Inside Out. ”.... I see you're now wearing exclusively designer clothes, shows great initiative,so as a reward you're now on the management team and here's your pay rise ........” ........ ”thanks, but i dont think any of the labels are supposed to be showing, especially my underwear ....... ”

Gone with the wind. Tornado wipes out town.

Spectre. ”miss moneypenny, i'm fed up of being politically correct. I miss the old days, when all the womens' names contained sexual innuendo...... " ".....tell you what james, lets rewrite the script, and put in lots of jokes about your unusually small penis ......"

The Man Who Fell To Earth. '' ...... er, ive just jumped out of the plane, and now my parachute wont open. any suggestions? .......... er, the ground seems to be approaching very quickly, all practical suggestions much appreciated............

Mrs. Brown. Biopic of the mother of the Stone Roses' lead singer.

Olympus Has Fallen - Disaster movie where the Greek mountain breaks apart.

Guys And Dolls ...... (X certificate documentary) ......

The Banned Wagon "sir, you cant take this thing out on the road until it's passed the m.o.t. ..........”

Roman Holiday. flight to rome, metal detector explodes, julius ceaser is wearing full suit of armour ............

I Never Promised You A Rose Garden ......... Thats why the front lawn was concreted over ........

Young Man With A Horn. itinerent musician has endless blow jobs, but he still walks errect .........

Raw Hide. people forget there was a gay western well before broke back mounting ..........

Unforgiven. ''husband, you left the toilet seat UP. that's one time too many, i'm never going to let you forget it ...... "

Twelve O'Clock High - short film about a waster who always gets wasted every morning.

Little Women - fly on the wall documentary following around Barbara Windsor, Sandi Toksvig and Elaine Paige.

Sorry, Wrong Number - history of British Telecom

The Enchanted Cottage - Quaint Victorian men's toilets where gay men magically appear out of nowhere.

The Private Life Of Henry 8th. ''........ don't know about Green Sleeves, sire, but i can see some Red Faces. HA ! ..........'' '' ........... oh really, is that so? well, lad, i'm The King, and next person who makes a nasty joke about my song writing gets their head cut off. I'd like to see how witty they are after that ! Ah, here comes my lovely new wife ......... "

Dr Wno And The Daleks. '' look here, you chaps, i really am sorry you've all got sink plungers instead of arms. And eye stalks. And weird looking bumps. Must make meeting girls socially very difficult. But, let me teach you all to tap dance. Then, you'll be a hit with the ladies. It's just a question of learning some social skills. There really is no need to conquer the entire universe, just because you feel very lonely ..........''

Jesus Of Nazareth. '' ........ so, we divide up the 5 loaves and 2 fishes like this, give them to 5000 people, and how many baskets of food are left over ? ........... '' ''' ............. none, o lord, but you seem to have started a debate about modern maths teaching methods .......... i daresay this will continue for at least another 2000 years .......... '''

Bad Santa '' ....... so i dressed up as rudolf, and mrs claus put on an elf costume, and we were at it all night ........ not many presents delivered i'm afraid .....

All That Heaven Allows. ''1 pair nylon clip on wings. 2 tubs ben & jerrys per week. A used copy of playboy with tissues. If you wanted virgins that was the other religion, too late now. Film show once per week. The cloud is unfenced, try not to fall off the edge ......"

White Mischief. messy film about bird poo ...... make it look like snow on advertising posters, slip into cinemas as kids' xmas movie ......

Dye Hard ........ ''you can tell by the way i walk, that my jeans are too stiff ........''

Kiss of the Dragon - absolutely terrifying horror about a group of young men chased around a mansion by a broody Deborah Meaden.

Bride's Head Revisited. king henry 8th had one especially gruesome hobby. Each anniversary of the execution, he would go to .........

Heh Heh. The original film was actually renamed "Young Man of Music" in Blighty,
lest people think it was about a randy man:

http://www.timeout.com/london/film/y...an-with-a-horn

Love and Human Remains - Romance blossoms between two pathologists!

Can You Keep It Up For A Week? tense drama about World Plate Spinning Championship

XXX: State of the Union - Documentary where the President discusses the US Adult film industry.

Hugo - Biopic of the author of Les Misérables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame.