A Kid At King Arthur's Court. sir launcelot couldn't believe his eyes, when he saw a young goat in a suit of armour .........

The Basketball Diaries. monday, basketball. tuesday, basketball. wednesday, basketball. thursday, basketball. friday, basketball. saturday, basketball. sunday, basketball. next week: monday, basketball. tuesday, basketball. wednesday .........

Apollo 13. "oh no ! i forgot we're in space, used the toilet, pulled a lever to flush it, and dumped half the fuel. what can we do ?" . " ........ well, they'll never believe that back at mission control, so let's make something up ........ "

Shylock. benedict handbagsnatch plays a kind noble payday loanshark, who charges working people a very reasonable 1,000,000 per cent interest rate, to rescue them from the evil tax collectors of george of osborne ........ legally speaking he may have his pound of flesh, but cannot draw blood, because the nhs has closed down .........

Manhattan. woody allen can't pick up anything at all, on his now rather old fashioned satellite tv receiver. perhaps it only gets the old analogue channels ? or maybe it uses a hand carved craftsman made wooden dish ? even if the darn thing worked, it can only show a monochrome picture ....... tv used to all be black and white, believe it or not .......

High Noon - High school stoner comedy in which the kids get together at lunch to smoke it up leading to all manner of craziness for the remainder of the day.

Roman Holiday - Mr Abramovich decides to have some fun.

The Imitation Game - Impressionists fight to the death in a dystopian future.

The 400 Blows - Sequel to Deepthroat

The Force Awakens - Lazy police officers finally get out of bed in this big screen version of The Bill. Somewhat lacking in action.

Fiddler On The Roof. thanks to the new fangled digital tv signals, an aerial installer has to cope with some huge errections, many of which which go up very high ........

Downfall. oh no not another Norman Wisdom film, where he's always falling over a bucket on the floor. Rank Films kept this hidden for years, using the official secrets act .......

Forever ..... And A Day. biopic of georg cantor, who invented transfinite arithmetic (hint: how can you add something to infinity ?).

Young Sherlock Holmes. "surely, holmes, we're now both old enough to start doing lemon entry ?.At least, that's what dr moriarty says!" "not until we get our first long trousers, watson, and when he says "nice banana and plums" he's not talking about fruit ....... and he's not a medical doctor either ........."

North Sea Hijack. "prime minister, i'm sorry to disturb you, but somebody's just hijacked the north sea .........."

Sherlock Holmes Game Of Shadows. "see Watson, it's done by shining a light through the hands onto the wall, great for childrens' parties........ here is a rabbit ....... now an eagle ........ now an elephant ....... and now excuse me this is more complicated ........ a blackbird pulling a worm out of the ground and swallowing it, watch the worm writhe and,struggle very realistically ........" "......Holmes, that's quite disgusting, please put your trousers back on this instant .........."

Doubt. " ....so here i.am on this aircraft, about halfway across the atlantic ........ did i remember to shut my front door ? i can remember closing the upstairs windows, and putting nuts on the bird table, and putting plenty of food in the fishtank, but the front door ? Wonder what the penalty is for hijacking an aircraft ....... "

It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World. " ...........nurse, please give prozac to the usa, cognitive behavioural therapy to belgium, and put libya in a straitjacket .........."

Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse. "Baden Powell was farsighted, but didn't predict THIS. Even that thing on your penknife for getting stones out of horses' hoofs wont be much use. troop leader, show your patrol how to stop a zombie using a woggle, while i make a quick getaway ......"

The Virginian. Ian just can't get laid, depite being a big butch cowboy .......

It Happened One Night . sequel to The Virginian ........

And Baby Makes Three. sequel to It Happened One Night .......

Bringing Up Baby. sequel to ..........

The Other Side of the Door (2016) - documentary about what it's like being a Jehovah's Witness in modern Britain.

A Chilean mystic studies a pile of sand in....Jodorowsky's Dune!

School Of Rock. " ....... in blackpool, we keep our ancient traditions going .........."

Ice Station Zebra. christnas train travellers from london waterloo r surprised to look upwards, and see santa's sleigh being pulled across the sky by striped horses ...........

The Colour Purple. after a long holiday, davros returns to skaro with a nice tan .......