which will be opening for one weekend only in Essex for the May Bank Holiday. Tickets were sold out within an hour with Shirley fanatics queuing for 48 hours in the hope of getting a chance to meet their idol. Shop owners reported Shirlimoninum as the tickets sellers opened this morning with accusations of biting, hair pulling and scratching. Shirley released a statement urging fans to think 'What would Shirley do?'
Shirley will offer a range of special treatments on the day. Among these will be a 'ManiShirl' which will get you the desired cuticles ie cuticles like our Shirley. A special Shirley cream will also be added to help those varicose veins. The 'PediShirl' will improve your feet as full-time boot wearer Shirl can attest. This treatment will remove all your hard skin and a special Shirley liquid with a mystery ingredient will be added.
'Shirwaxing' will get rid of any unwanted hair. Shirley promises that no spatulas will be reused. Eye Tinting, Shirley facials and make-up like Shirl will also be offered at this special event.
Shirley's salon will also give full body massages and spray tans. Shirley has insisted that she herself performs the spray tans. A special Ronseal is expected to be used, one of Shirley's favourites as 'It does exactly what it says on the tin' and Shirley likes objects with tough exteriors that are truthful and trustworthy.
The most anticipated treatment is the 'Shijazzle' which sees crystal ornaments spelling Shirley attached to your nether regions. Shirley Benson and her cat will be unavailing the first Shijazzle ahead of the launch. There's also expected to be a chapter on this in Shirley's autobiography called, 'Me, Myself and Shirl' in which she talks about her Muff makeover.
Your ticket will allow you to receive any ONE treatment for free. Shirley will be there for meet and greets along with her bodyguards Bill & Ben. It's hoped that Shirley's salon will tour the length and breadth of Britain before going global. An insider said, 'Everyone's always surprised at how good Shirley's nails look on the show. It's time to spread the Shirley secrets...'”
UPROAR AS ITS REVEALED SHIRLEY CARTER WILL NOT MAKE AN APPEARANCE FOR OVER A WEEK
There was uproar with some fans taking to Elstree yesterday as the show's frontrunner, Dominic Treadwell-Collins revealed that Shirley wouldn't appear in a whole week of episodes.
Fans also took to social media to voice their anger at the announcement with several petitions being set up and some vowing not to watch the show until Queen Shirley returned as it was bound to be 'filler and boring.'
@MadHatWoman
O M G . Shirley wont b appearin 4 a week. How am i gonna get thru the week?? sad face !!! #needtherapy
@Evasbeeva
This is an outrage and I will be contacting Ofcom. @DTC should be ashamed of himself. Calls himself a Shirley fan. Hmmph! #notahappybeeva
@Petesfeet
**** sake. @DTC hasn't got a clue what the fans want. Sack him @BBC before this happens again.
@AwkwardBoner114
Shirley Carter isn't going to appear 4 a week. A whole week. I fink Im gonna have a complete breakdown. Help!! #CallingAllShirlfans
@Shijazzle
I SAY WEE BOYCOTT THE SHOW. LETS SHOW HOW POOPULAR SHIRLEY IS.
SILLY F*CKERS.
@BootsyBummer
I have written a very angry letter and am going to lie down in a dark room before spamming the internet with Shirley love. Take that @DTC you TRAITOR.
Dominic Treadwell-Collins spoke out to defend his decision, 'With Shirley Week imminent, it wasn't viably possible to have Shirley appear this week. It's the week of Linda's birthday and it will be dedicated to her family pampering her as well as them dealing with a newborn baby again. We would have liked Shirley to appear but she's busy shooting over 80 scenes for Shirley Week. We wish we could clone her but we can't. Unfortunately, Shirley cannot appear in every episode but I do try to include her as much as possible.' He also promised that 'Shirley has some massive stories coming up.'
EastEnders continues Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday on BBC One. Tune in to see Shirley's latest exploits as she recounts her memoirs for the millionth time to remind us why we are meant to love her and sympathise with her.
Linda Henry signs new life-long EastEnders deal
By Susan Hill
Linda Henry, who plays Shirley Carter in EastEnders, has just signed a new exclusive life-long contract to stay with the flagship BBC soap reports the Daily Star on Sunday.
An insider said: "Obviously producers are desperate to keep Onry at the show for as long as possible and at whatever cost. EastEnders would quite simply not function without her as the storyliners wouldn't know what to do."
"We will not be revealing how much the contract is worth as the details are confidential." Although angry licence fee payers have already begun to voice their outrage with Linda seen arriving for work in a Ferrari.
The contract will ensure Onry doesn't quit and will make it impossible for the character to ever be axed. It's the first deal of its kind in the shows history. Rumours circulated that Adam Woodyatt stood in a confused state for over an hour as he tried to process the news.
Henry is reported to be "delighted" with her new contract. A source added: "Henry has been very upset at reports that she was quitting the show following her recent influx of lucrative offers. She hopes that this new contract will put paid to future vicious, nasty rumours."
Executive Producer Dominic Treadwell-Collins told The Star: "We've got massive storylines planned for Shirley. The episodes will contain some of the most shocking, emotional and heart-wrenching scenes ever to air in soap. BAFTA will be calling Linda's name if there's any justice."
This news comes after the show confirmed a special "Shirley Week" which is due to air in July. It also follows reports that Shirley will go a whole week without appearing leaving many fans up in arms. Linda Henry wasn't unavailable for comment but is said to be on 'cloud nine.'
By Susan Hill
Linda Henry, who plays Shirley Carter in EastEnders, has just signed a new exclusive life-long contract to stay with the flagship BBC soap reports the Daily Star on Sunday.
An insider said: "Obviously producers are desperate to keep Onry at the show for as long as possible and at whatever cost. EastEnders would quite simply not function without her as the storyliners wouldn't know what to do."
"We will not be revealing how much the contract is worth as the details are confidential." Although angry licence fee payers have already begun to voice their outrage with Linda seen arriving for work in a Ferrari.
The contract will ensure Onry doesn't quit and will make it impossible for the character to ever be axed. It's the first deal of its kind in the shows history. Rumours circulated that Adam Woodyatt stood in a confused state for over an hour as he tried to process the news.
Henry is reported to be "delighted" with her new contract. A source added: "Henry has been very upset at reports that she was quitting the show following her recent influx of lucrative offers. She hopes that this new contract will put paid to future vicious, nasty rumours."
Executive Producer Dominic Treadwell-Collins told The Star: "We've got massive storylines planned for Shirley. The episodes will contain some of the most shocking, emotional and heart-wrenching scenes ever to air in soap. BAFTA will be calling Linda's name if there's any justice."
This news comes after the show confirmed a special "Shirley Week" which is due to air in July. It also follows reports that Shirley will go a whole week without appearing leaving many fans up in arms. Linda Henry wasn't unavailable for comment but is said to be on 'cloud nine.'
Originally Posted by dullagj2:
“UPROAR AS ITS REVEALED SHIRLEY CARTER WILL NOT MAKE AN APPEARANCE FOR OVER A WEEK
There was uproar with some fans taking to Elstree yesterday as the show's frontrunner, Dominic Treadwell-Collins revealed that Shirley wouldn't appear in a whole week of episodes.
Fans also took to social media to voice their anger at the announcement with several petitions being set up and some vowing not to watch the show until Queen Shirley returned as it was bound to be 'filler and boring.'
@MadHatWoman
O M G . Shirley wont b appearin 4 a week. How am i gonna get thru the week?? sad face !!! #needtherapy
@Evasbeeva
This is an outrage and I will be contacting Ofcom. @DTC should be ashamed of himself. Calls himself a Shirley fan. Hmmph! #notahappybeeva
@Petesfeet
**** sake. @DTC hasn't got a clue what the fans want. Sack him @BBC before this happens again.
@AwkwardBoner114
Shirley Carter isn't going to appear 4 a week. A whole week. I fink Im gonna have a complete breakdown. Help!! #CallingAllShirlfans
@Shijazzle
I SAY WEE BOYCOTT THE SHOW. LETS SHOW HOW POOPULAR SHIRLEY IS.
SILLY F*CKERS.
@BootsyBummer
I have written a very angry letter and am going to lie down in a dark room before spamming the internet with Shirley love. Take that @DTC you TRAITOR.
Dominic Treadwell-Collins spoke out to defend his decision, 'With Shirley Week imminent, it wasn't viably possible to have Shirley appear this week. It's the week of Linda's birthday and it will be dedicated to her family pampering her as well as them dealing with a newborn baby again. We would have liked Shirley to appear but she's busy shooting over 80 scenes for Shirley Week. We wish we could clone her but we can't. Unfortunately, Shirley cannot appear in every episode but I do try to include her as much as possible.' He also promised that 'Shirley has some massive stories coming up.'
EastEnders continues Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday on BBC One. Tune in to see Shirley's latest exploits as she recounts her memoirs for the millionth time to remind us why we are meant to love her and sympathise with her.”
“UPROAR AS ITS REVEALED SHIRLEY CARTER WILL NOT MAKE AN APPEARANCE FOR OVER A WEEK
There was uproar with some fans taking to Elstree yesterday as the show's frontrunner, Dominic Treadwell-Collins revealed that Shirley wouldn't appear in a whole week of episodes.
Fans also took to social media to voice their anger at the announcement with several petitions being set up and some vowing not to watch the show until Queen Shirley returned as it was bound to be 'filler and boring.'
@MadHatWoman
O M G . Shirley wont b appearin 4 a week. How am i gonna get thru the week?? sad face !!! #needtherapy
@Evasbeeva
This is an outrage and I will be contacting Ofcom. @DTC should be ashamed of himself. Calls himself a Shirley fan. Hmmph! #notahappybeeva
@Petesfeet
**** sake. @DTC hasn't got a clue what the fans want. Sack him @BBC before this happens again.
@AwkwardBoner114
Shirley Carter isn't going to appear 4 a week. A whole week. I fink Im gonna have a complete breakdown. Help!! #CallingAllShirlfans
@Shijazzle
I SAY WEE BOYCOTT THE SHOW. LETS SHOW HOW POOPULAR SHIRLEY IS.
SILLY F*CKERS.
@BootsyBummer
I have written a very angry letter and am going to lie down in a dark room before spamming the internet with Shirley love. Take that @DTC you TRAITOR.
Dominic Treadwell-Collins spoke out to defend his decision, 'With Shirley Week imminent, it wasn't viably possible to have Shirley appear this week. It's the week of Linda's birthday and it will be dedicated to her family pampering her as well as them dealing with a newborn baby again. We would have liked Shirley to appear but she's busy shooting over 80 scenes for Shirley Week. We wish we could clone her but we can't. Unfortunately, Shirley cannot appear in every episode but I do try to include her as much as possible.' He also promised that 'Shirley has some massive stories coming up.'
EastEnders continues Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday on BBC One. Tune in to see Shirley's latest exploits as she recounts her memoirs for the millionth time to remind us why we are meant to love her and sympathise with her.”
Loving the Twitter handles. Wonder where you got the inspiration from?!
Philth Diaries by Shirley Carter
Want to know what goes in Dame Shirley Carters boudoir, well soon you can. Ms Carter has written what said to be the raunchiest novels of our times, the book will be available in stores in May, make sure to get a copy of your own, you don't want to miss out on all the juicy details.
Want to know what goes in Dame Shirley Carters boudoir, well soon you can. Ms Carter has written what said to be the raunchiest novels of our times, the book will be available in stores in May, make sure to get a copy of your own, you don't want to miss out on all the juicy details.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have announced the birth of their first daughter but speculation about the baby’s name continues.
When bets closed, Shirley with odds of 5/2 and Linda, on 5/4, were still the bookmakers' favourites.
It's widely known how fond the couple are of Shirley Carter and Kate is said to be torn about calling it Shirley or Linda, with Carly an outside bet at 50/1. The couple already have plans to tour the set and meet their idol this summer. They are tipped to use the opportunity to ask Shirley to be Godmother to their baby girl. A source said, 'Shirley has shown maternal instincts since her inception and Queen Elizabeth couldn't think of a better lady to instil morals in her new great-granddaughter.'
While some punters put their money on more outlandish choices including Chardonnay and Olympia, most people were hedging their bets on more traditional names including Georgia and Sheridan.
Diana is widely expected to feature as part of the princess’ name in remembrance of William's late mother, with other suggestions including Alexandra or Mary, which are the Queen's two middle names after her grandmother, Queen Mary, and great-grandmother, Queen Alexandra.
Popular girl’s names across the UK as a whole this year include Sophia, Emile, Lily Mae, Olive, Amelie, Isla and Bella.
Prince George was named two days after he was born so his little sister’s name may not be revealed until next week. The prince has two middle names, Alexander and Louis, after Louis Walsh.
One anonymous gambler is believed to have won £15,000 after betting that the royal baby would be a girl.
Ladbrokes said the man, believed to be in his 70s and from Walford, normally bets on horse racing.
He said last week: “I'm not really bothered by the royals, but I'd just had a big win and Psychic Sally reckons it's a girl, so that's a good enough reason for me.”
Charles Kidd, editor of Debrett's Peerage and Baronetage, predicted: “It will be fairly likely it will be a family name that perhaps has been used before in the Royal Family, not so likely in Kate's family.
“I don't think it will be anything that will raise eyebrows. I think Shirley or Linda are pretty good guesses.”
EastEnders will be inserting a special scene into Monday's episode with Shirley Carter commenting on the speculation. Linda Henry was unavailable for comment.
When bets closed, Shirley with odds of 5/2 and Linda, on 5/4, were still the bookmakers' favourites.
It's widely known how fond the couple are of Shirley Carter and Kate is said to be torn about calling it Shirley or Linda, with Carly an outside bet at 50/1. The couple already have plans to tour the set and meet their idol this summer. They are tipped to use the opportunity to ask Shirley to be Godmother to their baby girl. A source said, 'Shirley has shown maternal instincts since her inception and Queen Elizabeth couldn't think of a better lady to instil morals in her new great-granddaughter.'
While some punters put their money on more outlandish choices including Chardonnay and Olympia, most people were hedging their bets on more traditional names including Georgia and Sheridan.
Diana is widely expected to feature as part of the princess’ name in remembrance of William's late mother, with other suggestions including Alexandra or Mary, which are the Queen's two middle names after her grandmother, Queen Mary, and great-grandmother, Queen Alexandra.
Popular girl’s names across the UK as a whole this year include Sophia, Emile, Lily Mae, Olive, Amelie, Isla and Bella.
Prince George was named two days after he was born so his little sister’s name may not be revealed until next week. The prince has two middle names, Alexander and Louis, after Louis Walsh.
One anonymous gambler is believed to have won £15,000 after betting that the royal baby would be a girl.
Ladbrokes said the man, believed to be in his 70s and from Walford, normally bets on horse racing.
He said last week: “I'm not really bothered by the royals, but I'd just had a big win and Psychic Sally reckons it's a girl, so that's a good enough reason for me.”
Charles Kidd, editor of Debrett's Peerage and Baronetage, predicted: “It will be fairly likely it will be a family name that perhaps has been used before in the Royal Family, not so likely in Kate's family.
“I don't think it will be anything that will raise eyebrows. I think Shirley or Linda are pretty good guesses.”
EastEnders will be inserting a special scene into Monday's episode with Shirley Carter commenting on the speculation. Linda Henry was unavailable for comment.
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