Midnight Cowboy - A tale of a cowboy sent to round up lost cattle at midnight and his various adventures on the way.

Monty python's Wife Of Brian ........... fictional version of fascinating conspiracy theory, claiming that graham chapman was secretly heterosexual and conventionally married ............

The Cars That Ate Paris ........... munch munch munch (elysee palace) munch munch munch (eifel tower) munch munch munch (grand palais) burp ''pardon, excusez moi'' munch munch munch (petite palais) munch munch munch (gare du nord) munch munch .........

It's In The Bag .......... Jamie oliver shops at a supermarket, then later on can't find the clove of garlic he purchased to make garlic chicken with ........ sorry jamie, but the corner shop is still open, so at least u can get some turkey twizzlers .......

Hell Or High Water ......... a plumbing leak in hell's bathroom threatens to extinguish the eternal fires ..........

Rush - when your alarm doesn't go off and you're going to be late for work.

Puncture - waiting by the roadside for a breakdown truck because you don't have a spare tyre.

Gladiator .........she tasted very nice, especially covered in thick hot rasberry sauce ..........

"Dad's Arm, eeeee .....'' ...... a young lad shivers, recalling how his father's arm was bitten clean off, after ignoring the ''do not feed the werewolf'' sign, on its cage, during a zoo visit ......

2, The Lighthouse ........ a family make a list of sightseeing trips, to go on during their seaside holiday ...........

Fight Club ......... the big heavy ''no. 1 wood iron'', in donald trump's golf bag .........

Brokeback Mountain ......... jeremy corbyn gets a huge man-date, from his party ...........

An American Werewolf In Paris ..........thanks to brexit, london loses one of its best known attractions .........

Alien 3 ............. when a 3rd foreign person tries to enter the uk, theresa may gets really really angry, ''come on boris, punch him, that's yer new job'' she says ...........

Transporter .........captain kirk is furious, when he gets beamed off the enterprise bridge, because he's fallen in love with yet another micro bikini clad green alien woman .........

The Wolf of Wall Street

A disillusioned Wolfie Smith sells out, moves from SW17 to Manhattan, makes shed loads of money, pops and snorts copious amounts of hard drugs, and treats women like dirt. Then The Man comes along and spoils it. Power to the people, comrades!

Five Easy Pieces ........... a bored man completes the world's simplest jigsaw puzzle in ten seconds, then feels bored again ........

Carry On Constable .......... john constable has almost finished painting The Hay Wain, but then thinks ''let's face it, all my paintings of fields 'n barns 'n stuff are so fecking boring, i'm just going to pack this in and go work in a pub somewhere ........

Fast And Furious 6 .......... "Rupert, that's the sixth time tonight you've woken me up, what are you doing?'' .........''streuth, I'm only trying to get to sleep, Jerry, just like you ........... maybe separate beds from now on?''

Mr Turner .......... tim spall thinks ''with buttocks like these, why wasn't i part of the monty python team?''

Moby Dick ....... pleased to see his old friend captain ahab again , the big whale gets a huge errection, thus capsizing the boat before red indian queequeg can fire off a harpooon .........

The Company Of Wolves ......... a very rich russian oligarch purchases a famous english football club, but is not familiar with western business methods ....... david warner portrays ''general weirdness'', as usual ........

Trans Porter 2 ...........''that person over there wearing a railway uniform .......... male or female, what do you think ?''

Ground Hog Day .......... "enjoy your saussages ....... " ...............

The Big Country............

the story of people planting a very large oak in memory of Piers Morgan.