Its Saturday night, and I have nothing better to do...
The Weedy Review
Tove Lo – Standard start to the list. Monotonous slow whine, and a video full of sexless gyrating. Did that coffin start disappearing into the ground at the end? Best place for this “song”.
Simple Plan Ft Marie – Politically correct Canadians singing in French and English (to try and get sales in Quebec, presumably). Quiet verse, loud pop rock chorus, in the style of their American cousins Wheatus. But not so good, obviously.
Daya – Small child with squeaky voice trying to be all grown up. Tedious. I’ve got some tapes in the attic that will fit that reel-to-reel recorder…
K3 – Teenybopper drivel. Still, we don’t get much of this over here any more (although I suspect one of you is going to prove me wrong). May get a point for the keychange. Is that a young Simon Le Bon in the audience?
Oh Land – I Didn’t know Daryl Hannah went under a Danish name to make pop songs. Posing dramatically in stupid clothes, now that Daryl is an expert at, she calls it acting. And breathy girlish whining.
Petite Meller – My bad, now this is breathy girly whining. Great hats though. And she looks like the spawn of Lady Colin Campbell, poor girl.
Yanela Brooks – Well I had no trouble watching the video through to the end. There was some cheesy Cuban Latin background music to accompany the video.
Bean – Standard X Factor/Voice/Americas got Talent manufactured pop song. Dull as ditchwater.
Lilit Hovhanniseyan – Armenian hottie desperate to make it to Bollywood. That start was straight out of a Busby Berkeley movie from the 1930s. Surrounded by every female Armenian dancer in the country. And not just Bollywood, she’ll try Riverdance as well.
KievElectro – I was expecting more electronic music and not some dull tune with a lump of (c ) rap in the middle. I stopped listening when the flexible leg lady played her instrument.
Billie Marten – And just when I thought we were going to have a list free of the usual grizzling female boring non-tunes, one appears.
Bangles – Dribble. I have no favourite Bangle, they are all fine gels, and I have their album. (that’s vinyl, children.)
Doe Paoro – Headache-inducing, boring, thumpety thump with no redeeming features.
Gavin DeGraw – Oh come on, a name like that, and he is not a Country and Western singer? Entered by someone who fancies Guy Sebastian, no doubt, but this is a poor imitation. As for the video, are they remaking Rollerball with girls?
Imany – Another video treat for me, whilst listening to background music. Thanks everyone!
Rod Stewart – Oh, very Paralympicy. Is this supposed to play to my better nature? I don’t have one. And I hate Rod Stewart’s whiny grizzling.
Le Kid – Swedish pointless teenybopper tat.
Freemasons plus Katherine – Not a dodgy handshake or a rolled up trouser leg anywhere. Yawn-inducing elevator music. Which one is Katherine? Actually, don’t bother pointing her out, I don’t care.
Janet Jackson – Oh, this is a mistake. Its in black and white. What can’t youngsters see, phill363? Of course it’s a complete turd of a song as well.
Nightwish – And following, a woman who can sing. (Floor’s not bad either, and I like a big girl.)The song? Oh I can do no better than copy the first comment below it on Youtube – “Hamster, a dentist, hard porn, Steven Segal, warrior, this rifle, in me the fish master”. This will be first out on Sunday.
RaeLynn – Now that’s a proper Suthern girls name. (Y’All). American The Voice reject. No surprise. Oh well, I wanted a Country and Western song in the list. (No I didn’t).
Emilia – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. And in black and white. Maybe Nightwish will be second out.
Flume – Some little snot of a record producer apparently, at least the girl singer got a mention. Sadly the song is unlistenable to and the video is unwatchable.
LP – Oh I seriously hope its not a Long Play. Donovan lookalike. (Youngsters might have to look that up.) Ironically the notes below the song suggest she has an EP out. That sounds weird. And so does she.
Anastacia – Lets hope Ana’s not first out on Strictly, as she seems to be a bit of a laugh. Are Bo Derek hairstyles still fashionable? I don’t think so. Big voice, sadly a poor nothing of a song.