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Old 06-01-2016, 13:45
kwynne42
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Big Book of Ways How to Kill Aaron Volume 1, 76 -100

Part 76) - Ashley forgets to fix the pilot light in the ancient boiler in the church hall since it is broken, Aaron comes into the church just as the boiler automatically comes on and the Chrurch and Aaron blow sky high

Part 77) Aaron is written out of the show as an apology by Kate Oates for all the terrible things she has done to us.

Part 78) - Ashley Forgets how to drive while he is driving and runs Aaron over and since he is not Megan Aaron is killed. Ashley goes to hospital where a world class surgeon is waiting just happening to be there, he spots what's really wrong with Ashley and operates and saves him for the next 30 years. Aaron is still dead.


Part 79) -On the night of the Village hall reopening and just after Joanie and Zak kissed dramatic events ensued. Up the road Farmer giles crashes his tractor and trailer, on the trailor were 10 giant round bales of hey, the ones that look like giant slabs of cheese

When the crash happened 7 of those Bales went rolling off down the hill toward emmerdale, the first bale crashes into the car that driven by a passing Aaron, the car explodes killing Aaron instantly

The 2nd bale crashed into the B&B causing Finn to spill the soup he is serving to guests on the guests, other than the front wall no one is hurt other than the guest burned by the hot soup

the 3rd Bale crashed into Debbie's while Debbie and Ross were smooching on the couch, Debbie is crushed while Ross bangs his head again and is i a coma for another week.

the 4th Bale runs over Joanie and zak while the kissing and are killed and the bale rolls over right to the spot where Val was killed. Eric later see's this as a sign and erects a giant statue of Val that towers over the village.

the 5th Bale comes just after the 4th and smashes into the village hall knocking people over like stittles, Lisa, Ashley, Laurel and Moira are all killed while Belle escapes with a mild concussion all in all 10 people die in the hall

the 6th Bale runs over Jai as he walks into the village killing him

the 7th Bale runs off into the night and is never seen again.

Part 80) Aaron chokes to death on chewing gum, Emma could have saved him but she was too busy arguing with Debbie

Part 81) Aaron is working under a car in the garage when a sparrow lands on the car and the blocks collapse and Aarons head is squashed he is very dead

Part 83) - Kwynne turned his telly off in horror at seeing Aaron be sorry for himself and then smashed the TV in rage so he can't see Aaron anymore so he might have been dead for all he cares


Part 84) - A zoo is passing through Emmerdale and the elephants stampeded and stomped on AAron on Aaron many times, he is definitely dead thank the crap

Part 85) - Aaron is putting up a Christmas tree and is just testing the lights when they go wrong and electrocutes him then the the tree falls on him and all they find after the woolie burns down as well is a pile of Aaron shaped ashes.

Part 86) - Gordon is upset after Aaron was so rude to him, drives after him and drives him and ross of the road right where Gennie died, both are injured and Gordon kills then the same way as Gennie

Gordon is the new Cameron watch out Chas

part 87) - Aaron and Dross are on their robbery when the police intervene, a police marksman see's something in Aaron's hand and shoots him but it wasn't a gun, Aaron is still dead.

Part 88) - Sarky cop breaks Aarons Alibi and Ross kidnaps him to shut him up and throws him off the viaduct that he was going to throw pete off weeks ago

Part 89) - Gordon is tired of Aaron and wants Chas so he kills Aaron with a harpoon gun and seduces Chas at the funeral

Part 90) -Aaron is feeling guilty and wants to go to the police so Ross kills him.

Yes I know this is the most silly one of all, as if Aaron would feel guilty about anything ever

Part 91) - April is taken over by the the dark side of the force finds a lightsabre and cuts Aaron in 2

See even part 91 is more likely than 90

Part 92) - Aaron while cutting himself slips with the knife, slices an artery and bleeds to death before anyone notices

Part 93) - Aaron has been cutting himself but the wound become infected and Aaron dies of tetanus

Part 94) - A rabid dog bites Aaaron and he dies of Rabies in a horrible way, not before he bites Ross and he too dies.

Part 95) - Aaron is kidnapped by Aliens and taken to the planet AAgggggdterrf, unfortunately his germs kill everyone on that Planet and Aaron is stuck forever all alone and far away, he might as well be dead.

part 96) - Aaron runs his hand over the candle sets fire to himself suffer 99& 3rd degree burns and takes 10 days to diie.

Part 97.) - He is found one morning with only his left foot unburnt he has spontaneously combusted in the night

part 98) - Aaron falls in a garden pond where he is eaten by hungry goldfish

part 99) - Aaron gets his big toe stuck in a tap his toe swells and he dies from blood clots.

Part 100) -Aaron dies no need for an explanation isn't it wonderful.
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:46
kwynne42
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Don't worry I promise no more big post like this until Ways how to Kill Aaron reaches 250
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:47
Mark_Washingto1
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Don't worry I promise no more big post like this until Ways how to Kill Aaron reaches 250
LOL I thought you were gonna stop at 100? How about you kill off Jai or Ross?
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:48
kwynne42
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So if Vanessa is going to move into Victoria's spare room where is Andy living? I thought Andy and Robert were living with Victoria??

Is her house a secret tardis??

I can't imagine Emma will be too pleased when she finds out about Moira and Pete's little dalliance.
Didn't Robert move out because he was putting Andy under stress and i don't know about Andy.
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:49
kwynne42
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LOL I thought you were gonna stop at 100? How about you kill off Jai or Ross?
The big Books of Killing Jai and Dross are being written.
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:51
Alleycat666
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So if Vanessa is going to move into Victoria's spare room where is Andy living? I thought Andy and Robert were living with Victoria??

Is her house a secret tardis??

I can't imagine Emma will be too pleased when she finds out about Moira and Pete's little dalliance.
Didn't Robert move out because he was putting Andy under stress and i don't know about Andy.
Isn't Andy living at the Farm - he moved out when Robert moved in and I'm sure he asked Moira whether she wanted him to move out but she said no, just keep out of Cain's way for a bit (when they were talking about Debbie having gone last night I think, or maybe even Monday - all the eps blur into each other at the minute).
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:52
Alleycat666
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Big Book of Ways How to Kill Aaron Volume 1, 76 -100

Part 76) - Ashley forgets to fix the pilot light in the ancient boiler in the church hall since it is broken, Aaron comes into the church just as the boiler automatically comes on and the Chrurch and Aaron blow sky high

Part 77) Aaron is written out of the show as an apology by Kate Oates for all the terrible things she has done to us.

Part 78) - Ashley Forgets how to drive while he is driving and runs Aaron over and since he is not Megan Aaron is killed. Ashley goes to hospital where a world class surgeon is waiting just happening to be there, he spots what's really wrong with Ashley and operates and saves him for the next 30 years. Aaron is still dead.


Part 79) -On the night of the Village hall reopening and just after Joanie and Zak kissed dramatic events ensued. Up the road Farmer giles crashes his tractor and trailer, on the trailor were 10 giant round bales of hey, the ones that look like giant slabs of cheese

When the crash happened 7 of those Bales went rolling off down the hill toward emmerdale, the first bale crashes into the car that driven by a passing Aaron, the car explodes killing Aaron instantly

The 2nd bale crashed into the B&B causing Finn to spill the soup he is serving to guests on the guests, other than the front wall no one is hurt other than the guest burned by the hot soup

the 3rd Bale crashed into Debbie's while Debbie and Ross were smooching on the couch, Debbie is crushed while Ross bangs his head again and is i a coma for another week.

the 4th Bale runs over Joanie and zak while the kissing and are killed and the bale rolls over right to the spot where Val was killed. Eric later see's this as a sign and erects a giant statue of Val that towers over the village.

the 5th Bale comes just after the 4th and smashes into the village hall knocking people over like stittles, Lisa, Ashley, Laurel and Moira are all killed while Belle escapes with a mild concussion all in all 10 people die in the hall

the 6th Bale runs over Jai as he walks into the village killing him

the 7th Bale runs off into the night and is never seen again.

Part 80) Aaron chokes to death on chewing gum, Emma could have saved him but she was too busy arguing with Debbie

Part 81) Aaron is working under a car in the garage when a sparrow lands on the car and the blocks collapse and Aarons head is squashed he is very dead

Part 83) - Kwynne turned his telly off in horror at seeing Aaron be sorry for himself and then smashed the TV in rage so he can't see Aaron anymore so he might have been dead for all he cares


Part 84) - A zoo is passing through Emmerdale and the elephants stampeded and stomped on AAron on Aaron many times, he is definitely dead thank the crap

Part 85) - Aaron is putting up a Christmas tree and is just testing the lights when they go wrong and electrocutes him then the the tree falls on him and all they find after the woolie burns down as well is a pile of Aaron shaped ashes.

Part 86) - Gordon is upset after Aaron was so rude to him, drives after him and drives him and ross of the road right where Gennie died, both are injured and Gordon kills then the same way as Gennie

Gordon is the new Cameron watch out Chas

part 87) - Aaron and Dross are on their robbery when the police intervene, a police marksman see's something in Aaron's hand and shoots him but it wasn't a gun, Aaron is still dead.

Part 88) - Sarky cop breaks Aarons Alibi and Ross kidnaps him to shut him up and throws him off the viaduct that he was going to throw pete off weeks ago

Part 89) - Gordon is tired of Aaron and wants Chas so he kills Aaron with a harpoon gun and seduces Chas at the funeral

Part 90) -Aaron is feeling guilty and wants to go to the police so Ross kills him.

Yes I know this is the most silly one of all, as if Aaron would feel guilty about anything ever

Part 91) - April is taken over by the the dark side of the force finds a lightsabre and cuts Aaron in 2

See even part 91 is more likely than 90

Part 92) - Aaron while cutting himself slips with the knife, slices an artery and bleeds to death before anyone notices

Part 93) - Aaron has been cutting himself but the wound become infected and Aaron dies of tetanus

Part 94) - A rabid dog bites Aaaron and he dies of Rabies in a horrible way, not before he bites Ross and he too dies.

Part 95) - Aaron is kidnapped by Aliens and taken to the planet AAgggggdterrf, unfortunately his germs kill everyone on that Planet and Aaron is stuck forever all alone and far away, he might as well be dead.

part 96) - Aaron runs his hand over the candle sets fire to himself suffer 99& 3rd degree burns and takes 10 days to diie.

Part 97.) - He is found one morning with only his left foot unburnt he has spontaneously combusted in the night

part 98) - Aaron falls in a garden pond where he is eaten by hungry goldfish

part 99) - Aaron gets his big toe stuck in a tap his toe swells and he dies from blood clots.

Part 100) -Aaron dies no need for an explanation isn't it wonderful.
Part 79 is my favourite Kwynne - talk about killing 2 birds with one stone.
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:54
kwynne42
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Part 79 is my favourite Kwynne - talk about killing 2 birds with one stone.
And mine a it happens
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Old 06-01-2016, 13:54
Mark_Washingto1
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The big Books of Killing Jai and Dross are being written.
LOL ok good. They deserve to be killed off way more than Aaron.
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Old 06-01-2016, 16:27
chitarivera
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Ross is going to snap and grab the nearest pillow, isn't he?
and use it on his mother - came into my head immediately, then I saw these....

And hopefully use it on himself


Great minds think alike.
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Old 06-01-2016, 16:29
chitarivera
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Seriously, why has everyone taken Charity's word that Ross is the father?

Did Debbie go crazy when she found out Ross had slept with her Mum or did she just accept it without comment?
I can't remember.
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Old 06-01-2016, 16:33
Jessica_Bobbing
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Old 06-01-2016, 16:56
Janet Plank
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The big Books of Killing Jai and Dross are being written.
Thankyou, kwynne42 I would like Ross to be killed by somebody bashing his head in with a lump of wood.
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Old 06-01-2016, 16:56
Mark_Washingto1
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Seriously, why has everyone taken Charity's word that Ross is the father?

Did Debbie go crazy when she found out Ross had slept with her Mum or did she just accept it without comment?
I can't remember.
Debbie didn't seem too bothered when she found out about the HBIC and Ross, I guess cuz they weren't together at the time.

As for Moses' paternity I'm gonna go one step further than you, cuz I question if Moses is even Charity's baby. She could have found some pregnant inmate, faked a pregnancy and taken that women's baby as her own. Remember we never saw her giving birth.
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Old 06-01-2016, 17:15
willows
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Spoilers 18th - 22nd Jan

Spoiler
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Old 06-01-2016, 17:29
Glendarroch
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Spoilers 18th - 22nd Jan

Spoiler
lots of
Spoiler
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Old 07-01-2016, 09:35
kwynne42
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Debbie didn't seem too bothered when she found out about the HBIC and Ross, I guess cuz they weren't together at the time.

As for Moses' paternity I'm gonna go one step further than you, cuz I question if Moses is even Charity's baby. She could have found some pregnant inmate, faked a pregnancy and taken that women's baby as her own. Remember we never saw her giving birth.
But Debbie did
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Old 07-01-2016, 09:39
kwynne42
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ways how to Kill Aaron part 101

Aaron hits Ross over the head with a plank of wood killing Ross but Aaron has a splinter and dies of tetanus 2 days later

For obvious reasons this is a crossover with the big book of Ways How to Kill Ross part 1.
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Old 07-01-2016, 11:02
Andybear
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Debbie didn't seem too bothered when she found out about the HBIC and Ross, I guess cuz they weren't together at the time.

As for Moses' paternity I'm gonna go one step further than you, cuz I question if Moses is even Charity's baby. She could have found some pregnant inmate, faked a pregnancy and taken that women's baby as her own. Remember we never saw her giving birth
People might be allowed to bribe medics, prison officers and the police in America but they're not allowed to do so in the UK.
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Old 07-01-2016, 11:05
thejoyof_pat
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The big Books of Killing Jai and Dross are being written.
And James. Please. Emma too.
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Old 07-01-2016, 11:06
kwynne42
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Analysis centrals main points about last nights episode

1) Has there every been a more revolting couple to watch on TV and yes i'm including Maurel at their worst than the awful Tess ( and I usually like the Actress but not here) and the Bumbling Idiot, sheesh they make me want to puke the second they appear on screen so imagine what happens when they Kiss

2 Doug does so moan doesn't he.

3) Poor Sandy no father should watch that happen to you son

4) The Worlds fastest Dna lab was at work again les from 2 days since she sent her Dna package to the lab through the post Vanessa had the results, yes right the Royal mail would take more than 2 days before you even take the testing into account, Kate Oates taking us for fools again.

5) Victoria must be the nicest most Loyal wife alive but what does she see in the idiotic and selfish Adam.

6) Very exciting the tale of the mouse Gerbil

7)If Pete and Moira get together I will be enraged. But of course it the Oates's swansong love affair so it bound to happen bah

Ways ho to kill Aaron part 102

Aaron brakes fail and he gains momentum going down the hill before smashing into a wall and dies when the car explodes in true soap fashion. As it crashed the car squashed Ross against that wall and so he was dead before the explosion

Also Way how to kill Ross part 2
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Old 07-01-2016, 11:18
kwynne42
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Weekly bulletin of the Malt (Shovel)

part of Hotten was flooded over Christmas during the heavy rains that have occurred in the last month, particularly badly hit were Hotten Dna labs.

New year fire works were responsible for the burning down of one of Farmer Browns barns and the loss of 2 of his pregnant Llama's who died in the fire, PC Swirling said kids are responsible and questioned Lachlan White who was seen nearby.

The Malt had its annual New Year party bash but it ended in a mass brawl between various dingles and the Brown and Giles farming families, young grandson of the owner Eric Shuttleworth suffered a black eye and 20 Malt chairs had to be replaced.

Police are still looking for the people responsible for robbing the toy warehouse before Christmas police questioned both Aaron Livesey and Ross Barton but no one has been charged so far.
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Old 07-01-2016, 13:39
Mark_Washingto1
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Did she? We just saw Debbie at the hospital holding the baby. We did not see the birth of Moses so there is a chance she faked it.

People might be allowed to bribe medics, prison officers and the police in America but they're not allowed to do so in the UK.
LOL bribing isn't legal here but that doesn't stop it from happening here or in any other country for that matter.

Analysis centrals main points about last nights episode

1) Has there every been a more revolting couple to watch on TV and yes i'm including Maurel at their worst than the awful Tess ( and I usually like the Actress but not here) and the Bumbling Idiot, sheesh they make me want to puke the second they appear on screen so imagine what happens when they Kiss

2 Doug does so moan doesn't he.

3) Poor Sandy no father should watch that happen to you son

4) The Worlds fastest Dna lab was at work again les from 2 days since she sent her Dna package to the lab through the post Vanessa had the results, yes right the Royal mail would take more than 2 days before you even take the testing into account, Kate Oates taking us for fools again.

5) Victoria must be the nicest most Loyal wife alive but what does she see in the idiotic and selfish Adam.

6) Very exciting the tale of the mouse Gerbil

7)If Pete and Moira get together I will be enraged. But of course it the Oates's swansong love affair so it bound to happen bah

Ways ho to kill Aaron part 102

Aaron brakes fail and he gains momentum going down the hill before smashing into a wall and dies when the car explodes in true soap fashion. As it crashed the car squashed Ross against that wall and so he was dead before the explosion

Also Way how to kill Ross part 2

1. Sorry but Zack/Joanie (Zoanie perhaps) have Taddy, Maurel, and Doss beat by a mile.

5. Adam is hot, the question is why Adam puts up with the whining non acting carrot peeler.

7. If Pete/Moira does happen that would be the worst and nastiest pairing in soap history. I think this story could have worked so much better and lacked the incest factor if it were Andy/Moira.
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Old 07-01-2016, 13:41
sorcha_healy27
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People might be allowed to bribe medics, prison officers and the police in America but they're not allowed to do so in the UK.
That's probably one of the most ridiculous and prejudiced comments I've seen on here tbh.
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Old 07-01-2016, 14:06
CollieWobbles
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Thankyou, kwynne42 I would like Ross to be killed by somebody bashing his head in with a lump of wood.
Pete had a good try with a lump of concrete and failed. The useless pillock is a failure like his batty mother where Ross is concerned.
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