Dan has cheated on kerry before with his ex wife.

Also Ross is single so it's kerry and Dans issue rather than Ross.

Actually it's all dans fault in any case

Dan deserved a medal for going back into action there!

So, if it's OK for Dross, then the same goes for Aaron, in respect of his affair with Robert!

A bit harsh, to say that it's all Dan's fault!

He is, he's a yellow M&M sweetie

Analysis of Emmerdale Characters

1) Lisa even though I was technically on her side this episode I still have to say the following

Shut the Eff up you daft hateful cow

Why would you go for a meal who split your marriage up less than a year ago? Why would she want to hang around Zak who upsets her in different way every time they meet? and why didn't she tell Joanie who Lisa owes no favours about Zak coming on to her the night before? don't just make Zak uncomfortable blow the effers life apart like a normal person would. at the diiner party from hell

Then I might have had respect for her

2) Joanie - er Joanie why do you keep expecting Lisa to act like you didn't steal her husband, not even a year ago. She seems to think all should be sweetness and light between them, that on the premise she is bent on humiliating Lisa at every turn.

3) Zak shut up Zak you prize berk

4) Gabby still exists and hasn't had her head changed again like we all thought

5) Where were all the Thomas's and assorted relatives going on a school day and who is looking after the B&B?

6)Rakesh kept his suicide note, what a strange thing to do and then allow his wife to see it, what did he think Priya was going to do?

7) Priya - divorce him for good for your own health your better without him.

8) Has Rishi had a stroke how else do with explain his bizarre behaviour

9) Emma and Dross were very rude to to that policemen weren't they,? they both refused to look at him while he was talking then turned their backs on him completely and hugged each other right in front of him, he must have left feeling very bemused.

10) Dan think Kerry is a 10, more like -8 according to me and Megan apparently . Was he seriously planning to get back with her the stupid man?

11) Shut up Kerry you vile hateful woman, stop trying to get everyone to feel sorry for you, you deserve no sympathy whatsoever.

12) What was happening to Pete and Leyla, had they been together or just getting together, they acting very strange indeed

13) Megan actually served a purpose this ep

14) Sam is really milking his pity party over Kerry isn't he.

Weekly Bulletin of the Malt Shovel

Police are warning if you have eaten at Mike Burger bar in Robblesfield in the last 2 weeks you should seek medical attention at once, 132 people have come down with E-coli food poisoning and Phillip Jackson 19 of DemDyke lake View cottage died. The source of the infection seems to be poorly cooked ostrich burgers which Mike's is famous for, 6 people at the Malt have come down with it and are never far from the toilet.

The RSPCA paid a visit to farmer Brown this week and warned he must keep better care of his herd of Llama's or he would be prosecuted for neglect, this came after 5 Llama escaped from the farm and were killed by a lorry, fencing around the farm were found to be in very bad condition.

The Malt beat the woolpack at both Darts and football this week, Woolpack team members moaned that Charity Dingle had been neglecting the teams.

Analysis Of Emmerdale Character

Episode of many goodness and almost too much to analyse so if I miss something don't think too badly of me.

1) Emma - extremely good acting from Gillan and Emma here with some serious messing with Ashleys head to utterly confuse him.

I would say even the way she first met him was deliberate, standing on the bridge, Doug saw her so she could claim Ashley is getting meeting her now and seeing her on the Accident bridge mixed up.

Anyway Emma was brilliantly pure evil.

She even handled herself fairly well with Moira and Dross later kicking off about Cain.

2) Poor Ashley but again brilliantly acted with Ashley confusion done really well I thought.

Sidebar confession
Last night I totally missed the relevance of the camera that was filming Emma and Ashley in fact I missed its point at all and Only realised when I read the threads this morning. I should have realised because the camera was mentioned often enough

No doubt it will all come out at some relevant dramatic moment in the future

3) What is Gross Dross so upset about anyway, he hated his father almost his entire life, made his life an utter misery, name making everything about him as usual, like the unusually perceptive Finn said, Middle Child syndrome

4) Finn got one over on his brother but his obsessing over coma boy

Sidebar Confession 2
For the second time this post I have to confess I had no idea who coma man and what relevance he had was. Now I recall, Finn helping this man in the accident its all clear.

5) Loopy Laurel - Rather convenient of her to injure herself at this point. Also what is her problem with Ashley going to a day care centre during the day.

6) Sam - No doubt Sam will do something really creepy with his new found Knowledge

7) Frank is 62, had to age up Micheal Praed who is 56 no doubt because the character has a 42 year old screen daughter. He's not someone i'd ask advice from.

8) Shut up david

9) The Lovely Tracy

110) Hark at Jai playing protective big brother and actually appears to be learning life's lessons.

11) Priya is right jump him Priya and don't help him in any way so he can wheedle his way back in.

12) What a useless lump Rakesh

13) Liv was helpful to Lisa and always seems to be helping Lisa, away from Aaron she is great but then so is every Character, her hair style made her look about 8

14) Must have been time for Lisa Actress's holiday so Granny Clegg has had yet another in a very long line of Serious injuries.

15) Shut up Zak

BIB

Ross is upset for that exact reason, he can never make it up with him now. Its not hard to work out. Finn and Pete have closure when it comes to James, they had a good relationship with him, whereas Ross didn't.

1 & 2) Absolutely agree. I hadn't thought about her standing on the bridge deliberately but she is clever enough to think of that. I was just thinking that it was a bit of contrived script writing but your analysis is better.

5) Don't understand why she is so against letting Ashley go to a day care centre. Ashley would probably enjoy it. I also don't get all this nonsense about her looking after him herself. Seems to me that Doug is more of his carer than Laurel. Even little Arthur helps his dad a lot. So by all means Laurel, you play the martyr and look after Ashley single handed but make sure that is what you are doing. Your poor dad must be worn out.

11 & 12) A bit of me agrees with you as I really don't like wimpy Rakesh. I much preferred strong and slightly dodgy Rakesh. In all this bother because his ridiculous self pitying son got drunk and killed someone. By all means help him escape justice, I almost get that. But why keep sending him money that he didn't have. By now that super clever entrepreneur son should be in a position to pay him back. Did he not make his money from web sites. Something he can do anywhere in the world.

13, 14 & 15) I am so over this Zak, Lisa and Joanie nonsense. Zak and Joanie deserve each other and Lisa is better off on her own. At least she works and can look after herself. What does Zak do?

Quite.

The problem is that Dross isn't learning his lesson is he? Instead of thinking 'well, perhaps I shouldn't go about being gratuitously unpleasant to people and falling out with them', he's going around projecting his guilt onto them and blaming them even when they're blameless.

Ross will always be a selfish character, the only person he has ever been consistently nice to is Finn. He doesn't take bad news well at all, he went in to self destruct mode after Donna died as well, I thin he will eventually grow up and mellow a bit like Cain has, but he has far more damage to do first.

Good bring it on.

Ross is a great character and is great value on-screen being a nasty bad boy

I' all offer you a deal. More Dross for equal amounts of Cain

I am hugely supportive of this idea

Deal

Yeah like Ross is the only character who ever mis assigns blame

Agreed!

Analysis Of Emmerdale Characters.

1) Rebeeca - thinks or at least though that Lachlan could be saved from the polluting corruption af the increasingly nutty Chrissie and Chrissie promptly proved her right by bashing her head in with a wall.

Unlike every other character who has a head injury I think rebecca will Survive (this Time. But don't think she realises just how dangerous Lachlan is. Even if she was very clever to wind Lachlan up and follow him to the stream of evidence

Quotes Kool and the Gang so she is ok with me

2) Lachlan - Unlike Becca I don't think he can be saved not after all he has done, but why did he leave the evidence especially after Jimmy saw him?

3) Chrissie - Increasing deranged in her attempts to protect her son, Rebecca was right about her.

Doesn't like Kool and the Gang so all bad indeed.

4) Ashley, all he was (whatever that was) is almost completely gone, very sad at his age,.

5) Loopy Laurel - filled with guilt about leaving Ashley and not happy but still no excuse for shouting at Sandy.

6) Emma found James will, exactly what did he have to leave, was he up to 7 cows by the time he died

7) Victoria - a vision of Beauty.

8) Joanie - Evil harridan

9) Belle's caseworker like pigs how exciting.

10 Zak - what do you see in Joanie, she's a right cow.

11) Belle - Where is she going to fit?, Joanie, Zak, Dan, Amelia and Kyle already live in that house

I have to say that I am really enjoying Emmerdale these days. Ashley has always been a favorite so it is difficult to see his deterioration. John Middleton has been giving outstanding performances.

I like Rebecca a lot. She has livened up the Whites and she has great chemistry with Robert. Since Andy isn't coming back any time soon, Robert's plan to expose Chrissie and Lachlan won't work. I expect he will go too far and sleep with Rebecca blowing up his relationship with Aaron. They could use the jolt.

I am surprised by how much I like Pete and Leyla. I have never liked either character much, but together they are fun. I am ambivalent about Moira and Cain reuniting, but it is inevitable.

Finn and his potential coma love interest is odd, but he deserves to finally have a story so I am fine with it.

The only story I don't like is the ongoing Paddy/Rhona/Pierce story. It is obvious that Rhona will go back with Paddy so I rather that they just get it over with.

Analysis Of Emmerdale Characters

1) Rebecca - confirmed a Kwynne's current favourite character, made a great speech despite being left for dead by Chriissie, she even timed her comments to end just as the fireworks were about to go off, excellent timing, then provided the recording for the Sugdens. Now Rebecca go for an X Ray

2) Lawrence - terrible parenting supporting Chrissie over his hurt real daughter

3)Chrissie Lovely woman wasn't she- leaving her sister for dead like that.

4) Lachlan dear not very bright putting the evidence in the bonfire, unless the fire melted the glass you maybe in trouble

5) Shut up Doug

6) Victoria is shining star

7)Diane - was spitting angry at not being told about Andy - like she can keep secrets

8) Why did Robert think Rebecca had betrayed them?, she outed her sister and nephew right in front of everyone. Andy hasn't got in touch at all? enjoying himself is he.

9 Jimmy you Dolt why are you waving sparklers right in front of Nicola's face, she was trapped in a fire not so long a go, and your not supposed to do that with sparklers anyway

10) Sensible Zak for keeping Lisa away from Belle, she would only make her worse

11) Shut up Joanie

12) Belle feeling her way back to normality, she is right that she was ill for most of their relationship and they need to get to know each other again.

13) DR NotBailey good idea of his to have a first date.

14) Should feel sorry for Laurel but she makes it so incredibly hard to do so

15) Err Dross you berk sometimes you should learn to keep your moth shut

How are the Bartons going to split 7 cows five ways?

Analysis of General themes of last night episode

1) Things you don't do while farming

A) Don't argue while there is machinery around
B) Don't ever let Dross near heavy lifters
3) Why is Dross being allowed to farm anyway

Who is running the barton taxi business surely Finn can't man the switch and b e a Taxi Driver and moon over coma man

2) Oi Dross don't try an use your sexual perverted self all over Victoria you runt, why does he want Adam to hit him anyway

3) Isn't Adam really the boss anyway with Moira way? Ross only has 1/10th of the farm while Moira and Adam combined have 6/10ths

4) Poor Victoria she was only trying to keep the peace and be nice to Dross and look what happened, Not drinking Alcohol so may be pregnant as it is the soap law

Home Farm ,Diane and the Police

5) The opening fire scene was very pretty

6) Diane was full iof rage and bluster and totally ineffectual

7 Shut up Doug

8) The rate lachlan is growing he will be bigger than Chrissie and Lawrence combined.

9) Chrissie cant resist digs at rebecca can she?

10) lawrence showing outrageous favouritism toward Chrissie over Rebecca

11) DS Mudd seems to be the only competent Policeman in Yorkshire

12) Can anyone remember what the tale of the Broken Vase is about

The Cafe

13) brenda you annoying nosy cow shut the eff off and leave Ronnie alone

14) strange place for Zak and Joanie to tell the kids about Belle

15) Not helping Amelia.

16) Joanie is such a vile woman she now worse than Lisa and is now on my death list

17) The Sharma/Rakesh plotline is very dreary and never seems to go anywhere.

ways how to Kill Joanie

1) Belle alter ego Ellie takes over and beats Joanie to death.

Weekly Bulletin of the Malt shovel

Scandal rocked the village at the Home farm Bonfire night firework display which oddly was 2 days after Bonfire night. Rebecca White who was very bloody after she claimed her sister had assaulted her and left her for dead, she accused Lachlan of being responsible for shooting her father and her sister for covering it up. Police are looking into her claims.

Scandal and controversy also rock the Malt Bonfire night celebration. To start with one of the Chinese fire lanterns released into the air landed on the roof of One of farmer browns barns which burnt down killing 3 pigs and 2 Llama's which were inside, farmer Browns is absolutely livid and demanding compensation.

Also Roxanne Starr who is engaged to Rupert Giles farmer Giles son was revealed to have had steamy sex session with Ross barton in the back of his Taxi, this provoked a scuffle between the Giles and starr families, 5 people were injured and the police made 6 arrests.

The Malt beat the Woolpack at tiddlywinks

Well here it is my 38,000th post isn't that nice

Analysis of Emmerdale Characters

1) Amazingly for the first time in many years Victoria has an actual storyline rather than being somebody else's sidekick. And what a brilliant job isobel did this episode she was the Star of the episode, now she isn't pregnant she is desperate to be so.

Notable thing No.1 A planned pregnancy - those never happen in soaps all pregnancies are a total surprise, which of course mean they will find it impossible to get pregnant and one of them no doubt Victoria with her missed period will be infertile.

2) Even Adam amazingly wasn't too bad with the acting this episode, bit of an about turn on his not wanting children though after his enormous fuss over Johnny

Notable thing No.2 Even with Holly and james Dying and his mother in turmoil doesn't seem to have put a dampener of Vic and Adams sex life.

3) Dross really living upto his name annoying the world, Donald Trump is more popular in Emmerdale than him

4) Finn you idiot why did you immediately go and confront Dross after Vic told you not to. Still he seems to have superpowers because he is working on the farm, answering the Taxi phone and driving people around and visiting Coma man.

5) Aaron - not he didn't make any attempt to stop the fight. Non misery Aaron really is almost as dull and boring as Dull Dan isn't he.

6) Diane - Some mother figure to Vic she is, too busy fighting Lawrence to give a crap about her "daughter" and what was the point of smashing that window you deluded bint, especially as they told you the might evict you.

7) Shut up Doug you prat even if you were slightly sensible this episode, although you should have stopped Diane's protest earlier

8) Poor Lawrence what with his warring family he has idiot protestors outside the door.

9) lachlan as thuggish as ever

10) Chrissie not very forgiving is she, and she looked like she couldn't wait to start the evictions

11) Rebecca and Robert still in league

12) Rakesh was funny in that work hat

13) Kerry being as Vile as ever and getting on with sweet mogul

14) Zak wanting Belle to keep his secrets again, Zak dear thats how Belle's in such a mess as it is.

15) Belle is obviously on mood/Emotion suppressants to manage her voices, still she was good with Amelia and Kyle

14) Joanie - Just shut up

Ways how to Kill Joanie Part 2

The Machine at the factory which chops up the sweets into small chunks gets stuck, Joanie tries to fix it and it starts working and chops her into many pieces, rakesh is so inobservant he doesn't notice he's putting bits of Joanie into boxes instead of sweets.

Those poor llamas! Can't be any left now?
May as well send the remaining couple to the abattoir to be made into llamaburger steaks

When's Moira back?