Heaven Ice Day. nightclub heaven turns into a skating rink, in memory of john curry. Sequins optional.
Alternative film plots based on the title
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The Fighting Kentuckian - a brawl breaks out between staff at everyone's favourite fried chicken emporium.
London Has Fallen. in soho, in a dirty unswept little backstreet somewhere, not shown on any maps, a filthy bookshop is purveying so-called ''mens' magazines'' ......... the fight between good and evil is over, satan has finally won .....
Moon. george clooney - at long last - shows us his wonderful buttocks. Who really cares what the film's plot is? Women will be queueing around the block, for hours ........
Torah Torah Torah. the bibble as god originally wrote it, before he added an extra bit at the end ......
Our Man In Havanah. due to a state department mixup, somehow president obama steps into the wrong airplane and flies to cuba ......... could never happen in real life ........
The Lady In The Van ......'' now that hospitals are all private, it's so nice of george osborne, to leave us with any sort of national health service at all ........ i think he's a genius .......'' ........
Donovan's Brain - Professor Jennifer Juniper is curious about the colour of the sixties singer's brain, travels to the Alps where There is a Mountain to find him, then opens his cranium to find that it's a Mellow Yellow.
The Jungle Book. tarzan finally meets mowgli, falls in love with him, and dumps jane who says ''you utter creep(er) .....,'' ..... but tarzan cant hear her, just spends all his time homoerotic wrestling with mowgli (certificate 18) ......
Conan The Barbarian. mowgli says ''tarzan, i'm leaving you for big arnie, a man with even bigger muscles, cool jewellry, and a somewhat unique speaking accent .......
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Women In Love ......meanwhile, jane falls for wonderwoman, they become partners in a civil ceremony ......... "i like your breastplate wonderwoman ....'' '' ..... Jane, how do you keep your hair so nice in the jungle?'' ...... they coo, as they make love like two passionate pigeons .......
Briefs Encounter .......meanwhile, mowgli and conan the barbarian r having some success, selling their new range of ''athletic underwear for active men'' .......
Jungle 2 Jungle ......meanwhile, tarzan .... now a singleton again ...... rescues little lad mimi living wild in central park n.y. and they start a new career together as fashion models, on front cover of ''knitting monthly'', wearing ''the weirdest pullovers known to humanity'' ..........
All Quiet On The Western Front .......... no decent westerns been made for quite a few years now ......
Sword Of Sherwood Forrest ....... hang on, what's folk hero robin hood doing with a sword instead of bow & arrow ? that's just plain cheating .......
Night In The Museum. the cleaners lock yet another visitor in the toilets overnight ........ maybe the pyramids were giant ancient museums, and the mummified pharaohs were just visitors who got locked in the loos for a few thousand years ......
Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea ''this is the captain ....... dive dive dive (off mike) ...... hang on; number two, you did close the hatch when i ordered it ?'' .......
The Rocky Horror Show . an unfortunate ignorant loon takes a short trip on a virgin ''tilting'' train, and then finds his bank account empty .........
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