Countdown Capers
Top of the Pops 14th January 1982
Following last Weeks' display of Circus/Fairground-themed events which are now permanently etched in my cerebral cortex and not in a good way, a marginally more restrained & dignified event this episode as our head Zoo-keeper for this evening's entertainment is the stoic DLT.
Armed with a compact to shine at the viewing audience to drive home the point, the first turn tonight is...
(4) DOLLAR – Mirror Mirror (Mon Amour)
DLT does some superb 'Dad-Dancing' to the intro and we're off!
Wearing a lovely pink bow also used when wrapping a small family hatchback on delivery from a car dealership to one careful lady owner, the gift that keeps on giving in the shape of Thereze gives a typically enthusiastic and happy performance whilst Mr. vD is allocated the bow that's shrunk in the wash, as the big one would just look daft on him.
The lyrics 'and I want you to know that I like what I see' are hard to contest, even if DvD did take the title of the track somewhat literally at times.
A solid opener, great song with a fabulous hook & confident performance to match.
Mirrors aloft!
(57) ELKIE BROOKS – Fool If You Think It’s Over
DLT informs us in no uncertain terms he adores both the singer and song, and with her silky smooth live vocals it's hard to disagree. Going for a 'straight from the hack' look with the horse presumably tethered outside the studio, it's no wonder the Two Ronnies employed EB's services for such a long while as she always delivers, and whilst not my first choice of music I can appreciate her output. The studio audience totally perplexed throughout, but I thought overall a good job.
I may have spoke too soon of the demise of the Circus/fairground theme, as DLT has some seriously hairy competition from another escapee from the TOTP enclosure.
An enthusiastic sabre-toothed tiger this time, who's been released from captivity in time for...
(13) SHAKIN’ STEVENS – Oh Julie
Shaky doesn't get much of a look in for this performance as he's subject to some serious videobombing with little mercy. One giddy stage-squatter even seems to have taken up permanent residence on the stage. No respect these young 'uns!
The instrumental break gives an opportunity for Oh Julie Zoo (one of the Page 3 stunnas?) to do a solo jig, egged on by a Fairbrass in camouflage whilst Shaky gets on with his own business with the aid of his Shaky legs. The floor manager eventually twigs the giddy stage-squatter and orders her to schnell, giving Shaky the opportunity to take his rightful place in the spotlight. The guy's a trooper!
Prior to the next turn, DLT puts his personal safety at great risk by teasing a traumatised gorilla, maybe the same one that does Phil Collins' drumming. DLT's no Dian Fossey that's for sure, but the gorilla gives an indication he's a fan of the next band so no harm done...
(7) ALTERED IMAGES – I Could Be Happy
DLT throws down the gauntlet to the camera crew who struggle to keep up with the bouncy & delightful Ms. Grogan, so DLT won that bet easily. The camera crew didn't stand a chance & the gorilla enjoyed it too! Bonus!
Revisiting the back catalogue of Altered Images has been a pleasure in the last few Weeks, a sorely underrated band. Pinky Blue & Bite worth revisiting, although a cover of "Song Sung Blue" a blot on an otherwise relatively blemish-free copybook I feel.
(25) THE STRANGLERS – Golden Brown
The Stranglers have a harpsichord and they're not afraid to use it!
Resistance is futile to this meandering piece, dream-like in melody and soothing to the soul although the band haven't taken heed of the lyrics 'never a frown', probably because they've got mild hypothermia as Herr Hurll's attacking them with his stock of dry ice on a cold January Thursday. At least Zoo could dance around to keep warm.
Shivering on...
(3) KOOL & THE GANG – Get Down On It
This headache-inducing video from Kool & the Gang is never an enjoyable experience, and time hasn't improved matters. Happily, most of their music on the other hand I still enjoy, this track being no exception even though I'm sure Jedikiah must have winced at the studio "Woos" throughout the studio dancing sections.
If anyone finds out what the 'It' is in "Get Down on It" please post but keep it clean! A great track but a studio performance would've been much better.
DLT congratulates the Team Disco Champions 1981 (Amateur), & 'encourages' the lead dancer into declaring Zoo are his favourite (Professional?) dance troupe, presumably under considerable duress as otherwise gorilla, sabre-toothed tiger, not to mention Elkie Brooks' horse will be unleashed on 'em!
(23) THE FOUR TOPS – Don’t Walk Away
Oops! The telly's not fully recovered from the Kool & the Gang video, the wonky intro pans back to a couple of Zoo males, one of them forgetting their Zoo kit & having to perform in someone else's underpants whilst the rest look like they've had a good rummage through lost property as no colour co-ordination is present.
Another winning track from the Four Tops & another one I'd nearly forgotten about.
(20) BROWN SAUCE – I Wanna Be A Winner
Is it Saturday already? The Fun Sauce Three are on the Pops in video form with their aspirational ditty highlighting the icons of the day (though I always thought the lyrics 'On Safari with the Biggins' should've been used to juxtapose Hurricane Higgins). There's a phrase you don't see very often, and the sauce were very wise indeed in hindsight not to 'Go Nationwide with Frank Bough'.
I'm still waiting for Cheggers to rock up at the Bay Leisure Centre so I can offload my Stretch Armstrong, who's never been the same since he was involved in a tug of war between our garage door and the tow bar of my Dad's Triumph Acclaim, though I suspect I'm a little optimistic wanting a three-bedroom property in the Cotswolds complete with thatched roof, but I digress.
A few questions I have are:
Can Noel really play the drums & keyboards?
Was that real champagne Noel was shaking furiously & was a full risk assessment completed pre-shake?
How fine is Maggie Philbin?
and what the heck is an 'Eric'?
(10) KRAFTWERK – The Model
Unbelievably 3 Years old by this point, Kraftwerk finally got the recognition they deserved with this stunning piece of electronica, together with the equally good flipside Computer Love. "The Man Machine" album, along with the much sampled "Trans-Europe Express" still remain IMO a blueprint for modern music, even after nearly 40 Years and are rightly lauded. For officionados of Electro, the Francois Kevorkian 12'' Remix of "Tour de France" takes some beating. Fabulous.
(1) BUCKS FIZZ – The Land Of Make Believe
Bookended with Dollar at the start, pop was in a rich vein of form during this time and 'ver Fizz were right at the top of their game. Confidence exuding for this performance with plenty of running on the spot (for the Sun newspaper?), they'd even borrowed Ken Barlow's entire Kimono collection to celebrate, though presumably on a short-term contract.
I'd concede Rita does rock the kimono (Clash song?), but still Team Jay I'm afraid as with Jay less is most certainly more, but on the strength of this you'd be churlish not to want to visit 'the Land of Make Believe' accompanied by the Fizz. Just edit the annoying twee kid out of the ending.
An outnumbered DLT has no further opportunity for any Dad-dancing save waving a lone balloon while he's Being Boiled, whilst the Floor Manager's Blood Boiled as his orders from Herr Hurll require the studio audience to, and I quote, "MOOOVE IIIIIT".
The Team Disco Champions 1981 (Amateur) duly oblige, waving a TOTP Red Flag.
The revolution has been televised, and another episode is in the can.
Overall rating
8.5/10 due to the lack of respect for the much maligned Shaky and the ruination of the Four Tops by Zoo, but a plus that no animals or Team Disco Champions 1981 (Amateur) were harmed during the production of this episode.
Tune in tonight for more countdown capers pop pickers!