This weeks post form jo7 over at the BBC Strictly blog
Quote:
“ Time for the next episode of the strictly soap I have now called Strictly Balls*@t. Previously...
MB confesses that Kevin is his secret love child. Will Claudia ever get a 10? Will JR represent MB in his sexual harassment hearing? Will MB ever remember Dannys name. Will Ore ever get the correct marks......
MB - OK folks let's keep it brief, other things to discuss. Let's start with Ore. Not sure about that set. Kept expecting Alan Titchmarsh to pop up
P - He was one of the backing dancers MB
MB - If I'd have wanted flowers I'd have gone to Kew gardens. Right. Kevin. Why do you keep doing weird things with your hair boy? It looked like a wig
Kevin - but daaad it's the hairdressers fault.....and it's going a bit thin
MB - Well get them to do it like Donald Trump next time and you might stand a chance of winning. And can we ease up with the illegal lifts. Its costing me a fortune in hush money. Moving on. Nice to see Rinder out. Will he represent me?
P - errr no. He said now he's out he doesn't want to be associated with a scheming, mysoginistic sex pest with a superiority complex
MB - Is that you? Well get someone else. So Claudia. Who on earth gave her that 10?
P - Bruno. He had no choice. we had complaints last week so we thought we'd throw the dog a bone. Don't worry she's got the rumba next week so it's back to normal. We thought we'd continue with the disney theme and give them ' let it go" from frozen and dress her as elsa
MB - Don't be ridiculous. That's way too popular a song. Paint her face blue and get her to dance to the smurf song. Next. THe soap poppet.
P - who Danny
MB - who's Danny? Anyway we've got to do something about the lighting when he dances
P - why?
MB - His teeth reflected off that sequined jacket. Lit up like a light house. Nearly blinded poor Darcy. She could only see his top line. Make it so. Right onto the important subject of who is going to replace Len. Ideas people.
P - we've had a CV from Louis Spence
MB - Louis Spence.......sat next to Bruno......No...Just no. We can't afford the insurance. How about an east end lad like Len. The public would find it comforting to have a Cockney geezer.
P- how about Danny Dyer?
MB - no no no. It's a live show. We can't have him effing and jeffing all over the place. What about Jaime Oliver?
P - he's mockney not cockney. Middle class boy from Cambridgeshire
MB - shame. Think of the after show buffet.
P - What about Dizzee Rascal?
MB - the rapper? I like you're thinking. We'd be down wid da kids booooyyee. He can rap his comments.
That dance is heaven
I'd give you seven
But because you're Kevin
I'll give you eleven
P - maybe not
MB - how about Michael Caine. Everyone loves Michael Caine. ' you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off, but you blew the roof off with that dance.......Kevin.
P - but none of these people are dancers MB
MB - Neither was donny osmond. Does it really matter. We tell them what to say anyway and most of it is rehashed from previous years. The public will believe anything we want the judges to say. If we can't find anyone we'll do as we discussed and pre record all of next year's comments for Len, this year.
P - is that wise MB .......
”
“ Time for the next episode of the strictly soap I have now called Strictly Balls*@t. Previously...
MB confesses that Kevin is his secret love child. Will Claudia ever get a 10? Will JR represent MB in his sexual harassment hearing? Will MB ever remember Dannys name. Will Ore ever get the correct marks......
MB - OK folks let's keep it brief, other things to discuss. Let's start with Ore. Not sure about that set. Kept expecting Alan Titchmarsh to pop up
P - He was one of the backing dancers MB
MB - If I'd have wanted flowers I'd have gone to Kew gardens. Right. Kevin. Why do you keep doing weird things with your hair boy? It looked like a wig
Kevin - but daaad it's the hairdressers fault.....and it's going a bit thin
MB - Well get them to do it like Donald Trump next time and you might stand a chance of winning. And can we ease up with the illegal lifts. Its costing me a fortune in hush money. Moving on. Nice to see Rinder out. Will he represent me?
P - errr no. He said now he's out he doesn't want to be associated with a scheming, mysoginistic sex pest with a superiority complex
MB - Is that you? Well get someone else. So Claudia. Who on earth gave her that 10?
P - Bruno. He had no choice. we had complaints last week so we thought we'd throw the dog a bone. Don't worry she's got the rumba next week so it's back to normal. We thought we'd continue with the disney theme and give them ' let it go" from frozen and dress her as elsa
MB - Don't be ridiculous. That's way too popular a song. Paint her face blue and get her to dance to the smurf song. Next. THe soap poppet.
P - who Danny
MB - who's Danny? Anyway we've got to do something about the lighting when he dances
P - why?
MB - His teeth reflected off that sequined jacket. Lit up like a light house. Nearly blinded poor Darcy. She could only see his top line. Make it so. Right onto the important subject of who is going to replace Len. Ideas people.
P - we've had a CV from Louis Spence
MB - Louis Spence.......sat next to Bruno......No...Just no. We can't afford the insurance. How about an east end lad like Len. The public would find it comforting to have a Cockney geezer.
P- how about Danny Dyer?
MB - no no no. It's a live show. We can't have him effing and jeffing all over the place. What about Jaime Oliver?
P - he's mockney not cockney. Middle class boy from Cambridgeshire
MB - shame. Think of the after show buffet.
P - What about Dizzee Rascal?
MB - the rapper? I like you're thinking. We'd be down wid da kids booooyyee. He can rap his comments.
That dance is heaven
I'd give you seven
But because you're Kevin
I'll give you eleven
P - maybe not
MB - how about Michael Caine. Everyone loves Michael Caine. ' you were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off, but you blew the roof off with that dance.......Kevin.
P - but none of these people are dancers MB
MB - Neither was donny osmond. Does it really matter. We tell them what to say anyway and most of it is rehashed from previous years. The public will believe anything we want the judges to say. If we can't find anyone we'll do as we discussed and pre record all of next year's comments for Len, this year.
P - is that wise MB .......
”
Mine likes Muse as well, and Foo Fighters. 
