The Pub (Part 48) - Page 132 - Digital Spy Forums

The Pub (Part 48)

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Scots rool

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by twassington:
“I think the tides are turning though. Lazy Will aint popular. Harry isn't even royal Hopefully their days are numbered.”

There will always be eejits who hang onto their every word & buy all the magazines with their faces on them, & are prepared to line the streets, all in the hope of catching a glimpse of them!

Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Good morning you lot.

Lovely sunny morning here, 14c and not a cloud in sight.

I'm not ordering as I'm not stopping due to all the weirdos frequenting the Pub.

I'm going for a McBreakfast. Join me if you wish. There are free newspapers.”

Pot......kettle......spring to mind!

Originally Posted by chinchin:
“There will be no free bar free bar and I have had to leave my important work as a College Governor to keep an eye on you two reprobates! *clunk* *clunk*”

Damn right there won't be! Bloomin' chancers!

Originally Posted by chinchin:
“*Phones Sr to give an update*”

He did WHAT!........

Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Good afternoon.

So, there's no free bar!!! Fair enough.

Would it be ok for me to put out the huge birthday cake I bought earlier?”

I'm not running a charidee!

Have you nicked that?

You can get that out of here......I'm not being 'done' for handling stolen goods!

farmer bob

20-04-2016

*puts medley of birthday celebration tunes on Jukebox*

Scots rool

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by farmer bob:
“*puts medley of birthday celebration tunes on Jukebox*”

*kicks bob's lardy arse out of the pub* Bugger off with yer brown nosing!

twassington

20-04-2016

Afternoon all peeps! Back to being a royal free zone again I see

Good.

Pot of tea and a toasted teacake please. Far better than queen cake any day!

EddyBee

20-04-2016

RIP Victoria Wood.

twassington

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“RIP Victoria Wood. ”

I've just read this news Eddy

She was only 62. Yet another celebrity death

RIP - a great talent.

EddyBee

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by twassington:
“I've just read this news Eddy She was only 62. Yet another celebrity death RIP - a great talent.”

Terrible news. Victoria was so talented and funny, without ever being offensive. She was such an intelligent observer of the human character.

I once saw her perform live. She was great, just great. On her own on that stage for nearly a couple of hours. A very happy memory for me but also a sad one as the friend I was with died a few years ago.

twassington

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Terrible news. Victoria was so talented and funny, without ever being offensive. She was such an intelligent observer of the human character.

I once saw her perform live. She was great, just great. On her own on that stage for nearly a couple of hours. A very happy memory for me but also a sad one as the friend I was with died a few years ago. ”

She was indeed multi talented. To hold a stage alone for that long.....no easy task. I feel sure your friend would have preferred you to keep the happy memory and not a sad one Eddy.

chinchin

20-04-2016

RIP Victoria Wood. I didn't even know she was ill.

Evening all

*clunks* *clatters*

farmer bob

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by chinchin:
“RIP Victoria Wood. I didn't even know she was ill. Evening all *clunks* *clatters*”

Multi talented lady. Sad

EddyBee

20-04-2016

Victoria Wood - The Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let's Do It) LIVE with lyrics.

Watch here YouTube.

If you've never seen this, please do watch. A comedy genius at work. Thank you Victoria.

farmer bob

20-04-2016

Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Victoria Wood - The Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let's Do It) LIVE with lyrics.

Watch here YouTube.

If you've never seen this, please do watch. A comedy genius at work. Thank you Victoria. ”

Yes, that's a classic Edward, some witty lines there.

twassington

20-04-2016

Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley

Thanks Eddy I'd forgotten that one

kate36

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by farmer bob:
“Yes, that's a classic Edward, some witty lines there. ”

Love that sketch, sad news about Victoria Wood 😔

Morning all!!

The_Sleeper

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by kate36:
“Love that sketch, sad news about Victoria Wood 😔
Morning all!!”

Morning Kate, Hope alls well with yer mun & wee Harry ?

Morning All

chinchin

21-04-2016

Morning peeps

*clunks* *clatters*

Scots rool

21-04-2016

Morning all, really sad news re Victoria Wood. A great loss, she was a comedy genius, a very clever talented lady (who as Eddy has mentioned), never resorted to rudeness or offensiveness.

I don't know what is going on this year has been constant in losing talented people, I can't remember a year like this before. 62 was no age either. RIP Victoria.

chinchin

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by Scots rool:
“Morning all, really sad news re Victoria Wood. A great loss, she was a comedy genius, a very clever talented lady (who as Eddy has mentioned), never resorted to rudeness or offensiveness.

I don't know what is going on this year has been constant in losing talented people, I can't remember a year like this before. 62 was no age either. RIP Victoria. ”

My mother said that as well.

Morning Scotty

Scots rool

21-04-2016

Some of Victoria's 'best' jokes...........

Spoiler

WIT THAT HAD SUCH WARMTH: SOME OF WOOD'S BEST JOKES

I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.

I put everything down to the menopause now – tiredness, irritability, global warming. Well, it could be, couldn't it... 200 lady Eskimos all having a hot flush at the same time.

I know I'm different sizes in different shops, 16 in some shops, 18 in some shops. In Gap, I'm only a size 12 because they're American. In Marks and Spencer's, I'm only a size three because they don't want to upset anybody. In Topshop, my hips set off an alarm as I go through.

I didn't want to take HRT, not that I know anything about it. But the only people I'd seen banging on about it on the television were people like Edwina Currie. And I thought, if I start taking it, I might start wearing these pink suits with the big gilt buttons.

I went to the doctor and I said, 'Look, why am I not pregnant? I'm doing all of the right things – I've stopped drinking, I'm taking vitamins and I'm putting a pillow under my bottom.' And he said, 'Are you having sexual intercourse on a regular basis?' I said, 'I can't do everything!'

When you're in the middle of having a baby, it's a bit like watching two very inefficient removal men trying to get a very large sofa through a very small doorway. Only in this case, you can't say: 'Oh, sorry, bring it through the French windows.'

Midwives have got this obsession now, they want to show you the baby's head coming out. And they're always getting a mirror to try and show you. And it's just like being at the hairdresser's when they show you the back of your head – and you feel obliged to go, 'Oh yes!' And you're thinking, well it looks terrible but it might be all right when I've run it under the cold tap.

They said, 'We'll have to do an internal examination, do you mind if we bring in 16 students?' I said, 'Well, it depends what they're students of. If it's mechanical engineering, yes, I do mind.'

I can never really believe wife-swapping actually goes on. I can't imagine an orgy going on in Bridlington: 'Eh, now, steady on, mind my barometer!'

I don't see the point of most drugs, especially Ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump around with a load of people I've never met, I could go to a Methodist barn dance.

On the morning of the wedding, she was in a complete panic. She said, 'Something old, something new – I've got nothing borrowed and blue!' I said, 'You've got a mortgage and varicose veins, will that do?'

I don't drink as a rule, not wishing to have a liver the size of a hot-water bottle. If I need a 'buzz', as I call it, I have a piccalilli sandwich with Worcester sauce – that takes your mind off your bunions, believe you me.

My children won't even eat chips because some know-all b*****d at school told them a potato was a vegetable.

This programme is what the BBC calls a 'special'. That means it's ten minutes longer than usual and I've splashed out on a new bra.

People think I hate sex. I don't. I just don't like things that stop you seeing the TV properly.

I'm not very fashion-conscious. You know, as long as it's this year's gravy spilt down the front, I'm happy.

I like television, I like all those catchphrases... the one that every tired woman dreads to hear from her husband at bedtime: 'I've started, so I'll finish.'

twassington

21-04-2016

Morning all pubster peeps! Great jokes SR. Humour that would probably be lost on Americans

Mug of builders please!

Scots rool

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by twassington:
“Morning all pubster peeps! Great jokes SR. Humour that would probably be lost on Americans

Mug of builders please!”

Morning twass.......TBF most humour passes over the heads of Americans (& Germans).

*clunk*

twassington

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by Scots rool:
“Morning twass.......TBF most humour passes over the heads of Americans (& Germans). *clunk*”

LOL true. When we stayed in Turkeh there were hordes of Germans and their sense of humour or lack thereof was bizarre.

chinchin

21-04-2016

Originally Posted by twassington:
“LOL true. When we stayed in Turkeh there were hordes of Germans and their sense of humour or lack thereof was bizarre. ”

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

EddyBee

21-04-2016

Good morning you lot.

Happy 90th Birthday to HM. Thank you ma'am. (curtsies)

*Leaves large tray of (paid for) freshly baked assorted cakes on the bar for everyone to enjoy.*

Coffee please. Hurry up.

chinchin

21-04-2016

*Is still in a state of catatonic shock and unable to help anyone*

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