Regarding the dating of certain tracks, i wonder if their respective vids enter into the equation.
For example The Beloved's 'Your love takes me Higher' -
Original https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8F2sFWP62U
Remake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRVOAz6BC1w

Yes thanks for the reminder favvie.

I'd almost eradicated the post from my mind with brain bleach, but I'm finding it difficult to find a product strong enough...

Depe-shay Mode, Manchester Apollo, Some Great Reward tour 1984.

And the Pesh reel-to-reel was working which was nice.

Do you fancy a certain recently vacated post on a car programme G12th?

It would be like the show had gone almost full circle with yourself at the helm...

I agree with you completely there, Rich Tea.

Post the early eighties, pop begins to adopt too much clutter, where the musical accent seems to be more on 'sound', than it is on song quality. Much of the music to my ears, appears rather artificial and gimmicky, which is occasionally guilty of spoiling what could otherwise on occasions have been some quite decent songs. The nineties and beyond, tend to sound rather too clean and clinical to my ears (possibly in part because of the switch from analogue to digital) where the production leaves little space for the songs to actually breathe. The songs suffer from too much compression, and aren't so airy and light as from previous times. There isn't the subtlety in the later musical sounds that can be found in the earlier, leading up to the early eighties.

Pick Of The Pops is a really great guide, that acts as an interesting test to which eras i like, and which i don't so much. There is rarely a chart played from 1964 to around 1982, that i don't like to a large degree. Pre 1964, perhaps, and with the exception of some fabulous earthy rock 'n' roll, i sometimes find the music lacks a little in sophistication. The seventies, though, is pretty much a clear run from start to finish of fabulous sounds.

Most of the songs from 1982, really haven't aged badly, in my opinion. True, to a point it is easy to pin down the approximate era of "Love Come Down", but it hasn't lost its accessibility. Last night i watched a couple of Top Of The Pops episodes from February 1983, and i didn't think they stood up nearly as well, and that is comparing them even to the more mediocre 1982 episodes we've seen in more recent weeks. As we get deeper into the eighties, i believe the music begins to age less well, and to a degree some of the sounds begin to appeal far less palatable from the perspective of today. There appears a lot more eighties production gimmicks, which were discarded, by and large, during the nineties. Today, many of us are living on nostalgia, past a certain age group, but it is the more traditional musical sounds that we are harking back to primarily.

After all that talk about sleep - I must've dropped off in the end!


I did.


Me too - it has to be something deadly boring usually, for me to drop off!

I have seen many live bands over the years, ( & still do ). A lot of the 80s groups are still around performing now.

Nothing wrong with Haircut 100. I saw Nick Heyward the other year & he is a great songwriter!!
I'm tempted to see Gary Numan again, but have seen him the last couple of times - so don't know if I can manage a third!!

My first car was a blue Austin Metro!

Speaking of life through the ages - I found Our Hero in this interesting documentary about life on BBC radio:-
Step back into yesteryear:-

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qF7HXTqimhU

With ''Come On Eileen'' it is over exposure that is the problem for me. It didn't surprise me for one moment when it reached No 1, because it is immensely catchy, and well crafted, although i can remember on Tony Blackburn's weekend Radio One children's show, the reviewers did feel a little indifferent towards it, at the time. Also, the Irish sound evoked from the the song, in addition to the 'Too-Rye-Aye' album as a whole, made for a refreshing change, from the more typical charts songs of the day. I found the Story Of 1982 documentary interesting, mind, with regards to Kevin insisting that his group all adopt Irish sounding surnames, to add to the authenticity. I believe Kevin Rowland does come from an Irish background, himself, despite being born in the Midlands.

I do have a preference for Dexys 1980 No 1, ''Geno'', though, which i find, however often i hear it, never becomes irritating in quite the same way.

Yes, that post made me feel sick to the core. So glad it has been removed!

I used to lump 'Hello' by Lionel & 'I just called to say I love you' by Stevie W into one "terrible No 1 songs of the mid 80s" bracket. But actually, 'Hello' is much better.


I always preferred 'Geno' to 'Eileen'! - Great song - and also shows the sign of the times when such great songs made it to No 1 back then, in sharp contrast to 1982 & beyond, where fewer greats were reaching that high position.

Really looking forward to this weeks edition one of my favourites of the year which if I remember correctly features another disgraced bbc presenter

I can't stand 'Eileen'. I hated it then and I hate it now. It may be partly down to their garb. Those manky dungarees and skinny pale bods made me feel a little queasy and really, we should never have been subjected to that. Geno is a masterpiece. There, There, My Dear is also fab.

Jackie Wilson Said is definitely my fave Dexys track. Takes me back to hearing it on the top 40 on halloween night of that year.

I think the creepy/stalker vid for Hello detracts from the fact its actually a decent song.

Really? Because I was asked a reasonable question and gave a reasonable and adult explanation as to what a Freudian slip was. There was nothing tasteless or provocative about it.

What was tasteless and provocative was Jedikiah giving the impression that he would actually like to strangle someone and then following that suggestion with a smiley face...

"Jackie Wilson Said" was actually a Van Morrison track originally, which dated from the early seventies. I have to say i prefer Van's version, although the Dexys version isn't bad, and it isn't so irritating as "Come On Eileen" over repeated listens, either. I have a preference also for early Dexys, to the 1982 version. "Too-Rye-Aye" isn't a bad album, though.

Lionel Richie's "Hello" is infinitely superior to Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called To Say I Love You", i would say, although i am actually a fan of neither. At least Lionel's song possess a heartfelt quality to it, even if for me, its sentiments seem a little sickly. It is hardly a cabinet cruiseliner singalong track which i have a tendancy to associate with "I Just Called To Say......". When you think back to all the great tracks Stevie has released as a single, which haven't proved half as successful. Still, there is no accounting for taste. At least the Stevie track had a coherent quality to it, in that it was a conventional song, i suppose.

One of Stevie Wonder's best up tempo singles is going to hit the top ten very shortly in the June 1982 shows - the brilliant Do I Do. This is one of his songs I play quite often and have the long version. If you're having a lethargic day and need a pick up then stick it on and bump up the sound and it will energise you!

Perhaps his last truly great authentic single maybe?

'Master Blaster' is the only song of his I truly love & maybe 'Happy Birthday'. Try as I might, I've never really been a big Stevie fan.

Did they cancel the whole tour Torchy? - I remember they announced it was cancelled up in the North too & I was gutted, as they were one of my favourite groups at the time & would've liked to have seen them then with the young, stunning Ms Harry.

Stevie has recorded some great stuff, in my opinion, but after 1982, he seriously went off the boil (like many other veterans around this time). I agree with Rich Tea that "Do I Do" may be one of the last of his great single releases (or at the very least, decent releases). I disliked "Part Time Lover" from 85 immensely, and if anything, even more so than "I Just Called To Say I Love You" (if that's possible). "Part Time Lover" is as irritating as too frequent a listen to Dexys "Come On Eileen", but it even lacks likeability to start with, for me. It is easy to put Stevie's decline in quality down to a loss of form, but it is no secret that loss of form was also happening to The Stones, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, David Bowie, and a host of other veterans at this time. They were all trying to adapt to a more modern and contemporary era, that they were not naturally suited. It seemed often like a case of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Hold on to your Wimoweh's folks, it's....

The Countdown Capers
Top of the Pops 11th February 1982

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...-pops-11031982

As more Simon Bates-presented episodes pass, I'm becoming more convinced our genial & smooth-talking host for this evening's debacle was subject to an early experiment in Cryogenic freezing (around 1899 taking a wild guess).

As science progressed, the professionals decided it was safe to defrost him in 1978 but hadn't considered the side-effects of such a dangerous course of action. One was a lack of awareness of post-Edwardian music, somewhat vital for a Radio 1 Disc Jockey catapulted headfirst into the late 20th Century.

Simon might know his way round a Handel Movement (or not in his case as he seems to be oblivious to the concept of 'up and down'), but in 1982 beleagred Si looks for the most part like a Geography Teacher forced to supervise a school disco & waiting for the racket to stop so he can get home, neck some ale & smoke his pipe in front of a roaring fire.

In celebration of our TOTP Timelord and quoted directly from the 'Simon Bates Bumper Book of Blunders', which isn't available in good bookshops but might be in a few bad ones, the Artist & Title chapter (extracts below) may give some indication of what Simon might have called the turns had the autocue been playing up.

Real chart positions in brackets fact fans...

MIAOW WOOF WOOF – Take Tea to the Cotswolds (9)

Before the commencement of Item 1 on the agenda Simon is joined by Little Miss Show-off, who screams like a Banshee & waves her arms aloft with gusto like one of those startled inflatable scarecrows used to protect delicate crops from corvids.

This puts Annabella Bow Wow off her first line and she misses it completely, which is understandable in such distracting circumstances.

In advance protest of choice of presenter, Little Miss Show-off, Fairbrass, Zoo or 'all of the above' , Annabella has chosen a piece of garmentry with the full motto cunningly disguised with her microphone-brandishing right hand, but ending with the letters ...KER, which would have raised a titter or two on 'Wheel of Fortune' to be sure.

The titters however were well & truly on display on the T-shirt of the guitarist, and as we traipse through the track Annabella's dress thankfully reveals the word "BREAKER" and at least some frothing at the mouth from Mary Whitehouse is avoided.

(Semi-Confession)
When I starting buying vinyl in c. 1980, at the time my choices were limited to relatively wholesome options such as Abba & Diana Ross, as I was trying to persuade my parents pop music wasn't the work of Beelsebub. My parents I think were concerned my new found interest would somehow lead me astray and also as a 12-13 Year old I was also trying to avoid any reference to 'the birds and the bees' to save extreme embarrassment and butt-clenching awkwardness.

When it came to wanting to purchase Bow Wow Wow after their first Pops performance, I saw the cover of the single for "Go WIld in the Country" & I knew there'd be trouble if bought it. Every Week for about a Month I visited our local newsagent/record shop (NSS-now deceased) & I saw the single's cover (Exhibit A).

Exhibit A
https://www.discogs.com/Bow-Wow-Wow-...elease/1000475

To my parents, the purchase of Exhibit A would've been the equivalent of a 13-Year old buying porn & there'd be a hefty chance if caught with the offending item I'd have to return it which obviously I didn't want to risk, so firstly I asked the counter staff if the single was available in a plain RCA cover (Exhibit B). The answer was negative from the somewhat lacking in customer service counter staff.

Exhibit B
http://www.rootsvinylguide.com/ebay_...ch-single-1981

I left the establishment disappointed on every visit, as on the shelf for Weeks Annabella's naked gaze would peer longingly deep into my soul and my person was left bereft of the vinyl contraband. Thankfully by Week 5 or 6, the single was flying in the Top 10 & it must've been one Week where supply at the magic vinyl factory couldn't keep up with demand, therefore their Week's supply was shipped in the 'Exhibit B' cover.

To my delight, I handed over my saved lunch/pocket money (from the heavy '78 box but that's another story), brimming with self-contentment for the return journey and barely able to contain my anticipation of hearing Burundi beats on the family Marconiphone.

However, in my purchasing excitement I'd forgotten during the song Annabella exciteably screams a couple of times the word 'naked' (or "NAYYYYKID" for fans of intonation).

Being wary of parental enforced return, whenever the vinyl was submitted to the platter I uttered an appropriately timed & volumous cough in order to negate the risk.

Unfortunately for me, my parents thought I might have contracted 'a bit of a chest', so I was dosed up on Benylin for the rest of it's chart run. Thankfully there seems to be no lasting damage from excessive use of Benylin at age 13, otherwise I may have ended up like Renton the spaced-out lion but I still have a 'mental cough' at the appropriate moment every time I hear it.

"Swinging from the trees, coughing loudly in the breeze" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Great energetic performance from Annabella & Bow Wow Wow but her movements are restrained compared to last time due to the tightness/shortness of her dress with the ...KER motif.

Marti Webb gyrates at the back wearing a pink 70% completed 'dance wear' number and a white trilby hat is thrown to the audience at the end, presumably in celebration of picnics, lack of boiled chicken & absolutely free snakes in the grass.

You couldn't make this shit up! Well actually....

TOW BAR TED TIMES THREE with STRAWBERRYRAMALAMADINGDONG - "You Don't Want to Do it Like That, Do it Like This" (4)

In an unprophetic moment, our Tune suggests it's a great start then drops a bollock informing us the act we've just witnessed wasn't Bow Wow Wow after all but our next turn.

Si stumbles to a semi-recovered state then falls flat on his arse again when he suggests Lynval's been at death's door when the audience are unsure if he's been ill.

Meanwhile Terry, or TED as he's apparently been renamed on the 'Creepy Coupe' in the video due to a shortage of the letter 'L' at Halfords is blanked completely, looking on bewildered but slightly amused by the foul up. He's not a big talker anyway so that's probably why he's happy.

At this point in the proceedings, Herr Hurll is probably considering making 'the ultimate sacrifice' down the BBC bunker with a cyanide pill & some fine chianti, but the show must go on....

The video played in the BBC 'Video Player' (I'm still none the wiser what it is) is a strange affair with this one, as it seems to be a celebration of their local landfill site.

The footage comes complete with shop dummy posing in front of a 500-Watter in what looks like a low-rent recreation of that famous photo where Diana's dress & legs went see-through in bright sunlight or when you're being checked for fractures down the hospital.

Some comedy ZZZZZZ's made by Acme are added to Neville's dream of flytipped bliss, but it's not a nice compliment to Bananarama to suggest you'd take them on a date to a landfill site, despite the state of their hair.

Nice UPVC door on the tip though, might find out where the tip is so I can utilise it on the entrance to my back passage to demarcate the patio area where my recently purchased Gazebo resides, purchased in order to keep up with the 'Rich Tea's' of this world!

Mine's a Strawberryramalamadingdong & make it snappy!

PEACHY MODEL - SEE YOU, SAY ME (6)
"You say Dee-pesh, I say Dep-esh-ay, let's call the whole thing off"

Davey G arises from his sedentary position to begin but is immediately reminded who's the star of the show by Little Miss Show-off by continuing her scarecrow waving throughout & trying to reach new heights with her extendable arms. We may see a pair of step ladders in a future episode.

Depeche have finally had the reel-to-reel fixed they bought cheap off Phil Lynott from the back of the 'Yellow Pearl' belonging to Lynott's Independent Traders. Phil's only got another 9 to shift as his Geishas from his video want the space to practice their martial arts with a view to emulating Burk Kwouk's performances from the Pink Panther films when his guard's down.

His luck might be in though as synth trainee Howard Jones will probably have a couple off him, maybe 'next Year' though.

Depeche, along with Madness have a consistency which will be highlighted as the shows progress, due to the sheer number of hits they enjoyed between '81 and '85.

Their debut album "Speak & Spell" had some great moments, "Puppets" especially is one of my all-time faves of theirs (linky below), but the album as a whole I feel is more dated than their other albums post-Vince Clarke.

"Puppets"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOdfgVH7sd8

The album's a strange mix with darkly arranged tracks such as "Photographic" & "Any Second Now" jarring with stuff such as "Boys Say Go" and the wince-inducing "What's Your Name" and it's refrain, which I always thought was an ode to parrakeets. See what you think.

"What's Your Name?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slZDjsER-YE

We cut back to Si who mixes up his Years, going backwards when he should be going forwards but it's not surprising he's befuddled as he's been frozen for 79 Years and that would confuse anybody.

Si has a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment then puts the kiss of death on the career of.....

GOOFY - JUDGE RINDER (36)

There seemed to be an awful lot of court-based cod reggae demonstrated in '82 & '83. I'm thinking of the video for Culture Club's number 1 later 'this Year' & Musical Youth's debut video the next, the pre-cursor seemingly is this infidelic offering with a violent twist, one which ended up in a military court from the sounds of it.

Pluto Shervington chose the wrong closet to come out of when he exited the wardrobe of the object of his lusty desires, then got a good pasting from her husband when he found him there with Pluto's (Red) hands filled with, and I quote, "me shirt in me left and me pants in me right".

Whether the jury would accept this as evidence enough to prosecute the husband with ABH/GBH after beating Goofy to a pulp in a case of potential mistaken identity seems uncertain at this this point, as Goofy's evidence is based on being circumstantial much like popular haunted house visitor Shaggy in the infamous episode of Scooby Doo, "It Wasn't Me".

The case seemed to rest on the testimony of Agatha the downstairs maid, as Goofy describes on the stand his prowess in the bedroom department by referring to himself as 'a better man than he'. The bloke's obviously a bighead, not quite in the League of Fairbrass but probably on a par with our next turn but thankfully I'm immune to the charms of toasting legends, Fairbrass and Spanish lotharios.

The outcome of the trial is never revealed, but as the viewing populace is being employed as jurors we're left to draw our own conclusions. The ending leaves the viewer unsatisfactorily in the dark not knowing the outcome, but from the evidence presented I'd say the husband was Guilty of ABH but with mitigating circumstances.

Would've been better as a half-hour episode of Crown Court, but more likely the aforementioned Judge Rinder.

During Pluto's performance, a punky tyke in the crowd gives Camera 3 the V-Sign and it's not for victory, then tries to disrupt proceedings by gurning at every available opportunity whilst his pogoing mate practices being Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout.

With some relief these two borstal-baiters seem to be kept largely in check by one of Herr Hurll's 'brown jackets' in nonshelant mode, furnishing a dodgy "Sweeney" moustache and a pair of Reactolite glasses whilst on patrol & offering dismissive looks to them, rather than the restorative justice they probably need to stop the blighters going off the rails.

At least Little Miss Show-off is happy as she hogs the limelight behind Pluto, whilst Fairbrass is a forlorn figure in a white tux jacket as he's not flavour of the Month any more. CASE ADJOURNED!

STEVEN SPIELBERG & THE WORLD OF LEATHER - MUCHO MACHO (JAWS) (video) (24)

The ex-Real Madrid goalkeeper was on a roll following his cheesy but cheerful "Begin the Beguine", but this one was pushing it for credibilty. The video budget had increased but so had the Red Leicester. Our tanned-hided hero plonks himself in front of the mirror in complete awe at how handsome he is, and if you're a Wendy Craig-like suburban housewife I'm sure our Latino legend is just the ticket.

I'm just grateful there was a Julio reflection in that mirror, otherwise the foxy lady in the mirror (Alice?) would have been in real trouble & the song may have been called "Fangs" rather than "Jaws".

It's doubtful whether Julio saw some 'goalmouth action' with the lady in Wonderland, as the mirror looked made of sturdy stuff & a 'solid defence' against Spanish attack.

Better luck next time matey & just be thankful you didn't get caught by a betrayed husband with "me shirt in me left and me pants in me right".

We cut back to the studio where Oriental Zoo has a panic attack whilst being brutally massaged from behind by an unidentified female, whilst Bobby Ball witnesses the brutal attack and waves at the back, presumably at 'this guy's Mum' who Simon informs us has a Birthday 'today'.

Happy Birthday 'this guy's Mum'! "For she's a jolly good fellow" etc.

SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND SIR? - MARRIAGE AT MINUS 40 DEGREES (3)

Next up, Simon playfully introduces us to a game of Pop Star 'Guess Who' with our next turn.

Simon: Have Haircut 100 released an album called Pelican Rest?
Viewing audience: No!

Travelling to London from their latest tour venue (Whitby from the looks of Nick's 'so'wester'), Nick & the crew of the Pelican West dock in the Top 5 for what seems like an eternity, as our Fisherman's Friend along with his mates have caught a whopper of a hit here which goes down well with the giddy audience who get so excited they start chanting "Eh Oh" throughout the Haircuts performance like touring Teletubbies.

Bad miming for the 'then I call' bit as per.

Fairbrass is barely moving at the start but livens up later. Too much starch in the tux jacket perhaps, but the cream probably helped.

Nice lively atmosphere & performance but our Jed won't like the audience interjections.

Simon informs us he's got a fast plane waiting for the Haircuts to get to Nottingham, but they're seen trying to break the land speed record out of the emergency exits at BBC TV Centre as the band find out Simon's chartered Numanair.

Bobby Ball gets excited at the prospect of the Top 30 with Simon in charge, and who can blame him? It's a rollercoaster to be sure. Much like a dyslexic Grand Old Duke of York, Simon marches us up when it's down, down when it's up and when it's not up or down.....it's a non-mover.

It's a good job our tune wasn't defrosted in 1939 and in charge, otherwise Britain would've declared war on Greenland and we'd all have ended up watching 57 Varieties of Zoo in Lederhosen dancing to "Deutscher Girls" weekly on 'Das Gut Old Days'.

Thankfully we're all friends now (allegedly).

End of part 1....

...Part 2

DUNDEE 4 REST OF THE POPS 1 (25)

Simon's now harrassed by a queue-jumper who generates negative feedback, then compounds the sleight by poking Simon from behind with his finger.

Si's doing his best under such challenging conditions. For God's sake give him a break!

Si recovers once again & even is relaxed enough to have a little boogie-woogie in the back of his mind. Nice work if you can get it.

Then we're subjected to one of the worst rackets of the Year. This Scottish Frank Spencer impersonator is vocally all over the place & the bloke at the back has got chopsticks in his hair like bloody Aneka, the famous convincing Japanese impressionist second only to Benny Hill!

Had you worried for a minute?

The 'goal of the season' so far, Billy Mackenzie warbles and wails a heavenly melody and the view from here, closer to near is in 20/20 vision with this piece of pop perfection, which along with a few other ditties already in '82 (it's only March as well) will top many a forumites chart I'm sure.

The demure and quite lovely Martha Ladly lady on keyboards but without her selection of Muffins has done well for herself too...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Ladly

Sublime, dizzying vocals tinged with a sense of sadness though in more ways than one. Quite superb and a deserved smash which much like a fine Malt, improves with the passage of time.

There's been much speculation as to why Billy Mackenzie is looking up to the ceiling on numerous occasions, but I'm happy to reveal the true explanation is he was worried Gary Numan was on final approach.

The number 20 then becomes number 11 & 12 in Bates number crunch which would perplex Stephen Hawking, then it's....

THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH - "HARPIC" (12p)
“It's Time to put on make up, it's time to light the lights”

In a look modelled on Fozzie Bear & copied by his brother, the siblings doze through this slow burner with very poor use of the Queen's English ('You was my best toy'), not to mention the bad rhyming discussed extensively on the forum. I won't add my tuppence worth, but suffice to say my offering is Cockney parlance for possessing meagre funding or the cleaning product mentioned above.

It's hard to distinguish who is the hairier of the two Gurvitzes (Gurvitzii?), and if this episode had been presented by DLT there would've been a hair jungle created, perfect for Renton the spaced-out lion to finally get some well-earned kip rather than suffering the indignity of being slapped around by a misbehaved Gorilla, putting up with sleep deprivation from badly painted drummers & being harrassed by vocal mime artists from England. If Tight Fit, the drummers & that bloody gorilla had departed the scene, the village might be more peaceful, even conducive to slumber. Where's the Council when you need 'em?

Back in Adrian's Attic, I feel the performance needed Statler & Waldorf to cheer up po-faced proceedings with a few witticisms, or preferably Oscar the Grouch singing it from a BBC 'trash can'.

To be fair though it was a sizeable hit which ultimately proves there's a certain amount of "Cash in the Attic" to be had, just not enough to make a series out of it.

(Long pause then tumbleweed).....

I like the guitar solo though, but didn't buy into it as a love song I'm afraid. Bobby Ball in a fog bank at the back bumbles along to this one like he's pining for his Cannon. ROCK ON TOMMY!

Our Timelord helpfully informs us we've missed the 7.45 from Euston, but as Numanair now has some seats vacated by the no-show of Haircut 100 we can take our chances in the chartered Cessna if we wish.

What time's the next train?

BAGGY & LOOSE- ZE SEAGULLS FOLLOW ZE TRAWLER (1)
To the 'Video Player' for this Weeks stint at the top spot, and it would appear Tight Fit have blown the budget on so many stuffed flamingos on set they can't afford the petrol for the unsuitable vehicle they've chosen to go joyriding round the jungle in.

The heavily-made up bonnie Fit girls are left to mimic the 'Landy' travelling at 30mph when there's clearly nobody driving, and they're not going to get anywhere without using the future Mrs. Waterman and "Chopper" to make some inroads to cut the less than dense Tight Fit bush.

You can insert a perceived 'mysogynist' joke here Pop Pickers, but take great care as retaliation will be swift and severe.

Some faux-Voodoo stuff goes on for a bit, Renton is harrassed further by a fishing line attached to his tail (cast no doubt by Nick Heyward), and for a nanosecond it crossed my mind the bonnie Fit girls were going to end up in an on-site pot, boiled above a makeshift fire started by Lennie Bennett of the Goombay Dance Band.

Thankfully this scenario didn't come to pass, thereby narrowly avoiding a long and protracted Health & Safety Investigation with certain increased Insurance Premiums for jungle-based production post-1982.

Renton is offered some comfort by the girls not being boiled into a Fit stew as he's of a nervous enough disposition as it is, and is read the Tight Fit lullaby before sleepy byes by Stevie G, and the cast sans Renton find their own Wimo-weh out of the jungle in choreographed syncopation.

Even the Gorilla puts in a cameo at the end to everyone's delight with what looks like a couple of mushrooms growing under his armpits.

No cute puppet lion in the video though as he probably got quarantined at Nottingham airport along with Haircut 100.

The question I'm left with however, is how did they managed to get DFS to deliver a scalloped sofa to such an inhospitable location?

A bit of a treat at the end as Sid Snot puts in an appearance on this 'tatty little show', we have a mini Pleb-gate scandal followed even more controversially by Kiss-gate, which fires the starting gun on much angst on the forum and I'm bloody exhausted from all the goings on, so it's with a certain degree of exhilarated relief this episode is in the can.

Epilogue...
SHIT ON A STICK - BLACK HOLES IN MY 78'S (LBW)

The playout track is more-of-the-same recycled Dutch dogs dinner which should have been left in 1981, during which we have the spectacle of Little Miss Show-off competing for screen time with her Sistas & acting akin to 'Spinsters of the Parish' scrapping over the Wedding Bouquet.

A yelp during the playout is more than likely one of the Sistas having her foot stamped on with a high heel by LIttle Miss Show-off in order to move up the Show-off pecking order.

A fantastic omnishambles of an episode and a middling-to acceptable 7/10.

Just Duran Duran, Shalamar (still to appear in 82) and Blondie ( likewise in absentia so far in 82) .

Hahaha Andy1302 - just read your summary of the last TOTP edition with Blunder Bates & Co. ( Don't worry forumites - I'm not going to repost it - buts it's above if you want to read it!)!!