Those of you that read my other post will know that my Dog died last Friday, I am heart broken and I would say traumatised at this moment. Our house feels empty and it's awful.

I would love to get another Dog, but there is so many thing stopping me. I feel guilty, I don't want to replace her, she was irreplaceable but that's what it feels like. I feel disloyal.

I also worry I will feel guilty because I'll be giving the new dog the attention she should be getting, especially as I feel awful that I should have spent more time with her, fussing her and stroking her. Of course she had that daily, but I should have spent have more time doing that.

I know all this sounds silly to some, I'm just so worried getting a new dog will make my grief worse somehow. It might just highlight my guilt.

At the same time, I want so badly to do it, it's just that what I really want is my Girl back, and I know I can't have that.

Once a dog owner, always a dog owner.

Buy a puppy straight away.

I'm thinking of giving an older dog a home.

I'm just scared to be perfectly honest.

Hi Desert_Rain,

for me there is no right or wrong time to get another animal. The new animal isn't a replacement and never will be, but one can fill the hole left by the old one.

I had a thread on here about my cat who was pts last Wednesday. Slightly different to your dog as she'd been ill for a while and I had 10 extra months with her that the vet didn't think I'd have. The worst bit for me (apart from the actual pts) was coming home to an empty house with no pet in it. I absolutely hate it, I've never had a time in my life without a pet in the house. I live alone and having that little furry face to welcome me home and wake me up in the morning was all part of my routine which is now sadly gone.

So I'm getting a puppy. I love both dogs and cats and now I work from home it seemed like an good opportunity to finally get one. I went to see some yesterday and I have to admit I did feel guilty driving home after I'd paid the deposit. I'd give anything to have my cat back fit and healthy but as that can't happen, getting another animal to look after, give a good life to and take care of and love like I did my cat is my way of getting over the grief and giving back to the animal world who let me have my cat for almost 10 years (hope that doesn't come across as too... religious-y, can't think of way to put it).

Only you can decide when the time is right, some people might take 2 years, some people might take 2 days. Neither is right or wrong, and no one can tell you when it's the right time. I think you have to decide that for yourself. Your post isn't silly- I know how much the pain of losing a beloved pet changes your life. I think everyone feels guilt after a bereavement, it's natural. If only I'd noticed my cat wasn't quite right earlier, or pushed the first vet for a definitive diagnosis etc. If getting another dog will ease that pain a little then once you're ready I hope you find another little friend.

Good luck with everything and condolences on the loss of your furry friend.

Take care

We've had rather a lot of cats and dogs over the past 35 years - apart from fulfilling that physical presence in a house they don't replace the one/s that have gone before. They find their own niches in our hearts and most people's hearts can accommodate a lot of four-legged friends over a lifetime.

When the last of our home-bred dogs died we adopted a dog from acquaintances when another of their dogs began to bully - to the point of severe stress - the dog we eventually took on. He arrived with separation anxiety, on doggy Prozac, and within a surprisingly short space of time he was off the meds, could be left without problems and he was just the perfect dog, well-trained, a total gentleman and we loved him dearly. After about 5 years, he died (far too soon) from a carefully concealed cancer.

Now we've got a Brittany Spaniel from a rehabilitation rescue - her mistress had died, the woman's husband was not interested in E-M at all and consigned her to a barn for about 6 months. The ill-treatment at least was not physical but she was under-nourished, flea and worm-ridden when the rescue took her on and they brought her back to full health.

We are privileged to have a really lovely dog, no vices, no problems at all and everyone loves her. Of course, she's lucky to have us too.

We've had dogs from puppies and now we've had two older rescues - I don't think we'll ever have a pup again... too many lovely older dogs in rescues and shelters and in need of homes for us to contemplate it.

If you go the older dog route choose the rescue and the dog carefully but I really recommend it.

And I was sorry to read of the sudden loss of your dog. I - and many on here - know exactly how crap it feels.

Yes, as others have said - no right or wrong time. My last dog died early in the week ad by the Saturday we were at the Dogs Trust, filling in forms and jumping through hoops so that when the right dog came along, all the admin would be done. In retrospect, the 8 weeks the passed between last dog dying and new dog coming, was about right for us. That said, I'd often look at that 9 week old pup sitting where only two months before, my 14 year old dog had been, and think it wasn't right, somehow. And I was the closest in the family to our old dog and also took the longest to bond with the new dog - I can see now. Now, over a year on, I love her absolutely. It helps that she has a very different personality. There were times when we were struggling with things like housetraining etc, I cried a few tears and just wanted my beautiful old girl back.

But now I couldn't be without the new dog. I adore her. She doesn't fill the hole in my heart left by the last dog, but she has made a whole new one!

I would recommend a rescue. This new dog is the first rescue we have had and she makes us so happy and it is so rewarding, having given her a whole new and better life. It helped with the grief, because I felt that the old dog went so this one could have all the happiness she had once had.

Look after yourself at this tough time.

This is quite a difficult question as really you are the only one who knows when the time is right. A friend of mine lost their dog in tragic circumstances and had a new puppy that very weekend, because they couldn't bear not having a dog in the house. They deliberately chose a puppy so that it would keep them busy and take their mind off the sad ending of their other dog. Some people are like that, they need to get another straight away, not to replace the previous dog itself, but to fill the gaping hole that dog has left behind. Others are the complete opposite and can't bear the thought of something else in the place their beloved pet was, and take months or even years to become accustomed to the thought of another, and a few never do at all.

Personally speaking, I would not go and get another pup straight away. The grief and pain of your loss is too fresh in your mind, and you will inadvertently set the new pup up to fail, because you won't be able to help but compare him/her to your other dog. You'll make little comparisons without realising it, and the pup will grow up under another's shadow, with expectations it will never be able to reach simply because its not the dog who it's being 'judged' against. That isn't fair on a puppy who is its own character or you. If it was me, I would wait a while, give yourself some time to grieve for your dog and for that grief to heal somewhat. You yourself will know when that is, and if you still want another by that point, that is when I would start looking around again. That way you will feel far more ready as the new dog can bring its own unique personality which will help you see it as an individual in its own right, and you won't feel like your 'replacing' your girl.

Sorry to hear that, and I know exactly what you mean by the house feeling empty.
When our golden Lab, Butch, died in October '06, we intended not to get another. But then a neighbour's Staffordshire got their black Lab pregnant, and I half-jokingly said that if there was a male brindle in the litter, I'd be interested.
Turned out that the only male out of 5, was brindle, and the litter was born on May 30th - same day as Butch's birthday - so we took him on when he was old enough, and have never regretted it.
The 9/10 months between Butch dying, and bringing Stig home were very 'quiet' in our house.


Don't beat yourself up, it's not disloyal at all.
You'd probably love another dog just as much, but it won't diminish how you felt about her - she'll always be there in your memory.
'Stig' is a fantastic dog, but I do still remember Butch very fondly, even though it's now 9 yrs since he died.

Until Butch, I'd always had a couple of dogs, and used to stagger them age-wise.
What I mean by that is, I get a puppy (or a young rescue) when a current dog is aged about 7 or 8-ish, and because dogs tend to live around 12 to 15yrs, they would usually live until the second one was somewhere around 7 or 8, and we'd repeat the cycle.
This had the advantage that we always had 2 dogs to keep each other company if we were out, and the younger dog would be taught our household routines by following the older one. It works pretty well.... So much that a year ago, when Stig got to 7 or so, we rescued a female Staff who'd had a rough time with a previous owner.
So now we're back to 2 dogs, with ages staggered the way we used to....

How would you feel about rescuing a dog aged about 5 or 6, then in a year or so, get a young companion for it..?
It works for us.

Ive got a dog right now that I actually look at some nights and cry because I feel I will never get a dog like him ever again.
I know what you mean and im sorry desert rain I cant help you decide.
My dog is the one in a million I never hoped I could ever have and I think you feel the same.
I love my wee dog ...he's the soulmate I have.... well...a doggy one any way.
I really cant describe the love I feel for him.
Its true pure love.
Get another one as long as you feel its the right pup to pick.

I love dogs and would not want to be without them. I have 3 dogs different ages, from 10 yrs, 8 yrs, to our youngest now 3 yrs old. I find I cope better if I lose one of my dogs that I still have the others to walk and play with. For me personally it helps a lot.
So that is what I have been doing for years now, often I get rescue dogs too.

My wife always says that your pet who has passed away would expect you to pass on you love to another needy soul. Getting a new one helps you get over sadness of losing you pet.

Don't waste time tormenting yourself - there is a pet out there (a rescue pet?) that needs you now!

Couldn't agree more. I lost my cat 7 days before Christmas a few years ago and didn't know how long to wait, but by Boxing day, I was missing a furry presence so much I was looking on-line at Rescue Centre's for another older puss who needed a home, and by the 2nd January Rolo came into my life.

Desert_Rain remember rescue centres will not let you adopt near Christmas, as to make sure it isn't 'just for Christmas' so if you want a friend to hug soon, make that decision now!!!

Some have already stopped. then again the number of adverts I see on Facebook from idiots who want a dog for the kids/wife/husband Xmas present I can't say I blame them. Does make it a little harder on those who really would give a home for life to one of the animals.

So sorry about your dog Desert Rain and the other people who have lot dogs on this thread.My beautiful dog was just two when she died and it was impossible for me to go on without getting another dog.Dexter has not replaced her and to be honest he did not make me feel better as nothing could but it helped.It has been four years now and I still feel sad but Dexter has helped and I don't regret for one moment getting him.Good luck with whatever you decide.

THERE is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie
Perfect passion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find - it's your own affair, -
But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!),
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone - wherever it goes - for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear!

We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent,
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve;
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-time loan is as bad as a long -
So why in - Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Kipling

We lost our beloved cat on 21st Oct, l came from London to my mothers home to see her as she had become very ill within days, as soon as l saw her l told my mum to call the vet now. The vet came and put her to sleep, and said it was the best thing to do, she was 20yrs old, and seemed to be in renal failure. The guilt and pain l felt and still feel is beyond measure. Molly and l had such a close bond, even though l did not live with her all the time.

For years we had a stray full male cat that lived in our shed, and for whom we had recently bought a dog kennel, for when the shed was too hot. Other than feeding and a stroke in passing, we have little inter action with Tom (Molly and Tom have never got on) After Molly's passing we had Tom collected by the vet, he has been neutered, and health checked (he is quite elderly) currently sleeping on a fleece on the sofa, new bed by the fire, and slowly settling in. He is such a darling boy. very affectionate, and it is a lovely feeling to give a little soul a chance of a better life.

He has not replaced Molly, and can never do so, but has helped to heal the pain of loss, by giving us the chance to help another little creature.

Never too soon if you are ready, we had no choice when one of ours died the other stopped enjoying her life stopped eating we couldn't leave her for two minutes to go to the loo as she panicked, so along came a new puppy and it's been brilliant watching them bond. We were shell shocked as she came along when it was all very raw for us but I think she helped us too so I don't regret it.

Exactly the same scenario for us. My gorgeous boy Bailey died and left behind his sister Bella - who had separation anxiety. We couldn't leave her for a second. She would literally bounce off the walls if left. A few times whilst taking Bailey to the vets we would have to leave Bella in the car as we couldn't leave her at home - and she would give herself a bloody nose in her desperation to get out and join us.

So - we got a puppy within days. I felt very disloyal at first, but he was a joy. Not only did it make my girly happy, it made us happy and also distracted us from the pain we were feeling. We still cried over Bailey (still do) and he is in our thoughts so much .... but Charlie has helped heal our little family, and I thank him for that.

Edited to say - it was also hard work. I had forgotten how tough it is to train a puppy and make sure he fits into the family. I had weeks of standing in the garden in my jimjams holding a torch at 2am saying 'wee wees, do a wee wee for mummy'

Why would you do that, when there are so many rescue dogs looking for a home?

I see you are thinking of an older rescue, desert_rain.

So sorry to read about your loss - in my case, I left if for a while when I lost my last dog, but a little while later a tiny stray cat turned up on my door step at 11 o'clock at night in the middle of winter. I took him in but sadly I lost him a year or so later, and having gone over to the other side, I am now on my second cat (from Cats Protection).

Unfortunately not very many people seem able to rescue a pet. My brother in law works for the animal rescue centre and even he wasn't allowed !!

My husband and I both work, but due to shift patterns the dogs are rarely alone and if they are it would be for a maximum of a couple of hours. But due to us both working full time, when we approached our nearest rehoming centre they wouldn't touch us with a ten foot barge pole. The fact that we live in a generous house, have a 100ft garden, our back gate opens into fields to romp in, we have enough money to give the dogs whatever veterinary treatment and care they need and more than enough love to go around ..... we didn't qualify.

I have always had two dogs. When I lost my dog Benny I was devastated and if it hadn't been for my other dog I don't know what I would have done. It was a comfort to at least have him. It took me a while to get over him, nearly a year. Eventually I was ready to get another and I did and she's wonderful. Cookie eventually passed at 16 and I got another quite quickly as I felt ready to. I have both now and would never be without a dog.

If you feel ready go for it. It's a huge comfort. With Benny he was my first loss and it was horrendous as he was very sick. I swore I would never get over him or get another dog, With both of mine that passed I also thought I should have done more, but now I know I gave them all the love I could for as long as they were alive and did my best for them. I had so much guilt for letting them go but as a dog owner I know I did the right and responsible thing. I let them go when there was nothing that could be done. Yes I came home and raged and cried and regretted what I did but that fades with time.

I still keep their pictures up, I have their collars and ashes, I believe that when my current two pass they will both be there waiting to greet them at rainbow bridge.

You have a lot of love to give a dog and when you feel ready you won't feel any guilt. It made me feel so so much better to be honest. One thing that I love is the fact that this time I didn't buy puppies. I actually rescued. My girl was traumatised when I got her but now she's a happy little dog who gets so much love.

If you have these feelings at the moment wait and give it a a bit of time. I knew when I was ready.

Thank you so much everybody for your replies, it's been a week and I am trying to get back into a normal routine, the pain hasn't really got better to be honest, I miss her so much still, I always will I think.

I really would like to rescue an older Dog, it just feels right to do that. I won't jump into it just yet, I am still quite nervous to do so and think I will let myself grieve for a few while before I rush into anything,

Reading all your replies has been really helpful, thank you.

100% agreed. I got another cat a few days after I lost my last one.

It's not an insult to the dear memory of the dog you just lost. In fact it's a great reflection of how wonderful your pet was.

Lucy could never "replace" Amber, and before her, Nana - going right back to pre 2005. But she has her own personality, which I've grown to love over the last 3 years.

Also, you're doing your bit for homeless pets. That's how I look at it anyway.

I think it is a personal thing. My experience this summer: our dog, Mickey, died very quickly from a very aggressive cancer he was only 10.5 and we thought he would live for much longer, it was all very sudden and just awful.

We went on holiday pretty much straight after he was pts and while away decided we would get another dog. About a week after we returned we collected a puppy from a rescue centre. However it didn't end well, I spent the whole day feeling very stressed and upset. The next morning we returned her to the kennel because it was just too soon.

I think even now nearly five months later, it is still too soon for me although me partner would love to have another one.

I've encountered some awful people at pet rescue organisations. It seems to attract the worst kind of control freaks. Sometimes it seems they are looking for any excuse to refuse you. It doesn't always pay to be 100% honest with these people.

One rescue I looked into said that they would telephone you several times, and if they got no reply, they would conclude that you wouldn't be home enough to be allowed to have one of their dogs! This before you even got the dog!!!
And some have the attitude that you will take the dog/cat they choose for you, and not the one you were drawn to.

I tried several times to find a companion for my dog after our other dog died, but never found the right one, partly because of obstacles like this. Now he has gone too, and I miss him so much. I've never been without a dog before, because we always had two and it doesn't leave such a gaping hole when one goes. I'm going to get a puppy this time, I can't face going to rescues again and being judged and controlled.