Hi guys,

I was wondering if people who have experienced what the likes of Ben, Sharon and co are going through agree with their tough love stance on Phil and his drinking?

From my experience of having alcoholic family members I feel the portrayal is excellent and agree on the tough love stance you feel so much anger towards them as fine they can wreck their lives but why ruin other peoples too? Very selfish.. Like Ben said there are faster ways to kill yourself and be less damaging to other people's lives. That's how it gets you thinking sometimes you wish the person died as that initial pain you think is sometimes better than that prolonged pain of ruining the lives of people for ages and ages causing emotional pain etc

Great thread. I was thinking about this too. The reactions are realistic and understanable.

For me, alcoholism is an illness and should be treated as such. You wouldn't leave your relative who had bipolar or anorexia to themselves despite how hard it got. I always wonder why alcoholism isn't treated the same on the NHS. They can commit someone with anorexia to stop them killing themselves by not eating, but alcoholics killing themselves with drink don't get that sort of forced help - which IMO, they need. Alcoholics tend to be delusional and in denial about their problems and even when they aren't, they still might not be able to stop drinking.

So many people die from alcoholism. I'd say about 90% of the funerals I've been too have been because of alcohol problems. And I've been to quite a few and know of more people who's funerals I haven't been too.

It's so devastating and if the person can't stop drinking, nothing is done, and the person is left to die. I've seen it so much. It's horrible.

I hate how realistic it is. Every time I hear the characters talking about how Phil is just like his dad I can't help but wonder if anyone on EE has ever heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy.

The thing that gets to me is how much I relate to it. I'm not an alcoholic but I understand the struggle. I'm mentally ill (borderline personality disorder, bipolar and I've bounced between eating disorders over the years) and the treatment Phil gets from his family is the treatment I've received from mine in that they act like you're in complete control of all your actions when that just isn't the case. Instead of people blaming you and even screaming at you for being in the position you're in, you just need someone who's there to help you move on from what happened. It seems to me Ben will be this person for Phil. If he is then he might just become one of my favourite characters on EE.

I don't think you can force an addict to get help if the addict isn't ready for it . Tough love might get them to that place sooner or it can have the opposite effect . Depends on the person I guess .
For all their differences , Ben and Phil are actually pretty similar . they both can't open up and be vulnerable . Phil had that beaten out of him and he then bullied it out of Ben .

Not on the same scale but it does remind me of an uncle who had an alcohol problem. His wife and kids had enough and left him with the condition that he sort himself out. Sadly he never did and died a few years later despite all their efforts.

That's all well and good very noble but you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves. It is cliche but you can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink.

How long does a person continue to try and help a drunk before it compromises their own happiness? Look at poor Billy Mitchell who tried to give Phil a chance to live with him a family life etc yet he brings drink into his home near his kids etc.. So what you are saying is Billy should give him another chance!?

Life is too short for us all so it's so unfair to spend it unhappy and that's what Billy would've done if he continued helping hapless Phil Mitchell ! Tell me how is that fair? Maybe Honey would've left Billy over it and Billy would turn to drink!? All because of Phils selfishness !!!

That would've probably happened anyway and the wife and daughter could've spend years unhappy trying to help him stop drinking in a futile attempt. Sacrificing their own lives and happiness in the process.. Again is that fair? Atleast they already accepted he was dead long before he died so maybe the pain was easier., Life is too short for us all so as humans we need to think of ourselves eventually like Ronnie said yesterday on Easyenders to Ben we have to protect ourselves. And she's right enough is enough there is only so much someone can do.

Like I said if the person drinking is intent on drinking themselves to death there is nothing anyone can do ! Maybe some jail time might not be a bad thing for wasters like that.

I think they've dealt with it very realistically. There is a branch of my family where alcoholism was prevalent so I've seen all sorts of tactics used by people to try and deal - I've seen the stick the head in the sand like Sharon tried, the softly/softly placating them attempts, the tough love and the writing them off. The problem is, the alcohol makes the victims liars and you can't trust them to be honest with themselves, so how can you expect them to be honest with you?

Ultimately the family can't really do anything until the alcoholic decides for themselves they want/need help. It's tough - I can't blame a family for leaving them to it after a point - I know it's an illness, but if they don't want to help themselves then there isn't much hope that things will improve, and much like Phil, they lash out and that's no way to live or expect anyone else to live It's just a sad situation all round - addiction is a terrible illness.

Well said.

It's worse when the person gets sober and then relapses after building hopes up.. Imagine going through that for years and years.. There's bound to be huge anger towards the person. I agree at some point the family need to protect their own sanity and lives so have to be hard and try to block it out.. Tough love is the only way. Yes it's a sad illness but it is self inflicted to an extent (especially when the person is clean and decides to drink that is a decision they made) and there's no point it ruining other people's lives..

Be caring, offer the person help but when it starts affecting people's lives like Billy and his family you have to say enough is enough !

I have to say Steve Mcfaden is a really great actor with a wide range

Yes, they tried. And his behaviour left a terrible legacy, particularly on his sons. In that sense Phil's story is realistic, when you strip away the cartoonish soap elements that have been chucked in.

This is a genuinely great thread, guys. I feel I don't really have much to add because I have no personal experience with alcohol addiction, but the posts in here so far have been very eye-opening and interesting to read.

I feel the same, although not much to add because what I would have said has been said.

I unfortunately have known too many people who have lost their lives to alcohol, or are still in the process of. It's awful seeing it happen and the effects it has on their family and friends, the frustration, the hope, the anger and the sadness.

I really wish supermarkets would stop selling alcohol at such cheap prices, and put a ban on it being available 24 hours a day.

Would certainly help.

And maybe a alcohol register that people are on if they commit a lot of alcoholic related violence or abuse.

Bumping this thread as I feel it needs to be addressed with EE glorifying drinking every second.

I'm dealing with an alcoholic family member right now and there whole life seems to be drinking and sleeping.. I mean what sort of life is that? you are not drinking for a good time as you are drinking alone, so you are obviously drinking to forget.. if you constantly want to forget the Real World then you should go away and not put the pain on your family each day - that is selfish ! yes alcoholism might be an illness but there is no excuse for putting your family through the pain.

I completely understand Ben's reaction. How many chances do you give someone before it starts to compromise you're own life? why ruin other people's lives over it!?

Phil deserves to die alone, and needs to die in the end to send a message to everyone that drinking is bad.

From experience, tough love is the only way. If an alcoholic hasn't accepted their problem, showing kindness and love and acceptance of them the way they are only enables.
I know someone who hit rock bottom, had been rejected by everyone they knew and finally managed to turn their life around. Tough love is love nonetheless, and a lot harder on family and friends than carrying on as they are.
Helping an alcoholic or addict takes strength, but it takes a lot more to stop helping Them.

The Philth has never been a 'victim' of tough love.

His whole family and a veritable gaggle of exes as well the blonde eye popper have made excuse after excuse for him - even after many, many years of his vile and abusive behaviour towards them all sober or not.

He has never deserved the love of any woman let alone the the long list of conquests he has had in the past.

I wish he would die all alone and in agony but TPTB still seem to think he is some kind of role model for us mere mortals to look up to.

Well I don't.