Ooh, the jive....Charleston, waltz, Viennese Waltz, Tango, rumba .....all of them really
I love the Red Paso which Arnostae (I think?) dubbed with the Green Paso music.

That's a really hard one (obviously!) but I think mine would have to be the tango as well Love the style of dance anyway and I thought every part of it was great, so it's probably the one I've re-watched the most

ETA I also love love love the red paso jnb!

Yes, I think J is truly lost in the dance as we clearly are too. I wish he could go on waltzing round and round for another ten minutes... 💑

Oooops - things do sometimes go skewiff when I copy across, I will check back! Apologeys.

Favourite dance? Rumba? Tango? possibly!

Jobs to follow. I hope nothing gets lost in translation!

10 separate posts required. I may be here some time

ACCOUNTANT
Tinkerbell52 <<Just to keep his figure(s) in order>>
isih << that's what they all say>>
APPOINTED: Tinkerbell52

ACTING COACH - MEDIA CLIPS
DeiseDays <<Fred, I feel sure there is a JayJob for you — there seems to be a vacancy for Acting Coach - Media Clips, a very important role involving sitting very close to Jay and playing him media clips you have gathered to hone his prowess>>
Fred. <<It's kind of you to think of a J job for me DD, but think it might be better done by someone else as all I would like would be to sit round a table for a nice interesting chat over a cup of tea or coffee. So does anyone want the J job DD suggested for me?>> SEE Biscuit Logistics Manager
APPOINTED:

ACTING COACH incorporating REHEARSAL MISTRESS
KorkyTheCat (pre BIG announcement) <<Ooooooh! Great room for a fantasy! Just the place for a spot of acting coaching too. I would love to role-play with J and if he/I/we tired we could just flop onto that bed until refreshed, restored to full vigour and raring to go again. I would hope that the decor would inspire him to great heights (of acting) and try things he's never done before.>>
KorkyTheCat( post BIG announcement) <<Actually I haven't applied for the JayJob of Acting Coach, only for the position of Script Buddy/Nocturnal Role Play Partner to help him learn his lines (plus Distractor and Tweakmeister). I look forward to the virtual fisticuffs between those of you wishing you be appointed his coach.>>
Dufnut <<As a member of my local am dram group can I apply for the job of acting coach? I promise I have never been to the CRH school of gurning (sorry acting)>>
KorkyTheCat <<I don't see why not - apart from my nocturnal role play with J. Put it to Isi.>>
isih <<I am happy to accept any job share arrangement which avoids the unsheathing of claws and unseemly squalling>>
KorkyTheCat <<We will be bringing him up to perfection in his acting!>>
isih << as opposed to the scurrilous implication inherent in a comment made by our Deputy Chief Whip / Chief Rabble Rouser>>
KorkyTheCat <<ETA: Will he be needing a dolly grip, or is that only for filming purposes?>> see Gripette
Toasted Toad <<*elbows way to front of queue*. I really think I need to take time out from my busy schedule to take on the JayJob of drama coach - my credentials are unassailable; I was the lead in my school musical when I was 7 years old. I therefore have a long (ago) performance history and know all about how to get an audience to hang on your every word (the key is to have your parents in the audience).>>
KorkyTheCat <<It's Dufnut who you'll have to confer with for this JayJob, TT. I hope to have my hands full in my other capacities.>>
Toasted Toad <<Ah, but my history predates Dufnut - I am the senior thespian - Ian McKellen to her Benedict Cumberbatch!>>
Dufnut << To be honest though I am currently learning lines for our next production in August so maybe you could deputise until then TT and I'll take over in the run up to opening night and fine tune everything.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Hmmm... Then I suggest that we all leave it to the Keeper of the JayJobs, Isi, to allocate the latest Big ones.>>
DeiseDays <<Oooh, seems like this is turning into a real cat fight. Could all interested parties please retire to the Navigation Alcove, consider their position, and think LONG and HARD about the ups and downs of the job.>>
Toasted Toad <<*sharpens claws*>>
hannah 01. <<I have to go off at half time for an early bath (footie analogy again) and I get up at sparrow fart (luv that saying) to cat fights being discussed. What ever happened to handbags at 10 paces. The good old fashioned way to settle things.>>
Fred. <<I'll have you know Dufnut, TT, Korky, ahouch and others, that I *starred*, yes, was the actual star of the school Nativity when I played Mary, aged 7 - only had 3 lines, but that's irrelevant If I was applying for J jobs, I would be best to be J's acting coach with this vast experience of mine. However, think I'd best keep out of anything to do with Big - my job of holding J's hand just when he's dancing with A, means I have to ride my bicycle around the stage to keep up. If I tried that in Big it would mean my bicycle would go over the piano keyboard and spoil it, so I'd better not get involved.>>
Toasted Toad <<I had a solo to sing as well as lines in my big starring role - yes, Hollywood offers came pouring in as a result. Ahem - perhaps not! As I said, a truly veteran thespian. I think it was something vaguely Christmas related, but was definitely not a Nativity. Actually, just remembered there was another play when I was about 10 or 11 (Pied Piper this time - I played the Mayor). So I am very experienced as well.>>
Callmepitstop <<I did Sunday School panto from the age of 8, culminating in a school production of Dick Whittington where I played the Faerie Queen when I was 11. I had a whole 12 lines to learn, and I tripped very daintily on and off stage. In later years, I played the Belly Dancer in an AmDram production of Bang Bang Beirut (later called Stand By Your Bedouin) - are you seeing the camel connection here? so, I am also very experienced in the acting field and can offer J my expert advice.>>
isih <<We seem to have reached a satiscatfory solution here, on a voluntary basis. Good job it wasn't HMS Pinafore as I would have been asserting myself, having played the significant role of Dick Deadeye in my youth. The fact I was cast only because I had a ready made patch over my NHS pink specs (with red hair, note) being totally irrelevant>>
REHEARSAL MISTRESS
hannah 01. <<...Rehearse rehearse rehearse. Another JayJob Korky. Rehearsal Mistress. (For all future ventures)...>>
KorkyTheCat <<Hmmm... I most humbly accept.>>
APPOINTED: Toasted Toad, callmepitstop (belly dancing), Dufnut for future reference, KorkyTheCat (rehearsal)

ADRENALIN DUMP MANAGER (aka Bringer Downer)
KorkyTheCat <<Having read through the latest JayJobs there seems to be a vacancy for a Bringer Downer after J has performed. He is sure to be on a high and in an emotional state after achieving his goal and fulfilling his promise. His *respectful pause* body will be producing endorphins and he will need to be calmed. I would use my tried and tested methods to soothe his agitation, quell his quivering and alleviate his Big performance anxiety. I would assure him that he has proved a triumph in his numerous acts and that as his services would be required again in a few hours' time he should relax to muster his stamina for a repeat performance.>>
hannah 01. <<Korky you are an incorrigible Cat. I think you do this already in your Mistress of the Bedchamber duties. Don't forget he will need time to celebrate in the various alcoves in the gutter and as Master of the Beer Bottles I shall be escorting him to and from the theatre travelling with his beer of choice.>>
isih <<hannah 01.'s comments are very apt but I am leaving this as a separate function as the calming is related specifically to post-performance>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

ARTY HOMESPINNER - original suggestion has been lost for reasons explained below, but can be revived under appropriate conditions if required
BionicBard <<Another JayJob? Arty Homespinner?>>
hannah 01. <<Are you applying BB. Get in there before the Korkster does>>
KorkyTheCat <<Oooh, yes please! Odd-Jobs Man J could build a little rickety shack in the woods for us to live in...>>
hannah 01. <<Oi Missy. You not taking him off into the back of beyond in a blimmin shack. So sure you do I am coming after you with Bear Grylls>>
Lola the cat <<I am taking this to mean a collective "us", if so then his Handyman jobs can and will be rescheduled to accommodate the building of hideaway in the woods. I'm thinking something along the lines of what Kevin McCloud built in Man in the Wood, it's not the best picture but as it's technically on wheels it doesn't need planning permission so could be started asap. Just have to decide where to build it, somewhere central so easy to get to, I live central so I'm sure I could find somewhere near me>>
KorkyTheCat <<Ha! J is "crazy strong" and will easily see off that little scout. We will be blissfully content in our humble rickety shack amid nature... "Us" - as you well know Lola - is J and me, listening to birds and other woodland wildlife, experiencing the dusk slowly enveloping us, marvelling at each different sunrise...>>
StrictlyRed <<Lola and Korky - I haven't caught up on your conversation properly, but does this talk about a cabin in the woods mean that we have a new addition to the thread Property Portfolio? And if so, if it has wheels, does it count as a vehicle alongside the Jaybus and Jaytrain? I imagine the gutter is the main residence, but cabin looks like a nice holiday home>>
KorkyTheCat <<No, the rickety wooden shack deep in the woods is what J will be building for him and me to live in. In fact - Isih - this is an official Job For J for your list: Carpenter/Joiner/Chippy.>>
isih <<This suggestion from BB rapidly deteriorated, didn't it! Korky, the carpenter etc job is already in hand, as JOBSFORJAY (5), so tough kitty.
<<However, the suggestion for a holiday gutter has been taken up by several Gutterites and I leave this in the capable hands of hannah 01 and bubble_wrap when she has the opportunity to return>>

ASSISTANT DOG/JAY HANDLER CARER
KorkyTheCat <<J himself has revealed an opening for an Assistant Dog Handler and Carer (with secondary duties as J Handler and Carer) * and I should like to apply. I feel that this would sit well alongside my other JayJobs as I would already be "on the spot". He has apparently professed a poor memory re. feeding said dog (and himself?) and I would be on hand to give gentle reminders if needed, e.g. a soft ruffle of the Jaycurls. I don't mind shopping and would happily bring back the Woofikins for the Jay dog plus irresistible delicacies to tempt J. Nom nom...>>
Toasted Toad <<Well, so long as you handle the poop scoop the job's all yours!>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'd obviously share these duties with J and train him in the mystical art of hygienic poopscooping by guiding his hands. Ditto associated activities.>>
Callmepitstop <<poop a scooping is certainly all yours. Dog poop makes me barf. Strangely, cat poop doesn't. Don't even ask about camel poop>>
isih <<Wasn't your aversion to camel crap a bit of a handicap in your former employment of pit stop attendant?>>
nos lowen <<We'll need to partner up Korky with my JayJob as veggie chef, which looks like it might be needed! I love quorn too so I can promise it won't be undercooked! I am on standby and promise never to leave J hungry...>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'm very happy to partner up, NL. Do you think he becomes so engrossed in playing his video games that he forgets to eat? Maybe that's partly what he meant. Perhaps he needs a little discipline in his life. I'm willing to oblige! 🎓 I could also structure his days...>>
jnb_7 <<Ahem Korky, I'm in charge of discipline remember ?!?>>
KorkyTheCat <<I inferred that you are in charge of quite a different type of discipline. I wish only to keep him to some necessary order for the benefit of his wellbeing.>>
jnb_7 <<I have NO idea what you mean....there is more than one type of discipline?!?!?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Mine is organisational; yours - er - um - erm - isn't!>>
hannah 01. <<Now now girls......... I'm turning fifty shades of........>>
jnb_7 <<I've never even read or watched 50 Shades.....#just saying>>
isih <<never mind, Jay has >>
hannah 01. <<It's in the Dulux section of B&q. ...Hiding behind that pesky grey colour>>
isih << I thought that was just a shaggy dog story! >>
Tsuntsu bird <<I feel quite qualified to be the dog handler should he obtain a pooch - already feed, exercise and poop scoop for my own. But I would not wish to deprive Korky of the self sacrificing determination to slave herself into the ground for him!! Besides I feel that the care of the dancing feet is sufficient and is MINE. Should he cease to dance and revert to full time welly walking I would of course hand them over to someone more suitable.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheKat, nos lowen (Diet), jnb_7 (special discipline)

ATTRACTIVE FINDER GENERAL
snippy <<willing to look at him a little longer and more than willing to find him attractive, going above and beyond the call of duty to find all aspects of MrG's attractiveness.>>
Little Miss ahouch
APPOINTED: snippy, Little Miss ahouch, jnb_7, KorkyTheCat.
isih <<Please note other roles incorporate elements of this role but I doubt there will be any arguments >>

BANDANA SELECTOR (originally misread as banana) and now incorporating HAT MONITOR
KorkyTheCat <<I have been thinking of applying for the JayJob of Bandana Selector. J loves them for his wrists or *respectful pause* neck or head or hair but some are unsuitable for his new career. I would help him choose or vet them and (as his Dresser) adorn him with our mutually agreed items. I hope to hear favourably about this position.>>
hannah 01. <<jnb will have something to say I think. She is Jay's Fashionsta after all.>>
isih <<Be careful with the head bands, they may count as hats, ie jnb province as HAT MONITOR>>
jnb_7 <<Korky - back away from the bandanna, furry one, I shall defend my territory to the hilt! *sideways glance *>>
Lola the cat <<Don't worry Janet, I'll try not to neglect my duties again and will endeavour to keep Korky away from ALL items of clothing, however random they may be.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Well, as his Dresser... How about a compromise: You choose his head ones and I'll see to the rest of him.>>
Lola the cat <<It doesn't work like that Korky, stop trying to push the boundaries. I've had 2 boys, I know when boundaries are being pushed. Clothes is clothes, whatever part of the body they are on, now concentrate on your jobs that you have been allocated.>>
jnb_7 <<Hmm..... NO Rock, Paper, Scissors for all of him?!>>
KorkyTheCat <<Fair enough. I do not wish to enter into fisticuffs with anyone. You may have sole charge of his bandanas.>>
HAT MONITOR
jnb_7 <<I would like the post of jays hat monitor....I can hold his hat while he sorts out his curls *sigh....sideways glance*, and definitely, definitely be prepared to look at him a little longer, and definitely definitely find him attractive Swoon. And other such sentiments Ps this would fit in with my other post of Jays Jalionista Fashionista....and would mean I could spend more time locked inside a changing room with him, I mean assisting him to dress without distraction. Ahem>>
isih <<However, it must be noted that there is an overlap of function with Attractive Finder General>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

BEARD TENDER
KorkyTheCat <<I have also come across Beard Conditioner... ...which prompts me to ask for the position of Applier of the Beard Conditioner please Isih. Whether it turns him into a wild man I will let you know... if in a fit state to do so.>>
isih <<Korky, you are in luck. All the previous beard tending jobs have been abandoned.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

BIG BEARD TENDER
Lola the cat <<I have had a Jayjob thought, I know bit early for a Sunday morning to be having such thoughts. I am going to have to research this one a bit as it involves his beard and I know that is being looked after. When he is in Big he is going to have to shave every day and I get the distinct impression that he is not over struck on shaving so I would be willing to help him with this onerous task, I would spread foam gently over his face and use a safety razor to remove all trace of stubble and then massage balm into him to keep his little face moisturised and supple so he retains his youthful appearance as Josh. Just going off into a little daydream now...>>
isih <<I can find no clash with other beard duties, so this position has duly been added to the active list>>
hannah 01. <<Isih I hereby apply for understudy to Lola in the BIG Beard Tender Jayjob. I have noticed a worrying trend. DEPUTY The Gutter. UNDERSTUDY to Lola. Is it always to be the bridesmaid never the bride😢>>
isih <<hannah has been reminded of her multifarious duties and reassured that she makes a beautiful bride>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat. UNDERSTUDY: hannah 01.

BIOGRAPHER / BIOPIC PRODUCTION TEAM - 50 SHADES / 50 CHECK SHIRTS / BEST TOO MUCH EVER
stelladog <<Has anyone volunteered to write 50 Shades of Jay yet? Form an orderly queue to audition as his co-star when the film's made!>>
ahouch <<I thought about writing a poem but I wasn't feeling it. So I found myself writing a bit of fan fiction instead. >>
Lola the cat <<So, ahouch, fanfic...mmm...you are aware that 50 Shades was born out of fanfic for Twilight aren't you? So when 50 Check Shirts becomes a runaway bestseller you will remember us on the dedication page and when you sell the film rights for squillions can we come and help with the casting of the "fictitious J in the check shirt". I think we would be more than capable of helping with the casting as we all appear to have intimate knowledge regarding the attributes necessary for the casting of the part. Or maybe he could be persuaded to play himself ... goes off into a little daydream now>>
ahouch <<Agreed. Dedication page sorted. And consider yourselves all honorary casting directors. I think we may see the return of the good old casting couch for these purposes! J playing himself. Hmmm he's in his early 20's in the story at the moment so some airbrushing may be required. Unfortunately it bares more resemblance to Twilight than 50 shades in content at the moment, but the latter with regard writing prowess! Not sure if I can bring myself to write the naughty bits - but then again I didn't think I'd be doing this a week ago! So far a flight attendant has helped him find his lizard! And as J would say, 'that's not a euphemism!'😉>>
ahouch <<Korky - thank you for putting Sam forward for the role of Jay. I hope he is well versed in lip licking and all other Jay traits. I can be a bit of a control freak so I intend to take on the role of both producer and director. This will ensure that I am involved at every juncture and will have complete artistic freedom to direct those vital love scenes to perfection. I may be required to take the place of the female lead on occasion to fully demonstrate what I am looking for...The sacrifices I make for my art. Now I just need to write something salacious enough to satisfy the Cats on the thread!>>
CASTING DIRECTOR, 50 CHECK SHIRTS
KorkyTheCat <<Might I propose auditioning Sam Heughan for the part of J in your film? They do look a little alike: Are you producing and/or directing? If you need a Casting Director I should like to be considered and would put in a formal application to Isih. Did you state somewhere that the working title is 100 Shades of J?>>
ahouch <<Korky - Regarding the post of Casting Director, I feel that it would only be fair to share this role with Lola, seeing as it was she who 'sold the rights' and requested casting input in the first place. We can use 50 Check Shirts and 100 Shades of J as working titles. >>
isih <<Can I just check, ahouch - is that you, Lola and Korky, or just Lola and Korky? And I note you have accepted hannah 01's application below>>
hannah 01. <<I would like to apply for the post of Casting Couch>>
isih <<And very nice you look in black pleather, too>>
hannah 01. <<Oops. That should have been Casting Couch Director. Anything else just seems a bit weird really.>>
isih <<What's wrong with a bit weird, pray?>>
DeiseDays <<*whispers "If there's a part for a female with a great big mum crush and an aptitude for several shades of beetroot ..."*>>
ahouch <<I really should be doing something useful right now but Isih I've identified a new job/jobs. Director/Producer/Casting director of the Dramatisation of SCD2015 (motion picture/serialisation tbd) 'The Best Too Much Ever!'>>
isih – there was a link to ahouch’s scenario but I can’t get it to work, soz
APPOINTED: ahouch (overall), Lola the cat, KorkyTheCat, hannah 01. Deise Days (subject to ahouch's inclusion of the role defined)

BISCUIT LOGISTICS MANAGER
DeiseDays <<Ok Fred, I'll concede that I nominated you for the wrong job How about Biscuit Logistics Manager? You'd have to sit with Jay and discuss his biscuit preferences at length, as well as closely observe his nibbling pattern>>
Fred. <<I would like would be to sit round a table for a nice interesting chat over a cup of tea or coffee, with hobnobs, ginger biscuits - we'd have to have crackers and cheese now - and of course, custard creams for Aliona .>>
Whiffle_09 <<I believe I am qualified for this post. As some of you may recall I brought an offering of gingernuts with my first posting, am well versed also in the making of melting moments and shortbread. I am currently practising Viennese fingers and will research recipes for hobnob like biscuits forthwith as they are a favourite of Jays.>>
APPOINTED: Fred. , Whiffle_09

BUILDER'S MATE incorporating DIY ASSISTANT and TENDER OF THE TOOL BOX
Lola the cat <<as National Treasure Jay will need a base in the UK, and it will need to be redecorated and even remodelled to suit his needs. He has some diy experience but needs to wear a suitable mask - his voice and chest needs looking after. He will also need his beer cans kept on tap for when he needs a drink. I can hold a spanner or paint brush or anything else that may need holding or taking care of, ensuring he doesn't damage his talent whilst using any power tools>>
hannah 01. <<I must point out that Master of The Beer Bottles has already been allocated in the JayJobs list. TO MEEEE!!!
Lola the cat <<Being Ms Picky, cans and bottles are different but I'm also very nice so if I run out of cans, which is highly likely as I hate shopping, I will give you a shout and you can supply him with bottles.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I think J can put up his own bookshelves but if an informal interior designer is required...>>
Lola the cat <<Stands in doorway clutching drill in one hand and a hammer in the other, I think you'll find I applied to be builders mate pages and pages back, before said new house was even mentioned, btw he said "moving house" the interviewer said flat. Nobody is allowed in to fluff cushions yet until I have finished rubbing down with him anything that may need rubbing down>>
TENDER OF THE TOOL BOX
BionicBard <<Bravo Korky. Maybe another job? Curator of the Toolbox?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Oh yes, YES, YES! I am hereby applying!>>
Lola the cat <<Hands off that tool box Korky, I think you will find I applied as J's builders mate rather a long time ago>>
BionicBard <<Erm, I've just found a note under my door, saying a certain young handyman would be pleased if you would apply for the position of Tender of the Toolbox, he doesn't like the idea of a curator, doesn't want to risk confusion with the undercrackers.>>
isih <<Interruption here: It should be pointed out that Mr McG's wishes can only be taken into consideration where a totally new post is envisaged. Lola the cat is therefore confirmed in her post as originally intended. HOWEVER, some people just never give up, do they>>
KorkyTheCat <<But I am hiring him on a private basis, just him alone plus his enormous toolbox.>>
Lola the cat <<Sorry, builders always have a builders mate - rules is rules Where his tool box goes so do I>>
KorkyTheCat <<Sounds like he's already on his way! *spreads sheets over floor to protect carpets*>>
BionicBard <<....and be sure to shut the cat flap, I swear I saw Lola lurking...>>
KorkyTheCat <<Too late! I can see his hod, mahl stick and damp stucco already!>>
isih <<Yes, but what about the tools for doing odd jobs?>>
DeiseDays <<Ah, but who has the sonic screwdriver?>>
isih <<Further discussions and gloating ensue, but what it boils down to is that Lola has graciously agreed to loan the odd-job man out to Korky.>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat. Her decision is final as to where the handyman is deployed. Hannah 01. on call if canned beer runs out

BUTTON PUSHER (MICROWAVE)
Jay Mcguiness, courtesy of spreeathen <<I put things in the microwave for 1:11 because I'm too lazy to move my finger to the 0.>>
Lola the cat <<Korky is going to think this is a job for her "microwave button pusher", she will always ensure that J's buttons are correctly pushed>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'm very pleased to say that since this stint of self-confessed Lazydigititis I have trained him in the fine motor skill of finger dexterity and he is now a virtuoso>>
KorkyTheCat <<Hmmm... I think I'd prefer to guide his finger to the relevant button rather than do it for him, should he need a refresher lesson. (See above.) So Finger Guide as a JayJob please, Isih!>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmm, I feel you're underestimating the microwave issues Korky. So many things can go wrong ... What would you do if there was a mismatch in the active port diameter? Or the feed-forward amplifier got stuck?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Well, I agree that the acceptance angle is vital to get right, as is the angle of arrival, or the result may be a propagation delay.>>
DeiseDays <<And would you know how to handle a star coupler? I'm not sure this is the job for you Korks ... Isih, with my scientific background, I could apply my knowledge of frequency modulation and fibre bandwidth in the new position of Microwave Manipulation Mistress. I would carefully calculate the rise time and fall time and ensure that all necessary RF shielding is in place to avoid any microwave leaks.>>
KorkyTheCat <<So... You on the scientific side and me handling the Jaydigit/human side of the world of the microwave. Seems quite logical and fair to me.>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER incorporating CONTROLLER OF THE INKWELL and GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN
KorkyTheCat <<I have learned over 20 styles in the past and would love to impart my expertise and enthusiasm to J. I feel sure that he possesses the required aptitude, dexterity and artistry. We know that he has great co-ordination and powers of concentration. Would need to put our heads together to pore over the necessary equipment: a) right size of pen holder, thin or thicker to suit his hand. b) an array of differently sized nibs to suit each font (left-handed nibs) c) numerous bottles of coloured inks. d) good quality paper plus pencil, ruler and eraser. Requirements for a satisfactory outcome include: a steady hand, a firm grip, relaxing into the mood, self-discipline, developing a rhythm, letting it flow, nurturing a growing talent, perseverance, developing prowess, immersion in the activity, reaching optimum level of competence, focusing on the end result and satisfaction in producing a fine finish, preferably with many a final flourish. You may be sure that J will be in very capable, encouraging and stimulating hands>>
nos lowen <<You are clearly a very experienced and dedicated teacher. I can't think of anyone better for the job.>>
CONTROLLER OF THE INKWELL
isih <<I feel that this post, combined with the GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN, is concomitant with the role of CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER>>
KorkyTheCat <<An inkwell, like bottled ink, must be used with care as the fluid can so easily spill over. Cue much disappointment.>>
BionicBard <<I think at this juncture it would be apposite to mention that I am rarely calligraphically challenged, having learned to write with a dip pen. This rarely left blots so I did not require blotting paper, which could be advantageously utilised dipped in ink, placed on the end of a twelve inch ruler and flicked at fluffed up felines who'd bitten off more than they could chew.... I would also add that if you sink your ink well, it won't spill over.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Ah, but I do, very deeply, yet upon withdrawing the dip pen there is sometimes a globule which adheres to the very tip and, if not noticed and wiped off, can spoil the accomplishment.>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmm, I seem to remember that jnb has excellent calligraphy skills, I predict a three-way inkwell battle for this JayJob>>
GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN
KorkyTheCat <<Dip pens are used for calligraphy and can be messy, but practice, patience and experience pays off in the end. They are very satisfying to use and the results are wet but shouldn't be blotted or some boldness, precision or resolution may be lost.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

CHÄTELAINE formerly LIVE IN HOUSEKEEPER
Jelly_L <<responsible for the cleanliness and maintenance of a comfortable environment in which the employer could fully relax. This may, unfortunately, lead to witnessing said employer in varying states of undress and sobriety so is not for the fainthearted.>>
nos lowen <<I'd like to think at the moment he's engrossed in doing up his new London home! Do we have a DIY assistant? Cushion fluffer?>>
isih <<I think that is Lola's remit>>
StrictlyRed <<Is anyone Keeper of the Keys yet? If not, I'm not too bogged down, so I'm stepping forward for this vacancy, as I'm only neck massage at the moment, I think.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I will second you but if you should be hors de combat I should like to be his duplicate key holder, available day or night. He is clearly in need of a châtelaine>>
APPOINTED: StrictlyRed. Deputy, KorkyTheCat

CHEF
isih <<PA Mcguiness27 requests that whoever makes him a cup of tea makes it with a drop of milk and NO sugar, he loves bourbons, custard creams and hobnobs, no sweets with gelatine>>
nos lowen <<fellow veggie able to avoid hidden animal products, specialist in chocolate sauce for all applications>>
maryhall1 <<I can also cook up a great veggy meal>>
APPOINTED: nos lowen, maryhall1

CHESTICLE CHERISHER [Jelly_L]
[ duties to include gentle application of chest rub and careful rubbing of the back when colds and coughs may appear. This would not clash with aforementioned Personal Masseuse as duties differ. The post may need to be permanent to preserve the voice and I will bow to the superior knowledge of the singer's amongst us if this is the case. ]
KorkyTheCat <<I will gladly take on this onerous task, Isi. It is a subject very close to my own heart... 💕>>
jnb_7 <<Damn I meant to ask for the CHESTICLE CHERISHER post - I've personally found the Jaygrance to be most potent there and it would tie in nicely with my post of the Sniffer in Chief...? One wouldn't want to have TOO many JayJobs, would one, Korky?>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, jnb_7

CHIEF RABBLE ROUSER
APPOINTED: jnb_7 (by popular acclaim) <<reporting for duty to the No.1 Jalionista Sista Detective Voting Monkey Twitter Gutter Dweller Agency, sah!>>

CHIEF RESEARCHER, now including BLUDGING
isih <<Research is a very useful tool in any attempt to gain freebies under dubious circumstances.>>
Hannah 01. <<an ad hoc position and I can therefore fit all necessary duties in with other positions>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01

CHIEF WHIP incorporating VOTING INVIGILATOR
[Mrs F seems well qualified as Chief Whip to oversee all admin duties and deal with less than supportive commentators.] - Jelly_L
isih <<There appear to be several deputies in play, but only one with their own whip. No problem if Mrs F is happy, but could you declare yourselves formally, please
<<A sub-committee has been proposed by Deise Days, to be called The Jalionista Catch-22 Voting Committee. Motto: Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Honorary President: Mrs Finkelstein, Chief Whip: Agent jnb, Welfare Officer: Lola the Cat, Voting Monkey Team Leader: DeiseDays. Isih to be Honorary Consul for dealing with foreign visitors and other committee positions to be filled after suitable discussions with Jalionista HQ>>
Lola the cat <<So finally home from work and everyone seems to be in the gutter, so it seems up to the welfare officer to restore order. None of you lot want to upset the Hon President Mrs F, do you? Whilst you are rolling around the gutter who exactly is voting - mmmm, speak up at the back. I have managed to get free wifi installed so you can continue voting whilst in the naughty corner and it probably reaches the gutter, password is jaystalent. I have only got one sofa installed so if anyone has spare one it might be helpful, or a bean bag or two. There are 2 bottles of prosecco, it's a work night for some of us, and a bag of lindt mini eggs. This is to remind you who you are supposed to be voting for. And I suppose you probably need reminding of why you are voting,
Mrs Finklestein <<Get voting! Also "I just went full on patronising/sarky, it's my natural state. jobs - is there one available that would suit my unique skill set?">>
jnb_7 <<Can I be Mrs. F's Deputy vote chaser / whip cracker?! I have the whip>>
VOTING INVIGILATOR
DeiseDays <<I can confirm that any inadvertent slacking due to unexpected visual stimulation has been quickly corrected by our newly appointed Voting Invigilator. In her new role as Voting Invigilator, nelliek will monitor all voting monkey activity and set revised short-term and long-term productivity targets as required. All productivity data reported back to Jalionista HQ by voting monkeys is gratefully appreciated and will help in tracking team performance.>>
APPOINTED: Mrs Finkelstein. Deputies: jnb_7, StrictlyRed, hannah01., nelliek (also invigilator)

COMMITTE MEMBER (NON-COMPETING)
Jelly_L - comments in square brackets

COMMITTEE FOR THE CONTROL AND MANAGEMENT OF WRITING IMPLEMENTS (CFTCAMOWI)
ENCOMPASSING: BALLPOINT MANAGERESS - DIRECTOR OF THE FOUNTAIN PEN - HOLDER OF THE INDELIBLE PEN - KEEPER OF THE CRAYONS - MISTRESS OF THE FELT TIP - MISTRESS OF THE ROLLERBALL - PENCIL LEAD CHECKER
KorkyTheCat <<I wish to apply for the JayJobs of Director of the Fountain Pen, Mistress of the Rollerball, Guide of the Dip Pen and Controller of the Inkwell.>>
isih <<For these last two, see CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER>>
Lola the cat <<Catching up on last night - Korky and DD - the term "crayon" has over the course of history referred to a number of different drawing and painting mediums (not just crayola wax crayons - other makes are available) - so back off.>>
isih <<I have considered the use/abuse of writing implements carefully before assignment - frequency of use by Sir had to be considered to judge whether or not separate posts are justified. Its having been very difficult to separate and distinguish the finer points (see what I did there) of these applications, I have decided that a committee should be formed to regulate the issue.>>
isih <<The Chairwoman (sorry, I hate 'Chair') is to be our Head Lady-in-Waiting, Lola the cat, and her decision is final on the day-to-day issuing of writing implements. She also retains control of the crayons.
<<HOWEVER
<<In my role as KEEPER OF THE DOUBLE / SINGLE / DOWNRIGHT OBSCENE ENTENDRE, which no-one else seems willing to take over, I must make a feeble protest as to the tenor of the following applications. (I am not referring to brass/silver band instruments here)
<<I would also make the observation that the Protection Provider concerned appears, by her own admission, to be failing in her duties AGAIN. No french horn for you, my girl, you can't even handle the letters. This means that all the instruction and advice offered by Whiffle_09 as to the fingering and tonguing of the aforesaid instrument will have to be kept in abeyance until either further training is completed or a more suitable candidate presents themselves.
<<I hope Whiffle is prepared to keep her expertise warmed up for such an eventuality>>
BALLPOINT MANAGERESS (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays <<I would like to apply for the position of Ballpoint Manageress. In my role I would test the retraction function of J's ballpoint at regular intervals to ensure it is in full working order. I would also monitor his ink levels and would devise a refill schedule to ensure he never runs out of writing fluid.>>
BionicBard <<But wouldn't it be more of a thrill / To be Custodian of the Quill? / You could dip in and out a lot / (Ignoring the occasional blot) / And to do 'it' in italic / Could possibly be quite phallic / Which I'm sure you won't find hard / Being such an accomplished bard>>
speedtrap <<I'm not rising to that one>>
DeiseDays <<Probably for the best, we don't want to upset Lola again, she's such a sensitive soul.>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays
DIRECTOR OF THE FOUNTAIN PEN (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat << The fountain pen has a reservoir which must be kept topped up at all times in order to be ready for use when the occasion arises. I would ensure that it is.>>
jnb_7 <<I was taught to write using an Italic ink pen from an early age so I would like to request consideration for the JayJob of Mistress of the Fountain Pen. I had a very temperamental pen and thus am practised in the art of cajoling it into action even when ink is low or the ink reservoir might need a little persuasion. As for roller balls - Korky you are welcome to them! I prefer the real thing>>
KorkyTheCat <<Okay, I shall withdraw.>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7
HOLDER OF THE INDELIBLE PEN (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat <<Isih - I wish to apply for the JayJob of Holder of the Indelible Pen. This has remarkably enduring qualities but extreme caution must be exercised because as soon as it is used it stays put in perpetuity and one cannot change one's mind.>>
isih <<You will have to improve your concentration levels for this post, but you can have it as long as you don't slip up again.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat
KEEPER OF THE CRAYONS (CFTCAMOWI)
Lola the cat <<I would like to apply for the job as Keeper of the Crayons, and no Korky this is not covered by your Painting Companion role. As Keeper I would ensure his crayons are always to hand and are never lost, unlike his phone and passport. I would keep them in a special pencil case together with a special crayon sharpener. I would ensure his crayons are always kept sharp and never allowed to go blunt. I believe I would excel in this role and look forward to receiving confirmation of my appointment.
<<PS I would like to remind Korky that he is only on loan for her plumbing problems and she should stop undoing all his good work whilst he is asleep. I know he is a trusting soul and at the moment is unsuspecting and unsuspicious of her nefarious motives but his Handyman jobs are piling up and he is needed back in Handyman HQ asap. There are a lot of colouring-in jobs to be attended to.>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat
MISTRESS OF THE FELT TIP (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays <<But I don't remember applying for the job of Poet Laureate. I'd be willing to swap it with Korky for one of her more "hands on" JayJobs. I'm not going to discuss the brass band fetish, I can only imagine what Korky would do with a French horn. And if we need a Keeper of the Crayons JayJob, then I would like to apply for the position of Mistress of the Felt Tip.>>
speedtrap << DD...now, about this Tip you'll be feeling, please elucidate.>>
DeiseDays <<Well, as Mistress of the Felt Tip I would diligently examine the tip that J intends to use for his exquisite artistry. I would check that the tip is not splayed in any way that could affect his skilled manipulation. If necessary, I would apply firm pressure to bring the tip back into alignment.>>
speedtrap <<Sounds reasonable to me. Now, I was wondering if J had experience in oils...I could be of some assistance there>>
DeiseDays <<Oh dear, I think he already spilt his oil all over Korky's big end>>
speedtrap <<Not surprising, it can be a very messy affair.>>
KorkyTheCat <<He did indeed but I think this was because he had been going for so long that he didn't take the usual precaution at the end.>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays
MISTRESS OF THE ROLLERBALL (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat <<The rollerball is a smooth operator and keeps going for simply ages until - phut! Out of fluid. Refills are available but take time to put in. Often the moment of inspiration has been lost by then.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat
PENCIL LEAD CHECKER (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays <<But I don't remember applying for the job of Poet Laureate. I'd be willing to swap it with Korky for one of her more "hands on" JayJobs>>
KorkyTheCat <<No, I don't wish to be Poet Laureate but thank you for suggesting me. I am more than satisfied with my existing JayJobs.... Hmmm... a French horn... fingering and blowing, isn't it? . You have inspired me to apply for the JayJob of Pencil Lead Checker. I think the details of this onerous position are obvious. I should also like to be in charge of his rubber, keeping it clean and handy.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

COMPILER OF THE HOMEWORK CLIPS
APPOINTED: Fred.

COUNSELLOR FOR EMOTIONAL WELLBEING incorporating SHOULDER TO CRY ON
sam67jane <<available for strokes and hugs whenever needed>>
Toasted Toad <<for hug jays, nighttime>> (could be allied with blankie tucking in)
Lindy_Loue <<soother of the brow and setter up for the day>>
KorkyTheCat <<With regard to J's insecurity about his looks, I would like to apply for the position of Counsellor/Therapist. This would not be a professional post but simply acting as an informal confidant able to reassure him, whenever he has doubts, that he is not unattractive. This JayJob would sit well with my others, especially Mistress of the Bedchamber and Bath Attendant/Scrubber, as I would be on the spot and therefore able immediately to address any issues of self-confidence and indicate all attractive points.>>
isih <<see ATTRACTIVENESS FINDER>>
SHOULDER TO CRY ON
KorkyTheCat <<I would like to apply for the additional JayJob of Shoulder To Cry On. I will, I hope, already be ensconced in his dressing-room as his Dresser and so it would seem logical for me to be "there" for him when he comes off stage brimming with emotion, having been feted and celebrated and taken 7 curtain calls and performed 3 encores. Needless to say that I would provide all necessary congratulatory hugs and osculation until his tears are stemmed...>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmmm, osculation .... *quickly flicks through dictionary* PUT THE LIPS AWAY KORKY. What are we going to do with you?>>
APPOINTED: sam67jane, Toasted Toad, Lindy_Loue, KorkyTheKat

CREATIVE DIRECTOR OF FANTASY JAYJOB HUNTING
hannah 01. <<Role to source and attend all chatty non auditions* meetings resulting in all levels of work preferred by J. I will of course liaise with Damien and the main man himself Mr Mcg before arranging said meetings. I have beat Korky to the job cos it was only just created. 😉>>
Lola the cat <<Please, please, please can I really, really, really, really be Deputy Creative Director of Fantasy JayJobs I have a sat nav and google maps on my phone and I can still read a proper map so I can always ensure he will not get lost on his travels for the planned travel show. Please accept this as my interim application, I have to get in quick before Korky puts in another application and I'm still at work - I am working, honest boss.>>
hannah 01. <<As I have been appointed to the post of Director by Isih I am prepared to take this application to be deputy under advisement. I will ponder and cogitate upon your qualifications and let you know in due course. Pondering and cogitations complete. Your appointment is confirmed as Deputy Director Fantasy JayJob Hunting.>>
isih <<Excellent. Never has a JayJob been settled in so short a time without so little fuss.
APPOINTED: hannah 01., deputy Lola the cat

CROTCH COVERER ( aka Big Nacks Coverer) incorporating LADY OF THE FLIES and PACKAGE SUPERVISOR
Snookey <<there is a need to keep a check on Jay's flies. We know he likes to make sure they're up so I think it's appropriate we have someone on this. Nimble and delicate fingers a pre-requisite (I have those). This may overlap with Korky's role (as dresser I think you're down for) but I do feel this needs more specialist skills.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I wish to apply for the JayJob of Crotch Coverer. I could very easily be at his side at all times to lend a hand and cover his crotch area to dispel any fears he may have with regard to unzipped flies, etc.>>
speedtrap <<You'll need two hands there Korky>>
KorkyTheCat <<Very kind of you but I think I'll be able to manage although thinking about it (just try to stop me) I'll probably have my hands full.>>
jnb_7 <<My hands are really strong and capable from horse riding so if you need an understudy, Korky .......>>
KorkyTheCat <<I tend to think he'd prefer the tender touch... but if ever I have to take to my bed with extreme prolonged exhaustion I will call upon your services temporarily. >>
jnb_7 <<That's the thing with horse riding, you hold the strength of "massive" horse ("Like a mountain - a mountain " *holds hands appropriate space apart* with your fingertips and the lightest of touch.....>>
DeiseDays <<If you need any accessories to fulfil your duties, the Twitch and Stitch circle is ready and waiting. *looks around* Ok, Hannah has a mop and bucket and speedy is reciting J's life story and explaining the delights of Edinburgh to her visitors, so I'll do it ... ... I'll have to take measurements, mind>>
hannah 01. <<CAUGHT YA!!!!!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE TAPE. Now DD you know full well there must be a minimum of TWO Twitchers and Stitchers when in the presence of J. High definition measurements need to be eyeballed not computerised.>>
DeiseDays <<It means you're too close to the Huge Talent Back away, Hannah>>
hannah 01. <<But I'm so blimmin long sighted I need to get as close as possible to the Huge talent>>
PACKAGE SUPERVISOR
jnb_7 <<wellll....I'm already the JayDresser/Fashionista so I could check the package is erm, suitably packaged?! *runs off to throw away anything baggy, heheheh>>
Lindy_Loue <<Don't think I'd be any good in the packaging department......I would be unable to maintain a suitable professional objectivity in the face of said parcels>>
APPOINTED: Snookey, KorkyTheCat, jnb_7, Twitch and Stitch Circle

CURATOR / ARCHIVIST OF THE JAYPICS AND JAYGIFS
jayfan <<I wonder how many photos there are of Jay on social media? Is there a JayJob counting and categorising them???Or has KtC got there already?>>
KorkyTheCat <<What a wonderful idea! I have been mourning my lost JayJob of Bandana Selector but your nomination - it is a nomination, isn't it? - will assuage my disappointment. Isih - Curator and Archivist of the Jaypics and Jaygifs please!>>
jayfan <<Now Korky, that wasn't quite my intention!>>
isih <<As well she knows! I'm sure DD, Spreeathen, nelliek and Fred. will back me up in saying that curating and archiving is a very time consuming job, which in my case leaves me with very little opportunity to do all my RL jobs anyway. Korky, you would have to relinquish all your other jobs and sit in a darkened room in front of a screen, with no physical contact whatsoever with the outside world, whoever may be hammering at your door (as if)>>
Fred. <<Korky, as Isih says, sorting out the homework takes hours in a darkened room on my own!!>>
KorkyTheCat <<Really? I thought J and I would be ensconced in a darkened room for hours admiring his massive treasure trove and dealing with his accumulation, and I would be putting his great assemblage in order. I seem to have misinterpreted my job description. On this basis I reluctantly withdraw my application.>>
RaffertyCat <<BIB Hi TT. Thought I'd let you know that I've viewed every picture in your brilliant album. Thank you. I don't know how to 'bookmark' it, so I've 'Saved to Favourites', as usual. My elastic-sided Favourites bag is getting really unwieldy. Do you think it might burst at some point? I hope not. This thread's in it.>>
APPOINTED: RaffertyCat

CURATOR OF JAYEWELLERY
KorkyTheCat <<As I've have been refused my latest JayJob applications and am consequently running a bit low on them I am wondering if I may be Curator of the Jayewellery. I would look after his bracelets and other wrist thingies and earrings and any more body jewellery which may lurk underneath his clothes.>>
isih <<I can't think offhand of any clashes there, so could be! New word, too. And should this be a subdivision of dresser or would you like it to be separate?>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'd prefer a separate title please Isih>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

CURATOR OF THE SHORT REVIEWS
Fred. <<hannah, that's what you've been up to - what a good idea! Is that a new 'job'? Can't think of a job title - Curator of the short Reviews? Collector of the Concise?>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01.

CURATOR OF THE UNDERCRACKERS and DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF UNDERWEAR
isih <<There has been a job description posted which I assume is acceptable to snippy. Laundress should also be referred to if the question of undercrackers arises">>
ORIGINAL JOBSPEC BY RAFFERTYCAT, PART 4 POST NO 8794 (p352)
snippy (very determined, anyone considering opposing needs to wear protective clothing) <<"I want to be curator of the Undercrackers. It is a job title I created for myself. I will not consider a job share. The Undercrackers are all mine and I will fight to the death to keep them">>
dancingfosse <<Is putting my hand up and meekly saying, "me please" a suitable way to apply?>>
isih <<KorkytheCat - nice application, but aren't you risking the wrath of the snippy descending on you?>> #8811
http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showp...postcount=8811
hannah 01 <<Must apologise for posts 1067 and 1070. They are being misread as the undercracker item is mine. IT ISN'T. SNIPPY THEY ARE YOURS .DS went wonky>>
isih <<snippy applied for leave of absence which was granted. During this absence (drum roll)>>
KorkyTheCat <<May I please apply for Temporary Carer (Smoother and Tucker-in) of the Undercrackers (Jayndercrackers?) until Snippy returns?>>
DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF UNDERWEAR
UPDATE FROM RAFFERTYCAT
<<Anyway, one of the very many briefs you hold, is that of responsibility for the design, planning and implementation of a Garment Location And Retrieval Protocol. I was impressed to learn that GLARP was completed in record time, and now the proto-type is ready to be put into operation. The Garment Location And Retrieval Expediter(GLARE) is ready to dispatch at speed. The job description stated that new technology could be used to adapt GLARE in such a way, that it could be used to locate all of Jay's lost items, currently located in the Twilight Zone. (ORIGINAL DEFINITION, PEOPLE) It is for this purpose that you have been urgently summoned to HQ. It has come to our attention that, although there have been no recent reports of underwear being left behind in hotel bedrooms, Jay has just lost yet another phone. We note that there has been a steady throughput of assorted phones to the Twilight Zone. We think therefore, that Jay may have his own portal, or at least has worked out how to open one.
<<Now Snippy, your assignment is to go into the Twilight Zone, armed with your GLARE, and locate and retrieve said phone. In fact while you're there, you may as well retrieve all the items Jay has lost over the course of his life. We suggest you take a truck. One more thing to remember, and this is very important. You must remain tethered to the truck at all times. We don't want you floating off and getting lost. We'd have to send out a STARE (Search Track And Rescue Expedition) to look for you. The trouble is our crack team is still sleeping it off, after a long STARE during the night. We'll all be thinking of you, Snippy, and wishing you well. And just think how grateful Jay will be, when you turn up with a skip, full of all the things he has ever lost. Especially now that he has a shiny new flat. He'll have plenty of room to store it all in. He might devote a whole room (or maybe two) for the storage of his precious newly-found things. Do you know Snippy, I think Jay would be so grateful that he might offer you a promotion, maybe to a prestigious overseas posting. You never know. We'd all be so jealous.>>
isih <<This assignment obviously only applies to those phones which have escaped the attention of the PROTECTOR OF THE PHONES, who may wish to accompany agent Snippy>>
hannah 01. <<Of course now I have my official HGV1 licence I volunteer to drive said truck/lorry. Come on Snips I'm waiting for you here engine running >>
APPOINTED: snippy. Transport, hannah 01.

Deleted sorry Isih

CURL-TEASER IN CHIEF including HIGHLIGHTER IN CHIEF
bubble_wrap (as long as you don't tame them) <<It better be a 24 hour job!...I didn't sign myself up for any less>>
sammi42 (but only when on cardigan duty)
amaluna <<offers to keep curls wild and unfettered>>
fridgesoup <<bubble - are you sure you can cope alone being Teaser of the Curls? I feel it's a 24 hour job and surely we could work out a shift rota that keeps everyone [me] happy>>
jnb_7 <<*cough* if Bubble doesn't want the curl teaser job now they're shorter I can offer a friendly (!) lap for J to rest his shorn head on while I run my hands through his hair...I mean, make sure his hair's tidy. *sharpens nails for cat fight*>>
isih <<This has been dealt with in summary fashion by the Chief Curl Teaser>>
work place structure proposed by BW
BW as Chief Curl Teaser
Amaluna/fridgey as Assistant Curl Teasers (send in your applications! )
Please be warned...all work is subject to a spot test/tease with no prior warning
HIGHLIGHTER IN CHIEF OF THE CURLS
Lindy_Loue <<I'd leave the teasing and coaxing to that post holder ! Honest ....>>
APPOINTED: bubble_wrap. Under supervision: Amaluna, fridgesoup, sammi42. Highlighter, Lindy_Loue

DANCE PARTNER (IN TRAINING)
rosedroplet <<I know left from right. I can place my right chesticle on his buttons, will happily place my hand on his shoulder ( in order to hang on for grim death as my knees buckle, shoulders, fans self.) very happy to tuck in à la manner of Nadia, Loose women, who really didn't put the effort in frankly. I believe I could tuck in and get an awful lot closer. I might struggle with leaning away and not looking, but I'm sure that with hours of practice I could manage this for brief periods of time. I once did a roly poly at school, and am therefore gymnastically ready for lifts. I am even prepared to risk splinters / carpet burns in/on the buttocks if he insists on rampant crabbing me. I am available at the earliest opportunity to take up post and begin practicing .>>
Fred. <<I'd like the job of J's handholder JUST when he's dancing - don't have any designs on him at all otherwise. I'd have to run very fast to keep up with the speed of his dancing - do you think they'd let me take a bicycle onto the dance floor? I can provide my own bicycle>>
APPOINTED: rosedroplet, Fred.

DEBTOR see KEEPER OF THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK
KorkyTheCat <<...but he doesn't because I am and ever will be Mistress of the Bedchamber! I concede that J had best be Keeper of the Little Black Book himself but I have had a sneaky look inside it and there is only one entry - KtC - with one hundred stars!! Therefore I am hereby applying for the JayJob of J Favour Debtor or just Debtor if you prefer. I fear I shall remain ever in his debt and will endeavour to make this up to him. It may take some time though...probably years. >>
APPOINTED : KorkyTheCat

DIALOGUE COACH
ahouch <<Will he be needing a dialect coach? I have extensive knowledge of American accents. I watch a lot of US dramas. I've been there. NY twice, DC, Vegas and Hawaii. I have also seen a Broadway show and been back stage (lion king you know). I will be happy to drill him until his accent is up to scratch, and will administer necessary punishment if anything 'british' sounding comes out.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Yes; I suggest that you put in an application for the JayJob of Dialect Coach. You seem to have the perfect qualifications - although I did have an American boyfriend for a few months once from whom I learned a little..>>
DeiseDays*pushes Korky out of the way* It's clear that Jay will need an Irish Dialect Coach to help him cope with life in Dublin while his huge talent is on show in our venerable capital city. I know snippy is on the language list for Irish, but I'm just not sure if she has the credentials to help Jay with the many and varied foibles of English as she is spoken in Dublin. I would be willing to help him with his diction and explain any pronunciation differences he may encounter. He may not know, for example, that Dubliners pronounce "huge" as "hew-age", so should his huge talent come up in conversation I would be able to gloss over any misconceptions. I await your approval>>
isih <<The heinous omission of your name from the languages list and has been rectified>>
Polly-T <<You get my vote Déise!!! You have the Dub dialect 'down to a 'T' '!!>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays (RoI), ahouch

DINING COMPANION
KorkyTheCat <<Application for JayJob of Dining Companion I have noticed a vital need for a Dining Companion. This would be an on-call position, day or night, when he feels like a little something. I need not elaborate, but I know that he does not relish eating alone and I am always available to munch and nibble with him.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

DRESSER (EXCLUDING UNDERCRACKERS) including DRESSER (BIG) and DICOLAMOCOTU
isih <<KorkyTheCat EXCLUDING, Korky, excluding>>
<<What a messy eater! But fear not for as (I hope) J's Dresser I shall have the task of cleaning his clothes, necessitating sponging him off (not a euphemism) and helping him into clean attire.>>
DRESSER (BIG)
KorkyTheCat <<As his Dresser I wonder if I may apply for the JayJob of his BIG Dresser in the hope that the theatres won't allocate their own. Unlike the usual leisurely day-to-day dressing assistance rendered to him, helping J change between scenes in the theatre involves speed and efficiency. It would indeed be tragic if he tried to manage alone and, in his hurry, became caught in a zip ( ) or a vital button pinged off due to his *respectful pause* broadening manly chest. In my hands he wouldn't leave his socks or Jayndies behind either. I would frequently check visually 👀 and manually 👋 that he is wearing all he should - all part of the taxing, exacting and demanding JayJob.>>
Lola the cat <<Oh poohsticks, botheration and double poohsticks! I was so chuffed with myself, on my way home I thought of exactly the same job...punching air, thinking "yes, I've finally come up with a job that Korky isn't doing" and I get home, excitedly log on to claim my job and Korky has beaten me to it again. I'm going to eat chocolate, I'm not sulking - honest>>
DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF CLOTHING OTHER THAN UNDERWEAR
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkFHttIIYAA2S55.jpg
CatO9Tales <<Who is in charge of lost items of clothing etc? I fear they have been derelict in their duties - there are numerous empty coathangers in the panic room/portable wardrobe/whateva which suggests that many items of clothing have been lost en route ....>>
hannah 01. <<Left in hotel rooms prior to the JayJobs being filled unfortunately. 😆>>
KorkyTheCat <<They are of necessity (blush) in the wash.>>
Lola the cat <<I am a bit concerned about the standard of washing that is being undertaken, I mean look at the state of his shirt and trousers.>>
hannah 01. <<But he looks great suited and booted when the standard is upheld>>
KorkyTheCat <<Trouble is that he now has such a strong, taut and *respectful pause* sinewy bod that he is bursting out of some of his clothes. I will endeavour to take him clothes shopping soon.>>
APPOINTED: KorkytheCat, as dresser. Shopping trips to be undertaken ONLY with the permission of the Jalionista Fashionista

EDITOR IN CHIEF (POETRY DIVISION)
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

EDITOR IN CHIEF, JALIONISTA JOURNAL
DeiseDays <<an occasional publication that gathers the wit and wisdom of Jalionistas from around the globe>>
Isih <<I feel greatly honoured to have an official title - but can I ask, please, no responsibility for poetry?>>
APPOINTED: Isih

FRECKLE MONITOR incorporating FRECKLE COUNTER and FRECKLE FINDER
isih <<Subsequent to a particularly appealing photograph of Mr McG, not clear whose wellbeing this is covering>>
FRECKLE COUNTER
Toasted Toad <<Oh, that's gorgeous. I'll have to start counting Jay's freckles now too. It may take a long time and require extensive examination of photos...>>
jayfan <<Is that a new JayJob?? If it is, whoever gets the position would have to be willing to accompany Jay to sunnier climes to get the full effect>>
StrictlyRed <<You'd better snap up the JayJob of Freckle Counter before somebody else beats you to it, TT.>>
FRECKLE FINDER
Toasted Toad <<Two JayJobs. A freckle finder and a freckle counter (I bags the second one!) Please take note of formal application for this post with references being that we both found one of the best pics of Mr Mcg 's freckles. I think Speedy and I qualify for the freckle finder don't you>>
APPOINTED: speedtrap (finder), Toasted Toad (finder and counter)

GIF HUNTER
isih <<This is open to all comers, I started to list them all then thought I could easily omit someone which wouldn't be fair>>
APPOINTED: Jalionistas

GRIPETTE
DeiseDays <<Treat for any Dublin visitors — Ms Dolly Grip Featuring The Gripettes>>
BionicBard <<Good grief! A Gripette? Does that involve gripe water? And gentle, over the shoulder burping? Korky'll never cope....>>
KorkyTheCat <<Too busy fulfilling J's multifarious needs.>> (nefarious, surely)
DeiseDays <<Aw shur now BB, you're not pronouncing it the Irish way — it's Gripp-pett, (hence) Korky The Gripette — "Holding on strong">>
KorkyTheCat <<I'm weakening... Well, if a really firm grip is required...>> (ed. see also Crotch Coverer)
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

GUARDIAN OF THE MAIL SACK
[may clash with other secretarial / administrative duties, I believe, however, that Guardian of the Mail Sack can be considered as separate as it involves what I think is referred to as "hard copy."]
Rafferty cat <<we all know that J receives a very large quantity of fan mail. If no-one else is willing to take on this arduous task, may I put myself forward for consideration? Duties would include: constantly checking that J's mail-sack does not become over-full, and therefore difficult to carry in comfort. Ensuring it is emptied on a regular basis. As this is a full time occupation, I would be available to handle any unexpected deliveries, and also be willing to keep the surrounding environment neat, clean and tidy.>>
APPOINTED: Rafferty cat

GUTTER PERSONNEL - HOST, CEO and DEPUTY GRIT, SWEEPER, YURT FINDER/KEEPER, CUSHION FLUFFER
speedtrap <<So I'm thinking we should establish a more permanent location for discerning evening visitors ... a virtual social club. 'The Gutter' an exclusive hang-out where like-minded people can chat, enjoy some group generated entertainment and have a virtual drink in a relaxed atmosphere. If RL or too many spiced rums gets the better of you, we can accommodate you overnight in our purpose-built single bed-rooms.>>
isih <<Staff are going to be needed, might I suggest a revisit to the NAT thread to see if any of them are still lurking forlornly waiting for the return of their clientele
<<Lola the cat had wifi installed when voting was in progress, password jaystalent
<<Deputy CEO has had tea and coffee put in place. You can't beat a nice cuppa.>>
CUSHION FLUFFER
APPOINTED: Lola the cat
GUTTER RENOVATION INCORPORATED TEAM (GRIT ) - CEO
bubble_wrap <<Duties. In charge of, and overseeing all gutter renovations. Mission is to have the best and most guttery gutter you ever fell into! I shall be running this role alongside my Gutter Host and Chief Curl Teaser responsibilities.>>
GUTTER RENOVATION INCORPORATED TEAM (GRIT ) - DEPUTY CEO
bubble_wrap <<Duties - Wonderful deputy to the CEO also ensuring the smooth running of the gutter renovations.>>
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkFHttIIYAA2S55.jpg
hannah 01 <<This container is currently installed in the foyer of the gutter. We always know when our patron is in residence in his box as we have to order more beer for The Navigation and skittles for the Skittle Alley Alcove. I believe the CEO GRIT is waiting for suggestions for the permanent position of The Jaybox upon her return. Of course the Mistress of the Wardrobe (Korky???) will have a point of view as to the exact placement>>
sky_lark <<As I appear to be down there quite a bit at the moment, I may have not built up the necessary immunity...being new etc,.......I will keep the beer fridge stocked up....just in case>>
isih << Deputy CEO is also continuing duties as CHIEF RESEARCHER>>
APPOINTED: CEO - Bubble_Wrap , DEPUTY CEO - Hannah 01.
GUTTER HOST(ESS)
APPOINTED: DEPUTY CEO Hannah 01. . DEPUTY HOST - sky_lark
GUTTER SWEEPER (ALREADY DEFINED)
Delight - rejected appointment
APPOINTED: The Ghost
KEY HOLDER OF THE TUNNEL
hannah 01. <<And I also am the holder of the keys to the secret tunnel to The Gutter. Isih I would like to apply for another job please Key Holder for The Tunnel to The Gutter>>
isih <<My, how The Gutter has grown>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01. (DEPUTY CEO GRIT)
YURT FINDER AND KEEPER GENERAL
hannah 01. <<New Jayjob -Isih I nominate Miss Lola the Cat to be Yurt Finder and Keeper General - to include cute goats>>
Isih <<Quick question - is the Yurt Finder part of the Gutter jobs?>>
hannah 01. <<Oh yes I think so would you agree. I reckon the CEO will be in agreement too as lead on all matters relating to GRIT. Is that OK I think that job really should belong to Lola as part of the gutter jobs. She therefore becomes a member of Gutter Staff. Now will she thank me for that. Mmmmmm.....??>>
isih <<Oh I think so, she has several jobs related to gutter-type activity and is involved, I believe, in the holiday retreat - what say you, Head Lady in Waiting?>>
Lola the cat <<Thank you, thank you - me a fully paid up, official stamped, member of the Gutter Staff, I am sooo excited. Mr McG says Thank you too, he is taking my appointment very seriously and has promised to make sure I do my job properly.>>
hannah 01. <<Yes my leetle kitten. You now work for CEO in ze Gutter. You will enjoy your gutter work / But I will ensure you do not shirk / You must make sure of no clutter / In all alcoves of The Gutter>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat

HAIKU HONER specialism distinct from POETS LAUREATE
BionicBard <<...Korky, knowing what a wordsmith Our Hero is, do you think he might be in need of a Haiku Honer? Someone to keep his stray syllables in order? Make sure he gets his 5-7-5 a day? And to avoid job sharing, you could volunteer to cover all four Seasons.....>>
"KorkyTheCat <<Why thank you, my bardy friend! This is a fine idea and one which will bring me much pleasure. I much prefer the traditional Haiku form and shall stick to those although other 'modern' ones sometimes have their merits.
<<Isih - I should hereby like to apply formally for the position of Haiku Honer to Jay. In view of this time-consuming JayJob I have withdrawn my application for the position of Between.>>
isih <<The job will be added to the list forthwith. This does not necessarily mean that you have free passage on your existing jobs/applications, but should make the way smoother bearing in mind that it harmonises with some of your existing activities. And certainly as far as I'm concerned, there is no competition! >>
KorkyTheCat <<Thank you for your endorsement.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

HEAD HAIRDRYER (BLOWING JOB) #4 amended from HAIRDRYER (BLOWING JOB)
jayfan <<Who has got the blow-drying Jay's hair JayJob?>>
Gilly-O <<Me me me me .... please please please please (since it is straightening of the strands as opposed to teasing of the curls) - is there any chance of extending the role to include drying and general warming up of the jay body>>
APPOINTED: Gilly-O

HEAD LADY-IN-WAITING (and we all know what for)
Lola the cat <<will be giving out timetable of when you are scheduled to perform your various jobs. so I can spend quality time with my master! Job share posts will have separate time-table, all holidays forms must be handed in at least 6 weeks before your holiday to McGuiness as his PA to give time to re-jig the time-table.>>
<<Danceagogo - as personal trainer I trust you have drawn up a training plan for his Sports Relief, no idea what he is doing but he needs his trainer - go to it!>>"
APPOINTED: Lola the cat

HEADLESS CHICKEN IN CHIEF
DeiseDays <<In light of the likely impending absence of several JayJob holders over Easter, can I respectfully suggest an official JayJob Cheerleader Chant of "Go Korky! Go Korky! Go Korky!" as she runs round like a headless chicken trying to cover all her responsibilities and still find time to scour the Internet ether to find us pics and gifs>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat (holiday times only)

HORSE RIDING
isih <<jnb is perfect candidate but there might be a fight for it if job description said " imagine J in tight riding breeches, knee high boots and billowing white shirt">>
IN MEMORY OF BECKS
APPOINTED: jnb_7

INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF
speedtrap <<Cutting a long story short...if I just happened to be seated next to Jay for 3 hours on a train what would we talk about. What three questions would I ask?>>
hannah 01. <<First and foremost thank you Speedy for this wonderful train of thought. (Oops sorry for the pun) Preparation in compiling all questions in readiness for a group question and answer session with Mr Mcg. If I have missed you I am sorry. Whoever Isih allocates the job of question compiler to will I am sure add you to the list. If I have missed you I am sorry. Come on Korky you know you want to do it. The sweetener is that you get to ask the questions . How's that. Good idea! Applicants please>>
BionicBard <<Ahem, I would like to apply for the position of Interrogator in Chief. Korky's far too busy being Everything Else, and I've done it before. Admittedly, not with Jay, but with hundreds of other young hopefuls, although of course Jay isn't hopeful, he's already here, but nevertheless I feel I can add a little gravitas to the proceedings. And beer. And, if absolutely necessary, Skittles. And I'm not a cat, so there won't be any animal assassinations to deal with...>>
isih <<Wow - your first official job application. It will be treated with extreme gravitas, I assure you
isih <<Will applicants for the interrogation post please signify if they are willing to modify the role in the manner outlined under GO-FER / WALLSITTER? The definition of wall sitter could be expanded (park bench eg) - even train journeys - anything static, really
<<There are two roles up for grabs, QUESTION COMPILER and INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF. Are you interested in both or shall we keep them separate?>>
jnb_7 <<Ooo INTERROJAYTOR please Thank you thank you>>
BionicBard <<I think, in this instance, that jnb's need is clearly greater than mine, so I hereby withdraw my application. If there is a need, I can always do phone interviews, I find people are so much more forthcoming over the phone>>
isih <<This is very generous of you, BB, much appreciated. The definition can be extended to squishy sofas to tie in with jnb's existing roles, then!>>
ahouch <<As official biographer/fan fiction author/Director of all associated motion pictures I will also need a private one to one with Jay - research you know>>
BionicBard <<Could you be more specific as to the nature of your research? One to one what?>>
ahouch <<I actually wrote one on one to begin with BB. Maybe that was more accurate to begin with!>>
BionicBard <<Oh, OK, one on one what?>>
ahouch <<Basketball?>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7 with special privileges accorded to ahouch as required

INTRODUCER TO MIDDLE CLASS FOODS
KorkyTheCat <<I should like to apply for the JayJob of Introducer To Middle Class Foods. Although I myself am firmly of the Working Class, and do not aspire to rise from this, I heard J in his radio interview mention that he now engages in the habit of dipping his Pringles into houmous and that he thinks he's becoming middle class. There is therefore an opening for a tutor to show him middle class comestibles. >>
some examples:-
Raw organic fig and horseradish kale chips (several steps up from Pringles)
Quail eggs (hens' eggs? Huh!!)
Pheasant eggs (even more middle class)
Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal (none of your supermarket own-brand porridge oats thank you very much)
Brusselmole (instead of jam on his bread)
Rare muesli (bin those cornflakes, J)
Quinoa Sourdough bread (only a tad more expensive than Mother's Pride
Quinoa snack pot (ditch the Pot Noodle J)
And to drink? Why, Quinoa vodka, of course. Sorry J, no more beer or newly vegetarian Guinness for you any more.
Posh lollies (throw away those plebeian Skittles)
Samphire (cabbage is a no-no)
Artisan cheeses (Cheddar's out)
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

JALIONISTA DETECTIVE AGENCY incorporating SPECIAL AGENTS, JAYMATEUR JAYSLEUTH, JAYDETECTIVE
isih <<open on an ad hoc basis to persons of any gender persuasion. Twitter is a new addition to the post>>
DeiseDays <<Anyone want to join the Number One Jalionista Detective Agency? I certainly have the traditional build à la Mma Ramotswe for such a role>>
jnb_7 <<PS I would like to apply for the JayJob of No 1 Jalionista Sista Detective Agency Undercover Jaygent......licensed to lurk on Squashy Sofas and on Twitter>>
hannah 01. <<I think that job already has your name all over it jnb. Didn't you invent that aspect of being a Jaygent with hotels that had irksome doormen Do you have the prerequisite mac to wear.>>
jayfan <<I don't wish to brag or cast aspersions on the expert Jayhunting skills of Agent J aka Jnb, but I think I was the Jaygent who sparred with the irksome doorman at the Lowry in my (successful) attempt to meet Jay. Happy memories.>>
jnb_7 <<It was jayfan with doorman in Manchester......I did the first stake out in Birmingham on the first night of the tour (but Kazzie must have an honorary mention as the first DS Jalionista to get a JayHug and Jayphoto)>>
nelliek <<Yes, jnb was the one in squishy sofa land, back in the days when she was a meek little thing , dithering about having the courage to speak to Jay. A lot of prodding from the rest of us (and a reminder from me to say 'please') plus having got stuck in the lift with the fudge-who-can't-choreograph-his-way-out-of-a-paper-bag the previous evening gave her the impetus the following morning to run after Jay the next morning when he was on his way to the coach. Think she's changed a bit since those far-off days.>>
SPECIAL AGENT (Civil (or not so civil) War Alert, with apologies if adaptations do not suit)
Lola the cat <<Korky, it is clear from the number of job applications you have submitted that you are extremely keen on "being there" for young master James. I have a fantasy of being a super spy, and have immaculate credentials, watching every episode of Spooks and the film so I know how to track down and kidnap someone. For a small fee (shares in the subject) I am willing to collect James and deposit him in a safe house where you can minster to his needs to your heart's content. Please let me know by secret dead drop if you would like me to proceed.>>
jnb_7 <<Er, just remember there are already 3 Jaygents in JCHQ so ask if you're disrupting any current missions Translation: back off, I demand at least a third of the time - unless of course 00jayfan & Agent A want to share as well, in which case I make it 4 hours 48 minutes each, bagsy non sleeping minutes, ta very much>>
nos lowen <<Korky & Lola - is this what happens when cats get opposable thumbs? He won't stand a chance...>>
Lola the cat <<Ha, you will have to find us in the safe house first
jnb_7 <<How do you know it's not OUR safe house, huh???? Mwahahahaaaa>>
KorkyTheCat <<Thank you for your very kind suggestion but I shall have to decline your offer as I have just read the posts succeeding yours...>>
isih <<is this prudence or simple cowardice?>>
Following discussion as to whether Jay was in Bruges with the Kavanaghs and his brother/missus
StrictlyRed <<I don't think J was there (only 4 places at the dinner table).>>
fridgesoup <<Oh, well spotted! (That must earn you some credits towards your Jaygent badge)>>
StrictlyRed <<I know. I feel so proud. I played the great detective on here a few months back too, although I can't remember what that was about now. That means I have 2 credits.>>
isih <<If existing agents are satisfied with the progress of StrictlyRed, could she be awarded the nom de guerre of Agent S?>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7, jayfan, Arnostae, Lola the cat (aka Agent J, 00jayfan, Agent A and presumably Agent L). Agent S to be confirmed
JAYMATEUR JAYSLEUTH (not to be confused with the professionals at the No 1 detective agency)
Floppers <<So I am currently unemployed in terms of JayJobs - can I apply to be a Jaymateur JaySleuth?>>
CatO9Tales <<If you succeed in finding out precisely what his work plans are for the next year (apart from Fusion Festival and Keep Dancing, that is .. ) you will be promoted and thereafter be known as Inspector Jayseau>>
KorkyTheCat <<Of course you can! You have shown excellent credentials for the position.>>
floppers <<Why, thank you, I have spent many months preparing for this role, going down YT rabbit holes, squinting at Instagrams and following often hopeless Twitter trails, so I hope to bring these sleuthing skills to my new, albeit unsalaried, employment. Gulp, now the pressure really is on>>
APPOINTED: floppers
JAYDETECTIVE (STALKING DIVISION) including SNIFFER IN CHIEF
jnb_7 <<I would like to apply for the post of JayDetective.....stalking a speciality. I would completely be willing to look at him a little longer, and definitely, definitely find him attractive. As I have comprehensive knowledge of *cough* his form, various hairstyles, beanies, clothing etc and of course the Jaygrance, I would be able to keep hands, I mean tabs, on him at all times. Plus my previous experience in Squashy Sofa Land would be invaluable, I can blend into the scenery like a crazed fan, I mean who would look for a detective amongst all those adoring fans?!>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

JALIONISTA FASHIONISTA (in the absence of Mrs Kavanagh, who is retained in a consultant capacity if she so wishes)
jnb_7 <<to avoid those negative comments at the Brit Awards Nominations: pick out clothes for him (NOT THE UNDERCRACKERS, SNIPPY, STEADY THERE, TIGER), supervise while he tries them on, hand him the next item of clothing, fetch different sizes, let him lean on me when standing on one leg to try on trousers. (while checking the JayRoma), make sure the changing room is locked (from the inside, heheheheh), fight off anyone trying to get in with us, I mean him......? Plus admire him from all angles, take photos, perve - I mean observe and proffer further fashion choices. I could also obtain a large range of Converse and suitable footwear to match the clothing. Oh and beanie hats.......>>
jnb_7 <<Jay seems to be wearing a new shirt Korky in this photo How dare he go shopping without me, I'm the Jalionista Fashionista (well - in charge of helping him choose clothes. From INSIDE the changing room>>
isih <<I think you need to have a word with Korky and direct her attention to restrictions laid down under DRESSER>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

JAYBUS PERSONNEL - DRIVER, NAVIGATOR, PILLOW PLUMPER, KEEPERS OF : THE DVDs, THE JAYBUS KEYS, BUS TICKETS and CARDI
DRIVER
Job description 24/7, could be job share
Jelly_L <<a driver be available at all times. Any applicant should be made aware that travelling in close confines for prolonged periods can be onerous and, if easily distracted by JayRoma, may be unsuitable for some individuals>>
speedtrap (resigned for personal reasons) but has now accepted the post ivo the coming necessity to travel length and breadth of the country, not to mention crossing the Irish Sea, in the unceasing search for sightings of a Dancing Jaybird, which later transforms into a BIG Jaybird (cough)
speedtrap <<So, if I'm the driver that makes me either Dick Dastardly or Batman...I choose Batman>>
APPOINTED: speedtrap
KEEPER OF THE AVATAR CD AND OTHER JAYBUS DUTIES
sammi42 <<could also sit through multiple viewings of Avatar....things you have to do for the job . I vow to take my job roles very seriously. Nights wrapped up on a cardi watching Avatar - wearing the cardi as he rests his head on it>> see also CURL-TEASERS
callmepitstop <<keeper of the bus tickets and DVD library>>
as pointed out by Fred. , this last is now twice as onerous as before, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit having been added to Avatar
callmepitstop <<I certainly don't want to encroach on Sammi42's duties as Avatar keeper, so would be very happy to be Keeper of the Curse Of The Were-Rabbit DVD.>>
isih <<We do already have a librarian, so I have transferred the rest of pitstop's application to that post>>
APPOINTED: sammi42 (also Keeper of the Cardi), callmepitstop as travelling librarian
KEEPER OF THE JAYBUS KEYS (Call out for other drivers to confirm willingness to continue)
callmepitstop (resigned due to congenital lead foot), Alli-F (if ever she returns)
APPOINTED: rosedroplet
NAVIGATOR
nelliek <<I'm last in the queue for the JayJobs. Not sure if the Jaybus has a navigator. If it hasn't I could volunteer for that, though strictly speaking it's not an actual JayJob.>> It passes for one!
APPOINTED: nelliek
PILLOW PLUMPER
APPOINTED: JuliePB

JAYHUG CHECKER (QUALITY CONTROL AND ASSESSMENT) not clear whose wellbeing this is covering
JuliePB <<I do believe we're missing a vital area of care in J world, and I should like to volunteer my services for the position of JayHug Checker (Quality Control and Assessment) We know from our Agents in the field that this is an area of extreme importance to the Jaliona populace, so I think it's vital that regular checks take place to ensure that Quality of JayHug is being maintained, as I'm sure he should be avoiding soggy snuggles Also is the right level of JayHug being applied - Friendly? Warm? Brief? Happy? Supportive? Affectionate? Total Crush I have a great deal of experience in the hugging department, as a performer (we hug ALL the time!!!) and from a previous incarnation as a "repeat attender" at West End shows and Stage Doors, daahhling - so I hope my application will be looked on favourably>>
jayfan <<I hope I am not treading on Isih or Jelly L toes, but I think you make a compelling case for the role JuliePB!>>
APPOINTED: JuliePB

JAYJAY PILOT
Lola the cat <<Isih - In the words of Indiana Jones - "how hard can it be?". You know Isih you are right, if you suggest something you should be able to be proactive about it. So, rolling up shirt sleeves and pulling shoulders back, I can do this, I've flown a glider for 5 minutes at 3000ft, ok there was an instructor with me but he did say for 5 minutes I was a natural. So I am proud to present a new airline has been founded, this is our logo and ok our planes are a bit basic at the moment - it's my first lesson. But after a while I don't see any reason why we can't graduate to one of these. They even come already furnished with their own alcoves. Obviously we do need more than one pilot for safety, ie I don't actually know how to fly one yet so someone will need to read out the instruction manual, but we have until December to learn how to do this>>
isih <<I volunteer to read it to you but it will have to be over the radio as it's unlikely I shall be able to be there in December>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat. isih if absolutely necessary

JOBSFORJAY - 01 BACK SCRATCHER
Toasted Toad <<I expect someone already has it (back scratching). However, he's welcome to send his CV to me for the post of scratching my back. It gets itchy when sitting at my PC all day.>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 02 CHAKRA BALANCER
job description courtesy of an exasperated Head Lady in Waiting aka Lola the cat
<<I have decided to turn the JayJobs on its head. I have had enough of James keeping everyone waiting while he dithers about his next move and I have found him a job and he will take it, even though that goes against all my politics of being against forced workfare jobs. He is going to work for me - so James I need you to run me a bath now James, bubble bath is in the bathroom cupboard and I think there is a scented candle somewhere. When you have done that fetch the massage oil from the bedroom, I need a full body massage, muscles are a bit knotted from all the stress. Then pour me a glass of wine, there is a bottle of pinot gringo in the fridge, and can you feed me chocolate as well. This will all take a substantial length of time so he is mine for the rest of the evening. If he proves satisfactory in his new position I will consider requests from anyone who needs his services.>>
Rota to be drawn up. HLiW requests a note from a responsible adult to accompany requests for his services to avoid over exploitation, but has now realised this requirement is not easily fulfilled by members of this coven thread not in possession of feline familiars.
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 03 CO-OP PART TIMER
snippy <<There is an opening for a part-timer in our local Co-op : at times like these I wish I knew a responsible adult *panics*>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 04 CUSHION
Lola the cat <<Hannah - hope you stop falling down soon, make sure you have something or someone soft to land on. Job for Jay perhaps until he starts properly working again - Hannah's cushion>>
KorkyTheCat <<Standing at the windy bus stop today dressed in four layers but still cold, I thought of a job for J>>
hannah 01. <<Too late Korky. Jay is currently undertaking cushioning duties pour MOI. I do keep falling down and need that soft landing. And big hugs to reassure me Mwahaha As you will only be standing at the bus top for a minimal amount of time you will just have to jump up and down to keep warm>>
isih <<And very relieved I am he is doing the job - I was in the gutter a little while ago and got fallen down onto (preposition with which to end a sentence - har har)>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 05 GROCERY SHOPPING ASSISTANT
spreeathen <<If you don't mind sharing.>> (the rainman job, that is)
<<And can we add grocery shopping assistant, please? Left elbow, arm and shoulder not fully functioning yet after Barcelona.>>
isih <<Head Lady in Waiting will rescue J from KtC's claws so that the shopping can be done>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 06 LULLABY SINGER
spreeathen <<Oh, do we have lullaby singer as a job for Jay yet? That is if Korky releases him from his other duties!>>
Lola the cat <<Lullaby singer is a lovely idea, could I rest my weary head on his chest whilst he strokes my hair and sings to me...drifts off into a little daydream>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 07 LEMONISTA
KorkyTheCat <<When life gives you lemons...>>
spreeathen <<... find a Jay to make you some lemonade. Is that a new job for Jay?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Oooh, yes! Lemonista!>>
hannah 01. <<OK Korky when the Bird returns can you ensure he comes over to make us some lemonade. At the moment it would appear I have an orchard full of the blimmin things>>
KorkyTheCat <<He's still hard at my electrics and engaged at the moment in eutectic bonding, Hannah, but he may be temporarily free(ish) soon>>
Isih <<The (No Suggestions) suggestion is OK, but I think we may have to have the premises checked by hygiene police first!>>
KorkyTheCat <<You noticed the bloodied finger bandage on the floor then?>>
Whiffle_09 <<Not sure about how he is holding that knife Korky.....>>
KorkyTheCat <<As Finger Guide (incorporating Hand Guide I hope) I have shown him a safer and more practical way to slice his lemons>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 08 ODD JOB MAN
maryhall1 <<I agree j is multi talented there is so much he could do but least we forget he is also a bricklayer, painter, sander and Gardner I would be only to delighted for him to arrive at my door with his tool box I need lots of work done in my house>>
Lindy_Loue <<Hey, me too, maryhall. I can feel the queue forming now..>> (or is he just pleased to see you? Innuendo bingo #1)
KorkyTheCat <<--He's a gardener too??? I need one for grafting on, pricking out, hardening off, and expertly plying his dibble stick.>> --- (#2)
maryhall1 <<Lindy_Loue unfortunately you would have to rub suntan cream on to that bod. In case of sunburn as he trims your bushes, you would have to offer the use of your shower/bath to wash the sweat off , shampoo his curls scrub his back . Blow dry his hair .just offer it up girl, just offer it up>> --- ( #3)
isih <<There are clashes arising here re blowing. The bathtime duties / lotionning are actually reverse occupations and dealt with elsewhere.>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 09 PROFESSIONAL HUGGER
nelliek <<Jay could hire himself out as a hugger for all occasions - sympathy/ birthday/wedding/any celebration hugs>>
isih <<nelliek suggested a pay/expenses scale but perhaps that should be left to the man himself>>
ahouch <<Just imagine, you've poured your heart and soul into a dance and the fudges have slated you. You go up to the Clauditorium, now renamed the auditorium, and are welcomed by an enormous JayHug accompanied by a 'don't worry you were awesome!', 'you smashed it' kinda thing>>
KorkyTheCat <<May I be J's huggee/training partner? He's already a perfect hugger but he'll need to keep his hand in when off duty...>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 10 RAINMAN
Lola the cat <<Rain /////////// It is raining - a lot. Let's just say I didn't take my raincoat when I went out at lunchtime /////////// And there is now a distinct possibility I look a bit damp /////////// As J doesn't appear to be doing much at the moment can I please resurrect the Jobs for J and ask that until it stops raining he follows me around with an umbrella, raincoat and a towel to rub me down with in case I do get wet>>
KorkyTheCat <<J is at present immersed in my ongoing plumbing issues. He is meticulously testing the directional jet, degree rise and viscosity levels but we have every hope that he will be finished by around midnight.>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 11 SUPERSTAR OF MUSICAL THEATRE
STAMPED, OFFICIAL
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 12 UNDERWEAR MODEL
snippy <<underwear model?>>
isih <<this suggestion was later followed by various contributions of a pictorial nature to illustrate his suitability for the work>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness
JOBSFORJAY - 13 WINDBREAK
KorkyTheCat <<Standing at the windy bus stop today dressed in four layers but still cold, I thought of a job for J - Windbreak! He could easily envelop me in a JayHug, transferring his body heat and generously imparting his corporal warmth...>>
isih <<It has been pointed out that the position of CUSHION is of earlier provenance and greater importance>>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness

KEEPER OF THE DOUBLE / SINGLE / DOWNRIGHT OBSCENE ENTENDRE
janetshep <<I understand that this might well overlap with some other positions (e.g. gutter sweeper), but I believe that managing double entendres on behalf of the thread and Jay (viz innuendo bingo with Zoe) is a full time position of its own>>
APPOINTED : In the absence of any other applications, isih. (I do my very best, honest)

KEEPER OF THE JAYBONDS incorporating SUPPORTER OF THE BURGEONING TALENT, SHOELACE CHECKER, LANYARD PLACER and LEG RINGER
isih << we all know he's read 50 Shades, which is more than I have>>
jnb_7 <<"Fetishists of the world UNTIE">>
isih <<a certain impropriety developed around this post until the resident Keeper asserted her rights, largely emanating from the feline populace AGAIN)
isih <<As we all know, talent should always be unfettered, so I am a little dubious about the following three suggestions, although they are not physically fettering as such>>
LANYARD PLACER
KorkyTheCat <<As J seems to lose his mobile phone with such regularity I think a good idea would be for him to wear it on an adjustable lanyard around his *respectful pause* neck...I should like to apply for the JayJob of Lanyard Placer which would involve putting it on him every morning and ensuring that it remained in place until bedtime...>>
LEG RINGER
KorkyTheCat <<I would ring one of his legs as birds are ringed so that we have an idea where he is flying to and where he is roosting>>
SHOE LACE CHECKER
KorkyTheCat <<I am thinking about Shoe Lace Checker which could also encompass other jobs while down there...>>
SUPPORTER OF THE BURGEONING TALENT
(Please form an orderly queue)
KorkyTheCat <<Great talent must always be nurtured, encouraged to grow and never impeded, Snippy. When you are older you will come to appreciate that maxim.>>
Snippy <<Oh I would always support a burgeoning talent Korky. Let it swell unbounded I say.>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7, snippy, KorkyTheCat

KEEPER OF THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK
KorkyTheCat <<I am very interested in another JayJob. Trouble is, I don't know what the job title is or whether it is a permanent position. Here is the advertised vacancy: Any assistance will be gratefully received.>> NB link may not work
DeiseDays <<Actually, I think the title for the job that goes with that gif is "Keeper of the Little Black Book". I think you'll find me listed under D, for Darling Deise>>
KorkyTheCat <<Splendid JayJob title! I hereby apply for it. You may well be in his book but I think you will find it now alphabetised and I am listed under Adorable Affectionate Amorous Appealing Ardent Korks and so he need look no further.>>
hannah 01. <<You can't purloin all the A 's because you're alphabetising "The Little Black Book." There's always the possibility it might also be numerically ordered with favourites at the front that bear no relation to Alpha characters. To that end I am also known as A1 hannah01 you know.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Ah, but the list is also cross-referenced with stars/asterisks on "the usual" scale of 1 to 5* and I'll have you know I am listed with **********.>>
hannah 01. <<Aah but is the scale 1 to 5 gonna be where 1 is excellent and 5 is disappointing. I hate questionnaires that ask you to mark 1 to 10 but don't say which is which. As I said though A1 hannah01>>
Lola the cat <<Ah, but you can all put The Little Black Book in any order you want some of us are inscribed in his heart and don't need to be in The Book, he just knows how to get hold of me anytime, anyplace, anywhere>>
isih <<Does anyone want to confess to showing interest earlier in the thread? I think Keeper of the Little Black Book has to be the man himself, in all fairness, as only he knows what he wishes to signify with all the asterisks - grading (either increasing or decreasing), expletives deleted ... who knows?>>
KorkyTheCat <<...but he doesn't because I am and ever will be Mistress of the Bedchamber! I concede that J had best be Keeper of the Little Black Book himself but I have had a sneaky look inside it and there is only one entry - KtC - with one hundred stars!! Therefore I am hereby applying for the JayJob of J Favour Debtor or just Debtor if you prefer. I fear I shall remain ever in his debt and will endeavour to make this up to him. It may take some time though...probably years. >>
APPOINTED: James Mcguiness

KEEPER OF THE PEEPERS incorporating KEEPER OF THE SUNGLASSES
Toasted Toad <<Hand feeding carrots, (ed. no wonder there was some confusion between Becks and Jay), placing slices of cucumber on them when he rests. I think you could sneak in a little general 'soothing' if you have that job (ED. you'll be lucky.) Check for crispy eyes and little sleep fairies. (ED. I think tucking under the blankie is best reserved for other duties, TT)
Callmepitstop <<Ooh, yes I could do that!! To look into those eyes every day... just to check they are clear and healthy, you understand...>>
jnb_7 <<I could also colour match his eyes just to be sure of the EXACT shade, while he's down there *cough*>> (see CHIEF CURL TEASER)
jnb_7 <<so those beautiful eyes don't get nasty crows feet around them........of course I'd need to look into the eyes when putting the sunglasses on and taking them off for safekeeping.....and it'd tie in nicely with my other post of Monitoring the JayRoma>>
APPOINTED: callmepitstop, jnb_7

KEEPER OF THE TOUR CLIPS
APPOINTED: spreeathen by popular acclaim (accepted by candidate)

KEEPER OF THE TOUR LISTS
APPOINTED: nelliek, bees_knees (and very greatly appreciated)

KNEE CARE including APPLIER OF THE KNEE BANDAGE and EXERCISE BUDDY
Lindy_Loue <<Oh, oh....and can I apply for a JayJob, if not already allocated please? I can't think why I didn't apply before..... I could be complementary health practitioner for the Jay knee This will be an especially urgent role as J moves towards fulfilling his responsibilities with various partners in various shows. He would not want to fall down on the job, I'm sure, and I feel that my unique brand of alternative physio ( or physical therapy, as I believe it is known in the USA) would suit his quirky (even nerdy) personality to a T There, I've said it! I cannot waste these Slidey Tray skills on myself alone>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmm, sounds like you may have slip joint problem there Lindy, we have just the odd-jobs man to help you with that>>
Lindy_Loue <<Oh, I do, DD, I do! And if he can help me with that, and I can offer the physio, well then, I feel we have what must be considered a mutually beneficial arrangement>>
isih <<No clash here as one is medical, the other physio>>
EXERCISE BUDDY
KorkyTheCat <<It is that time again when thoughts turn to how to make J's life easier - and an answer immediately springs to mind: become his Exercise Buddy. Jay needs to be kept in tip-top condition both for his general health and for the upcoming rehearsals which will no doubt involve lifting. I do not know whether he has a training pal but I am willing to oblige. He already does press-ups... ...but I believe he would benefit from a little more resistance. He can easily lift his own weight and so I would apply pressure on his *respectful pause* upper back and shoulders. To accomplish this I may even have to lie on him (). I know, but it's all in a good cause. As I am smaller than A he could also practise lifting me to strengthen his *respectful pause* muscles. J and I would need to put our heads closely together to plan a suitable exercise regime, including building up his stamina somehow, but I am open to all suggestions, especially his.>>
isih <<Lola points out that Jay has already a personal trainer>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'd be his even more personal informal exercise buddy, on call whenever he felt like a little additional physical exertion.>>
Lola the cat <<I appreciate how dedicated you are to the welfare of the young master but I think you might have to tweak the wording of your application. Rosedroplet is his Dance Partner in Training, Danceagogo is his Personal Trainer and JuliePB is Personal Choreographer. I can't see that anyone is taking care of his poorly knee, thighs yes, but not knee - could that be a possibility to expand into a suitable position for you?>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, Lindy_Loue

LAUNDRESS (sub division of dresser), including IRONING
KorkyTheCat <<I should like to be J's Laundress. This job goes logically with Dresser. I vow to keep all his clothes pristine, his smalls soft and comfy and everything spotless and fresh.
jayfan <<Actually, having been close to Jay ( did I mention that before?) he definitely needs someone to iron his clothes and hang them up. Sadly, even for Jay, I wouldn't iron but I would pick his clothes up from the floor and hang them up...>>
snippy <<just in case anyone was wondering....no I shan't be ironing Jay's undercrackers. He too will have wrinkly drawers>>
KorkyTheCat <<Just spotted another Korky JayJob here - Ironer! This too goes with Dresser and Laundress. I will happily iron J's undercrackers too and if I see him in creased ones I will have them off immediately and onto the ironing-board>>
snippy <<Korky if you lay one paw on my (em I mean Jay's) undercrackers I will clip your claws. I love you, but I will do it>>
KorkyTheCat <<Oh, hello Snippy! If you will not allow me access to J's creased undercrackers for the sole purpose of ironing them and making them all nice and comfy then I will have to smooth them out in situ...which may take a little time.>>
snippy <<Korky just so you know I have attached anti-fumble devises to Jay's undercrackers......so watch your paws. A pussycat could be in for a shock if she "smooths" where she shouldn't>>
isih <<I feel Jay is a little short-changed here, having to wear crinkly undercrackers.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat as the only one willing to wield an i**n, jayfan

LIBRARIANS
Marmitey <<lefty, backwards reader and writer, interests in common with prospective employer>>
callmepitstop <<The post of DVD librarian could be expanded to Keeper of the Jaybooks and DVDs (Excluding Avatar). I would keep Jay's books in pristine condition, dust his spines daily and keep him out of direct sunlight when in possession of a book - this is not to be confused with the role of Protector of the Paleness, you understand: it is more a vehicle designed to protect the books, although it does come around nicely, doesn't it?>>
Whiffle_09 <<I note that there is reading companion but no one to look after the reading material. I would therefore like to apply for the position as the Curator of said material. I am an avid reader myself & as a volunteer in my local charity bookshop ( run as an independent store – no tatty books here!) have ready access to a wide selection of material. I will ensure that all books are kept in proper order to be available at a moment’s notice . Thank you in anticipation>>
hannah 01. <<Whiffle - If Isih approves your new JayJob you will, by necessity need to spend an inordinate amount of time in The Gutter. The newly decorated Reform Club Alcove has a well stocked library just waiting for someone.>>
Whiffle_09 <<I see no problem with this ( even though I had never knowingly visited the gutter before joining this thread ) The renovations have made a big improvement though I would request (if it can be squeezed in) a small space for tea-making facilities as *whispers quietly in case it leads to thread excommunication* I don't partake of alcohol.>>
hannah 01. <<As Deputy CEO GRIT I will undertake this addition in the form of additional cafe space for all users of The Gutter. (Including those who wish to have a coffee to ready themselves for the next day) I will formally pass the details on to the CEO in order that it can be stamped----Official! !!>>
isih <<Whifffle - we do have librarians appointed. Marmitey has not been around much of late so you may be able to take over by default (excuse me, but I am a qualified librarian of xx years standing, but my position excludes me from applying yes, me, isih, personally, myself) Non-participation in alocholicol bevererges is not a drawback, the queen of job applications herself is of this persuasion. I'm sure Hannah can accommodate your desire for tea - the source of free radicals which liberates the universe, selon Dr Who - and I am not averse to this myself, very good at counteracting excessive use of alcohol it is.>>
hannah 01. <<Perhaps we need a Travelling Librarian and A Gutter Librarian. As a librarian yourself you know there is a lot of work involved in such things as inventory. No Korky stand back from the library. The jobs are I believe taken.😉>>
isih <<Excellent idea, hannah 01.>>
APPOINTED: Travelling - callmepitstop. Gutter - Whiffle_09. Marmitey as liaison if she so wishes

LIP AND TONGUE MANAGER incorporating LIP BUFFER
formerly APPLIER OF THE LIP BALM and GUARDIAN OF THE TONGUE (sub-sections PERSONAL CARE and ETIQUETTE)
isih <<The three jobs have duly been amalgamated as Lip and Tongue Manager (as opposed to the tongue and groove function which has so vulgarly been referred to earlier in the thread)>>
ahouch <<Firstly, ensuring said tongue is suitably pink for its numerous photo appearances. and that J's breath is minty fresh. This will require regular checks and require close proximity. Secondly, the successful candidate will be on hand to deal with any slips of said tongue, a la toddler in bag. These obviously in the absence of Mrs Kavanagh.
<<I can confirm that I am happy to take on the two roles for Guardian of the tongue. Seeing as they are in such close proximity I'd be happy to volunteer as the Applier of the lip balm too. It will need very gentle application, so I may apply it to myself in the first instance and transfer it to J's by pressing my lips to his.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Isih - Is it too late to apply for the JayJob of Lip Mopper? One of his traits is licking his lips and I feel I should be permanently on hand to dab them gently to prevent chapping. Evidence:>>
isih <<Sorry Korky - (sneak prevue of job posted)>>
APPOINTED : ahouch.
LIP BUFFER
KorkyTheCat <<I have stumbled across luxury lip butter buffer, which I am sure J needs applying to his lips very gently several times a day. Luckily I have a very steady hand so that none will get into his beardy bits. He definitely needs this on medical grounds. I think for his sake I should apply for the JayJob of Lip Buffer.>>
ahouch <<Steady on Korks you could be stepping on my toes there. I am Lip & Tongue Manager (I think that's the title?) if I recall rightly. You may get away with it though as I am off to bed.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I am very pleased to see that you are putting his needs first. He is pursing up at this very moment ready to be anointed.
isih <<Miss KtC was instructed to return said lips to the official manager in the morning . Some hopes!>>
APPOINTED (TEMPORARY): KorkyTheCat

MASTER OF THE BEER BOTTLES incorporating COMPETITIVE BEER DRINKER and BOTTLED WATER CARRIER
hannah 01. <<years of experience in the hospitality industry, superior to academic qualifications, willing to job share with dancingfosse>>
KorkyTheCat has previously expressed a wish to remove temptation from Mr Mcg as part of a health and fitness programme.
isih <<seriously Korky, you want to confiscate the beer bottles?>>
BOTTLED WATER CARRIER
KorkyTheCat <<Ahem... cough... blush... JayJob Application There is a gaping hole in J's life - i.e. a vacancy for a Bottled Water Carrier. J has been clutching his water much of the day and this impairs his ability to perform two-handed activities, some of which are essential to his health. I would therefore be on hand to carry his bottle for him yet be very near him at all times to apply it to his lips whenever he asked for it or whenever I noticed he was parched or croaking somewhat. My efforts would of course enable him to administer hugs properly.>>
jayfan <<Korky, whilst I admire your ingenuity and creativity, can even you hold down this many JayJobs??>>
KorkyTheCat <<Oh yes! We - sorry, they - will sort of merge into each other.>>
hannah 01. <<Korky - Step back from the bottles. The water bottle is Aliona's. As I am his Master of the Beer Bottles this job will encompass ALL his drinking vessels. (As I told Lola) In this I will not be dissuaded>>
KorkyTheCat <<I didn't realise water bottles were included. In these circumstances I will happily relinquish my application. (I am thinking about SHOE LACE CHECKER which could also encompass other jobs while down there...)>>
hannah 01. <<Yes just think what you could inadvertently check and have to "handle" whilst doing the laces. A very worthwhile JayJob cos he has never got them laced properly. Could fall and hurt himself. Now that is when he would need his beer so we would be collaborating yet again.>>
isih <<Hannah, beware! Collaborjaytion may not come into it as KtC wishes to remove the beer bottles, remember>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01. , dancingfosse as competitor

MEDIA RELATIONS incorporating KEEPER OF THE PHONE & TWITTER ACCOUNT
NOTE: This post does not encompass looking after the physical whereabouts of communications devices. Dufnut's application has been transferred to the appropriate position
see committee member Jelly's comments under PERSONAL ASSISTANT
Dufnut <<Not brilliant at the actual technology stuff but could happily keep an eye on his phone and laptop to stop them getting lost! I am more than happy that his PA take on the actual tweeting, posting on Instagram etc as defined . I'm quite happy to take a back seat and just keep the phone, laptop or any other technology safe, running back to hotel rooms to retrieve them when forgotten! As I said I'm not greedy and would hate to step on your PA toes>>
Callmepitstop (for days when solitude is required)
Mrs Finklestein as Chief Whip
CatO9tales can you remember why, CatO?
APPOINTED: awaiting acceptance under new conditions

MEDICAL ATTENDANT
isih <<A call out for StrictlyRed re neck was answered before even being posted>>
KorkyTheCat <<would sit very nicely alongside my other JayJobs and I am not averse to examining the Jaybus at (extremely) close quarters every morning, evening and in between. By scrutinising every inch of him I would hope to spot any variations from the norm - such as swelling, flushing, rashes, overheating, tenderness, dysfunction, fever, swollen glands (neck), swollen glands (kidney), swollen glands (thyroid), swollen glands (prostate), swollen glands (throat), swollen glands (other). Regular palpation would be necessary, of course, to enable me to detect the first signs of any abnormalities and pre-empt any deterioration should any irregularities be discovered. I would also check that his eyes were clear and not bloodshot or yellowing. I would also check his undraped weight regularly...
Hannah 01 <<I notice the neck is getting a lot of attention again. It is to that end the I would like to offer my assistance to you to look after swollen glands elsewhere to free up your time to inspect the neck at great length>>
KorkyTheCat <<This thought is so very kind of you, dear Hannah, but I feel sure that I can cope with all glands, swollen or otherwise, even those with the tendency to flare up at inconvenient times of the day or night.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat. Hannah 01., Neck is to be excluded at all times, StrictlyRed to be called upon if there is a problem in this area

MINER OF THE MIND
RaffertyCat <<Which reminds me, I'd like to apply for the JayJob: Miner of the Mind. The jaybird is quite safe with me. The jay dancing bod, perhaps less so. But the jay mind..........mmmm. I'm sure Jay won't mind if his mind's mined. Mind you, I don't suppose he's ever given it a thought. In fact, I've already made a preliminary survey, so keen was I to get started. It's beautiful in here......so many rooms! I wonder what's in this one.........oh......Never mind. Mind your own business, Raffy, now move on. *slap*I've noticed that there are lots of pockets of wit, dotted about. I've taken the liberty of bringing them all together, and placing them at the centre, as one large Wit Emporium. Now every shaft can reach the Wit Emporium in the shortest time. (Mind you, he's fast enough already. If he gets any faster, he'll meet himself coming back). I've put his box of bon mots in the middle, and given it a spring-loaded lid: so useful when circumstances can make the catch a bit stiff, and difficult to open. Wow! This guy's mind's a gold-mine. Sorry folks. The mind mine's mine! What's that over there? An animal sanctuary. How sweet. And over there: the Jaybird section.......Are you a Mynah bird? And what's your name?......"Mine's a Guinness. Mine's a Guinness"......Oh. Natch. Oh, and btw, I've taken precautions. The entrance to the mind mine's mined. I've placed mines all around it. And only I've got the map. A guy needs his privacy, after all.>>
isih <<Please note, it should be a Toucan, not a Mynah Bird, but poetic licence has been granted ivo title of the topic>>
KorkyTheCat <<Fine, but I'm J's Counsellor and his head's in my hands a lot already... There's a gif for the jay mind! <<
RaffertyCat <<I'm so glad you're happy with my appointment, and I'm sure we can work together, harmoniously, for the greater good, towards Jay's happiness and well-being. Mine is largely an internal position, requiring a 24hour on-call commitment, so naturally it is a residential post. I have already moved in. I will be working tirelessly towards obviating Jay's need for a counsellor at all. You take your role of 'Mistress Of All You Survey, Nonpareil', very seriously, that is obvious to the most casual observer. So it will come as a huge relief, of that I am absolutely certain, when you learn that you can devote your many and varied skills to all the other jay tasks you have gathered to yourself. Many of them would put great strain on the Korkybod, and we applaud you for your selfless pursuit of the Jaybliss. *clap..clap..clap*>>
KorkyTheCat <<As J's counsellor I rushed to his assistance when he appeared to have a recent crisis of confidence and am still boosting and encouraging him. He perked up immediately upon taking up the required relaxed position in my treatment room. My methods are proving effective and he is now twice the man he was. My course of treatment will cease only when he feels able to look in the mirror and see that he is a mature full-grown man. Only then would I consider relinquishing my role. Success will be ours!>>
APPOINTED: RaffertyCat. Until mining therapy is completed, KorkyTheCat may continue with her counselling role

MISS LOLA'S SCHOOL OF DANCE AND FACIAL EXPRESSION - WORK IN PROGRESS
Please note, applications for teaching posts should be addressed to Miss Lola or Deputy Head Whiffle
Lola the cat <<I have had some thoughts about Miss Lola's School of Dance and I will post later about entry requirements and details of the syllabus we will follow. I will be looking for other "dance and facial expression" teachers to assist me in our school, it is a collective school now. I'm all for inclusivity. A certain James McG has agreed to become patron and attend lessons as he obviously needs a little help in the "facial expressions" part of his performance, I'm sure between us we can turn him into a performer that even Miss Karen will be proud of>>
KorkyTheCat <<I assume that the school is residential with dormitories. I should therefore like to apply for the Jayjob of Matron in charge of J's health and wellbeing plus 'lights out'...>>
Lola the cat <<As I am only the headmistress, apart from dance teachers, all jayjobs will have to be submitted through the usual recruitment office of Miss Isih (she might not know this, please you don't mind, do you Isih, pretty please). Our patron is a private person so a single room for his use will be made available.>>
Isih <<I think the duties are already encompassed in MISTRESS OF THE BEDCHAMBER, we just need to add a ROAMING permission to this. With the recent reduction of roaming charges within the EU, this should not be too onerous, at least for the next couple of years Any objections?>>
Syllabus
Lesson 1
Whiffle_09 <<Now, for some reason I have been unable to get Miss Karen out of my head>>
Here are the examination papers in preparation for the new season
APPOINTED: Lola the cat, Whiffle_09

MISTRESS OF THE BED BATH
hannah 01. <<I was in fact only offering advice to Snippy not to give in to requests for said method of washing an invalid. It can (and did for me) become such a messy business. No amount of giggling dries a wet mattress However in thinking on it ------well maybe I could sleep on the idea. Here's my starting point anyway>>
DeiseDays <<Well I naturally assumed that when you offered to help snippy, your services would be available to the newest recruit to the Stitch and Twitch circle I was merely thinking of Korky, she has so many duties to fulfil that she might collapse if Jay were to need a bed bath >>
KorkyTheCat <<I assure you that I would give my all while administering a bed bath to J. I would be professional about sponging his little places and gently patting him dry.>>
hannah 01. <<I hereby claim the duties of Mistress of the Bed Bath. I have commenced my research and collected my soft Egyptian towels (warmed of course) You may accompany me and observe by all means Korky but the use of the flannel and sponge are all mine>>
KorkyTheCat <<Well, as I am Bath Attendant/Scrubber (for normal baths) it's only fair that you be Bed Bath Provider. Yes, I will most certainly "observe". I could do the tucking in too... and the (long) kiss goodnight.>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01.

MISTRESS OF THE BEDCHAMBER incorporating JAYWAKENER, NOCTURNAL ROLE PLAY PARTNER and SILENCER OF THE SNORE, with ROAMING privileges
KorkyTheCat <<I promise to work flat out ... subservient, acquiescent and fully accommodating ... BUT he takes up all of the bed! How would I sleep? Shove him over? Spoon him? Slide underneath him? Crawl on top of him?>>
KorkyTheCat <<I am always up bright and early and would have no trouble rousing J to greet the day. I have many years' experience of this type of work and would relish working under J. I know that I would find such a position fulfilling and would therefore impart total satisfaction to my employer. He would never again find himself running late, having to forgo his breakfast or missing transport links.>>
SILENCER OF THE SNORE
BionicBard <<Huge thanks to everybody who's put in so much effort to make this thread so interesting and entertaining to follow, especially when our hero's gone AWOL/lost his phone or lies snoring quietly in a corner. Ping! Another JayJob, Korky? Silencer of the Snore? I'm sure you could manage that somehow...>>
KorkyTheCat <<As I haven't had a new JayJob for some time, I most humbly accept your nomination as Silencer of the Snore, BB. I find a sharp dig in the ribs a good 'cure' normally but in J's case I propose to use another (much more gentle) method, first ensuring that he can breathe through his nose of course...>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat surprisingly, unopposed. Everyone else must have been asleep

MISTRESS OF THE MONOCHROME MAJESTY GIFS ETC
DeiseDays <<Whiffle, I hereby propose you for a new JayJob as Mistress of the Monochrome Majesty>>
Whiffle_09 <<Thank you I readily accept>>
I am happy with this but this should also surely include Rachel (perhaps as visiting) and ErinMC (YouTube id)
APPOINTED: Whiffle_09

MOPPER OF THE PERSPIRING BROW
jnb_7 <<brow perspiring brow after moments of exertion>>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

NECK MASSAGE including GROOMER OF THE NECK STUBBLE
isih <<Lindy and Korky and Hannah - behave yourselves. Licking is included in massage, whatever the man himself might say>>
GROOMER OF THE NECK STUBBLE Suggested by Snippy subsequent to the following redacted conversation
isih <<Am a little concerned about the 'by any means necessary' as I think this could overlap with other grooming duties and suggestions>>
bubble_wrap <<Let's take a moment to think about the neck!>>
Toasted Toad <<No. Let's take many moments!>>
*respectful pause * *very respectful pause*
StrictlyRed <<Oi! Don't think I don't see what's going on here. You may look but on no account touch. If you care to look at job descriptions, I think you'll find neck massage is all mine.>>
Toasted Toad <<Can I nibble?>>
bubble_wrap <<Can I just clarify though. Does this include touching with parts other than our hands? Say, with our teeth for instance?>>
StrictlyRed <<Absolutely NOT................unless you can come up with a suitable job description to justify said nibbling, and which will be acceptable to Isih as Guardian of The List.>>
isih <<I am also a little concerned - nay gobsmacked - at the involvement in this discussion by one of our more - up to now - respectable and staid citizens. Was it the prosecco made her do it, or just a gradual erosion of stiffupperlippery caused by the phenomenal force of nature that is Jay McGuiness?>>
APPOINTED: StrictlyRed

NERVE STEADYING ROLES incorporating DISTRACTING and TWEAKING
KorkyTheCat <<This would involve no alcohol, my methods to remain confidential>> (AND you wish to confiscate his beer bottle as well?)
dancingfosse <<handholder for when he's nervous in the wings, aftershave buyer and administerer>> (this last has been vetoed by several members of the wider committee)
jnb_7 <<can I apply for JayJob of handholder (non-dancing)? I promise not to get up to anything naughty with them>>
BionicBard <<Just had a quick skim through all the japery that's been going on since my last visit, and spotted another JayJob vacancy. The latest YT clip from jnb indicates that our man may need a Zenmeister, possibly combined with a TwiddeTamer and BackScratcher. The poor man just can't keep still. So I'm suggesting, as Korky's workload appears to be on an exponential curve, and she may herself be in need of similar therapy, perhaps the two might be combined?>>
DISTRACTOR AND TWEAK MEISTER
isih <<these have been discussed by Korky and BionicBard but I must have missed something so need someone to explain the origins to me, preferably in words of half a syllable as my brain is currently fried>>
BionicBard <<....and you could even add the role of Tweakmeister. Plenty of opportunity to administer a bijoux tweakette whenever things start to get surreal>>
KorkyTheCat <<My tweaks would never be harsh, only ever gentle tweaklets if it was felt that he was going a little too far.>>
BionicBard <<I think you would be purrfect for the job, although it might be an idea to use the scratching post after, rather than before, administration. Slashed jeans is one thing, but shredded shreddies could be considered rather outré.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, jnb_7, dancingfosse

NUZZLER IN CHIEF
Toasted Toad <<Chief Nuzzler - to advise him what degree of stubble would give any current or potential girlfriend beard rash>>
bubble_wrap <<Ooh that'll do nicely! Or should I say nuzzly ? May I interest you in an offer of a job share? Or do you require an assistant nuzzler?>>
Toasted Toad <<Gerroff! Nuzzling, here.>>
StrictlyRed <<TT and BW - You seem to be a little bit confused between nibbling and nuzzling! Two very different things, so maybe there is a job for each of you after all!>>
KorkyTheCat <<And I could be Jaynuzzler-cum-Jaynubbler!>> If you think you can get away with such an obvious ruse, think again!
Toasted Toad <<No you can't . There is only a certain amount of room around Jay's neck and it is taken! Go find your own portion of Jay's anatomy! >>
isih <<As already mentioned, KtC has extensive experience of dealing with beard rash, based on departement no 69>>
APPOINTED: Toasted Toad. Apparently with the approval of StrictlyRed

PAGE TURNER
DeiseDays <<I'm not rising to your Carry On Jaybird bait Korky Have another reading Jaypic.>>
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CkunBvZXIAA6mOS.jpg
spreeathen <<*waits to see what job Korky applies for next when she notices the position of his "free" hand*>>
KorkyTheCat <<Maybe Page Turner as I would be holding his errant hand tightly while he reads.>>
isih <<May be a clash on the handholding front - although Fred. has limited herself to dance occasions, dancingfosse still has some rights in the nerve-steadying area. I see no problem on the page turning front and crotch covering is in one of your existing remits>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PAINTING AND DRAWING COMPANION
Snippy <<I did take a watercolour course once. Does the role mean assisting him with his etchings or actually painting Jay himself, if so is there life modelling involved>>
isih <<I see no reason why both definitions should not be valid.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Jay's artistic interests surely include Life Drawing and I should like to offer myself as his partner, taking turns at posing/drawing. I would ensure that the art room is well heated in the cold weather to keep him comfortable and buoyant and well ventilated in summer to ensure that he doesn't wilt.>>
isih << his aversion to heat seems to be well documented>>
snippy <<Korky you are such a martyr to the cause (and a workaholic it seems). Imagine being so selfless as to offer yourself up to such a taxing role>>
isih <<Does this mean that you have abandoned your enquiry? OBVIOUSLY NOT, SEE BELOW>>
snippy <<I would please like to make an application for part-time role as Jay painter. I don't want to get involved in a cat fight on the thread. Heaven forbid BUT JUST TO ASSERT, the undercrackers are all mine and I am more than willing to face down anyone else who comes near them, by any means at my disposal...any means .....>>
Gill P <<You've beaten me to this job! Just thinking of this!>> (It's not too late to apply, Gill. Snippy had already raised a query on this, so Korky has competition)
KorkyTheCat <<I concede! I may or may not be arranging private life drawing tuition. I would be able to warm him up first and give him a grounding...>>
isih <<grounding? Sure you've spelt that right?>>
snippy <<As long as I am the person with my hands on his undercrackers I will leave the rest of you to fight the other jobs out amongst yourselves. However, if a part-time opening was to become available as the artistic interpreter of Jay's impressive physique, well let’s just say I wouldn't turn it down.>>
sky_lark <<My late arrival may mean that positions of voluntary employment looking after Jay and his various appendages *respectful pause* have all been taken. However, I would be very grateful to be the substitute artist. I am, though I say this myself quite a good painter, I do have the eye as they say. Obviously my talent would be painting the human. I would be honoured to paint Jay when and if the opportunity arises. If references or examples are required I will most certainly hold open house for viewings, I think my painting of the bathroom is a particularly good example of my huge talent *coughs*
APPOINTED: snippy, Gill P, sky_lark, KorkyTheCat

PALENESS PRESERVATION PROFESSIONAL
Delight <<to be accountable for protecting our pale-hued dude from sunburn and keep his skin youthful-looking and wrinkle-free. Current research shows one should even wear sun screen under one’s clothes and should re-apply every two hours. Ready to start immediately
<<ETA ongoing research has uncovered the value of lettuce juice for dabbing on sunburn (honest!), so I'm being kept busy boiling, straining and cooling lettuce juice to take with me. As you can tell, my job is a VERY energy-intensive one that I venture to suggest no-one else would wish to do.>>
<<Note to other JayJob holders: I would need to move (and re-position) curls to avoid getting lotion in the hair and would need to do lots of massaging/stroking movements to ensure lotion is well-rubbed in, but I would be mindful of the boundaries of the different JayJobs and would undertake to do the barest minimum of curl teasing, massaging and stroking that’s consistent with doing a good job.
<<Note to Snippy, the Curator of the Undercrackers: I would stay well away from all things undercracker-related. I know what is good for me.>>
APPOINTED: Delight

PASSEPARTOUT
DeiseDays <<– In my role as Passepartout, I would be willing to take full Jayxecutive control of all the day-to-day tasks of the other JayJob holders so that J would not be troubled by any trifling problems. – One of my first duties would be to ensure that those employing Jay for jobs do not take advantage of his kind nature in abusing his huge talent (Korky, let him out of your cavity – I don't care if the downspout needs attention, he's done enough – I would follow him Around the World in 80 Ways to make sure that all travel necessities, including his passport and phone, are within reach at all times and not left behind any hardwood joists he has been working on. – My skills include a good blow (for any hot air balloon rides) and an ability to turn my hand to any junk (or indeed trunk) that requires attention. – I would carry out a time and motion study for all JayJobs to guarantee that all appointees are (ful)filling their briefs. – Any JayJob holders found to be distracted from the task in hand would be sent straight to the Reform Club. – Not wishing to be a dominatrix in my role, I would utilise the services of the Chief Whip should any chastisement be required. Finally, should a pachyderm ride be involved in any future Jaytrip, my accreditation in this field is already well documented and I can confirm that I have been extending my skills.>>
isih <<As well as Lola's Head Lady in Waiting remit, all other basic functions of this role are already catered for. However, for some of the more exotic activities the candidate may well be called upon to assist (see also STITCH AND TWITCH)>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

PERSONAL ASSISTANT (including PDAs and general co-ordination of administrative tasks, media relations)
Mcguiness27 <<also sole carer of his master's thighs that would be lovely, I have after all admired his thighs for six years and feel quite attached to them as they are a part of my Twitter name.>>
( I don't think anyone would deny you this )
[Knowing Mr McG's propensity for losing phones and his seeming reluctance o engage in social media, I think it would require more than one post to ensure that contact is maintained and information exchanged regularly. These posts would need to be monitored closely by his PA in addition to the media relation duties for which she would have responsibility.]
APPOINTED: Mcguiness27

PERSONAL CHOREOGRAPHER
Julie PB <<In the absence of Aliona - ensuring every move he makes is honed to perfection - necessitating lots of one-to-one contact in small, intimate dance studios>>
APPOINTED: JuliePB

PERSONAL MASSEUSE (EXCLUDING NECK WHICH IS STRICTLYRED and THIGHS WHICH ARE MCGUINESS'S)
stelladog <<A full body massage is always best I think.>>- see restriction
(see committee member Jelly's comments under PERSONAL ASSISTANT)
APPOINTED: stelladog

PERSONAL PHOTOGRAPHER
KorkyTheCat <<I would like to apply for the JayJob of Personal Photographer. We have had a succession of bleary pub/bar pictures. I would be at his side ready to photograph him contemplating on the beach, reading in a park, walking in the woods, feeding wild birds, cooking in his kitchen, taking his seat in a theatre, browsing an outdoor bookstall, people-watching in a café, sunbathing sans shirt... with the pleasant sun warming his *respectful pause* broad shapely back and rendering his strong manly legs and beautiful balletic arms a light golden colour and... oh, sorry, carried away there. I mean that I would ensure that he obtained his vitamin D from the sun. I'm sure I read somewhere that it is better absorbed if the whole body is exposed, so on medical grounds it is beneficial for him to wear just shorts... Yes, back to the point: Personal Photographer please!>>
isih <<This post must be carried out with all due respect paid to boundary crossing, photography ONLY under these circumstances allowed. In addition, vitamin D, sun, - no-no - see PALENESS PRESERVATION>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PERSONAL TRAINER
danceagogo <<As an ex PE teacher I feel I am the best suited for this position and will make sure fitness in all departments will continue and carry on Our Leona's good work
(In reply to Head Lady in Waiting) <<You can rely on me - (while you are partaking of the wine with your visitors just to keep them happy of course) - to make sure Jay is in tip top condition for the trials ahead. As we speak I am pouring over work schedules, finalising training details incorporating tried and tested improvement methods, deciding on the best balance of reps and sets.........isotonic........isometric........cardiac......strength......flexibility...... Wonder if he'd like Zumba Gold......... for old people........(my definition, but good fun....)>>
APPOINTED: danceagogo

PIZZA PROVIDER (PERSONAL) - TEMPORARY
KorkyTheCat <<Yes, I would like to apply for the JayJob of Personal Pizza Provider. As you know, pizzas are one of J's favourite foods and I like making them and so it seems logical for me to make them to his specification and feed them to him. His tweet this morning proves that he is in desperate need of nourishment - Isih, I hope that you will allocate this position to me as soon as possible as he cannot begin to change his single status with a rumbling tum.>>
isih <<Korky, a couple of words : nos lowen and maryhall1 (ok, that's four) I will appoint you pizza provider on a temporary basis (just make sure always veggie) but if either of the current chefs raises any objection we may have to reconsider. The position may be made permanent if there are no complaints.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Thank you for allowing my post as a temporary one. I am just about to begin kneading J's dough. I am veggie too so all will be well on that score.>>
Lola the cat <<But Korky, you are already the official Snack Provider and he is currently locked in Chez Korks sorting your electrics out so why exactly does he have a rumbly tummy? Have you not been providing suitable snacks to keep the rumbles at bay ... Hmm mm?>>
isih <<Lola - you have made a very good point. I await the reply before processing said application>>
KorkyTheCat <<He's playing up, Lola. I have provided many snacks but to no avail. He wants pizza and he wants it now and won't touch any other profferings. I think he may be assuming the character of young Josh in Big and is living the part à la Daniel Day Lewis. If I am appointed Personal Pizza Provider I would be able to give him what he wants 24 hours a day. As to my electrics, yes, he has promised to don his rubber gloves and test the dipole antenna and work the hotstick just as soon as he has had his pizza. This is why my appointment is so urgent you see.>>
jayfan <<I thought he wanted Pringles not pizza? Is there a JayJob providing a ready supply of Pringles???>> see PRINGLES PROVIDER
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PLANKING POLE INSPECTOR
KorkyTheKat <<this position which necessitates checking that Jay's planking pole is smooth and free of spiky bits or grease or burrs which could cause him a nasty injury. I would polish the whole of it to improve or lessen friction, as desired, and burnish the top to keep it smooth and bring it to optimum levels of comfort and safety. I do hope I get the job. I can certainly fit it in.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

POET LAUREATE
bubble_wrap <<"I does what I can along the way | To ensure I can brighten everyone's day". Can I apply for the post of Poet Laureate to Mr Mcg?>>
isih <<This post has changed considerably over the last few weeks. There are far too many to name. Instead, DeiseDays has created an anthology to be found on DropBox, so I am appointing her as representative Laureate as an acknowledgement of her dedication. I think you will all approve.>>
Links to the latest edition can be found here
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

PORTABLE BED SUPPLIER
KorkyTheCat <<I believe there is a new JayJob of Portable Bed Supplier as J obviously needs someone to provide a blow-up bed (me) so that he can read in comfort wherever he is and not lie awkwardly on the floor, and also flop out on it instead of sleeping uncomfortably on a pub table. I see a Job For J too as (if successful in my application) I will need his puff to inflate this: He may need me to lie on it too to hold onto him to prevent him falling off if he becomes too engrossed in his book or has imbibed one or two beers. I am quite willing.>>
http://www.ukhobbystore.co.uk/529-th...ains-pump-.jpg
spreeathen <<When do you think he will be available for his other duties, Korky? Could you please send him over to jnb? She needs someone to help her get some sleep. And tomorrow Lola might still require his services. I still need someone to help with my groceries.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Hmmm... He's finishing adjusting the perforated bung in my air gap at present but he could be available very soon>>
spreeathen <<Be a good cat, Korky. Do the right thing. Send him over to jnb to help with her sleepless nights. Please.>>
isih <<Korky, how can you resist this plea?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Good news! The drain down hose fits a treat so he'll be free tonight for a couple of hours!!!>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PRACTICE CAT
KorkyTheCat <<Fred the Real Dog has stirred me to offer J some cat practice too should he decide on having one. My two couldn't be more different from each other so he would see how to read them, interact and converse with them and look after them. This would have to take place at my house, of course, but I'm willing and able to put him up for however long it takes.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PRACTICE DOG
Fred. <<Fred the Real Dog (not me ) would like a job. Our lovely Fred the Real Dog (not the person) would like to be J's practice dog. This means J could learn and then practise the skills of dog training, dog feeding, dog walking and dog cuddling - as Fred the Real Dog likes doing things, eating, going walks and being cuddled. Most important of all - J could learn the skill of not losing your dog as Fred the real Dog is very friendly and would find the nearest human to bring him back home.>>
APPOINTED: Fred the Real Dog

PRINGLE PROVIDER (PERSONAL)
jayfan <<I thought he wanted Pringles not pizza? Is there a JayJob providing a ready supply of Pringles???>>
isih <<Don't forget the hummus!>>
KorkyTheCat <<I inferred that he was just randomly rhyming, having picked up the idea from reading this thread, but you could always try applying formally.>>
hannah 01. <<I tweeted to ask just that. Well was he aiming at Haiku>>
KorkyTheCat <<No, authentic Haiku is 5:7:5 syllables. I think maybe he's not Josh; he's just a very naughty boy.>>
jayfan <<Wouldn't it be nice if he was inspired to rhyme by reading this thread?>>
KorkyTheCat <<It would be simply Jayvellousderfulsationaltacularpendoustonishing!>>
isih <<I thought he already did pomes?>>
APPOINTED : No decision as yet

PROTECTION SUPPLIER
KorkyTheCat <<I was waiting for someone else to apply for this JayJob but I see no other candidates so... I wish to apply for the position of J Protection Supplier. This is a vital role as it rains so often and I shouldn't like J to be caught out. I would necessarily have to be with him at all times as one never knows when protection will be needed at a moment's notice. I would be on the alert for the onset of the tiniest celestial leakage and swiftly hand him his barrier to unfurl and smooth on. To ensure maximum protection I would have to assist him in tying it on securely, of course. He has said that he has a large head and so I would hope that this protective covering fits snugly and doesn't get punctured, resulting in very unpleasant sogginess>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmm, I feel you haven't considered the full scope of this role Korky. There are several more moist situations other than a rain shower for which protection would be required. I would certainly be prepared to roll in the grass with J to gauge the dewpoint and decide whether the large hood should be unrolled from its package and deployed to its full extent. There's nothing worse than being caught out under a heavy dew.>>
KorkyTheCat <<He will never be caught out as I am on constant watch for even the teeniest drop of moisture appearing, whereupon I will produce his protective covering. I have already meticulously established the dewpoint so never fear DD, protection at all times!>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, DeiseDays (no unseemly squabbling, please)

PROTECTOR OF THE KNAPSACK
KorkyTheCat <<I would like to apply for the position of Protector Of The Knapsack, Backpack, Rucksack, Packsack, Haversack or any other sack of J's which Jay is rarely without. This would involve checking that it remains in sight whenever J puts it down, keeping it clean, checking for holes or general wear and tear, ensuring that its contents remain private, fitting it snugly and comfortably against his body (respectful pause), minding it when necessary and ensuring that he never walks off without it à la phones.>>
Rafferty cat <<Just remember, the Mail-Sack's mine. *Purrr... Purrr*>>
(At risk of appearing vulgar, I wonder if the following should be referred to the Keeper of the Obscene entendre)
KorkyTheCat <<Don't forget to empty it out fully daily or it will become too heavy to manhandle comfortably>>
Rafferty cat <<I'll be sure to empty it fully, at least daily, thus ensuring optimum comfort, whilst walking. But also, as I intimated in my application, I will be available to handle any unexpected deliveries, so would be on hand to mop up any excess, which might otherwise interrupt the flow of normal service.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

PROTECTOR OF THE PHONE / PERMANENT PERSISTENT PUNCTILIOUS PAINSTAKING POCKET PATTER / Permanent Private Personal Punctilious Particular Property Preservation & Protection Provider (see also KEEPER OF THE PHONE & TWITTER ACCOUNT) incorporating CARER
(see committee member Jelly's comments under PERSONAL ASSISTANT)
Toasted Toad <<Someone needs to pat his pockets each time he goes out to make sure he has his phone, and then possibly at regular intervals during the day to make sure it's still on him.>>
KorkyTheCat <<would keep his phone under constant observation during the day, continually checking manually for its presence about his person, and by night would place it in his shoe, thereby necessitating its removal prior to dressing. By this method it should never be lost again.>>
isih <<please refer to update on DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF UNDERWEAR>>
KorkyTheCat <<You have spurred me to make an application for the JayJob of Permanent Private Personal Punctilious Particular Property Preservation & Protection Provider (Peculiarities: Passport and Phone). I have proposed previously that J has a bumbag permanently attached to his *respectful pause* body in which he keeps vital belongings such as keys, credit cards, cash, phone, etc. I would belt him into this each morning and only relieve him of it upon retiring. I would check its whereabouts manually several times a day. His passport I would insist is kept in one place only so that it cannot be mislaid. I would of necessity be very strict in enforcing these rules (for his own good) using the tried and tested 'carrot and stick' method, details of which remain private but which are definitely proven to be efficacious...>>
isih <<As mentioned, bumbag would spoil the lines>>
Lola the cat <<Actually Korky, I think you may find you have some explaining to do regarding said lost passport, she said in a stern headmistressy type voice and peered over the top of her glasses. I think you will find that you have been rather remiss in your current duties, when I graciously loaned him to you as your handy man whilst you were carrying out renovations you promised to look after him. Mmmm...so please explain how he has come to lose his passport, were you neglecting your duties? Did you spend so long checking his pointing and rubbing down skills that you lost sight of his passport - I think some explanation is necessary>>
speedtrap << Are you taking the Ps Korky?>>
KorkyTheCat <<I have been looking after him - as he has me - but I was under the distinct impression that he came to me sans passport and he has only just admitted that he cannot find it. We are both trying to hunt it down in every room he has been in (that is every room ) but so far we have not found it. True, J sometimes has trouble concentrating on the job in hand, but in between plying his sliding bevel, boning rod, plunge router, plugging chisel and tingle plate he is trying to focus on "the last time he saw it".
<<I have been thinking that maybe some of the existing JayJobs may have to be re-allocated as their applicants seem to have retired from the thread. I have my eye on one in particular and am (mentally) composing a carefully worded application right now.>>
Lola the cat <<What precautions have you taken to ensure phone and said passport do not get lost on his holibobs???? Have you put any precautions in place...mmmm>>
KorkyTheCat <<J and I always take precautions. For the duration of his hols I have advised him to keep his phone and passport locked in a cashbox inside a locked briefcase locked inside a locker in his locked room with a triple lock and bolts.>>
StrictlyRed <<Don't lose all of those keys!>>
KorkyTheCat <<In a (large) locket next to my heart...>>
CARER
Lindy_Loue, quoting from Instagram <<"I feel that the contents shown here demonstrate what you said the other day about not being able to look after yourself. You don't need a girlfriend, you need a carer". Is there a JayJob meeting this spec?>>
isih <<I feel that ALL our JayJobs meet some element or other of this spec, and that we probably have several areas duplicated. HOWEVER ...>>
KorkyTheCat <<Raises hand Jaystyle - I most certainly could consolidate the JayJob of Carer with my others.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat. I think. I got lost somewhere in there. There may well be areas of overlap in which case Korky should surrender to the original appointee

PURSER OF THE JAYCOIN TREASURY
suggested subsequent to the following rather dystopian musing by Lola the cat: "Sadly, if Whittingdale gets his way we would probably have to be privatised and sold off to Murdoch empire and we would have to charge each other for any advice, gifs, vids, poems or just smiles to each other."
DeiseDays <<Oooh, in the worst case scenario (fingers crossed it won't happen) I feel I should be Purser of the Jaycoin Treasury. Jaycoins are like Bitcoins, but hotter They can be earned via dedicated appreciation, and sharing of laudatory prose and poetry, gif, pic, and video links, technical advice, and moral and emotional support.>>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

QUESTION COMPILER #122
Whiffle_09 <<Calling the Interrojaytor & Her Team of Special Jaygents: Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to inveigle out the answer to
these questions
https://www.dropbox.com/s/vxz0qmt7zt...rain.docx?dl=0
should you encounter the subject on a locomotive. If suspicions are aroused you can try this little
statistical analysis
https://www.dropbox.com/s/y0omi4xsup...ions.xlsx?dl=0
as a distraction
isih <<There were two roles up for grabs, QUESTION COMPILER and INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF. jnb_7 chose INTERROJAYTOR, with the blessing of BionicBard.>>
Whiffle_09 <<Why does this choice not surprise me If Hannah is not interested ( I remember she listed all questions a couple of pages back) I would like to apply for the post of question compiler. I do like a nice list & can be very organized when needed ( you should have seen the notes & charts I had whilst doing The Stranger!) Ooh the possibilities. The questions would need to be organised into categories ( & possibly sub-categories). Then the Interrojaytor & I would need to decide on the best order......>>
hannah 01. <<That is fine with me Whiffle. I did a quick compilation for ease of retrieval (and expecting part 6 any minute). I too love charts graphs lists pivots (you can see where I'm going with that ...) but I am usually on my piffley little phone not the laptop so don't have the technology behind me. I also very nearly posted a suggestion that we might ask you to do it, with pictures and music and dancing. OK I'm going over the top there so I will just say thank you very much for volunteering. If you've already been allocated the job sorry but I am late to the party again cos I'm playing catchup. >>
isih <<Sorry, Hannah, forgot to ask you - in my defence you do usually chip in fairly quickly - but pleased you're happy with the situation. It might have been pivots at dawn otherwise!>>
hannah 01. <<Hands up in dismay Miss Isih. Have I been sacked before I could apply. I do have a note for being absent today. I have however conceded said job to Whiffle as Compiler if Questions. The categories and sub categories will be immense.>>
isih <<What can I say but sorry sorry mea maxima culpa désolée etc etc! I am already covered in sawdust, will that do instead of ashes?>>
hannah 01. <<Our previous posts crossed Isih. There are no need for ashes sawdust or wood shavings. You are doing sterling work there. This thread can run away with itself sometimes. Playing catchup caught me out>>
isih <<Thank you for being so forgiving, Hannah>>
hannah 01. <<Wouldn't it be great to continue to collate them all and he answered some. >>
APPOINTED: Whiffle_09

READING COMPANION
KorkyTheCat <<would like to apply for the post of Reading Companion. As a fellow bibliophile and bibliomaniac I would accompany J to bookshops to browse lingeringly and point out new attractions. Also the job description would include reading to each other, a particular pleasure of mine.>>
DeiseDays <<That's settled then. Now clear off while I read him a bedtime story>> (End of allocation of bed bath duties)
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, DeiseDays (stipulations above)

SATISFACTION QUALITY ASSURANCE DIRECTOR.
DeiseDays <<Seeing as Korky, Hannah and Lola are determined to relegate me in the pecking order, I would be happy to concede that the aforementioned role is not Keeper of the Little Black Book. Instead, I would like to apply for the role of Satisfaction Quality Assurance Director. I have extensive experience in quality control and would be willing to set up standard protocols for all levels, ranging from a brief hug to more advanced satisfaction procedures. In my SQAD role I would carefully consider all the ins and outs of satisfaction and would assure all Jalionistas of the quality of any and all such satisfaction.>>
APPOINTED (to be confirmed): Deise Days

SCRABBLE PARTNER
KorkyTheCat <<(Tentative) JayJob Application As J is very fond of Scrabble I should like to apply for the position of Scrabble Partner. There must be times when he fancies a game or two but has no-one around to play with. This is when I would fulfil his desire. We could play straight games or have an occasional game of Innuendo Scrabble. I just know he'd be good at this and many joyful hours would ensue.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

SCREENCAP COLLATOR
Toasted Toad <<Does it qualify as a JayJob? Screencap collator? Probably not, as it's a one-time-only task.>>
hannah 01. <<I think it is definitely a JayJob and should by all that's right in this world belong to you unopposed. It can't be a one off can it? It may be needed later in the year. Say there are no suitable celebs to appreciate next year we will continue reviewing J via your screen caps until every single frame of available film has been used. And we may even get some surreptitiously taken pics from KD. And then there's BIG. Lots of secret photos to be collated TT>>
APPOINTED: Toasted Toad

SCRIPT BUDDY
KorkyTheCat <<Yes, I would like to apply for the JayJob of Script Buddy/Lines Helper. We know that J doesn't rate himself too highly as an actor and there is a yawning gap for someone to boost his confidence. I would like to be that someone. I would go through his script with him, help him learn his lines (and songs) and read other characters' parts until he is word perfect and serene about his task. I am sure that he will instinctively know how to interpret his lines and give them the correct nuances as there are many ambiguities in the script. He may wish to role-play too, preferably in Josh's pyjama trousers to give authenticity to the role, and practise, for example, the bunk-bed sleepover scene.>>
DeiseDays <<Nice try, Korky. But seeing as my daily job is working with words, you're gonna have a fight on your hands for this one. Are you up for this BionicBard, a word-out among the Weird Sistas to win the JayJob of Script Buddy?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Okay, but as Mistress of the Bedchamber I will be able to have a late-night session with him one-to-one, hearing him recite his lines and bolstering his confidence. In effect I would be Nocturnal Script Buddy and you two the Diurnal ones.>>
DeiseDays <<You mean the three of us get Jay 24/7 to hone up his huge talent in preparation for BIG . I'm up for that BB, you in ? I fear Jay may need a stiff hand to curb his proclivity to stick his tongue out while reciting his lines.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Yes! This is so important for him. I will assist him to study the words and will not let up until he has them off.>>
BionicBard <<Very kind offer but honing skills a tad stiff. However, being an Elder StatesBard I could adopt a position backstage, in a purely supervisory capacity, as Whipper in of the Words. I can still be strict with the Lead if required>>
isih <<Korky is talking about working with the script given to Jay, DD's definition is more on the writing side. If you are willing to stifle your creativity and resist the temptation to re-write the script to better effect, I see no reason why the two/three of you should not implement your job share scheme. BB you have raised issues here to be discussed later, I think - jnb is our deputy whip but may be happy to differentiate, ditto strictness which if I recall has at least two general appointees.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, DeiseDays, BionicBard

SCRUBBER (formerly BATH ATTENDANT, now including BATHROOM ATTENDANT and BACKSCRATCHER)
KorkyTheCat <<about my application for Back Scrubber, and of course two further associated aspects of the job came to mind: (1) I could be Soap Finder. We all know how frustrating losing the soap in the bath is. "But it must be here. I just used it!" Well, a quick (maybe) grope around in the water would reveal its resting place and J would be so grateful when I handed it to him. (2) I could be Towel Hander-Over. I would ensure that I proffered a soft warm towel at just the right moment after his bath. I would of course ensure that I did not trip while holding out the towel as it would indeed be most unfortunate if I fell against him and we both ended up lying in a damp bath... I mean, he could be hurt.)
celloplayer <<Is there a vacancy for Front Scrubber too? Face I mean, face!!>>
BACK SCRATCHER
jayfan <<Following on from Jay's tweet to Aliona about the husky, he obviously wants someone to scratch his back.>> (not sure which category ((sorry, dogetory)) this should be in)
KorkyTheCat <<I believe it is implied in my JayJob of Bath Attendant/Back Scrubber. As Medical Attendant too, should he desire an additional efficacious scratching at other times he may report to my treatment room...>>
BATHROOM ATTENDANT
including keeper of the gin bath
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat, celloplayer

SECURITY CHIEF, JALIONA AND JALIONISTA FOR THE USE OF
incorporating BAILBONDSWOMAN, PRISON VISITOR and JAYPROTECTOR
hannah 01 <<job description "Security Chief - to check all security matters appertaining to Mr Mcg including checking the back entrances of hotels with said gentleman". I am fully prepared to escort Mr Mcg in and out if the back of hotels etc.>>
Lola the cat <<Ooh, I could be the official J protector from the Jalionistas on tour. I would stay by his side at all times of day and night ready to protect his honour from over enthusiastic fans. If anyone does get arrested I could probably visit prison when he is on stage and throw a few hobnobs through the prison bars>>
isih <<Lola's interpretation of the duties for this post was unanimously rejected as it was felt that protection from Jalionistas was neither desirable nor necessary>>
DeiseDays <<...Korky, new JayJob for you: Bail Bondswoman for naughty Jalionistas arrested in Dublin>>
KorkyTheCat <<Perhaps Lola would like this JayJob. She can be Prison Visitor too... stamped, official!>>
isih <<What! Refusing a job? Whatever next>>
"DeiseDays <<I demand a recount! I'll be voting for a Bail Bondswoman who is prepared to pledge all her assets and lay her life on the line in heroic attempts to free any aforementioned Jalionistas from incarceration and assist them in getting as close to Jay as possible. An essential tool of the trade is a GPS system ready programmed for Wimbledon, Milton Keynes, Edinburgh, Plymouth, Dublin and the West End (GPS coordinates to be confirmed) and ready access to map updates for all future Jaylocations. Essential job competencies are Bond Villain and Russian Bulldog skills to run interference with non-Jalionistas (especially gaolers), a detailed understanding of the difference between jail and Jayl, and a large pool of liquid cash assets. Applications on a £100 note to Isih
isih <<This last bit sounds really good to me. However, I regret to say that you are a tightfisted bunch of Jalionistas and I am still living in abject poverty >>
hannah 01. <<Biscuits to be used as first line of bribery for gaolers. The secret world and tactics of the Bail Bondswoman are not to be given away. GPS System has been deemed to be far too expensive. We have been offered a bulk order to enable us to microchip all travelling Jalionistas and therefore gaolers can check the exact microchip number at source. This will then be communicated to the Bail Bonds woman to arrange immediate retrieval of said naughty Jalionistas. The Bail Bondswoman has proven, in the past, to have the suitable tools of the trade built in.>> http://pictures-of-cats.org/wp-conte...iful-claws.jpg
isih <<Slight controversy here as there are two biscuit logistics personnel, Fred. and Whiffle. They must be kept in the loop at all times as to the disposition of all biscuit distribution activities>>
JAYPROTECTOR
KorkyTheCat <<I should like to apply for the position of Jay Protector, to include fending off bullies who try to infer that they are in jest. I am only little but am fierce when roused. I would leap to J's defence, preferably into his arms (so as to be in front of him to protect him). Alternatively I would fling myself over him if he was being attacked on the ground and cover his face with my own (so as to protect his features) until his assailants depart. I am willing to stay in bodily contact for as long as it takes for all danger to pass.>>
hannah 01. <<I'll vote for you to have the job under those exact details within your job description. I'd put ya tin hat on though as jnb would say. Others may come running laying claim to that position. Ooh er>>
KorkyTheCat <<Thank you very much for your support, Hannah. I am sure I would be able to take care of J in that capacity should any need arise.>>
isih <<Due to subsequent activities, the post has been re-assigned to the Security Chief>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01
DISAPPOINTED : KorkyTheCat

SETTLER-IN and ASSISTANT
KorkyTheCat <<Application for Jayjob as Settler-In I should like to apply for the position of Settler-In as J's flat still has packing boxes around and possessions on the floor, maybe in need of more furniture. I would help him in any way he wanted and not impose my style at all, of course. I would also 'do' for him. (Ask your mothers or grandparents.>>
Whiffle_09 <<If you are appointed (as if that won't happen) I would like to apply for the post of Assistant to the Settler-In specialising in furniture choice & construction - from IKEA of course. I am a dab hand at flat-pack assembly ( yes I do read the instructions), have my own electric screw-driver , Wallace & Gromit toolkit, & a nice selection of alun keys>>
KorkyTheCat <<I see you grouting in his bathroom while he and I get down to cross-bracing in another room, necessitating the locking of our door of course in case you should enter unexpectedly and fall straight into the cavity beneath the floorboards... What a Whifflewoe!>>
Whiffle_09 <<Now how did you know that I like grouting It's been a while since I did any but I'm sure it won't take me long to get back up to scratch>>
KorkyTheCat <<Well you know the saying: Once you've grouted you never forget... I could certainly assist J with his flexible mastic too.>>
Lola the cat <<Do you know when I read this I thought to myself, "Korks has finally lost it, she already does this job", I even trawled back pages to find the Jayjobs list and nope it doesn't exist, it obviously does in some parallel universe that exists only in my head
<<Respect to you for thinking of it You have my blessing but don't forget I am custodian of the Tool Box so I will be keeping a beady eye that you do not let him overuse the trusses and connectors on the cross-bracing. I have been endeavouring to teach him the rudiments but he will keep getting distracted by a new love of camper vans and how the dining table transforms to a double bed. It is getting exhausting the number of times a day he makes me show him how to do the transformation. I think I may need to go for a little lie down now while he is sleeping.>>
Isih <<I have not the relevant file on this little machine but I do recall when he first mentioned coming back to the UK some discussion of cushion-fluffing which eventually got absorbed into some other duty - possibly you were involved in this yourself?>>
Lola the cat <<Cushion-fluffing - yes, that's what I was thinking of>>
KorkyTheCat <<His cushions are of the permanently fluffed variety and are in constant use... 😻 We are now utilising his sliding bevel and working out the optimum angles for the best outcome.>>
hannah 01. <<Will the Jayjob of Cushion Fluffer extend to the gutter as well??>>
isih <<Gutter cushion-fluffing is a separate job and pending acceptance has been assigned to Lola the cat. Fluffing James' cushions (if you'll pardon the expression) can remain here in the settling-in functions>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat. ASSISTANT Whiffle_09

SHORTS ADJUSTER incorporating UNDERSTUDY OF THE JAYNDIES
Fred. <<A new possible J job appeared on my SM - NOT for me as I don't have designs on him. There's a photo of David Beckham having his shorts straightened by a young woman from Wardrobe. So there you are, shorts straightener for J. Who is up for that? ETA - shorts adjuster?>>
KorkyTheCat <<I am not applying for this JayJob ( ) but as Shorts Disheveller or Botherer...>>
hannah 01. <<Now that sounds far too close to the Undercracker department Korky. Snippy has stated she will fight her corner with vigour should anyone try to usurp her.>>
Isih <<But it could be argued that these are overcrackers, surely? Perhaps just 'shorts handler (overgarment)' Then Korky could take her pick of meanings if no-one else wants the straightening job>>
hannah 01. <<Outer shorts could be free for straightening. But such things a boxer shorts definitely fall within the Undercracker department and I feel must be left for Snippy. Isn't Korky Snippy 's understudy at the mo?????>>
Isih <<That's a good point. There would need to be the usual safeguards for the future. What do you reckon Korky?>>
hannah 01. <<Could this help with a visual definition Isih (or is it that I enjoyed looking for these too much>>
Undercracker
Shorts
KorkyTheCat <<Understudy of the Jayndies... Yes indeedy! 😍 J's shorts would be quite safe in my hands and I'd maintain them in a fashionably dishevelled state at all times.>>
hannah 01. <<Korky getting a leg up on her new JayJob. "Dress rehearsal" with a pair of jeans before moving on to the full blown shorts>>
Fred. <<glad a compromise has been reached over 'shorts adjuster'>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat (but undercracker adjustment must be surrendered to snippy on her return)

SHOWER ATTENDANT / TEETH CLEANER / SHAVER
KorkyTheCat <<...I should like to apply for the essential position of Shaver. I would be gentle about his face, throat and neck, applying only sufficient pressure to cover the appropriate areas. I would ensure that J quickly becomes foamed up with many a generous squirt and would concentrate on the job in hand, hoping to bring about a successful conclusion. I hope this application meets with universal approval.>>
Lola the cat <<We know that, contrary to heinous rumours circulated by the other members of TW about J's personal hygiene, he does in fact enjoy a bath as Hannah pointed out. He also enjoys a shower. However, I believe we should install a wet room area instead of a shower as it would give more room when he needs assistance as he does sometimes forget to remove his clothes. To provide assistance with his showering needs I am applying for the JayJob of Shower Attendant, before Korky thinks of it. I will be there whenever he requires a shower to remind him he has to remove all articles of clothing and if he forgets I am happy to assist with helping him remove any forgotten items. Thank you for your consideration of my application. I remain, yours faithfully, etc>>
KorkyTheCat <<Application for JayJob of Teeth Cleaner I wish to apply for the position of Teeth Cleaner. As you will see from this picture, J does not have a hand free with which to brush his teeth. I would be willing to get into the shower with him and scrub away (vigorously or gently, as desired) until I bring up a gratifying sparkle... 😆>>
hannah 01. <<KORKY you are incorrigible you know. But I second your request for the post of Teeth Cleaner>>
DeiseDays <<On the strength of your clear dedication, I'm happy to vote for you in your JayJob application as Teeth Cleaner, although I think you should clarify with Lola whether the aforementioned procedure will be carried out in the hot tub>>
KorkyTheCat <<Well, I applied yesterday for Shower Teeth Cleaner and am already Bath Attendant. Maybe if he needs a shower sans teeth cleaning... 🚿>>
Lola the cat <<Oh, pooh sticks, one day I will come up with something that you haven't already nabbed>> (ed. I love this expression)
DEPUTY CEO (GRIT) <<I am attaching a suggestion for the Bathroom/Wet room in the Gutter Complex. As it does have tardis qualities the measurements I have taken will allow for the size of this design to fit. This design has the advantage of a double shower, a bath when required and enough room for the Shower Attendant to undertake all necessary duties. Lola this particular shower design does need constant attention whilst in use. Something that needs more than one person. Korky couldn't do both her job and the Attendant of the Bathroom. Is that of use Lola. Attendant of the Bathroom is a different job to Jay's Bath Attendant. Honest>>
DeiseDays <<Lola I feel there is a full-time job as Shaving Foam Applicator. Jay will need help with his shaving foam as he seems to have some difficulty in accurate application. Undoubtedly Korky's attentions will be elsewhere during his ablutions>>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat, KorkyTheCat

SNACK PROVIDER incorporating BIG SNACKS and CUSTODIAN OF THE SKITTLES
KorkyTheCat <<I thought how I'd love to be J's Snack Provider. This is quite separate from his Cook. Oh yes it is as his Cook would work conventional hours to provide his main meals whereas I as Snack Provider (and Mistress of the Bedchamber and Scrubber) would be on hand to supply any extras he 'Wanted' at any time of the day or night. I would rustle up his heart's delight in a flash, provide tasty morsels to relish, titbits to nibble on and in short would satisfy his daytime hunger or night starvation with a tasty bite. It would so please me to sit back and watch him gobble and munch until gorged and I do not doubt that this position would be a most rewarding one.>>
BIG SNACK ENFORCER
KorkyTheCat <<May I add an application for the JayJob of BIG Snack Enforcer? J is so conscientious about his work and so enjoys it that he often needs reminding and urging to eat. I would ensure that he takes regular breaks and has sufficient sustenance and therefore energy to see him through whatever he is doing>>
isih <<I noticed Big snacks, which I misread, omitting an 's' from somewhere, after last post. Perhaps two new jobs for next time? ETA later - see CROTCH COVERER)>>
CUSTODIAN OF THE SKITTLES (including administration thereof)
KorkyTheCat <<I should also like to be Custodian/Administrator of the Skittles as these are now vegan.>>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

STITCH AND TWITCH KNITTING CIRCLE
formerly KNITTER IN CHIEF / EMBROIDERY TEACHER incorporating MISTRESS OF THE MEASURING TAPE
isih <<A suggestion has been made by DeiseDays and subsequently agreed upon for a Jalionista Stitch and Twitch knitting circle, to include contributions to Speedy's bootees - not her personal ones, of course, and other garments which some feline companions found a little disturbing. These shall be known henceforth as the elephant in the room>>
hannah 01. <<I can certainly knit him a second gold appendage as he does have 2 glitterballs. Application for job still stands. I can be a determined little madam on that!!! I will fight my corner. would only need to be reprised if Xmas SCD glitterstar was won. ( will have to practice that knitting shape!!)>>
KorkyTheCat <<I didn't know he was into appliqué. We could spend many a contented evening plying our needles together and flourishing our bodkins (not a euphemism).>>
KorkyTheCat (re Valentine's gifts) <<I'd knit him a jumper with a personal motif.>>
hannah 01 <<KORKY I have seen your claim to do knitting for our young J. As Knitter in Chief I must inform you all knitted and Embroidered goods are to be undertaken by moi and only moi. Mwahaha>>
KorkyTheCat <<Sorry - I forgot! May I have your permission to crochet a beanie hat for him?>>
hannah 01. <<You can certainly crochet the beanie. BUT I will do ALL fittings AND supervise the curl teasing, BUBBLE_WRAP. You can of course attend the fitting sessions Korky to get the appropriate thanks and Jayhugs for his new beanie
KorkyTheCat <<As his Dresser I will at some point wish to lead him to a full-length mirror so that he is completely satisfied with what he sees...>>
jnb_7 <<Heh back off Korky remember I'm Jalionista Fashionista for when he's trying on clothes and outfits and believe you me you won't be getting between me and him at that moment *sharpens claws*>>
KorkyTheCat <<One of my hobbies is embroidery and I also knit. In fact I have just finished a fetching pair of warm undies for J... I hope you, DD and others will therefore admit me to your worthy S&T&M circle.>>
DeiseDays <<Let go of the undercrackers Korky, this is taking the Gripette JayJob too far If you really want to remain in the ̶S̶&̶M̶ S&T circle, can I suggest you submit a more suitable sample for close examination. Please note that Hannah is the Chief Eyeballer for the ̶S̶&̶M̶ S&T circle>>
KorkyTheCat <<I have (reluctantly) turned my attention to hats as we know that J likes them. Hoping that this meets with Hannah's and your approval... As Jay Protector I feel this will prevent him being subjected to unwanted kissing by strangers.>>
hannah 01. <<NO, NO AND THRICE NO!!!!!You are just trying to keep him covered from all other JayJobbers and Jalionistas. You cannot fool us by sending out a lookylikey in a blimmin mucky balaclava when we want the odd job man. The REAL Handy Man. You cannot keep him secreted about your personal jobs. You have had him for too long.>>
DeiseDays <<May I suggest an alternative project for Korky to prove her ̶S̶&̶M̶ S&T circle worth: The Two for One Hat. This more suitable garment is clearly a double celebration of the huge talent. It also has a historic link to the Viking settlement of Dublin and is a fitting celebration of Jay's BIG role in the city>>
hannah 01. <<Oh yes I can see J in this creation and we could use it as the practical part of Korky's interview for membership. We must then see him in the full outfit of course>>
DeiseDays <<Hmmm, do we really need to see him in the full outfit? I feel the hat alone will be enough to prove Korky's expertise and we can dispense with all other items of clothing>>
Knitters : DeiseDays, speedtrap, KorkyTheCat (trainee)
Other members please make yourselves known so Head Knit Hannah can approve your admission. (H, please note spelling before commenting)
MISTRESS OF THE MEASURING TAPE
McGuiness27 has relinquished the measuring tape, so who is taking over?
hannah 01. <<My measuring tape will certainly be of an adequate length. I must say it is of an extra long variety as it is used for various types of general work and will be more than "up" to the job. I do feel that as Knitter in Chief (plus embroidery and general Seamstress) my job should encompass the measurement taking as and where appropriate>>
DeiseDays <<Righto ... How about I hold the fixed end and you hold the flexible end? As Apprentice Knitter I feel that all practice with manipulation of the aforesaid tool could only help ....>>
isih <<I don't think Korky's ad hoc can be stretched to cover this section>>
APPOINTED : hannah 01, DeiseDays, speedtrap, KorkyTheCat on a case by case basis

TALENT SPOTTING MISTRESS and ASSISTANT
DeiseDays <<And can I propose Gill for a JayJob that seems to be vacant: Talent Spotting Mistress Gill has shown remarkable skill in quickly identifying where Jay's talent will next appear. I feel she would be suitably equipped to monitor any opportunities where Jay could use his huge talent and report back to HQ Of course this is a very onerous task, and I envisage that Gill would need lots of help from Assistant Talent Spotters in such a role [Hurries off to prepare job application portfolio]
<<Isih, we may need you to set the criteria for deciding whether a candidate Assistant Talent Spotter has the necessary skills for such an important JayJob>>
isih <<When Jelly and I can put our heads together, ie when her renovations are complete, this shall be done. Perhaps evaluation of number of new sightings, accuracy thereof, precognition thereof should all be taken into account and assessed on an individual basis. No other applications have yet been received>>
APPOINTED: Gill P. Assistant: DeiseDays

TARDIS CREW MEMBER (this seemed to be the simplest way to rationalise the discussions)
COMPANIONS: Dynamic duo of Toasted Toad as official companion and Lola 'cos she has wanted to be the Drs assistant for a very very long time.
Tsuntsu bird <<Korky - you seem to have missed a chance for another JayJob. You should put yourself forward as Dr Jay's companion to care for/navigate the Tardis while the young master plays intergalactic computer games!!>>
KorkyTheCat <<I would willingly be his companion and care for him but couldn't properly navigate at the same time, plus I'm not techy, so someone else would have to apply for that JayJob.>>
DeiseDays <<Looks like there is consensus here that Tsuntsu will henceforth be Keeper of the Tardis, while Korky will fulfil the role of Passepartout, acting as a companion and tending to any needs or desires expressed in ....Around the World in 80 Jays>>
Tsuntsu bird <<Thank you Deise for nominating me as Keeper of the Tardis, especially as I had not thought of being that and am not techie at all. Just teasing Korky. Oops that'll teach me. However as the Tardis operates by systems unknown on earth so that I can make it up as I go along, I'll happily take it on (as long as it does not interfere with my claim on the dancing feet) and leave Dr Jay's body to Korky's tender care!!>>
DeiseDays <<Teasing Korky ..... why, that thought never occurred to me. I am confident that in our virtual world you have all the skills necessary to manoeuvre the Tardis to places and times as dictated by Dr. Jazz, and I will now think of you hereafter as Tardis bird, or T-bird for short>>
Toasted Toad <<GET YOUR MITTS OFF MY TARDIS!!! Only legitimate Whovians allowed in there - there will be a test, set by myself, with questions asked until I find one you can't answer.>>
Tsuntsu bird <<Oh TT, this is not the Tennant Tardis (Lord but he is gorgeous) but the Strictly Tardis built especially For Doctor J. However if you claim this one as well, I shall resign my post (with some sadness) and send you the co-ordinates of its position. Wouldn't like to cause strife on this thread.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I'm ready to chum up and begin my ministrations to J at any time...>>
Toasted Toad <<Any and every TARDIS qualifies as my TARDIS - Ecclestone, Tennant, Smith, Capaldi, J. The TARDIS is alive and it does not matter if the casing changes. All mine! *throws toys out of pram*>>
Lola the cat (following numerous requests to be included in the time travel trip back to our youth(s)) <<It's a Tardis - Time and relative dimension in space - bigger on the inside, it can hold everyone!>>
KorkyTheCat <<As his Companion I will need a separate room where J and I can do companionable things together.>>
stelladog <<It looks like another job vacancy has just come up. Driver/pilot of the Tardis.>>
Toasted Toad <<No it hasn't. TARDIS is mine! All mine! *finds more toys to throw out of pram*>>
stelladog <<Of course you're in control - this would very much be a subordinate role, leaving you to "liaise" closely with anyone interesting on board.>>
Toasted Toad <<Fair enough! I'm afraid my love affair with the TARDIS trumps even my secret love affair with J!>>
isih <<A disturbing over-assertion in the attitude of the pilot has been observed over the last few days. Too much time in the gutter?>>
APPOINTED: Toasted Toad, Lola the cat, Tsuntsu bird, KorkyTheCat, stelladog

TATT MANAGER
speedtrap <<The tatts are mine as official Tatt Manager.>>
isih <<Does that include the plastic glitter ball?>>
dancingfosse <<I have 4 tattoos myself. Me and Jay are so perfect for each other>>
isih <<Despite recent indisposition, speedtrap has valiantly agreed to keep hold of this post>>
APPOINTED: speedtrap. Assistant: dancingfosse

TENDER OF THE FEET suggested by Snippy
dancingfosse <<As an ex dancer and holistic therapist, who did reflexology, I'm not somebody who runs from feet. I absolutely adore Jay's beautiful dancers feet so I'll be willing to give them a few rubs and keep them in good shape!>>
Tsuntsu bird <<They are mine. Not volunteering, just stating. But not the socks!!>>
maryhall1 <<willing and able to massage toes, shins ,ankles, caves , knees, thighs etc etc,>> for thighs see Mcguiness
KorkyTheCat <<I should like to apply to be J's Pedicurist, which I think goes well with Medical Attendant. As I hope to be his Scrubber/Bath Attendant too, I would check his feet after his bath, moisturise them and clip his toenails.>>
APPOINTED: Tsuntsu bird

THREAD GUARDIANS
KorkyTheCat <<I don't see any reason for the thread to fold, Hannah. J will always be doing something for us to follow and there will be more JayJobs and Jobs For J.>>
hannah 01. <<I can keep the thread going by getting photos of what the stylist has put J in for that or any day. I of course would need to have permission from J's Fashionsta --jnb And as a trainee agent for the detective agency, following the subject to get such pictures would be within my induction training package.>>
APPOINTED; hannah 01.

THROAT AND LOBE STROKER EXTRAORDINAIRE
KorkyTheCat <<I do realise how very time-consuming the lists are to maintain and I do appreciate your work in keeping them up-to-date, and I thank you. However, another JayJob springs to mind and I should like to apply please for the position of Voice Coach (Singing). I would hear his scale practice and ensure that he doesn't over-exert his larynx. I'd test his range and try to extend it. I would also harmonise with him so that he keeps that element up. At intervals I would make him honey and warm water to keep his vocal chords lubricated. I think a very gentle throat massage would also be most beneficial...>>
hannah 01. <<You go careful there Korky. If TT and other neck lovers (meeeee!) hear you you're for it. Neck Massagers Unite.>>
KorkyTheCat <<This is specifically his throat, for purely medical reasons, and would be part of his singing sessions.>>
StrictlyRed <<Ahem. I think you'll find that I am neck massage, Korky... Neck Massagers Unite. Too right!>>
KorkyTheCat <<*Sigh* I would lightly massage the top of his trachea only then... with one finger only...>>
hannah 01. <<Hecky thump Korky. You're gonna massage from INSIDE his throat. You go girl if you can manage that.>>
isih <<Ladies, I fear that vomiting, possibly of a projectile nature, may ensue. Fingers down froats, not good>>
KorkyTheCat <<Needs must... Would you have him sing with a tight throat?>>
BionicBard <<.....and maybe as far as his ear lobes? That could be the trachea t'ears.>>
KorkyTheCat <<Groan! We haven't had an Ear Lobe Stroker, have we?!? If not, we have now...>>
hannah 01. <<WHAAAT! !!! How long has he been a Ferengi?>>
KorkyTheCat <<Look, he has to stroke his own... Isi, may I be Ear Stroker please?>>
https://36.media.tumblr.com/fd9d869a...ileo8_1280.png
hannah 01. <<He has the smallest lobes of any Ferengi I have ever seen. But it is part of their make up to have their lobes stroked to alleviate stress so stroke away Korky. Throat and Lobe Stroker Extraordinaire>>
BionicBard <<Oh gawd, what have I started?>>
ED. EVIL GRINS
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

TRAVEL GUIDE DUTIES
Nos lowen <<I am fully conversant with the workings of Twitter & Instagram and am skilled at using the channel to stalk on fellow travellers and/or family members in order to ascertain the travel itinerary in the absence of any updates from the subject himself>>
maryhall1 <<can I be his tour guide please>>
isih <<Mary, a little more detail if you wish to be considered, please>>
Snippy <<while Jay's in Venice he'll need someone to paddle his gondola and help navigate the canals of Venice. I lived there for a while.>>
IN FLIGHT ENTERTAINER
jnb_7 <<Me me me! I volunteer to let him rest his head on my lap, give him sips of water and stroke his brow so he can have a little sleep, if he wants, also I can try and translate the in flight entertainment while he's been entertained by it, be in-flight phone monitor and *cough* escort him to the little boy's room if he needs it (tries to not let imagination run away with self)>>
KEEPER OF THE QUADRUPEDS excluding horses
Fred. <<Camelpitstop could be J's camel keeper should his urge to travel take him across the Sahara, parts of the Middle East, Australia and even the Gobi desert (how are you at looking after two-humped camels in the Gobi?) If need arose could you extend your skills to llamas if J wanted to travel in parts of South America?>>
APPOINTED: nos lowen, snippy, jnb_7, callmepitstop
Languages
Bangla - kitchen variety - Tsuntsu bird :
Bollocks (bulls and ordinary) - CatO9Tales :
Dutch - karinsmulders :
French - Isih (sort of) :
German -spreeathen :
Hausa - market variety - Tsuntsu bird :
Irish - snippy? DeiseDays :
Italian - ? Snippy (restricted use), visiting diplomat aide :
Norwegian - Mrs F :
Polish - Lola with her phrase book :
Russian - janetshep <<very rudimentary>> :
Spanish - marinamau (not sure she knows she's in there) :
Welsh - ad hoc bubble_wrap, nos lowen, Lola The cat, Isih :
Yorkshire (E) - callmepitstop? :

TWITTER EXECUTIVES AND RESEARCHERS KINSHIP (TWERKS)
hannah 01. <<A media person who does their homework. Well, bothered to read his twitter anyway. Yes Irish Radio DD😉>>
DeiseDays <<Surely there's a JayJob there for us Hannah>>
hannah 01. <<JayJob----Twitter Executives and Researchers Kinship (TWERKs ) A lovely description for the Jayctionary>>
isih <<Although there are several jobs which incorporate Twitter usage, as far as I can see this is only for Sir's account. The duties for this post will be to scour Twitterdom for any mention and disseminating the info so acquired. I suggest McGuiness Daily ie rosaportalc is in line for co-ordinator if she so wishes>> NB POSITION HAS BEEN ACCEPTED
APPOINTED: rosaportalc, co-ordinator, any Jalionista twitterer

VISITING AMBASSADOR
APPOINTED: star89 - for sterling service under pressure

WAFTER / FAN FLUTTERER IN CHIEF (Usual cat fight ensues, Mrs Pot being introduced to Mrs Kettle)
RaffertyCat <<All those little nooks and crannies can become so moist on warm, balmy nights. I would tirelessly seek them out, and apply calm, soothing breezes to them all, bringing much-needed comfort and relief. I believe both openings can be linked with ease, and I'm the one to do it.>>
KorkyTheCat <<I see one too many JayJobs here, RaffertyCat. Are you sure you can fit it in?>>
RaffertyCat <<I am certain that I can fit it all in. I'm known for my tenacity, and unwillingness to leave a job unfinished.>>
APPOINTED: RaffertyCat

YOGA BUDDY
janetshep <<practiced yoga (admittedly badly) for the past fifteen years. Adept at 'happy baby' pose, which appears to be a favourite of Mr McGuiness and prepared to purchase a Chewbacca onesie in order to accompany him in his favoured discipline of 'wookie yoga'.
APPOINTED: janetshep, Chewbacca

DD and Isih, thank you so much for all you do to produce these spectacular and utterly monumental collections. Truly wonderful stuff!

Oh I think my favourites are all of them lol but I did say one unfortunately therefore I loved the tango actually salsa no no the waltz actually it has to be the red paso as well as the green.. You know sod it they were all my faves not forgetting that one and only jive, I want to turn back time and re watch every week of strictly 2015 again.. I loved the anticipation of waiting to see which dance they were doing an the music they were getting lol, I remember the tension and nervousness of this thread it was hilarious but at the same time comforting knowing I wasn't the only one who felt that way

just bumped as a quick reminder of the one word descriptions

Tsuntsu-bird
Try a one word or phrase
________________________________________
CC - Jittery but there's something there.
Waltz - What an elegant dancer.
Jive - OH MY WORD!!!
QS - Oh dear, Bambi on ice.
Well that's my effort.
Lola the Cat
One Word
C C C - Butterflies
Waltz - Fairytale
Jive - Spellbound
QS – Skittish
StrictlyRed
Cha Cha - Oh, very nervous but that looks promising, maybe I won't be first out.
Waltz - Wow, those spins! *sits up and takes a bit more notice"
Jive - Eeeeeeek! How did he do that? I'm not parting with my stake money so easily after all!
QS - Oops, setback. Start of the rollercoaster.
DeiseDays
Caveman walk, hah hah hah
Nervous talk, wah wah wah
Hairy teddy, rah rah rah
Dancer ready, cha cha cha

In the lexicon of dance
The waltz is romance
With lyrical poise
He spins and enjoys
Her beautiful charms
KorkyTheCat
Cha - emerging star
Waltz - smelling salts
Jive - oh man alive!
QS - such prowess
Fred
Waltz - Ooohh, that was lovely! Don't J and A dance well together! Isn't he graceful? Who'd have thought it? I do like them. They are good on ITT too.
Jive - Speechless What a Jive!! Brilliant dancing, super choreography! Oh that poor lad, he looks so shocked!
QS - Hm, don't think much of the music for a QS. Ooops, bit too much for him, but they did well considering. Liked them on ITT - so sensible and philosophical about it.



Jelly_L
Cha cha - potential
Waltz - promising
Jive - phenomenal
Quickstep – Oops

BionicBard
ChaChaCha - awkward Aslan, fabulous feet

Waltz - tender magic, coup de foudre

QS - Twinkletrips, recovers like a pro

PasoDoble - The Bull's Back!

Toasted Toad – I know it is more than the 4 dances but it is such a good one I don’t want to miss it
Pre-pairing: Wibbly wobbly
Pairing: The first face this face saw
Cha cha: I have questions, but number one is this - what in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
Waltz: You and me, time and space, you watch us run
Jive: Geronimooooooo!!
Quickstep: Raggedy man
Paso: Pasos are cool.
American Smooth: Hello, sweetie
Foxtrot: You are always here to me, and I always listen. And I can *always* see you.
Salsa: You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I.
Tango: I think you call me... Sexy?
Rumba: We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?
Charleston: Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it’s a plan.

Jaliona: “This is who I am, right here, right now, all right? All that counts is here and now, and this is me!”
Isih
Cha-Cha-Cha : Better than the 'wooden spoon' group dance - promise
Waltz : Beautiful, elegant, perhaps a bit hesitant
Jive : Jaw dropping
Quickstep : Looked really good to me, apart from the obvious oopsies, what do I know?
Paso Doble : Good for Aliona, equal roles and comparable performance levels. Swoon
American Smooth : Bit gimmicky, but I liked it. And blow you-know-who, I could see facial expressions even under the make-up
Argentine Tango : First time I've appreciated a greasy dago look, and the lack of gauchos was a bit disturbing
Foxtrot : Beautiful up to the last little trip. Someone deserved to be flayed and left on an anthill and it wasn't Jay
Salsa : Never wanted to go to Benidorm, but this could have persuaded me. He blended with the pros.
Tango : There was fire. No ice, which I could have used, but plenty of fire.
Quickstep-a-thon : Should have been longer and they should have won
Rumba : Don't Blink (with apologies to TT). (aside - Aljaz always looks so proud of him)
Viennese Waltz : Beautifully lyrical. J shouldn't doubt that he can act. A bit slow for a VW but given the music, so smooth. Perhaps with faster music, faster steps (which we know he can do), Len wouldn't have been able to pick up on the feet so much and Darcey wouldn't have been able to comment on his being 'comfortable' - which I think was a fair comment.
Charleston : Woohoo! Cool! Proper swivels, fast, funny, if not for the awkward ending 10s all round - no jellybabies Quickstep : Didn't Jay enjoy himself! But then Len sets the tone with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. Showdance : At the time, worrying about the slightly sour note, wondered if it would be spectacular enough. I loved it,
Paso Doble : Double swoon. Watching the two pasos close together made me realise JUST how much Jay had developed, all round, throughout the series

CatO9Tales –part 6 page 68 post 1688

Hannah
CCC -I agree. I think I was a bit shocked initially how much better he was than Pondray.
The Waltz--nuff said . Sigh......
Jive---💥💥💥💥💥
QS----mmm....
Paso---yes please
AS--oops left it out. I loved his lifts. So controlled and the FT steps were lovely . OK missed 2 heel leads Len so what.
AT---love the choreo. (CRH, 200 Ganchos does not an AT make.)
FT---was beautiful --I ignore the end
Salsa ---I loved it

KorkyTheCat

Tango - Smouldering
Rumba - Shattering
VW - Melting
Charleston - Exhilarating
Paso - Blazing
Showdance - Heartwarming
Final result – Validating



Hannah
Thanks Fred and Korky

Tango- Incandescent
Rumba- Sensual
VW- Wistful
Charleston - Dynamic
QS- Happiness
SD- Joy
Paso- Triumph
Result- Stamped - Official! !!!




Lola the Cat
Tango - sensual
Rumba - heartbreak
VW - cherish
Charleston - Allons-y
QS - joyful
SD - forget-me-not
Paso - exultation
Result – victorious
DeiseDays
Cha cha cha: Nervous disposition
Waltz: Sublime spinning
Jive: Technical perfection
Quickstep #1: Pushing on through
Paso doble: Choreographic mastery
American smooth: Hidden depths
Argentine tango: Tentative seduction
Foxtrot: Aching and faking
Salsa: Party on, people
Tango: Thuddity thud thud
Quickstepathon: Joie de vivre
Rumba: Watch and weep
Viennese waltz: Tender and true
Charleston: Complexity and characterisation
Quickstep #2: I CAN do better
Showdance: Seamless storytelling
Paso #2: Escape to victory
Victory: Bittersweet end of the beginning

KorkyTheCat
Cha - appetising
Waltz - realising
Jive - synchronising
QS - galvanising
Paso - mesmerising
AS - symbolising
AT - tantalising
Foxtrot - romanticising
Salsa - energising
Tango - equalising
Q'thon - revitalising
Rumba - recognising
VW - humanising
Charleston - fantasising
QS #2 - crystallising
Showdance - demoralising
Paso #2 - personalising
Nervy wait - paralysing
Victory - revolutionising
Future – uncompromising

TsunstuBird
Paso - Masculinity abounds.
AS - Cheeky strength
AT - Smouldering fires
FT - So nearly there
Salsa - Seaside fun
Tango - Sex on legs
Rumba - Intense emotion
VW - Youthful romance
Charleston - Joyously relaxed

can I add Whiffle to DD and Isih for their sterling work on compilations and pie charts and result charts etc etc etc ........... (sound like the King and I there).....

Hi Korky!
I might have written about 1 dozen poems in my life - it's not something I do. I don't understand all the different types of poems.

A poem about Aliona doesn't really seem to feel like something I would do - strange as that may seem.

Ano - I would choose the Tango.

I originally thought the music wasn't that suitable for a Tango, but yet again Aliona proved me wrong and perhaps choreographed her best routine ever in the Tango. So much connection, passion, chemistry, timing, and drama. The music and the lyrics were danced and brought to life. A nice tribute to Prince too.

not even



Thanks.

Oh goodness, yes, indeedy.

The other thing is, of course, that there are so many wonderful things to compile! What a glorious thread (in all it's many parts) this is. Long may it continue - and long may King Jay of Strictlydom keep us entertained

Still get a buzz when I see my two contributions to the Jaytionary

Jaydiction & Jaymaradarie

Awesome what has been put together by you guys, so impressive.

.. and Jay is in serious mode ...

https://twitter.com/JayMcGuiness/sta...56995468374016