Mercury Rising. biopic of early astronaut john glenn, the ''man in a can'' ..... houston, please have that tin opener ready .......

Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo - woman's pet insect has holiday on French Riviera

Moby Dick - documentary reveals popular singer songwriter and DJ is not a very nice person

Raise The Titanic .......yet another smutty ''young adult'' film full of ''sex jokes'' ...........

Song Of Norway. after hundreds of years, at long last, norway finally wins the eurovision song contest. with its sparkly punchy catchy tune (careful, this post might be a troll ........).

Flash Gordon. 70's British ''sex comedy'', starring a man wearing a dirty raincoat (and nothing underneath). Even Robin Asquith turned this down .......

Carry On Girls. Ingmar Bergman's dark tale of nordic angst - a sequel to Persona - 5tarring liv ullman and bibi anderrsen .........

I Married A Werewolf ......years ago, but only just found out. at least it explains his ''time of the month'', crikey. no wonder he likes rabbit stew so much ......

Groundhog Day. dr who gets stuck in a 10 billion years long time loop. with his latest travelling companion, a hamster ....... he has to keep cleaning out its cage, and oiling that darn wheel, again and again and again and again and again ........

The Matrix. a time lord explains. "doctor, you were in the matrix for ten billion years, but now we have released you''. "thanks, but i'd rather go back in. the hamster is more interesting to talk to than keneau reeves .......''

White Christmas. some seasonal racism, from those awfully nice chaps in the ku kux klan ........

La Vie en Rose - film about a pink toilet

Star Wars - The Oscars, Battle Royale style. Who will survive the melee to win the golden statue and give a tearful acceptance speech to an audience of slaughtered celebrities?

Australia. at first, this film was not well understood. The subtitles were upside down at top of screen, the story moved backwards, the actors all stood on their heads, and everybody wondered why nicole kidman had giant testicles .......

2001: a space odyssey. dave just wants to get from ny to boston, on the interstate. but 2 years later, past the orbit of mars, going into the asteroid belt, he starts to suspect the satnav might be faulty ........ "keep going dave, boston is just the other side of jupiter ....... I enjoy working with human beings .......''

Ben And Arthur - It's TV nostalgia time as a grizzly bear teams up with a loveable Cockney rogue.


American Anthem - biopic of Francis Scott Key.


Loose Cannons - comedy remake of "Captain Horatio Hornblower".

2010: The Year We Make Contact - Poor documentary about Jodie Foster films (because everyone knows Contact was made in 1997).

Shaun of the Dead - The Big City terrorised by zombie sheep

unless that;s been done already

All Dogs Go To Heaven ........ wot, even that black dog from the omen, the hound of the baskervilles, and kirsty young? Kinda hard to believe .........

One that's probably been done before:
Goodbye Mr Chips - documenting ITV's turn-of-millennium relaunch, and subsequent cancellation, of Catchphrase...

And one which probably hasn't:
3.10 to Yuma - the adventures of a kid trying to get home from school in time to watch Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal...

Titanic - documentary about tight fisted town in Northumberland

Miracle on 34th Street - Sean Connery buys small round of drinks in Manhatten

Dr. Terror's House of Horrors
The House That Dripped Blood
A Nightmare on Elm Street

Tragic trilogy of films about the world's most honest Estate Agent

Good one there.

Watchmen - thriller about the people who protect 17th century London when the sun goes down!

Red Tails- Watership Down with foxes!

Arthur Christmas. just arthur christmas, but still better than no christmas at all.

Elf - Boring tenth sequel to the long running German 'Eins' saga.