My 2 year old Cats been gone for over a month now, I think we can call him a goner, he was my first cat, I am thinking about another but don't want to make the same mistakes again so am wondering where I went wrong with him?

For the first 6 months he was always kept in the house, for the next 6 months I started letting him outside, only a couple of times per day and then let him back in. He seemed to like getting outside so I trained him to come in and out via a small bath room window. The way I worked it was in the morning I fed him and let him outside, I'd open the window so he could come and go as he pleased during the day, he'd be in and out all day and at night I'd close the window and keep him in.

This past 6 months the time he came home became less and less until eventually he would head of for a day or two at a time, I'd feed him when he came home and off he went again. I remember one time he went away for a week, and came back, but this is a month now on Monday, I can't see him coming back.

So as I say I want another cat, But don't want the same thing to happen him/her. Should I not of let him out at all when he was young? He was an odd sort of a cat, he certainly wasn't your typical cat who sat on your lap getting stroked, he hated that and if you attempted it you would get scratched or bit, very independent and liked being left alone to do his own thing.

I don't think you have done anything wrong. What cats get up to and what goes on in their heads is a mystery. I lost a cat years ago. She was 18 months old and I'd had her since she was 6 weeks. She was always in and out. I actually saw her that day when a woman and child were patting her in the street outside my house then I never saw her again. It's not nice to be left wondering what happened to them.

Another of mine went missing and despite postering everywhere and spending series going round knocking on doors we heard nothing. 15 months later we got him back. He'd been taken in by someone who had taken him to the vet for an injection. The vet scanned him for a microchip and he was ours. We brought him home and still have him. He is now 18 Years old. So, don't give up on your cat. He may come back yet.

I'd say, get another one. You looked after that one well. Be prepared though to have two if your wanderer returns.

Just like people, they all have their own personalities. Though your missing one does seem to be rather an extreme one, OP!
Sadly with such a roamer its likely he wandered somewhere he shouldn't and came a cropper, but then again its possible he was simply scoping out new lodgings more to his 'taste' - who knows?
Rescue centres often know a fair bit about their cats personalities, so if you offer a home to another they will be able to set you up with one that suits.

Perhaps it's dead.

Wins first prize for most helpful comment
OP a neighbour 'lost' her cat for a while and it turned out that another neighbour had taken a shine to it and was inviting it in and even buying food for it.
'Words' were exchanged.
From the pattern of increasing absence this seems the much more likely scenario in your case and it may yet come back.

Mines taken a shine to our neighbours. Fortunately, its mutual and I don't think she goes in because they've got a dog but she certainly spends a lot of time with them in the garden. The layout of these relative new builds mean that their front garden runs alongside part of our back garden so I can never actually see if she's there or not so I rely on eavesdropping. I do, however, make sure she comes in at night. Usually it's no problem but occasionally she wants to stay out so I just go to bed and get up every hour until she comes. Like yours OP she's not by nature a cuddly cat but she does like company, preferably feline but if none are available a human will do.. Its nearly 30 years since we last had kittens in the house. When they died i couldnt face going through that again so for 10 years we didnt have any. When we got this one last year we had forgotten how energetic and into everthing they are and also we have become much more staid so maybe she wasnt getting as much stimulus from us as she required. However, I'm seriously thinking about getting another now! So I agree with others, you haven't done anything wrong, you've just got a fiercely independent and adventurous cat. Dont give up on seeing him again but don't let that stop you getting another if that's what you would like.

Was the cat chipped ?

If not then its worth trying local vets. Its possible that it got injured and somebody took it to a vet.

Was he done? Before ours was done he did wander a lot and was gone for days. I even had to go looking for him and luckily found him. After he got neautered he stayed closer to home and didn't wander so much. He was well trained to come to his name so if I'd stand at the door and call him he would come from wherever he was.

Were there any signs? Did you notice that the cat had started making an effort with its appearance, wearing a different fragrance, or cutting short mobile phone conversations with somebody "from work" whenever you entered the room?

He did get the snip. I live in a small housing estate in the country. You'd usually spot him about even if he didn't come home, we've not spotted him about. Interestingly we had a feral cat that hung around our back yard 24/7 in the hope of getting something to eat as I'd often feed my cat outside. The feral cat is also gone after hanging around our yard for the best part of 2 months,

There are a few possibilities as to what happened to your cat. Either he's taken himself off to live elsewhere, or someone thought he'd been abandoned and along with the feral he's been captured and taken to a rescue (hence why microchipping is a good idea). Or to other less happy scenarios - being in a car accident or worse.

My parents have had cats, I grew up with them, and I then had a cat myself. All of them knew where "home" was, where they would get spoilt and pampered, played with, and therefore where they knew their "bread was buttered" so to speak. There are others who will feed your cat, indulge it, and give your cat another home to go to. Cats can be fickle but that's why you have to make your place THE place the cat will want to be.

Was your cat chipped? Have you put "missing" posters up? Contacted local vets and rescues?

was he neutered? intact toms will wander miles for a yowler.

edit: just saw he was.

if it`s any consolation a friend gave up hope of finding her cat but he turned up a month on thin but home, hopefully your boy will find his way.

I reckon he's found himself a nice old lady who showers him with cat treats and chicken and decided to stay there.

You uncaring sick person!

that does sound like the scenario as he`s gradually left home.

Ha ha - just what my ex did - I once even found him furtively exercising behind a bedroom door with arm weights

you havent done anything wrong!

sometimes cats just wander - sadly

he may come back so dont give up hope but please, dont blame yourself, you really, really havent done anything wrong

You should really consider keeping your next cat indoors, if you do decide to get another. Do not listen to people who say that this is cruel - it isn't.

So sorry to hear of your loss, 1man. Know that you gave him a very good start in life though, you loved him and cared for him and that was as much as you could do.

Like the poser above, I would say if you want the odds of this happening again to slim right down with the next cat, just keep him/her inside. I also agree that it is not cruel. My cat is an indoor cat and she is happy and safe.

Well, it's a possibility isn't it?
Perhaps better to consider the possible explanation that the cat is dead before beating oneself up about being a 'bad owner'.
It happens quite a lot - I've seen a few dead cats on our road over the years, and that's just on our stretch of it.

Ok yes it is a possibility but the way you put it was too blunt and insensitive. Just no need for it.

And also from the description of events it sounds much more likely the cat has gradually adopted a new home.

It depends on the cat. Some are happy indoors. Most are not. Some would hate it.

I would certainly be cruel to keep the latter group locked inside.

My cat is an indoor cat (although she has supervised stints in the garden at my mum's). I think it's fine keeping a cat indoors from kittenhood but if you've rescued a stray or have a cat who is used to going out and then is suddenly stuck indoors I can't see that working well.

They say that you can choose to own a dog but a cat has to chose to live with you. I wouldn't take this as an indictment of you OP. But I also wouldn't be too quick to lay the blame at the door of a neighbour for enticement.

My friend has a cat she had had from a kitten. It lived with her quite happily in the same house for a decade or so. Then for no rhyme nor reason it upped sticks and moved next door. These are terraced houses so the back doors are no more than 3 metres apart, separated by a fence. The neighbours certainly didn't encourage it and kept passing it back over the fence etc

However eventually both parties accepted that the cat, for whatever reason, wanted to live next door. So my friend continued to pay vets bills, food etc., for her cat, that lived next door. This continued for about 18 months until one day the cat casually turned up in the lounge and seemingly had decided to move back home.

Who knows what goes on their heads?. This is why I love cats.