Carry on abroad. Sid James try to get away excessive luggage on a plane without putting it in the hold....

The Wind And The Lion ......... "sorry folks, guess i've eaten too much antelope ........''

The Big Top ........ raquel welch plays a huge twin top circus tent, very convincingly, by not wearing very much ....... yep, i reckon there's room for several hundred people inside there .......

Ground Hog Day .......... didn't macdonalds briefly try out a bacon breakfast burger, end of 1992 ? Maybe it was julie's pantry .........

The Man Who Knew Too Much ........ james stewart suspects that doris day might not be a real blonde ..........

Dracula, Prints Of Darkness ......... "........ see here mr boots the chemist, dammit, none of my photographs ever comes out properly ........'' '' ........ well, perhaps sir should try taking them during the daytime, instead of after sundown ? No camera works very well in total darkness ......... "

The Cat And The Cannery ........ it's ''cat meat'', alright, but not in the sense usually meant ..........

Sunshine On Leith ........ a powerful work of highly imaginative fiction. There has never been actual real sumshine, anywhere in scotland ..........

The Cat And The Canary ........ when jerry the mouse from the tom and jerry cartoons demanded more money, he was fired, and replaced by tweety pie ........

The Imitation Game .......... watch, as theresa may slowly morphs into and channels margaret thatcher ....... first the weird necklaces, then the spray on plastic hair, then the strange ''man voice'', a copy of the queen's handbag, and finally the ''royal wee'' .....

Catch 22 .......... ''enjoy the fishing trip. How many do you think you'll catch?'' ........ ''oh, maybe a couple of dozen, or a bit less ........''

Dead Poets Society ........ a man walks into a bar, downs a few pints, and then sees John Betjeman and Phillip Larkin discussing cricket over a drink ...........

A Stitch In Time ......... the time lords find a big hole in the earth's recent history, so they join the years 1699 and 1800 directly together, as attempted repair, and King Louis now sits on the throne in france ..........

Done Kirk ........ an elderly scotsman dons his ''sunday best'', sits through the hellfire and damnation sermon at his local presbyterian church, and now has a wee small dram of single malt whisky in the early afternoon (when pubs are shut) ...........

Nightmare on elm street.

Middle classs residents struggle to save their avenue from dutch elm disease...

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn ......... in fact, quite a few trees, these days, since this part of ''mainland'' new york is now full of yuppies, the former working class inhabitants forced out by rising property prices ......

The Whicker Man ......... after watching the ''whicker island'' monty python sketch on youtube, a daft loony mad scientist plans to clone thousands of copies of alan whicker from his old mustache clippings .......

The Mouse That Roared ........ jerry the mouse takes a charles atlas bodybuilding course, after which tom the cat finally stops bullying him, and leaves him alone. a few weeks later, both die from extreme boredom.

Robin Hood, Prints Of Thieves ........ robin sees a hog snatch at ye olde shoppinge mall, reports it at ye olde police station, and ye olde woodcarvers chisel ''wanted'' posters into ye olde trees. the thief is caught. ye olde successe ! then, robin is arrested for possession of bowe and arrowe in a built up area after 11pm ..... (ye olde swearworde) .......

Shoot the Piano Player - Someone really doesn't like poor Elton John...

Let The Right One In ........... " .......... plumber ........ electrician .......... teacher ............. doctor ........... nobel prize winning physicist ........... ah, tory party donor, welcome to the uk and here's your visa ............ '' ............

The Girl Who Played With Fire ......... ".........well rupert, who are you going to make into usa president, clinton or trump ? some choice, huh ? '' ''......now then jerry, that's real man stuff, don't worry your pretty little head about it ........'' '' .......... sorry rupert, i'm just trying to pass the time, while waiting to orgasm, can't u go a bit faster ? ....... ''

The Sound Barrier ........ " ........ and when switched on, it stops all sound from getting through, as i shall now demonstrate ........... can anyone still hear me ? ............. can anyone still hear me ? ............. so quite clearly, this new gadget does work ........

The Ghost In The Invisible Bikini ......... "....... i couldn't see anything at all on the screen ........ maybe there's a fault with the projector ? ................

The Kid Stays In The Picture ........ due to tv picture aspect ratio changing from 4:3 to 16:9, when tv went digital, childrens' tv series ''stig of the dump'' almost didn't have stig in it, and would just have been ''the dump'' .......