I promise to do my best, to be prepared.

Please could I do one more show, in either December or November?

Will get my marks in once I've re watched the dances on YouTube.

Remarkably my scores and comment are in, as I've already found the "Strictly obsessed" group at uni, so ended up watching it anyway.

You will be able to, but I don't want to get too ahead with the rota so remind me again (maybe with a specific date) once we're a few weeks into October.

Show one will be up at midday.

Make that 11.40.

Hello and welcome to our very first show of the series!

It’s been nine months, but based on how quickly the rota has filled up it seems you all have the same insatiable appetite to right the wrongs of the Strictly judges and here we are again!

Last night, six of this year’s cast of celebrities took to the floor for the first time. There were standing ovations (do you remember when they actually used to mean something?), forgotten steps, general Daniel-ness, Pasha on a lightning bolt...Oh and a whole load of ‘dance-to-your-life’ bollocks, but we’ll skim over Tess’ efforts at comedy…

First up last night, and today, were Kellie and Kevin…

Kellie Bright and Kevin Clifton dancing the Tango to ‘You Really Got Me’ (Kinks)

Craig – 6
Darcey – 7
Len – 7
Bruno – 7
Total: 27

Finally, after two years of trying, Kevin has managed to cram his twee idealism into a Tango. Did our judges really get that though?

Andrew – 5
Nick – 7
Queenie – 7
Ross – 6
Total: 25

Queenie: Your acting skills were definitely put to good use throughout Kellie, such a shame your partner was acting like he was the clown at a child's birthday party. ANYWAY, it was sharp, technically very good for a first dance, well done.

Considering some of the gulfs we’ve seen in the past, and the general dislike for Kellie in Decisions, I’m pretty sure she’ll take…

TWO MARKS FEWER

Next up in the running order were Anthony and Oti…

Anthony Ogogo and Oti Mabuse dancing the Jive to ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’ (Wham!)

Craig – 4
Darcey – 5
Len – 6
Bruno – 6
Total: 21

It’s hard to think of a pun when the producers got there ahead of me, but did that Jive wake up our judging panel?

Andrew – 4
Nick – 6
Queenie – 7
Ross – 6
Total: 23

Ross: Well, compared to every other boxer on Strictly and DWTS, you're practically Derek Hough. Seriously, good energy, good bounce (for the most part), and you had great chemistry with Oti, which'll see you far. You need to point your feet more, but, as with almost everyone this week, much better than expected.

Why hello there, only the second dance in and we’re seeing an improvement of…

TWO MARKS MORE

Onto our next couple, Helen and Aljaz…

Helen George and Aljaž Skorjanec dancing the Waltz to ‘With You I’m Born Again’ (Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright)

Craig – 7
Darcey – 7
Len – 7
Bruno – 8
Total: 29

Was Helen born again with the spirit of dance?

Andrew – 5
Nick – 6
Queenie – 8
Ross – 7
Total: 26

Andrew: Mixed thoughts on this. It was decent enough for a first dance, but you seemed very shaky and I noticed some gapping between you and Pasha. Hopefully this is down to first week nerves and you'll be better next week.

What is this universe I have stepped into where Queenie is the generous judge?

TWO MARKS FEWER

A bit of a step down in terms of technique now, it’s Carol and Pasha…

Carol Kirkwood and Pasha Kovalev dancing the Cha Cha Cha to ‘Thunder in My Heart’ (Leo Sayer)

Craig – 2
Darcey – 5
Len – 5
Bruno – 4
Total: 16

THIS is all that needs to be said about that routine.

Andrew – 2
Nick – 5
Queenie – 2
Ross – 4
Total: 13

Andrew: Where do I start? You made a lot of mistakes, and your technique throughout was awful. You were about as sassy as an amoeba! You'll have to pray you'll be better in the ballroom.

With a comparison to an ‘amoeba’, it’s not getting much better for Carol as she’s getting the biggest drop so far with…

THREE MARKS FEWER

Next up, it’s the work-of-art that is O’RIHANOFF...

Daniel O’Donnell and Kristina Rihanoff dancing the Waltz to ‘When Irish Eyes Are Smiling’ (Ruby Murray)

Craig – 4
Darcey – 6
Len – 7
Bruno – 7
Total: 24

I’m detecting a distinct lack of appreciate for O’Rihanoff 'out there'. I may have to introduce sportylady-esque score caps just for them if it continues. Set at 10.

Andrew – 5
Nick – 5
Queenie – 5
Ross – 6
Total: 21

Queenie: The luck of the Irish was with you tonight Daniel because that wasn't half bad! I can see why someone as vanilla as yourself is a dab hand at the Waltz, I am eagerly anticipating your Latin!

Pfft.

THREE MARKS FEWER

Finally, it’s Anita and Gleb (who the producers are pushing harder than even Kevin in his first series at this point)…

Anita Rani and Gleb Savchenko dancing the Cha Cha Cha to ‘Rather Be’ (Clean Bandit)

Craig – 6
Darcey – 7
Len – 7
Bruno – 7
Total: 27

Would our judges rather be watching anything other than that Cha Cha Cha?

Andrew – 6
Nick – 6
Queenie – 6
Ross – 8
Total: 26

Queenie: It lacked punch for me I'm afraid. It was like a Victoria Beckham photoshoot, nice to look at but a bit emotionless. Maybe take some tips from Daniel on how to express yourself.

Anita and Gleb keeping their difference to a minimum with just…

ONE MARK LESS

Shall we see how things compare?

No change at the top of bottom, but it’s all movement in the middle with Anita pushing herself forward as a contender with our judges, while they continue to send my nerves closer to the edge by pushing O’Rihanoff down.

Next time, we’ll be seeing the other nine dance. Possibly sometime tomorrow. See you then.

Andrew, how in the name of all that is holy was Daniel's Waltz in the same league as Helen's to give them the same mark? haha! I always love seeing everybody's opinions! XD

I can't wait to see Queenie's mark for Katie and Anton's Jive. I wonder if this year will see the introduction of minus score paddles...

They're scoring on merit, remember. Merit. Right Izzie?

Georgia/Kellie what now?

Having watched them all back while doing the links for them, it did take my notice that Helen and Aljaz took 47 seconds to get into hold.