Through no fault of his own, my Uncle crashed into a lemon tree.
He's still bitter and twisted.
He's still bitter and twisted.
The Pub (Part 48)
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Originally Posted by Rugby man:
“Through no fault of his own, my Uncle crashed into a lemon tree.
He's still bitter and twisted.”
“Through no fault of his own, my Uncle crashed into a lemon tree.
He's still bitter and twisted.”
*Groans loudly*
Originally Posted by twassington:
“*snigger*
Evening all pubster parps. Lime and soda please
Anyone serving??”
“*snigger*
Evening all pubster parps. Lime and soda please
Anyone serving??”
Evening twassock
*clunk*
Originally Posted by Rugby man:
“I got rid of my vacuum cleaner today.
It was just collecting dust.”
“I got rid of my vacuum cleaner today.
It was just collecting dust.”
*locks Rugby Man in the cellar*
Originally Posted by farmer bob:
“*locks Rugby Man in the cellar*
”
“*locks Rugby Man in the cellar*
”
I hope you locked him in there with a book of better jokes to learn!
Originally Posted by twassington:
“I hope you locked him in there with a book of better jokes to learn!”
“I hope you locked him in there with a book of better jokes to learn!”
Did you erect the Edd-Stone what you won in the raffle daahn the Labour Club?
Originally Posted by farmer bob:
“Did you erect the Edd-Stone what you won in the raffle daahn the Labour Club?
”
“Did you erect the Edd-Stone what you won in the raffle daahn the Labour Club?
”
Evening farmer bob. Do you have any free range eggs to sell?
Originally Posted by davor:
“Evening farmer bob. Do you have any free range eggs to sell?”
“Evening farmer bob. Do you have any free range eggs to sell?”
No sorry
Help yourself to a drink though, Chin's buying
* breaks out of the cellar *
My girlfriend phoned me last night, and says "Come on over, no one's home!"
I got there, and there was no one home.
My girlfriend phoned me last night, and says "Come on over, no one's home!"
I got there, and there was no one home.
Originally Posted by Rugby man:
“* breaks out of the cellar *
My girlfriend phoned me last night, and says "Come on over, no one's home!"
I got there, and there was no one home.”
“* breaks out of the cellar *
My girlfriend phoned me last night, and says "Come on over, no one's home!"
I got there, and there was no one home.”
Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!! *runs screaming to the hills*
Originally Posted by Rugby man:
“I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but my parents told me the sky was the limit”
“I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but my parents told me the sky was the limit
”
Ooh a newbie with bad jokes in the pub... can someone get me a drink?
BANG BANG BANG CLATTER THUMP BANG CLATTER CLATTER CLANG CLANG CLUMP CLANG BANG! Yes just over there, no no, there *points* Yes that's it, brilliant.......carry on now.
Originally Posted by twassington:
“I'm ALWAYS nice to you
We got a bag each, it was worth losing for!”
“I'm ALWAYS nice to you
We got a bag each, it was worth losing for!”
Hmmmm........sometimes you're norty!
Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Good morning everyone.
Cold here at just 8c, but sunny which is lovely.
*Puts cash into SR's grasping claws*
* Pours beer slops over SR's big head.* That's for destroying my slippers.”
“Good morning everyone.
Cold here at just 8c, but sunny which is lovely.
*Puts cash into SR's grasping claws*
* Pours beer slops over SR's big head.* That's for destroying my slippers.”
You're gonna be very sorry for that action!
And yer slippers were walking away themselves, I just helped them on their way!
Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Huh. You're not going to trick me with that old chestnut.”
“Huh. You're not going to trick me with that old chestnut.
”
Well it's your loss, you'll be excluded from it all if there's any more of that behaviour!
Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Good afternoon all.
Tea please with a large slice of Christmas fruit cake.”
“Good afternoon all.
Tea please with a large slice of Christmas fruit cake.”
There is no bloody Christmas cake until Christmas, stoooooopid greedy person!
Originally Posted by hooter:
“cooooooooo, is there chrimbo cake going?”
“cooooooooo, is there chrimbo cake going?”
No there bloomin' isn't!
Originally Posted by EddyBee:
“Yes, for sure. Twassington is a tree hugging type of person and they don't eat chocolate unless it's made out of tofu or something like that.
I also pinched some mince pies from the Christmas party at the office next to mine because I wasn't invited. I'll leave them on the bar so help yourself.
”
“Yes, for sure. Twassington is a tree hugging type of person and they don't eat chocolate unless it's made out of tofu or something like that.
I also pinched some mince pies from the Christmas party at the office next to mine because I wasn't invited. I'll leave them on the bar so help yourself.
”
How very dare you bring stolen goods onto my premises!
Originally Posted by Gemo52:
“Giving my eyes a rest from a computer screen all day.
… and I have knitting to do for a niece’s new baby which is taking ages ’cos I haven’t done any for such a long time.
I like the price of reading specs compared to what I had to pay for ones for my short sight. There’s a nought missing.”
“Giving my eyes a rest from a computer screen all day.
… and I have knitting to do for a niece’s new baby which is taking ages ’cos I haven’t done any for such a long time.
I like the price of reading specs compared to what I had to pay for ones for my short sight. There’s a nought missing.”
The reading glasses from the £1 work perfectly well, that's what I use for reading or on my laptop. I don't like using my contact lenses unless I'm going outside.
Originally Posted by Rugby man:
“Seeing as I've been a regular for many years, I may as well make my drinks myself.
*clunk*
*clatter*”
“Seeing as I've been a regular for many years, I may as well make my drinks myself.
*clunk*
*clatter*”
What do you think yer doing! Yer going on the shoogly nail next time you pull that stunt!
Originally Posted by chinchin:
“*Groans loudly*
Evening twassock *clunk*”
“*Groans loudly*
Evening twassock *clunk*”
I thought you told everyone I had put Rugby man in the freezer.........yet another of yer fibs revealed!
Originally Posted by soap-lea:
“Ooh a newbie with bad jokes in the pub... can someone get me a drink?”
“Ooh a newbie with bad jokes in the pub... can someone get me a drink?”
He's hardly new, he's been coming in here for years.
Originally Posted by farmer bob:
“Morning
Don't mind me.
*heads up to Attic*”
“Morning
Don't mind me.
*heads up to Attic*”
*charges upstairs in hot pursuit & throws bob downstairs* That's off limits to customers! Sling yer hook!
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