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Someone on gay app who knew me (and my family) just contacted me..
Stephen_Miller
Posts: 192 Forum Member
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I should probably start by saying that sexuality isn't actually the issue here, I like men and women and am very experienced with men so am doing what a lot seem to be doing these days and found an app called Grindr. Anyway this is the problem (or maybe it's not a problem)
I am 22 years old and when my mother and father were expecting me they lived in some flats around 2 miles from where we now live. My mum was very good friends with a gay couple in the flat opposite, cutting a long story short when I was born they would obviously came to see me and even babysat a couple of times. Unfortunately many years later, one of the guys did die from HIV. Obviously I don't remember none of this as I was a baby or toddler etc. Anyway my parents moved down here and they kinda lost contact except for if they would go into the local shopping centre and happen to see (say this guy is called David) about in tesco for example.
Fast forward a few years and facebook is a book thing and my mum and this 'david' are friends on there. great, never a problem. Until today (kind of).
I received a really long message on this grindr app (extremely long but actually very nice...even though it put the frighteners on me) it was basically this david saying how lovely I've turned out and how he knows my mum and wouldn't say anything and how he knows it must be difficult and he knows what it's like when he was my age etc. He said something like if ever he came to my house (where I still live with parents) he wouldn't say a word etc. I was like thanks but it's not really an issue, I actually like both sexes, however it does feel a bit odd.
I can't explain it, I just am thinking how mortifying it would be if he were to message my mother on fb or something. I am not ashamed of my sexuality but my mum is rather old fashioned and though she's not exactly anti-gay/bi/lesbian, I feel this would be something that would bug her being her son (eastenders style!).
In the long message he sent he even gave me his phone number, I really don't want to message him too much on grindr because the more I get into it the more deeper it goes and I just kinda want to block him, but feel if I do, that could also be bad.
I am not saying this guy is a bad person and so far he seems incredibly nice. I just kinda feel odd about the whole thing.
Sorry for writing so much!
I am 22 years old and when my mother and father were expecting me they lived in some flats around 2 miles from where we now live. My mum was very good friends with a gay couple in the flat opposite, cutting a long story short when I was born they would obviously came to see me and even babysat a couple of times. Unfortunately many years later, one of the guys did die from HIV. Obviously I don't remember none of this as I was a baby or toddler etc. Anyway my parents moved down here and they kinda lost contact except for if they would go into the local shopping centre and happen to see (say this guy is called David) about in tesco for example.
Fast forward a few years and facebook is a book thing and my mum and this 'david' are friends on there. great, never a problem. Until today (kind of).
I received a really long message on this grindr app (extremely long but actually very nice...even though it put the frighteners on me) it was basically this david saying how lovely I've turned out and how he knows my mum and wouldn't say anything and how he knows it must be difficult and he knows what it's like when he was my age etc. He said something like if ever he came to my house (where I still live with parents) he wouldn't say a word etc. I was like thanks but it's not really an issue, I actually like both sexes, however it does feel a bit odd.
I can't explain it, I just am thinking how mortifying it would be if he were to message my mother on fb or something. I am not ashamed of my sexuality but my mum is rather old fashioned and though she's not exactly anti-gay/bi/lesbian, I feel this would be something that would bug her being her son (eastenders style!).
In the long message he sent he even gave me his phone number, I really don't want to message him too much on grindr because the more I get into it the more deeper it goes and I just kinda want to block him, but feel if I do, that could also be bad.
I am not saying this guy is a bad person and so far he seems incredibly nice. I just kinda feel odd about the whole thing.
Sorry for writing so much!
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Comments
You're worried that he might message your Mum on fb and he's reassuring you that he won't do that. I don't think you need to be worried about anything. Just see him as one of your parents' friends.
Are you worried he might message your mum to tell her he saw you on grindr?
Yes basically
That's the bottom line I guess. I'd feel a bit awkward in all honesty. Even if it was one of straight orientated apps. My mum thinks i'm pure and simple and I want it to stay that way
No but seriously I do find it quite odd someone who babysat me is giving me their number.
I guess you're not 'out' to your Mum and are worried he might let the cat out of the bag? I'd take his reassurances that he won't at face value tbh.
I understand your awkwardness about this but I wouldn't let it worry you right now. He may have given you his number as he knows your Mum is old fashioned and thinks you might like someone to talk to about things sexuality wise.
Exactly, say the above and cut off contacts. I could be wrong, I think he is trying to blackmail ( harsh term) you. He sounds nasty. He is surely old enough to be your father.
I think in a roundabout way he is trying to be supportive to you and saying he will be there if you need to talk given that he "knows" you.
Seems like if he is friendly with your mum she had probably mentioned you doing well, got a nice girl etc etc and so he maybe under the impression you are straight but curious/struggling and need help or advice or guidance.
now if he was being creepy weird and coming on to you that would be a whole other story
2 hours before your message the OP reported he was doing exactly this, Don't people read threads these days?
That will suffice.
It's a bit weird getting messages like that from an old friend of the family so yep, I would block him. Not sure what he expects telling you stuff like that.....
At this point I would block him!
Some of my parents' friends who babysat me when I was little have now become friends of mine. It can be a little weird re-establishing a relationship with an honorary 'auntie' or 'uncle' once you're both adults... but the moment they steer the conversation round to sex I would get the hell out of there!
thats incredibly creepy if you ask me, I would block him
me and my sisters had that from one of my dad's mates. Known us since children and now comes onto us. It got so bad we had to tell him in no uncertain terms to f right off. I would block him but then I guess you are worried he will tell your mum out of revenge. If she had gay friends then she's not anti gay or bi so maybe it would be a good thing even if it did come out.
Edieted as above
Tell him that the sex talk is uncomfortable and inappropriate as he's a senior friend of the family (although can't be that close if they only bumped into each other in town) and he doesn't need to worry about your mum and your sexuality - that's a private matter between you and her. End with a polite thanks for understanding - only because you'll see him at your parents and don't want to feel awkward and I'm hoping he will be understand his crossing the line with maturity.
Or you just tell him to f@#k off creep!!
It was saying the stuff he "likes" in the bedroom and then asks what I was into. I think I replied "oh my gawd" actually
I was quite shocked at the sexual one, it went from being nice (although concerning for me) to damn right explicit. i think I will block yes, despite his first message being "please don't block me" lol. I really do not need this!
Block him, as everyone says, or be even more direct.
Question though - how does he know that you are not out to your mum. Did you tell him or more likely he has steered the conversation that way when he has previously bumped into your mum? eg "How's Stephen, has he settled down with a GF yet ?" etc
So by placing yourself on such a database you are signalling availability. So receiving a sexual advance is not "taking advantage of your youth", "creepy" or "inappropriate" it's just saying "you want sex, I want sex, how about we have sex".
If you don't fancy it fair enough, move on just as you would with any other unwanted advance. But to make out that this man is doing something inherently wrong seems disingenuous.
BIB I don't think so. The only unsettling aspects of this for the OP is that the OP is rightly, surprised and cringing that an old family friend and occasional ex-babysitter is coming on to him PLUS saying " I won't tell your mum, don't worry" is quite dubious.
Let's say you're straight and on a hook-up site ( IDK, but they obv exist) , and you see the adult "child" of a family friend on there, s.o. you babysat years ago , would you really try and hook up with them or just laugh and scroll on?
Given your opening post about your great experience with both sexes and joining this site which seems to be exclusively for sexual partners I find your sudden coyness odd.
He's clearly an opportunist who used his connection with your mother as an in to a younger man who otherwise not be interested.