In my real life there is a Harry.

I'm seriously asking for how to deal with situations. It feels like they cant be reasoned with.

They tell you what's wrong, and if you try to find a solution they scupper every attempt.
If you get into a disagreement they sulk and don't reasonably work things out.
If you have an argument they go off point, strop, yell, become childish.

If you dare to say they are being unreasonable or that maybe they could look at something another way they reply sarcastically with "oh yeah, its my fault, Im unreasonable, i admit it, you win again" - which in reality means you have come no closer to solving the issue.

They will challenge you by making unreasonable demands, if you comply you get an easier life for a bit, if you say no, they blackmail by saying "you know that if you don't do this for me YOU will cause me to get grumpy.

When in an argument I try to be constructive and work things out but their intention seems to be to make you feel bad.

Hard to explain, but you have all seen Harrys more difficult side, how would you deal with similar sorts of behaviours?

Walk away, its the only way, as unable to reason

Do you mean walk away until it calms down?

This fails normally in one of two ways. One, you are accused of not being bothered, not caring and thus proof that you are causing their misery.

Or two, things do calm down because you went out of the way for a while but you never resolve the issue because it was left hanging. To bring it back up would prove you were causing an issue but to not bring it up would be proof you were not bothered and further proof that you were the root cause of the issue.

To deny that this is the case or to say it is an unreasonable way of looking at the situation is further proof that you are belittling them/ causing a row/ making them feel bad.

The first rule of behaviour management is - ignore. However in your particular case this doesn't seem to suffice. Try not let them introduce a secondary argument that will spin the confrontation out of control. Try to keep the original one on track and, if you can, calmly ask them to repeat/explain their point slowly. If at any time they make a reasonable statement. repeat this back to them with a positive comment. The individual you describe (like Harry) sounds like really hard work to deal with - especially in relation to unreasonable and selfish demands. They may benefit from professional help.-

I recognize Harry's behaviour in myself.

She becomes stubborn even though she knows she is wrong and then blocks any attempt at resolution; she can't help herself. She becomes blind and can't see her way out of it. She pushes people away with ugly behaviour which "proves" that she is unlovable.

What helped me was to have someone love me unconditionally. And I don't mean saying the words and when pushed the love disappears. I mean that someone loves me no matter what I do and will not leave me no matter how confusing I behave. Time after time, my lover proved this and was always there. I learned to trust and return that unconditional love.

But, even with unconditional love, there are some lines that can't be crossed - violence is one of those lines. By trusting each other, we never went there.

I think Nick is a good example of this - even though he sees Harry's faults, he still "loves" her. And once the blood is out of Harry's eyes, I "think" she can see this. To me, they are a very interesting couple who are learning to trust each other.

My 2 cents of psychoanalysis

most of what you've fabricated has nothing to do with harry in the house.

Unreasonable demands? let me finish a sentence. thats unreasonable??

quit making fun of me right infront of me, laughing AT me with the other HMs who are taking shots ?

i think you havent been watching the show or listening to the show.


Thing is, harry has been the whipping post since she came in the house. When it gets to her, she broods, isolates and the OH just get Over it ! HMs try to smooth things over. Until the next time they make fun of her, talk over her, shout at her, Not allow her to express her words.

Nick mugging and making eyerolls as harry talked didnt help the situation. She is disrespected and her time on the Conceirge desk proved it. NO one would listen to her. it was a like the group decided, We're going to make her look bad and maybe she'll go this week.

she didnt.

Most telling in tonights show is Harry calmly humorous and precisely dealing with a hollaring Jack. Inside the house at 38:40 precisely NICK admits to Joel

How dare she ? after she kicks off when everyone does it to her>??

Sooooo Nick is very aware that everyone attacks Harry and hes in the kitchen laughing and making fun of her.


saying she has issues and making a comment about being a psychopath was hilarious as you can tell by the others' faces that she heard them talking about her and was throwing it back at them.

sheepish faces all round.

from my experience (no this isnt a professional diagnosis!) i would say harry doesnt like herself very much at all. she literally pushes people away, sulks because she is trying to see how far she can go, what they will put up with for her. she lashes out because shes used to feeling angry and bitter, its her comfort zone. At the end of the day if a person has deep rooted insecurities issues they need to have therapy to cope better with their emotions and recognize that people do care. i think you just need to be as straight forward as you can with your feelings in a calm way, sayng that you understand why she might think this etc but this is how you see it etc..maybe write it down for her. but if she really wont see your point of view ever, and always thinks your in the wrong that is a bit of an impossible one way relationship.

send her to coventry best way to deal with attention whores

i disagree completely . I think harry is one of the strongest personalities in the house. Equal possibly to Marc and helen. ALL that prodding from Marc and she remained controlled. Helen decided she Liked Harry. Marc changed his mind about her when he realized what a straight shooter she was and didnt waffle/ wasnt wishy washy.

I dont believe in therapy for most people. For those who arent aware of HOW or WHY they have issues, it can help. But those who know why they are what they are, its a matter of day to day coping skills.

The pressure cooker of the BB house would tax most people's disposition.

omg Jack looks like his blood pressure is sky high, purple red face. tahts Stress.

There is no dealing possible, in civilian life you would walk away.
In the BB house that is not an option, so avoidance is is the only thing left.

Removed post.

She reminds me of that Aaron who won a few years ago. The difference is everyone on here loved him.

aaron used to do the naked thing too. But of course, being male the public didnt seem to mind. He was more funny with his sulking and brooding tho. Dancing in the toilet for instance LOL

Honestly, harsh as it sounds, I wouldn't have anyone in my life who was like that. Far too much negativity.
You either have to just accept them as they are, knowing nothing you ever do or say will change them and let it wash over you, or you walk away.

Yes...........

Run for the hills

Yes...........

If this is your girlfriend, run before you get too attached.

If it's your wife, unlucky mate.

Life is too short to have to live like this, relationships are suppose to be about compromise. If all the giving is one sided, then maybe you should walk away, as in leave.

Simple - divorce them

I have a lot of empathy for Harry, like some of the posters above I see a lot of Harry in myself & I do get her.

With me I had a bad childhood, eldest of 5 children. Got beaten by my Father, one time ended up with a broken nose at the age of 4 years old.
I was raped when aged 11 while walking home from Girl Guides, my Father said it must have been my fault.
My mother was a slut and slept with lots of men while married to my Father.
At the age of 13 my Mother abandon our family & being the eldest I was left in charge of cooking, cleaning & looking after my siblings whilst my Father was at work.

Fast forward ...
Age 18 I moved out and moved in with a man who was 14 years older than myself. I ended up with 4 children & was married to him for 20 years. He was abusive, mentally and physically ... last straw came when I ended up driving myself to A&E with a broken nose, crack jaw, perforated ear drum & 2 broken ribs.

I've had 3 relationships since my divorce all major failures. I was partly to blame, I had built up walls & kept doing things that would piss my partner off to make them angry. I think I was trying to push them away or maybe I was testing them to see how far I can push them. It always ended up them cheating on me then buggering off.

Now after finding a man who actually loves me for who I am, warts and all, I am in a much better place. We've been together for 2 years now, took a lot of work on his part to break down the barriers & his love for me is unconditional.
Now I am planning to move to the States (hopefully next year) to be with him.

So I really do understand how Harry feels, I was like her. It's taken 50 years but the first time in my life I am truly happy.

Harry needs a lot of TLC, she will begin to realise the whole world isn't against her. This will take years but she will get there.

Short term I really don't know how to help Harry, she needs someone to be there for her to vent & let off steam when she needs it. This person needs to completely trust worthy, has no motives and non judgemental.

Sorry about this post being so long, I had intended it to be a short reply.
It just breaks my heart seeing the way Harry is & the horrible things some forum members are saying about her without trying to understand who Harry really is.

It's not a laughing matter nor is it just that simple

Easy.

RUUUUUN!!!

I think that she should leave you. You have just asked for relationship advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet and painted a wholy unattractive portrait of your partner expecting sympathy. Well you don't deserve it, that's a terrible way to treat anyone!

I wonder how different your partner's version of events would be!

Considering the ops very sad post not only do I think your reply is shameful but completely making up silly excuses for Harry. She is one disturbed person .