Dross is about as hot as a face full of cold custard.

Well cold custard is f*****g delicious then

Don't be ridiculous.

And it's Hot Ross Buns...there is nothing dross about the fabulous former carjacker.

Well, it can be enlivened by a slice of banana.

Don't give Sorcha ideas about Dross and bananasPresumably you're be never seen what happens at an Ann Summers party

I can imagine!

See what I think of the Moron in my upcoming analysis and he is about to suffer something I normally reserve for Aaron

Yes but would the actress appreciate being axed for a year just to accommodate Debbie's enforced absense for the second time even, maybe she won't want to come back.

Analysis of Emmerdale Characters

A new era of Kwynne wrath has begun

Due to the many crimes of Moron and his ruination of many many previously good female characters a war on Morons has begun so certain characters that normally face my hatred will have an easier time of it for a while, yes Ross I do mean you and Aaron is free from Ways of how to kill for a while but Aarsewipe will still get a hard time just not as much

1) The Galloping Gormless Moron - The moron was a allowed off the death list several years ago so Kwynne's focus could be on Crybaby's, did he use this time to become a reformed better character no did he eckers like as my gran would say and he has continued to be awful, dreadful and many other horrific things so the reckoning has begun.

Kwynne formally readmits The Gormless Moron onto his death list alongside Ross and Aaron, but Ross gets parole (kwynne will be watching) and he gets to star in the new series of Ways how Kill

Kwynne has stolen The Galloping Gormless Morons nickname from that dreadful and drunk TV Chef from the 1970's ITV afternoons the Galloping Gourmet in case anyone was wondering.

Meanwhile what a dreadful awful despicable man Moron is ruining yet another in a long line of previously good female characters, how dare he ruin Carly and then treat her like dirt, Marlon must die horribly.

2) Carly - poor Carly, Kwynne mourns her loss as a good character

Emmerdale stole that 2 sets of character talking about the same thing at the same time from Neighbours, they do that all the time.

3) Vanessa and Rhona - yes I was shocked and horrified as well

4) At least Emmerdale redeemed itself a bit by introducing the marvelously named detective Sergeant Mudd

5) So Chrissie only managed to retrieve the gun by yet more police incompetence at lest she was clever enough to frame Andy

6) Andy - so incredibly thick

7)Victoria - dump that prat of a husband

8) Gabby - you know I like and sympathise with you against your useless family but give that back to April, its one of the few things she has of her mother

9) Yeah Diane send gabby back to her father, thats sure to go well.

Ways how to Kill The Moron Volume 1 No.1
Marlon is bashed over the head by his many enemies at each of his four limbs tied to horses pointing in different directions and the horses go at speed until he his ripped into 4 pieces

Ways how to kill The Moron No.2
Satanists use him a a human maypole and go round and round him until he is suffocated by the streamers

Ways how to Kill The Moron part 3
Marlon is knocked into a giant vat of tomato soap and drowns.

I hoped that Blackburn had taken his random couple generator with him but it looks like it is still spinning away in the Emmerdale production offices.

Seriously, Marlon and Carly.

MARLON AND CARLY.

It beggers belief.

weekly Bulletin of the Malt Shovel

Shocking events this week have shocked the village, raiders have attacked Home farm and they shot the Owner Lawrence White with a shotgun and stole many prize objects from Home Farm. Mr White in in a critiical but stable condition in Hotten general with his beloved family at his bedside. Andy Sugden was stopped by Pc Swirling on wednesday evening and found in possession of a shotgun its not yet known if the 2 are linked.

The local wildcats have struck again, Farmer Jones of fairview farm which borders the barton land lost his prize pig Nelly and he is heartbroken and says if he ever see's the cats on his land they Will be shot.

2 of Farmer Giles Llama's help rescue the 4 year old child of a tourist after he fell in a ditch, Llama's have been proving very good at rescue work.

The Malt won by 234 runs in the cricket against the Prince William pub.

I like Sarahbot

I know. We need an ED suspension of reality thread-and thatll head it.
It's really nonplussed me for ridiculousness.

I reckon the wildcats are Lynx.

They are Jaguars, it was confirmed in last weeks bulletin

You are trippin, Ross might be a little cry baby with middle child syndrome but he is sexy as hell and as much as love Aaron Ross is hotter than him.

1. LMAO!!!!! I'm dead:

2. Don't write Carly off just yet, the next couple years might be bad for her but there is still hope. And those conversations were disgusting and unrealistic. No one wants to here about sex with Marlon and I found Timmy the talking doll on Passions more realistic than Carly saying Marlon was great in bed

3. Rhona wasn't shocked she's been pushing this horrid paring the last few episodes. She is all about Carlon.

6. Yes Andy is thick and sexy And I don't mean thick in the way you said

7. What do you have against Adam? Victoria is lucky to have him, honestly he's too hot for her, he should be with Carly.

7) In my Grandads favourite insult, he is thick as pigshit and a nag with it.

LOL, Andy doesn't need brains though, he's hot as hell so he can get away with being a bit dumb

Yes but Andy has the Brawn and good looks to make up for his dumbness, Adam really doesn't

Adam is a good looking guy. I really don't understand your hate for him.

I don't even know where to begin on this post....something this wrong is beyond hope...might even be beyond correction - but I'm nowt if not a trier so here goes:

A heart of gold - people with a heart of gold are kind, thoughtful, unselfish, think of others, biddable, decent, harmless, friendly, compassionate, caring, considerate, likeable, morally decent, law abiding and a joy to be around. NOT ONE of those could be applied to Aaron in any way, shape or form. Heart of gold my eye, heart of dead black ash as cold as a well digger's arse and dark as a witch's cat in a coal hole more like.

Bit of a bad boy - Cain is a bit of a bad boy, Aaron is just a lawless violent criminal thug who puts security guards in comas for having the audacity to stop him in is criminal activities and covers up murders. He ought to be doing the porridge until he's ready for his box.

Sexy - should've gone to Specsavers. He's as sexy as a wet blanket used to mop up a puppy's housetraining accident.

Strong - yeah right, this is a bloke who'd burst into tears if the point broke on his pencil, and whose reaction to everything is cry, hide behind mummy or both. He's as strong as supermarket value bog roll.

Amazing. I'll sort of agree with you this one, he is amazing. Amazingly awful. Ross wouldn't be lucky to have him at all, I can see Ross loosing it and putting him in a permanent coma (or better yet a grave) after getting mightily hacked off with the incessant crying and wailing and waaa waaa waaa woe is me routine, and who could blame him? Even the Samaritans would have blocked Aaron's number, half their staff are probably still rocking back and forth in some shrink centre after enduring Tiny Tears on the telephone.

Liv & Gabby could be the next "Jebbie"

LOL that was pretty funny...but totally incorrect.

Aaron has showed his heart of gold many times. Helping Jackson commit suicide even though he was against it, taking the rap for the fire for his BFF Adam, took in his kid sister. What more does Aaron have to do to prove he's a good guy for you?

How can you act like Cain is less of a criminal than Aaron? Cain has kidnapped and tortured more people than Kim Kardashian has slept with. If Aaron is a violent thug so is Cain.

Yes Aaron is good looking, while there are a couple others that are better looking like Ross and Andy, Aaron is probably the 4th hottest guy on the show.

And Aaron has shown great strength he's had a very hard life for someone only 25 years old and is out here surviving and making the best of things.

I think they will be the next Aaron and Adam, it will be one sided with Liv falling for Gabby.