He has many such phrases stored up

Ooh, chocolate roulade, just the thing for my frayed nerves....just narrowly averted a cake disaster of epic proportions!!! I decided to make for the forthcoming Cats Christmas Fair [as opposed to last weekend's Homing show] mini Christmas cakes. Today I went to cut the one large cake I'd made a while back into four, only to find CHRISTMAS CAKE IS EFFING CRUMBLY!!!!!! In the end I had to roll out marzipan at warp speed, stick as many crumbs back into the cake sides as possible with crab apple jam, then wallop on the marzipan like big yellow sticking plasters to contain all the cake within.

My cardigan is covered in icing sugar, the floor is covered in cake crumbs, but tis done! Four little square cakes await icing on the moro

We have had that problem in the past. We fuse it together with brandy or a sticky liqueur like Glayva. But it takes a while. You have to pour it on, leave it, pour it on, leave it for several weeks. By the time you have finished though the crumbliness is no longer a problem

Picto stands naked in the doorway to the thread, his oiled body glistening and gyrating like a mollusc on dry land. The women scream, unprepared for his satanic dance of lust; their innocence forever tainted by the sight of his throbbing manhood being self flagellated with the Gillian Anderson edition of FHM. He shrieks a blood curdling cry of Wagnerian crescendo as his attempts to mount a passing hamster are thwarted and his ardour remains unassuaged. Then in an homage to a champion of a bygone era he starts a deranged performance, thrusting, lunging and inseminating the window of the thread singing all the while: "it's the Picto show it's the Picto show, jizz hands ladies jizz hands".
The thread is quiet until a single voice is heard, "That's jazz hands Picto" says planets before continuing to eat her chocolate roulade.

You win hands down!!!!

Now where have you been?????

I am not sure if I am pleased you are back or not.

And thats not a typo is it? Hand over your pearls I nned a clutch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fq49Gv3wFB0

This presumably is theblood curdling Wagner you refer to .

Oh dear god that's horrible

That's the image I will have for picto now.

Me too. I never imagined him to be so........................

molluscy?

Yes! Molluscy, and possibly crittur infested as well....not a great combo really

what? not THIS video footage of his dance of lust?

That's rather fascinating....whopping pink appendage

Horrified

*Rides off to jungle on white elephant*

I never watch reality progs. No Strickly either. No talent show stuffs. Amongst wimmin of a certain age this is highly irregular I've found. I'm seen as an anachronism

Dunno what is going on but that is

Fresh scones for supper, half sultana and half plain, with cream and strawberry jam. Tea and decaff coffee in flasks x

Oh err its gone all weird here. The DS view I mean. Quite like it actually

Like that here for over an hour - like very old typewriter script and dial up connection. Hmmph.

i'm popping the kettle on if anyone wants anything

Omfg that is not a good sight .. I don't like it.

err DS has gone all weird again ... strong coffee for me please planets.

Leaves scones and goes to bed, night all x

Ha ha This is hilarious. Earlier when DS went weird I googled it to sort of start again. I hoped if I went into the site fresh I would get the normal format. Anyway that didn't work. But on the Google results I spotted this (and two others like it). So I have just been back to have a lok. So funny.

https://petition.parliament.uk/archived/petitions/59406

They walk among us. *rolls eyes*

*speechless*
excellently weird find An!

COffee in a flask for when tk wakes up

You might be able to help me here P. I have spent the evening looking for holiday reading to download onto my Kindle. I want something light (but not actual drivel) and feel good. #

The choice is so overwhelming that the only thing I have downloaded is a self help book about managing anxiety.

Historical settings are good but nothing too gorey. No red hot pokers for example. What I really need is a whole batch of undiscovered Jane Austin novels.

hmmmmm well not exactly Jane AUsten (is anyone?) but CJ Sansom is a very easy, pleasurable read. His PHd in History is from Birmingham. Historical novels set during Henry VIII there are six in the series and the first is Dissolution....ideal for kindles as they are brick size in physical form!!!