My cat Phoebe died last Monday after being ill for a while. She didn't suffer during her final moments, she just stretched out her little paws, let out a meow and then she was gone. She slept on my pillow or next to me in the bed practically every night for 16 years, so it was rather fitting that that's where she took her final breath. I'm just absolutely heartbroken though. She was such a little character and showed me so much love and loyalty over the years, which meant a lot because the majority of humans in my life have been really shitty to me. She would follow me everywhere, barely leaving my side whenever I was home and would walk around the house looking for me while I was at work according to my family. Does this pain get easier? I've been through grief on a few occasions in the past but this time I am really struggling and I'm even dreaming about her being alive and well every night since she died. I've seen other members in the pet forum posting about their grief before and I thought I may find it a comfort to hear of other pet owners managing to get over their losses and be happy again.

I'm so sorry you've lost Phoebe. We lost our dog Sapphy at xmas after 2 sudden strokes. I know how you're feeling and the first few weeks I was constantly bursting into tears, hearing her, seeing her. She slept in her basket in the bedroom and I swear I saw her in it when I woke up in the night and strangely it was weeks before our other 3 dogs went in that basket even after I washed the bedding although they did go in it before. I can't wash her coat and often cuddle and smell it.

It took a good 3 wks before I started to feel any better and stopped going over and over it in my head. It has eased gradually. I still cry and feel awful, miss her so much but bit by bit I am coping better. Initially I almost went and adopted another dog which is what I always have done when we've lost one before as we only have rescues and so many need homes but I held off as I wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do for the other 3. In time we may adopt again but not right now.

I've never felt so broken in my life, even when I lost my parents but as they say time helps but very slowly xxx

Sorry for your loss, when I lost my girl it really hit me hard. Harder than I was expecting given time it does ease. At the time I didn't want to get another cat but have since heard getting another a few weeks after especially a rescue who is probably missing previous owners helps, you can comfort each other.

I wish I heard this before, I left it so long I just kept putting it off until soon a few years had past and still no cat. I eventually got round to going to the shelter and found such a sad boy who had seemed to have given up after his owners rejected him. It took a long time and a lot of patients but I now have a happy boy who is the most loving cat I have ever known.

Although this has been really rewarding I regret not doing it sooner I could have done it for another cat and it would have helped my grief.

So it will get better but perhaps in a week or so it might help to check out shelters you don't have to commit to a new cat straight away but you may just find a cat who needs your help to get over a loss as much you need theirs.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post about Phoebe was very touching, but it also made me think she had a great life with you, and even at the end, she didn't have to suffer. That will help you as you come to terms with your loss, I'm sure. I don't really have any words of wisdom, but I think you'll be ok. Your love for her will give you the strength you need.

I had to have our cat, Geri, put down tonight after being by my side for over 16 years. The vet was lovely and allowed me a few moments with her once she was asleep as I was pretty upset. She had lost a lot of weight and had bad dental infection. I don't know when I'll get over it.

You just don't realise how much you love them until they've gone.

I'm so sorry widger. You had Geri in your life for so long, it's never easy I'm sure she knew how much you loved her x

Is that Phoebe in your profile pic?

You will be heartbroken, just as I was when I lost my Amber in October 2012. She'd also been ill for a while - I really loved that cat and it was a tremendous wrench when she had to be pts.

I got another cat - a rescue one - Lucy, almost straightaway, as I couldn't bear to be without a cat, and because I felt I needed to offer a rescue cat a forever home. I've never regretted it and have come to love her as much as I loved Amber - although I still miss Amber and dream about her.

My thoughts are with you cobwebsoup.

I am very sorry to read about Phoebe's passing to Rainbow Bridge.

We remember our pets very well indeed, perhaps too well. We are blessed with their company. Some people don't understand when a pet gets sick or dies and what it means to us.

What you describe is natural and normal. I don't think we ever get over them dying. We have our memories.

It hurts so bad when pet companions depart. For what it's worth, my suggestion is to remember the good times and look at the photos. It may take up to six months to deal with the grieving aspect so don't feel regret about being upset.

By all means consider helping another pet from a shelter in the longer term but I'd suggest only doing that after the grieving period is over.

So so true.

Condolences, widger.

Oh Cobs I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful friend.

My Dog passed away in December, I know how utterly devastating it is (as do many of us here).

I honestly at one point did not think I was going to make it through the grief, I was in emotional agony and could not see a way through the fog. I wasn't eating, and must have been sleeping for around 18 hours a day in those early days. I just could not function.

All of the stages of grief were so intense, I was in denial my thoughts were so desperate I thought she could still be here with me in spirit, so I talked to her, I stroked the air in case she could feel me (I know that sounds bananas to people who haven't experienced it, but grief is a horrible thing)

I felt guilt, oh so so much guilt.

I thought | couldn't cope without her, I never imagined feeling any better, I thought I was destined to live in eternal grief.

But it DOES get better, yes I still get upset and miss her, I don't think that will ever change, but I think of her now and smile, I laugh at the memories of my special girl.

You and Phoebe spent many happy years together, she knew you loved her, and she loved you too. I promise you that your grief will ease, I know the pain you're in now feels all consuming, but it won't forever.

You will be able to remember all the beautiful years you and Phoebe had together and smile, you had such a beautiful friendship, your girl wouldn't want her best friend to feel this way either, but it's a horrible step that needs to run it's course x

In those dark moments, just remember that Phoebe had a wonderful happy life with you, it's all our little friends ever want, you gave her everything should could have ever wanted, a happy home, a best friend, a happy life x

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Where's the like button when you need it?

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your poor pet, I know exactly how you're feeling because my dearly beloved dog passed away just 2 hours ago and I'm getting it tough right now. And I am not one bit ashamed to admit that as a grown man I cried like a child.

I recentyly lost my 23 year old & my 13 year old within weeks of each other. When they have been with you for so long, being without them takes some getting used to. One night I had a really strange dream that a little girl was picking up cats from off the street and taking them home, including my 2 (even though neither of them ever went out the front) the eldest escaped and showed the younger one the way home. I was so disappointed to wake up and find it had just been a dream. I think I catch a glimpse of them often - just a a black shadow out of the corner of my eye, the room door opens and I expect to see one of them coming through. I'm finding it difficult to think about getting another cat as I only want my two little pals back. I still talk to them, tell them how much I miss them and love them.
It is a pain we have to live through, and look forward to the day when we can think of them wistfully but with acceptance.

I really, really feel your pain. <hugs>

I'm so sorry to hear. I lost my dog last Monday & my boyfriend cried too. When we met he didn't even like animals but when he got me he also got our dog.

It's really one of the hardest things I've got through. I made myself a little notebook with all Pennys pictures over the cover & I'm gong to make it her memory book, writing down all of our funny memories of her. Huge hugs to everyone

So very sorry for your loss of Phoebe, it's hard when we lose a loyal loved companion.

I have 4 cats, 2 brothers 13 years old, one female 4 years old and our newest arrival at 18 months old. I have my favourite, he's nicknamed "my precious", because he really is and i will be devastated if I lose any of them.

Lots of hugs to you

Our Holly was knocked down by a car and died about two years ago. She was absolutely the best cat in the world. I have so much guilt over that it's untrue. Firstly, we only moved to that area because it was on a much quieter and leafy road than where we were previously. Secondly, I was away in London at the time and it eats me up that I wasn't there for her when she needed me the most. I still dream about her and (as another poster mentioned above) I'm not ashamed to say that I cried a lot, despite being a 34 year old dude.

A few months later, I adopted Lily, a kitten found with her mum in an old shed. I found it kind of fitting that she was born pretty much on the day Holly died. She's nothing like Holly though, she's an absolute pain the bum, very vocal, naughty and greedy. I wouldn't change her for the world : )

My deepest sympathies to the OP and all others who have suffered losses.

I had to return to Huntingdon from London in October to make the decision to have our Molly PTS, my Mother could not, would not make the decision herself.

She was such a beautiful loving little cat, and despite being 20, was still a feisty madam, we had such a bond, and adored each other.

She had stopped eating, had lost a huge amount of weight, and her back legs had started to go.

When l arrived l said to phone the vet, and within a couple of hours she had died. The guilt l feel is so painful, with a lot of what if's.

My wife always pains like you when one of her moggies dies, but always says you should turn that pain into love for a rescue cat, as that is what the cat who has passed away would expect you to do.

We have "adopted" Tom, he is the un neutered neighbourhood alpha stray, for about 10 years on and off, he has lived in our shed (in comfort), and since July (the shed was too hot) in a dog kennel we bought him in the garden.

When our cat died, we make ownership enquiries through the neighbouthood re Tom, nothing was found. So our vet came and collected Tom, he has been neutered, de wormed and flea'd, and he had started neglecting his fur which had clumped in spots, so that had to be partially shaved and he is now chipped to us.

Tom is at least about 15yrs old, seems to be doing well, settled in, although we have not let him out yet, when l next return to Huntingdon and the weather is warmer, we will let him into the garden, and hopefully he will regard this house to be home enough not to go roaming.

I don't know if Molly would have approved about Tom coming to properly live with us, she and Tom always hated each other. Hence why an earlier adoption was out of the question, but it has helped us in some small way to make Tom;s twilight years more comfortable.

I'm so sorry for your loss....

Yes it does get better, my 14 year old cat died last year and I was totally unprepared for how devastated I was going to feel, having made an attempt to hold it together all day at work I would walk through the door already in tears when I arrived home because I missed her so much.

After a few weeks the initial shock was more manageable and although initially I didn't want another cat, I then decided I would because we missed her and our home just didn't feel right and a couple of months later I got a British Shorthair boy kitten.

One slight word of warning though, my son thought it was too soon for another cat and I disagreed, however I was extremely anxious about the new kitten for the first couple of months, constantly monitoring what he ate, what he didn't eat, what he was doing or not doing in his litter box when I took him to the vet to be neutered I sent him with his own food in case he didn't like theirs and my other son had to forcibly remove me from the vet waiting room otherwise I would have sat there all day I was very scared that something was going to go wrong and I was going to lose another cat. I did calm down though and although we will always miss Katie having a kitten following you around again is fabulous!

xxx


I hope the OP is ok xx

Me too.

You talked about guilt, well I felt that in abundance when Amber was put to sleep. When I took her to the vet for an exploratory op, I had no idea that the vet would ring me at work later that day, to tell me that they had found an inoperable tumour, and had they my permission to euthanise her whilst she was still sedated. I agreed, and I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd brought her home to spend one or more precious nights with me, and maybe die peacefully at home.

She knew, she knew - the pitiful cries she made when I put her in the cat carrier to go to the vet that day, haunt me still. She knew she wasn't coming back and was pleading with me - stupid me just didn't see it. God bless her xx

Christ, I'm welling up now thinking about it again.