I have been quite surprised by how hard it was to find 4 in each group to select. Some I have no memory of at all.

Isn't the brusselmole for dipping his pringles in instead of hummous?

Exactly - I did quite like Tom Chambers, such a light dancer. But still nowhere the impact of J!

And really only one pro - Artem

I think J&A's wonderful partnership caused a seismic shift in Strictly, it will be interesting to see where it goes from here on.

Oh no; these are...

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/...6856516255.jpg

Perhaps you might like to expand the job description to include J's Culinary Art Photographs?

http://www.boredpanda.com/unusual-fr...nd-vegetables/

I did wonder if you could go back to grass roots and combine this with an epicurean WIJ

I bought them a couple of days ago in Lidl

Dipped them in Moroccan Houmous - very nice too they were.

I'll give you a few pointers later on middle class food.

You need to read Hemsley and Hemsley, get a spiralizer and made sure you know how to make mashed avacodo mixed with sriracha sauce and served on sourdough toast with poached egg and roast tomatoes on the vine - I have it for breakfast

BTW I'm not really middle class, I work therefore I am working class, would have loved to see dream partnership of Jezza and Bernie, but am a foodie.

ACCOUNTANT
Tinkerbell52 <<Just to keep his figure(s) in order >>
ed. << that's what they all say >>
APPOINTED: Tinkerbell52

ACTING COACH - MEDIA CLIPS
DeiseDays << Fred, I feel sure there is a Jayjob for you — there seems to be a vacancy for Acting Coach - Media Clips, a very important role involving sitting very close to Jay and playing him media clips you have gathered to hone his prowess >>
Fred. << It's kind of you to think of a J job for me DD, but think it might be better done by someone else as all I would like would be to sit round a table for a nice interesting chat over a cup of tea or coffee. So does anyone want the J job DD suggested for me - the Jayjob of Acting Coach, Media Clips to sit close to J to watch lots of clips and hone his prowess? >> SEE Biscuit Logistics Manager
APPOINTED:

ACTING COACH incorporating REHEARSAL MISTRESS
KorkyTheCat (pre BIG announcement) << Ooooooh! Great room for a fantasy! Just the place for a spot of acting coaching too. I would love to role-play with J and if he/I/we tired we could just flop onto that bed until refreshed, restored to full vigour and raring to go again. I would hope that the decor would inspire him to great heights (of acting) and try things he's never done before. >>
KorkyTheCat( post BIG announcement) << Actually I haven't applied for the Jayjob of Acting Coach, only for the position of Script Buddy/Nocturnal Role Play Partner to help him learn his lines (plus Distractor and Tweakmeister). I look forward to the virtual fisticuffs between those of you wishing you be appointed his coach. >>
Dufnut << As a member of my local am dram group can I apply for the job of acting coach? I promise I have never been to the CRH school of gurning (sorry acting) >>
KorkyTheCat << I don't see why not - apart from my nocturnal role play with J. Put it to Isi. >>
ed. << I am happy to accept any job share arrangement which avoids the unsheathing of claws and unseemly squalling >>
KorkyTheCat << We will be bringing him up to perfection in his acting! >>
ed. << as opposed to the scurrilous implication inherent in a comment made by our Deputy Chief Whip / Chief Rabble Rouser >>
KorkyTheCat << ETA: Will he be needing a dolly grip, or is that only for filming purposes? >> see Gripette
Toasted Toad << *elbows way to front of queue*. I really think I need to take time out from my busy schedule to take on the Jayjob of drama coach - my credentials are unassailable; I was the lead in my school musical when I was 7 years old. I therefore have a long (ago) performance history and know all about how to get an audience to hang on your every word (the key is to have your parents in the audience). >>
KorkyTheCat << It's Dufnut who you'll have to confer with for this JayJob, TT. I hope to have my hands full in my other capacities. >>
Toasted Toad << Ah, but my history predates Dufnut - I am the senior thespian - Ian McKellen to her Benedict Cumberbatch! >>
Dufnut << To be honest though I am currently learning lines for our next production in August so maybe you could deputise until then TT and I'll take over in the run up to opening night and fine tune everything. >>
KorkyTheCat << Hmmm... Then I suggest that we all leave it to the Keeper of the Jayjobs, Isi, to allocate the latest Big ones. >>
DeiseDays << Oooh, seems like this is turning into a real cat fight. Could all interested parties please retire to the Navigation Alcove, consider their position, and think LONG and HARD about the ups and downs of the job. >>
Toasted Toad << *sharpens claws* >>
hannah 01. << I have to go off at half time for an early bath (footie analogy again) and I get up at sparrow fart (luv that saying) to cat fights being discussed. What ever happened to handbags at 10 paces. The good old fashioned way to settle things. >>
Fred. << I'll have you know Dufnut, TT, Korky, ahouch and others, that I *starred*, yes, was the actual star of the school Nativity when I played Mary, aged 7 - only had 3 lines, but that's irrelevant If I was applying for J jobs, I would be best to be J's acting coach with this vast experience of mine. However, think I'd best keep out of anything to do with Big - my job of holding J's hand just when he's dancing with A, means I have to ride my bicycle around the stage to keep up. If I tried that in Big it would mean my bicycle would go over the piano keyboard and spoil it, so I'd better not get involved. >>
Toasted Toad << I had a solo to sing as well as lines in my big starring role - yes, Hollywood offers came pouring in as a result. Ahem - perhaps not! As I said, a truly veteran thespian. I think it was something vaguely Christmas related, but was definitely not a Nativity. Actually, just remembered there was another play when I was about 10 or 11 (Pied Piper this time - I played the Mayor). So I am very experienced as well. >>
Callmepitstop << I did Sunday School panto from the age of 8, culminating in a school production of Dick Whittington where I played the Faerie Queen when I was 11. I had a whole 12 lines to learn, and I tripped very daintily on and off stage. In later years, I played the Belly Dancer in an AmDram production of Bang Bang Beirut (later called Stand By Your Bedouin) - are you seeing the camel connection here? so, I am also very experienced in the acting field and can offer J my expert advice. >>
ed. << We seem to have reached a satiscatfory solution here, on a voluntary basis. Good job it wasn't HMS Pinafore as I would have been asserting myself, having played the significant role of Dick Deadeye in my youth. The fact I was cast only because I had a ready made patch over my NHS pink specs (with red hair, note) being totally irrelevant >>
REHEARSAL MISTRESS
hannah 01. << ...Rehearse rehearse rehearse. Another Jayjob Korky. Rehearsal Mistress. (For all future ventures)... >>
KorkyTheCat << Hmmm... I most humbly accept. >>
APPOINTED: Toasted Toad, callmepitstop (belly dancing), Dufnut for future reference, KorkyTheCat (rehearsal)

ADRENALIN DUMP MANAGER (aka Bringer Downer)
KorkyTheCat << Having read through the latest Jayjobs there seems to be a vacancy for a Bringer Downer after J has performed. He is sure to be on a high and in an emotional state after achieving his goal and fulfilling his promise. His *respectful pause* body will be producing endorphins and he will need to be calmed. I would use my tried and tested methods to soothe his agitation, quell his quivering and alleviate his Big performance anxiety. I would assure him that he has proved a triumph in his numerous acts and that as his services would be required again in a few hours' time he should relax to muster his stamina for a repeat performance. >>
hannah 01. << Korky you are an incorrigible Cat. I think you do this already in your Mistress of the Bedchamber duties. Don't forget he will need time to celebrate in the various alcoves in the gutter and as Master of the Beer Bottles I shall be escorting him to and from the theatre travelling with his beer of choice. >>
ed. << hannah 01.'s comments are very apt but I am leaving this as a separate function as the calming is related specifically to post-performance >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

ARTY HOMESPINNER - original suggestion has been lost for reasons explained below, but can be revived under appropriate conditions if required
BionicBard << Another Jayjob? Arty Homespinner? >>
hannah 01. << Are you applying BB. Get in there before the Korkster does >>
KorkyTheCat << Oooh, yes please! Odd-Jobs Man J could build a little rickety shack in the woods for us to live in... >>
hannah 01. << Oi Missy. You not taking him off into the back of beyond in a blimmin shack. So sure you do I am coming after you with Bear Grylls >>
Lola the cat << I am taking this to mean a collective "us", if so then his Handyman jobs can and will be rescheduled to accommodate the building of hideaway in the woods. I'm thinking something along the lines of what Kevin McCloud built in Man in the Wood, it's not the best picture but as it's technically on wheels it doesn't need planning permission so could be started asap. Just have to decide where to build it, somewhere central so easy to get to, I live central so I'm sure I could find somewhere near me >>
KorkyTheCat << Ha! J is "crazy strong" and will easily see off that little scout. We will be blissfully content in our humble rickety shack amid nature... "Us" - as you well know Lola - is J and me, listening to birds and other woodland wildlife, experiencing the dusk slowly enveloping us, marvelling at each different sunrise... >>
StrictlyRed << Lola and Korky - I haven't caught up on your conversation properly, but does this talk about a cabin in the woods mean that we have a new addition to the thread Property Portfolio? And if so, if it has wheels, does it count as a vehicle alongside the Jaybus and Jaytrain? I imagine the gutter is the main residence, but cabin looks like a nice holiday home >>
KorkyTheCat << No, the rickety wooden shack deep in the woods is what J will be building for him and me to live in. In fact - Isih - this is an official Job For J for your list: Carpenter/Joiner/Chippy. >>
ed. << This suggestion from BB rapidly deteriorated, didn't it! Korky, the carpenter etc job is already in hand, as JOBSFORJAY (5), so tough kitty.
<< However, the suggestion for a holiday gutter has been taken up by several Gutterites and I leave this in the capable hands of hannah 01 and bubble_wrap when she has the opportunity to return >>

ASSISTANT DOG/JAY HANDLER CARER
KorkyTheCat << J himself has revealed an opening for an Assistant Dog Handler and Carer (with secondary duties as J Handler and Carer) * and I should like to apply. I feel that this would sit well alongside my other Jayjobs as I would already be "on the spot". He has apparently professed a poor memory re. feeding said dog (and himself?) and I would be on hand to give gentle reminders if needed, e.g. a soft ruffle of the Jaycurls. I don't mind shopping and would happily bring back the Woofikins for the Jaydog plus irresistible delicacies to tempt J. Nom nom... >>
Toasted Toad << Well, so long as you handle the poop scoop the job's all yours! >>
KorkyTheCat << I'd obviously share these duties with J and train him in the mystical art of hygienic poopscooping by guiding his hands. Ditto associated activities. >>
Callmepitstop << poop a scooping is certainly all yours. Dog poop makes me barf. Strangely, cat poop doesn't. Don't even ask about camel poop >>
ed. << Wasn't your aversion to camel crap a bit of a handicap in your former employment of pit stop attendant? >>
nos lowen << We'll need to partner up Korky with my jayjob as veggie chef, which looks like it might be needed! I love quorn too so I can promise it won't be undercooked! I am on standby and promise never to leave J hungry... >>
KorkyTheCat << I'm very happy to partner up, NL. Do you think he becomes so engrossed in playing his video games that he forgets to eat? Maybe that's partly what he meant. Perhaps he needs a little discipline in his life. I'm willing to oblige! 🎓 I could also structure his days... >>
jnb_7 << Ahem Korky, I'm in charge of discipline remember ?!? >>
KorkyTheCat << I inferred that you are in charge of quite a different type of discipline. I wish only to keep him to some necessary order for the benefit of his wellbeing. >>
jnb_7 << I have NO idea what you mean....there is more than one type of discipline?!?!? >>
KorkyTheCat << Mine is organisational; yours - er - um - erm - isn't! >>
hannah 01. << Now now girls......... I'm turning fifty shades of........ >>
jnb_7 << I've never even read or watched 50 Shades.....#just saying >>
ed. << never mind, Jay has >>
hannah 01. << It's in the Dulux section of B&q. ...Hiding behind that pesky grey colour >>
ed. << I thought that was just a shaggy dog story! >>
Tsuntsu bird << I feel quite qualified to be the dog handler should he obtain a pooch - already feed, exercise and poop scoop for my own. But I would not wish to deprive Korky of the self sacrificing determination to slave herself into the ground for him!! Besides I feel that the care of the dancing feet is sufficient and is MINE. Should he cease to dance and revert to full time welly walking I would of course hand them over to someone more suitable. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheKat, nos lowen (Diet), jnb_7 (special discipline)

ATTRACTIVE FINDER GENERAL
snippy << willing to look at him a little longer and more than willing to find him attractive, going above and beyond the call of duty to find all aspects of MrG's attractiveness. >>
Little Miss ahouch
APPOINTED: snippy, Little Miss ahouch, jnb_7, KorkyTheCat.
ed. << Please note other roles incorporate elements of this role but I doubt there will be any arguments >>

BANDANA SELECTOR (originally misread as banana) and now incorporating HAT MONITOR
KorkyTheCat << I have been thinking of applying for the Jayjob of Bandana Selector. J loves them for his wrists or *respectful pause* neck or head or hair but some are unsuitable for his new career. I would help him choose or vet them and (as his Dresser) adorn him with our mutually agreed items. I hope to hear favourably about this position. >>
hannah 01. << Jnb will have something to say I think. She is Jay's Fashionsta after all. >>
ed. << Be careful with the head bands, they may count as hats, ie jnb province as HAT MONITOR >>
jnb_7 << Korky. - back away from the bandanna, furry one, I shall defend my territory to the hilt! *sideways glance * >>
Lola the cat << Don't worry Janet, I'll try not to neglect my duties again and will endeavour to keep Korky away from ALL items of clothing, however random they may be. >>
KorkyTheCat << Well, as his Dresser... How about a compromise: You choose his head ones and I'll see to the rest of him. >>
Lola the cat << It doesn't work like that Korky, stop trying to push the boundaries. I've had 2 boys, I know when boundaries are being pushed. Clothes is clothes, whatever part of the body they are on, now concentrate on your jobs that you have been allocated. >>
jnb_7 << Hmm..... NO Rock, Paper, Scissors for all of him?! >>
KorkyTheCat << Fair enough. I do not wish to enter into fisticuffs with anyone. You may have sole charge of his bandanas. >>
HAT MONITOR
jnb_7 << I would like the post of jays hat monitor....I can hold his hat while he sorts out his curls *sigh....sideways glance*, and definitely, definitely be prepared to look at him a little longer, and definitely definitely find him attractive Swoon. And other such sentimentsPs this would fit in with my other post of Jays Jalionista Fashionista....and would mean I could spend more time locked inside a changing room with him, I mean assisting him to dress without distraction. Ahem >>
ed. << However, it must be noted that there is an overlap of function with Attractive Finder General >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

BEARD TRIMMER IN CHIEF
(involves a very close position, enabling the gentle stroking of the chin and neck *respectful pause*, head of victim sorry, subject being approximately at chest level of trimmer.)
Mcguiness27 (withdrawn thus avoiding clashes with other claims on the neck *respectful pause*)
POSITION WITHDRAWN

Hmmm... food for thought!

Actually, I'd quite like to give him food sculpture lessons...

Someone should tweet him that

Well, maybe the next Jayspotter has those on hand to feed him with them

When I bought them I tweeted a picture but I didn't @ include him, I never tweet to J, and someone did pick it up and sent him the picture.

BETWEEN MAID
ed. << This post is now defunct, but I have left negotiations (more or less) in full as they are relevant to other jobs (and fun)
<< Korky - have been trying to unravel the tortuous thread you create and have come to this conclusion. You cannot be Between Maid/everything, Whatever in Hades that is supposed to be. And no, Korky, you cannot be Jay Protector. That is Security Chief hannah 01's job. I regret to say your application is denied. Dining companion - more details please
<< eta: apologies for memory lapse, KtC's actual words were << I would like to be J's Between at all times...>>
<< The answer's still no, except under conditions stated below ETA Which has now been resolved and the post of Tweenie is yours if you accept the conditions. Jayprotector however is still amalgamated in Security duties under Hannah >>
KorkyTheCat << I have no recollection of typing the "everything" part but I accept that I must have done so in a Jaystupor (drunk on his Jayness only as I am teetotal). I should still like to be J's Between (sometimes called a Tweeny) though and in return, in gratitude, he could be mine... I will bear the denial of my application for Jay Protector with stoicism. I still think he should wear the anti-kiss hat I posted a few days ago whenever he leaves his home though. I shouldn't like him to develop Mononucleosis. As to applying to be his Dining Companion, I recall seeing a picture of him eating in a café on his own and felt so sorry for him. Of course I accept that he may like dining alone on occasion but I would be willing to accompany him to any eatery of his choice should he wish for a quirky conversationalist who is a good listener. >>
DeiseDays << Hmmm, looks like a Between Maid has a rather lowly place in the pecking order, and by rights should answer to the other Jayjob holders rather than tend to His Jayness directly in person. I'll vote for you Korky >>
KorkyTheCat << That definition is quite correct, of course, but in addition a Between can be anything agreed between folks, as in the (popular?) game of Master & Servant/Mistress & Serf, turn and turn about. I am sure that J is familiar with this recreation... >>
DeiseDays << Oh but you won't have any time for that type of shenanigans Hannah will have you run ragged cleaning up the gutter >>
KorkyTheCat << And after the work comes playtime. >>
DeiseDays << A nice game of Scrabble should do the trick >>
ed. << Korky is of course Scrabble partner. I have been assuming that it's words being Scrabbled, but on second thoughts ...... >>
hannah 01. << BIB 1 me to ie to voting for Korky as Tweenie >>
ed. << Let me get this straight, you are both voting for Korky? Is this because it is such a lowly position? You do know that she has no objection to assuming a lowly position, don't you?
<< ETA Lola, are you there? Head Lady in Waiting has to keep track of positions regarding his Jayness! >>
hannah 01. << This position is in the scullery and scrubbing hall floors. When the master is in residence the tweeny MUST return to the scullery and kitchen. It is a prerequisite of the job >>
hannah 01. << Daily timetable for a Between Maid (Scullery) >>
Early morning
4.30 am to 9.00am Clean Windows/dust/hoover/polish
9.30am to 12.00pm wash all glasses cutlery dinner services
12.00am to 13.00pm lunch
13.30 pm to 17.00pm laundry of all towelling kitchen linen and bed linen and JM clothing
17.00 to 18.00 tea time
17.30pm to 21.00pm ironing of kitchen linen bed linen and JM clothing
21.30pm final tidy up prior to completion of duties at 23.00
Try and fit some playtime in if you wish but this is the job description and timeline of the post that you are applying for👿
And if you aren't on time then it will be instant dismissal
ed. << I think you are being inordinately generous with your lunch and tea breaks >>
DeiseDays << Oooh, aJaycap with a camera hole. You're a genius Hannah. We can get Korky to check all the cameras after she's finished scrubbing the floors >>
ed. << re hats - if these are to be warn by Jaliona sisters, this could be a new job. As warn by sir himself - (cough) Dresser, so already KtC, Hat monitor, jnb_7 >>
KorkyTheCat << I positively luxuriate in my lowly position with J in his superior place during the daytime. I easily bear the weight of authority upon me as I look forward to assuming my nightly titles of Mistress of the Bedchamber and Nocturnal Role Play Partner. >>
DeiseDays << Oh your position will be lowly all right — downstairs on the floor of the gutter with a scrubbing brush. Can't get any more lowly in the Jaymansion Meanwhile, I shall be upstairs, having extended my role as J's reading companion to his Librocubicularist. This post has already be incorporated into bed bath duties
<< We shall stretch out luxuriously on his bed and indulge in our mutual logophilia while Hannah supervises your lowly duties. But Scrabble is still Korky's, so far. Other forms of logophilia are permitted
<< I have visions of jnb cracking the Chief Whip to keep you on track too. >>
KorkyTheCat << Sorry (not sorry) but you won't be allowed on his bed. I am his appointed MotB and there are substantial locks on the door, plus I am chatelaine too... >>
ed. << Sorry Korky, you are only deputy Chatelaine. StrictlyRed is Chatelaine. Mistress of the Bedchamber still seems to be yours >>
DeiseDays << 'S OK, we'll use my bed instead I'll nab him down the pub before he even steps over your threshold >>
hannah 01. << #NationalGetAtKorkyDay I read that as National Get A Korky Day Just thinking DD, in light of you sending Korky out to Jnb and Jayfan , could we set up our very own Mobile Maid Service. During some of Korky's down time there are other things a scullery maid can do. And NO Korky we don't mean that >>
DeiseDays << Aw, you know we luv you hun ... ... just get your paws off the Jaybird >>
KorkyTheCat << I'll have you know that I am at present helping him pack for his "lads' holiday" >>
hannah 01. << How many pints have you had Korky. You forgot to pack the undercrackers and I feel I must look after Snippy best interest here. She is Mistress of The Undercrackers and will be vociferous in her condemnation of the neglect being shown to Mr Mcg. >>
DeiseDays << Any jobs you want doing Jayfan, just click your fingers for Korky. I was thinking of sending her over to jnb, sounds like she needs a hand with a shovel after Becks dutifully proved his digestive system is in full working order. Pitstop, do you think this Jayjob as Between Maid that Korky asked, nay begged for is the straw that broke the camel's back? >>
Callmepitstop << As resident Camel Expert I can confirm that they are notoriously grumpy creatures and if you dare overload them you do so at your peril. From my love of historical fiction I can also confirm that Tweenies are the absolute lowest of the low, and could not possibly be allowed into the Master bedchamber, let alone touch his clothes or person. I would suggest that if Korks insists on being the Between Maid, she should resign all other posts pertaining to Jay's person, as the two are mutually exclusive. >>
hannah 01. << As duly nominated Security Chief (as per Isih) I have ensured we will be able to access J at all times. >>
ed. << So that's what a voting monkey looks like! >> should be a link but it didn't work
KorkyTheCat << I intend to apply formally for the position of Haiku Honer to Jay. In view of this time-consuming Jayjob I feel it only right to withdraw my application for the position of Between. I confess here that it was mainly the job title which appealed, with the connotations implied. Maybe if he wishes I will be J's private informal between, but none shall know... >>
ed. << This seems a wise decision to me, given that otherwise the consensus was that you should relinquish all other positions. >>
"Lola the cat << I am deeply hurt and wounded, there is nothing wrong with my yellow feathers. I have taken my duties very seriously, right from the inception of jayjobs, it can be extremely taxing organising rotas for the staff, especially when they go MIA and walkabout and then there is trying to keep Korky in line - that is almost a job in itself. And if she doesn't let him out of that red room soon I am going to have to stage a rescue operation to free him.
Regarding Korky. A quick read makes me feel that she had misinterpreted the job description and whilst we have had a few spats over jobs I would not want to have banished her to the scullery never to be seen again. I did think that it may have been possible to rewrite the job description so that it satisfied all parties but I see that she has now withdrawn her application so all’s well that ends well. >>"
POSITION WITHDRAWN

BIOGRAPHER / BIOPIC PRODUCTION TEAM - 50 SHADES / 50 CHECK SHIRTS / BEST TOO MUCH EVER
stelladog << Has anyone volunteered to write 50 Shades of Jay yet? Form an orderly queue to audition as his co-star when the film's made! >>
ahouch << I thought about writing a poem but I wasn't feeling it. So I found myself writing a bit of fan fiction instead. >>
Lola the cat << So, ahouch, fanfic...mmm...you are aware that 50 Shades was born out of fanfic for Twilight aren't you? So when 50 Check Shirts becomes a runaway bestseller you will remember us on the dedication page and when you sell the film rights for squillions can we come and help with the casting of the "fictitious J in the check shirt". I think we would be more than capable of helping with the casting as we all appear to have intimate knowledge regarding the attributes necessary for the casting of the part. Or maybe he could be persuaded to play himself ... goes off into a little daydream now >>
ahouch << Agreed. Dedication page sorted. And consider yourselves all honorary casting directors. I think we may see the return of the good old casting couch for these purposes! J playing himself. Hmmm he's in his early 20's in the story at the moment so some airbrushing may be required. Unfortunately it bares more resemblance to Twighlight than 50 shades in content at the moment, but the latter with regard writing prowess! Not sure if I can bring myself to write the naughty bits - but then again I didn't think I'd be doing this a week ago! So far a flight attendant has helped him find his lizard! And as J would say, 'that's not a euphemism!'😉 >>
ahouch << Korky - thank you for putting Sam forward for the role of Jay. I hope he is well versed in lip licking and all other Jay traits. I can be a bit of a control freak so I intend to take on the role of both producer and director. This will ensure that I am involved at every juncture and will have complete artistic freedom to direct those vital love scenes to perfection. I may be required to take the place of the female lead on occasion to fully demonstrate what I am looking for...The sacrifices I make for my art. Now I just need to write something salacious enough to satisfy the Cats on the thread! >>
CASTING DIRECTOR, 50 CHECK SHIRTS
KorkyTheCat << Might I propose auditioning Sam Heughan for the part of J in your film? They do look a little alike: Are you producing and/or directing? If you need a Casting Director I should like to be considered and would put in a formal application to Isih. Did you state somewhere that the working title is 100 Shades of J? >>
ahouch << Korky - Regarding the post of Casting Director, I feel that it would only be fair to share this role with Lola, seeing as it was she who 'sold the rights' and requested casting input in the first place. We can use 50 Check Shirts and 100 Shades of J as working titles. >>
ed. << Can I just check, ahouch - is that you, Lola and Korky, or just Lola and Korky? And I note you have accepted hannah 01's application below >>
hannah 01. << I would like to apply for the post of Casting Couch >>
ed. << And very nice you look in black pleather, too >>
hannah 01. << Oops. That should have been Casting Couch Director. Anything else just seems a bit weird really. >>
ed. << What's wrong with a bit weird, pray? >>
DeiseDays << *whispers "If there's a part for a female with a great big mum crush and an aptitude for several shades of beetroot ..."* >>
ahouch << I really should be doing something useful right now but Isih I've identified a new job/jobs. Director/Producer/Casting director of the Dramatisation of SCD2015 (motion picture/serialisation tbd) 'The Best Too Much Ever!' >>
And here's the reason ahouch was appointed
APPOINTED: ahouch (overall), Lola the cat, KorkyTheCat, hannah 01. Deise Days (subject to ahouch's inclusion of the role defined)

BISCUIT LOGISTICS MANAGER
DeiseDays << Ok Fred, I'll concede that I nominated you for the wrong job How about Biscuit Logistics Manager? You'd have to sit with Jay and discuss his biscuit preferences at length, as well as closely observe his nibbling pattern >>
Fred. << I would like would be to sit round a table for a nice interesting chat over a cup of tea or coffee, with hobnobs, ginger biscuits - we'd have to have crackers and cheese now - and of course, custard creams for Aliona . >>
Whiffle_09 << I believe I am qualified for this post. As some of you may recall I brought an offering of gingernuts with my first posting, am well versed also in the making of melting moments and shortbread. I am currently practising Viennese fingers and will research recipes for hobnob like biscuits forthwith as they are a favourite of Jays. >>
APPOINTED: Fred. , Whiffle_09

BUILDER'S MATE incorporating DIY ASSISTANT and TENDER OF THE TOOL BOX
Lola the cat << as National Treasure Jay will need a base in the UK, and it will need to be redecorated and even remodelled to suit his needs. He has some diy experience but needs to wear a suitable mask - his voice and chest needs looking after. He will also need his beer cans kept on tap for when he needs a drink. I can hold a spanner or paint brush or anything else that may need holding or taking care of, ensuring he doesn't damage his talent whilst using any power tools >>
hannah 01. << I must point out that Master of The Beer Bottles has already been allocated in the Jayjobs list. TO MEEEE!!!
Lola the cat << Being Ms Picky, cans and bottles are different but I'm also very nice so if I run out of cans, which is highly likely as I hate shopping, I will give you a shout and you can supply him with bottles.>>
KorkyTheCat << I think J can put up his own bookshelves but if an informal interior designer is required... >>
Lola the cat << Stands in doorway clutching drill in one hand and a hammer in the other, I think you'll find I applied to be builders mate pages and pages back, before said new house was even mentioned, btw he said "moving house" the interviewer said flat. Nobody is allowed in to fluff cushions yet until I have finished rubbing down with him anything that may need rubbing down >>
TENDER OF THE TOOL BOX see BUILDER'S MATE
BionicBard << Bravo Korky. Maybe another job? Curator of the Toolbox? >>
KorkyTheCat << Oh yes, YES, YES! I am hereby applying! >>
Lola the cat << Hands off that tool box Korky, I think you will find I applied as J's builders mate rather a long time ago >>
BionicBard << Erm, I've just found a note under my door, saying a certain young handyman would be pleased if you would apply for the position of Tender of the Toolbox, he doesn't like the idea of a curator, doesn't want to risk confusion with the undercrackers. >>
ed. << Interruption here: It should be pointed out that Mr McG's wishes can only be taken into consideration where a totally new post is envisaged. Lola the cat is therefore confirmed in her post as originally intended. HOWEVER, some people just never give up, do they >>
KorkyTheCat << But I am hiring him on a private basis, just him alone plus his enormous toolbox. >>
Lola the cat << Sorry, builders always have a builders mate - rules is rules Where his tool box goes so do I >>
KorkyTheCat << Sounds like he's already on his way! *spreads sheets over floor to protect carpets* >>
BionicBard << ....and be sure to shut the catflap, I swear I saw Lola lurking... >>
KorkyTheCat << Too late! I can see his hod, mahl stick and damp stucco already! >>
ed. << Yes, but what about the tools for doing odd jobs? >>
DeiseDays << Ah, but who has the sonic screwdriver? >>
ed. << Further discussions and gloating ensue, but what it boils down to is that Lola has graciously agreed to loan the odd-job man out to Korky. >>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat. Her decision is final as to where the handyman is deployed.

CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER incorporating CONTROLLER OF THE INKWELL and GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN
KorkyTheCat << I have learned over 20 styles in the past and would love to impart my expertise and enthusiasm to J. I feel sure that he possesses the required aptitude, dexterity and artistry. We know that he has great co-ordination and powers of concentration. Would need to put our heads together to pore over the necessary equipment: a) right size of pen holder, thin or thicker to suit his hand. b) an array of differently sized nibs to suit each font (left-handed nibs) c) numerous bottles of coloured inks. d) good quality paper plus pencil, ruler and eraser. Requirements for a satisfactory outcome include: a steady hand, a firm grip, relaxing into the mood, self-discipline, developing a rhythm, letting it flow, nurturing a growing talent, perseverance, developing prowess, immersion in the activity, reaching optimum level of competence, focusing on the end result and satisfaction in producing a fine finish, preferably with many a final flourish. You may be sure that J will be in very capable, encouraging and stimulating hands>>
nos lowen << You are clearly a very experienced and dedicated teacher. I can't think of anyone better for the job.>>
CONTROLLER OF THE INKWELL
ed. << I feel that this post, combined with the GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN, is concommittent with the role of CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER >>
KorkyTheCat << An inkwell, like bottled ink, must be used with care as the fluid can so easily spill over. Cue much disappointment. >>
BionicBard << I think at this juncture it would be apposite to mention that I am rarely calligraphically challenged, having learned to write with a dip pen. This rarely left blots so I did not require blotting paper, which could be advantageously utilised dipped in ink, placed on the end of a twelve inch ruler and flicked at fluffed up felines who'd bitten off more than they could chew.... I would also add that if you sink your ink well, it won't spill over. >>
KorkyTheCat << Ah, but I do, very deeply, yet upon withdrawing the dip pen there is sometimes a globule which adheres to the very tip and, if not noticed and wiped off, can spoil the accomplishment. >>
DeiseDays << Hmmm, I seem to remember that jnb has excellent calligraphy skills, I predict a three-way inkwell battle for this Jayjob >>
GUIDE OF THE DIP PEN
KorkyTheCat << Dip pens are used for calligraphy and can be messy, but practice, patience and experience pays off in the end. They are very satisfying to use and the results are wet but shouldn't be blotted or some boldness, precision or resolution may be lost. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

Isih you had to ask. You just had to ask. And up pops Korky. Hostess with the mostest. (Jayjobs) 😉



BIB love it 👍💟👍

CHÄTELAINE formerly LIVE IN HOUSEKEEPER
Jelly_L << responsible for the cleanliness and maintenance of a comfortable environment in which the employer could fully relax. This may, unfortunately, lead to witnessing said employer in varying states of undress and sobriety so is not for the fainthearted. >>
nos lowen << I'd like to think at the moment he's engrossed in doing up his new London home! Do we have a DIY assistant? Cushion fluffer? >>
ed. << I think that is Lola's remit >>
StrictlyRed << Is anyone Keeper of the Keys yet? If not, I'm not too bogged down, so I'm stepping forward for this vacancy, as I'm only neck massage at the moment, I think. >>
KorkyTheCat << I will second you but if you should be hors de combat I should like to be his duplicate key holder, available day or night. He is clearly in need of a châtelaine >>
APPOINTED: StrictlyRed. Deputy, KorkyTheCat

CHEF
ed. << PA Mcguiness27 requests that whoever makes him a cup of tea makes it with a drop of milk and NO sugar, he loves bourbons, custard creams and hob nobs, no sweets with gelatine >>
nos lowen << fellow veggie able to avoid hidden animal products, specialist in chocolate sauce for all applications >>
maryhall1 << I can also cook up a great veggy meal >>
APPOINTED: nos lowen, maryhall1

CHESTICLE CHERISHER [Jelly_L]
[ duties to include gentle application of chest rub and careful rubbing of the back when colds and coughs may appear. This would not clash with aforementioned Personal Masseuse as duties differ. The post may need to be permanent to preserve the voice and I will bow to the superior knowledge of the singer's amongst us if this is the case. ]
KorkyTheCat << I will gladly take on this onerous task, Isi. It is a subject very close to my own heart... 💕 >>
jnb_7 << Damn I meant to ask for the CHESTICLE CHERISHER post - I've personally found the Jaygrance to be most potent there and it would tie in nicely with my post of the Sniffer in Chief...? One wouldn't want to have TOO many JayJobs, would one, Korky? >>
APPOINTED:

CHIEF RABBLE ROUSER
APPOINTED: jnb_7 (by popular acclaim) << reporting for duty to the No.1 Jalionista Sista Detective Voting Monkey Twitter Gutter Dweller Agency, sah! >>

CHIEF RESEARCHER, now including BLUDGING
ed. << Research is a very useful tool in any attempt to gain freebies under dubious circumstances. >>
Hannah 01. <<an ad hoc position and I can therefore fit all necessary duties in with other positions>>
APPOINTED: hannah 01

CHIEF WHIP see also VOTING INVIGILATOR
[Mrs F seems well qualified as Chief Whip to oversee all admin duties and deal with less than supportive commentators.] - Jelly_L
ed. << There appear to be several deputies in play, but only one with their own whip. No problem if Mrs F is happy, but could you declare yourselves formally, please
<< A sub-committee has been proposed by Deise Days, to be called The Jalionista Catch-22 Voting Committee. Motto: Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Honorary President: Mrs Finkelstein, Chief Whip: Agent jnb, Welfare Officer: Lola the Cat, Voting Monkey Team Leader: DeiseDays. Isih to be Honorary Consul for dealing with foreign visitors and other committee positions to be filled after suitable discussions with Jalionista HQ >>
Lola the cat << So finally home from work and everyone seems to be in the gutter, so it seems up to the welfare officer to restore order. None of you lot want to upset the Hon President Mrs F, do you? Whilst you are rolling around the gutter who exactly is voting - mmmm, speak up at the back. I have managed to get free wifi installed so you can continue voting whilst in the naughty corner and it probably reaches the gutter, password is jaystalent. I have only got one sofa installed so if anyone has spare one it might be helpful, or a bean bag or two. There are 2 bottles of prosecco, it's a work night for some of us, and a bag of lindt mini eggs. This is to remind you who you are supposed to be voting for. And I suppose you probably need reminding of why you are voting,
Mrs Finklestein << Get voting! Also "I just went full on patronising/sarky, it's my natural state. jobs - is there one available that would suit my unique skill set?" >>
jnb_7 << Can I be Mrs. F's Deputy Deputy vote chaser / whip cracker?! I have the whip >>
VOTING INVIGILATOR
DeiseDays << I can confirm that any inadvertent slacking due to unexpected visual stimulation has been quickly corrected by our newly appointed Voting Invigilator. In her new role as Voting Invigilator, nelliek will monitor all voting monkey activity and set revised short-term and long-term productivity targets as required. All productivity data reported back to Jalionista HQ by voting monkeys is gratefully appreciated and will help in tracking team performance. >>
APPOINTED: Mrs Finkelstein. Deputies: jnb_7, StrictlyRed, hannah01., nelliek (also invigilator)

COMMITTE MEMBER (NON-COMPETING)
Jelly_L - comments in square brackets

COMMITTEE FOR THE CONTROL AND MANAGEMENT OF WRITING IMPLEMENTS (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat << I wish to apply for the Jayjobs of Director of the Fountain Pen, Mistress of the Rollerball, Guide of the Dip Pen and Controller of the Inkwell. >>
ED. << For these last two, see CALLIGRAPHY TEACHER >>
Lola the cat << Catching up on last night - Korky and DD - the term "crayon" has over the course of history referred to a number of different drawing and painting mediums (not just crayola wax crayons - other makes are available) - so back off. >>
ed. << I have considered the use/abuse of writing implements carefully before assignment - frequency of use by Sir had to be considered to judge whether or not separate posts are justified. Its having been very difficult to separate and distinguish the finer points (see what I did there) of these applications, I have decided that a committee should be formed to regulate the issue. >>
ed. << The Chairwoman (sorry, I hate 'Chair') is to be our Head Lady-in-Waiting, Lola the cat, and her decision is final on the day-to-day issuing of writing implements. She also retains control of the crayons.
<< HOWEVER
<< In my role as KEEPER OF THE DOUBLE / SINGLE / DOWNRIGHT OBSCENE ENTENDRE, which no-one else seems willing to take over, I must make a feeble protest as to the tenor of the following applications. (I am not referring to brass/silver band instruments here)
<< I would also make the observation that the Protection Provider concerned appears, by her own admission, to be failing in her duties AGAIN. No french horn for you, my girl, you can't even handle the letters. This means that all the instruction and advice offered by Whiffle_09 as to the fingering and tonguing of the aforesaid instrument will have to be kept in abeyance until either further training is completed or a more suitable candidate presents themselves.
<< I hope Whiffle is prepared to keep her expertise warmed up for such an eventuality >>
BALLPOINT MANAGERESS (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays << I would like to apply for the position of Ballpoint Manageress. In my role I would test the retraction function of J's ballpoint at regular intervals to ensure it is in full working order. I would also monitor his ink levels and would devise a refill schedule to ensure he never runs out of writing fluid. >>
BionicBard << But wouldn't it be more of a thrill / To be Custodian of the Quill? / You could dip in and out a lot / (Ignoring the occasional blot) / And to do 'it' in italicCould possibly be quite phallic / Could possibly be quite phallic / Which I'm sure you won't find hard / Being such an accomplished bard >>
speedtrap << I'm not rising to that one >>
DeiseDays << Probably for the best, we don't want to upset Lola again, she's such a sensitive soul. >>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays
DIRECTOR OF THE FOUNTAIN PEN (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat << The fountain pen has a reservoir which must be kept topped up at all times in order to be ready for use when the occasion arises. I would ensure that it is. >>
jnb_7 << I was taught to write using an Italic ink pen from an early age so I would like to request consideration for the JayJob of Mistress of the Fountain Pen. I had a very temperamental pen and thus am practised in the art of cajoling it into action even when ink is low or the ink reservoir might need a little persuasion. As for roller balls - Korky you are welcome to them! I prefer the real thing >>
KorkyTheCat << Okay, I shall withdraw. >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7
HOLDER OF THE INDELIBLE PEN (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat << Isih - I wish to apply for the Jayjob of Holder of the Indelible Pen. This has remarkably enduring qualities but extreme caution must be exercised because as soon as it is used it stays put in perpetuity and one cannot change one's mind. >>
ed. << You will have to improve your concentration levels for this post, but you can have it as long as you don't slip up again. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat
KEEPER OF THE CRAYONS (CFTCAMOWI)
Lola the cat << I would like to apply for the job as Keeper of the Crayons, and no Korky this is not covered by your Painting Companion role. As Keeper I would ensure his crayons are always to hand and are never lost, unlike his phone and passport. I would keep them in a special pencil case together with a special crayon sharpener. I would ensure his crayons are always kept sharp and never allowed to go blunt. I believe I would excel in this role and look forward to receiving confirmation of my appointment.
<< PS I would like to remind Korky that he is only on loan for her plumbing problems and she should stop undoing all his good work whilst he is asleep. I know he is a trusting soul and at the moment is unsuspecting and unsuspicious of her nefarious motives but his Handyman jobs are piling up and he is needed back in Handyman HQ asap. There are a lot of colouring in jobs to be attended to. >>
APPOINTED: Lola the cat
MISTRESS OF THE FELT TIP (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays << But I don't remember applying for the job of Poet Laureate. I'd be willing to swap it with Korky for one of her more "hands on" Jayjobs. I'm not going to discuss the brass band fetish, I can only imagine what Korky would do with a French horn. And if we need a Keeper of the Crayons Jayjob, then I would like to apply for the position of Mistress of the Felt Tip. >>
speedtrap << DD...now, about this Tip you'll be feeling, please elucidate. >>
DeiseDays << Well, as Mistress of the Felt Tip I would diligently examine the tip that J intends to use for his exquisite artistry. I would check that the tip is not splayed in any way that could affect his skilled manipulation. If necessary, I would apply firm pressure to bring the tip back into alignment. >>
speedtrap << Sounds reasonable to me. Now, I was wondering if J had experience in oils...I could be of some assistance there >>
DeiseDays << Oh dear, I think he already spilt his oil all over Korky's big end >>
speedtrap << Not surprising, it can be a very messy affair. >>
KorkyTheCat << He did indeed but I think this was because he had been going for so long that he didn't take the usual precaution at the end. >>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays
MISTRESS OF THE ROLLERBALL (CFTCAMOWI)
KorkyTheCat << The rollerball is a smooth operator and keeps going for simply ages until - phut! Out of fluid. Refills are available but take time to put in. Often the moment of inspiration has been lost by then. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat
PENCIL LEAD CHECKER (CFTCAMOWI)
DeiseDays << But I don't remember applying for the job of Poet Laureate. I'd be willing to swap it with Korky for one of her more "hands on" Jayjobs >>
KorkyTheCat << No, I don't wish to be Poet Laureate but thank you for suggesting me. I am more than satisfied with my existing Jayjobs.... Hmmm... a French horn... fingering and blowing, isn't it? . You have inspired me to apply for the Jayjob of Pencil Lead Checker. I think the details of this onerous position are obvious. I should also like to be in charge of his rubber, keeping it clean and handy. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

COMPILER OF THE HOMEWORK CLIPS
APPOINTED: Fred.

COUNSELLOR FOR EMOTIONAL WELLBEING incorporating SHOULDER TO CRY ON
sam67jane << available for strokes and hugs whenever needed >>
Toasted Toad << for hugjays, nightime >> (could be allied with blankie tucking in)
Lindy_Loue << soother of the brow and setter up for the day >>
KorkyTheCat << With regard to J's insecurity about his looks, I would like to apply for the position of Counsellor/Therapist. This would not be a professional post but simply acting as an informal confidant able to reassure him, whenever he has doubts, that he is not unattractive. This Jayjob would sit well with my others, especially Mistress of the Bedchamber and Bath Attendant/Scrubber, as I would be on the spot and therefore able immediately to address any issues of self-confidence and indicate all attractive points. >>
ed. << see ATTRACTIVENESS FINDER >>
SHOULDER TO CRY ON
KorkyTheCat << I would like to apply for the additional Jayjob of Shoulder To Cry On. I will, I hope, already be ensconced in his dressing-room as his Dresser and so it would seem logical for me to be "there" for him when he comes off stage brimming with emotion, having been feted and celebrated and taken 7 curtain calls and performed 3 encores. Needless to say that I would provide all necessary congratulatory hugs and osculation until his tears are stemmed... >>
DeiseDays << Hmmmm, osculation .... *quickly flicks through dictionary* PUT THE LIPS AWAY KORKYWhat are we going to do with you? >>
APPOINTED: sam67jane, Toasted Toad, Lindy_Loue, KorkyTheKat

CREATIVE DIRECTOR OF FANTASY JAYJOB HUNTING
hannah 01. << Role to source and attend all chatty non auditions* meetings resulting in all levels of work preferred by J. I will of course liaise with Damien and the main man himself Mr Mcg before arranging said meetings. I have beat Korky to the job cos it was only just created. 😉 >>
Lola the cat << Please, please, please can I really, really, really, really be Deputy Creative Director of Fantasy Jayjobs I have a sat nav and google maps on my phone and I can still read a proper map so I can always ensure he will not get lost on his travels for the planned travel show. Please accept this as my interim application, I have to get in quick before Korky puts in another application and I'm still at work - I am working, honest boss. >>
hannah 01. << As I have been appointed to the post of Director by Isih I am prepared to take this application.to be deputy under advisement. I will ponder and cogitate upon your qualifications and let you know in due course. Pondering and cogitations complete. Your appointment is confirmed as Deputy Director Fantasy JayJob.Hunting. >>
ed. << Excellent. Never has a Jayjob been settled in so short a time without so little fuss.
APPOINTED: hannah 01., deputy Lola the cat

CROTCH COVERER ( aka Big Nacks Coverer) incorporating LADY OF THE FLIES and PACKAGE SUPERVISOR
Snookey << there is a need to keep a check on Jay's flies. We know he likes to make sure they're up so I think it's appropriate we have someone on this. Nimble and delicate fingers a pre-requisite (I have those). This may overlap with Korky's role (as dresser I think you're down for) but I do feel this needs more specialist skills. >>
KorkyTheCat << I wish to apply for the Jayjob of Crotch Coverer. I could very easily be at his side at all times to lend a hand and cover his crotch area to dispel any fears he may have with regard to unzipped flies, etc. >>
speedtrap << You'll need two hands there Korky >>
KorkyTheCat << Very kind of you but I think I'll be able to manage although thinking about it (just try to stop me) I'll probably have my hands full. >>
jnb_7 << My hands are really strong and capable from horse riding so if you need an understudy, Korky ....... >>
KorkyTheCat << I tend to think he'd prefer the tender touch... but if ever I have to take to my bed with extreme prolonged exhaustion I will call upon your services temporarily. >>
jnb_7 << That's the thing with horse riding, you hold the strength of "massive" horse ("Like a mountain - a mountain " *holds hands appropriate space apart* with your fingertips and the lightest of touch..... >>
DeiseDays << If you need any accessories to fulfil your duties, the Twitch and Stitch circle is ready and waiting. *looks around* Ok, Hannah has a mop and bucket and speedy is reciting J's life story and explaining the delights of Edinburgh to her visitors, so I'll do it ... ... I'll have to take measurements, mind >>
hannah 01. << CAUGHT YA!!!!!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE TAPE. Now DD you know full well there must be a minimum of TWO Twitchers and Stitchers when in the presence of J. High definition measurements need to be eyeballed not computerised. >>
DeiseDays << It means you're too close to the Huge Talent Back away, Hannah >>
hannah 01. << But I'm so blimmin long sighted I need to get as close as possible to the Huge talent >>
PACKAGE SUPERVISOR
jnb_7 << wellll....I'm already the JayDresser/Fashionista so I could check the package is erm, suitably packaged?! *runs off to throw away anything baggy, heheheh >>
Lindy_Loue << Don't think I'd be any good in the packaging department......I would be unable to maintain a suitable professional objectivity in the face of said parcels >>
APPOINTED: Snookey, KorkyTheCat, jnb_7, Twitch and Stitch Circle

CURATOR / ARCHIVIST OF THE JAYPICS AND JAYGIFS
jayfan << I wonder how many photos there are of Jay on social media? Is there a Jayjob counting and categorising them???Or has KtC got there already? >>
KorkyTheCat << What a wonderful idea! I have been mourning my lost Jayjob of Bandana Selector but your nomination - it is a nomination, isn't it? - will assuage my disappointment. Isi - Curator and Archivist of the Jaypics and Jaygifs please! >>
jayfan << Now Korky, that wasn't quite my intention! >>
ed. << As well she knows! I'm sure DD, Spreeathen, nelliek and Fred. will back me up in saying that curating and archiving is a very time consuming job, which in my case leaves me with very little opportunity to do all my RL jobs anyway. Korky, you would have to relinquish all your other jobs and sit in a darkened room in front of a screen, with no physical contact whatsoever with the outside world, whoever may be hammering at your door (as if) >>
Fred. << Korky, as Isih says, sorting out the homework takes hours in a darkened room on my own!! >>
KorkyTheCat << Really? I thought J and I would be ensconced in a darkened room for hours admiring his massive treasure trove and dealing with his accumulation, and I would be putting his great assemblage in order. I seem to have misinterpreted my job description. On this basis I reluctantly withdraw my application. >>
RaffertyCat << BIB Hi TT. Thought I'd let you know that I've viewed every picture in your brilliant album. Thank you. I don't know how to 'bookmark' it, so I've 'Saved to Favourites', as usual. My elastic-sided Favourites bag is getting really unwieldy. Do you think it might burst at some point? I hope not. This thread's in it. >>
APPOINTED: In view of RaffertyCat's latest, would you be willing to accept this post?
Last edited by Isih : 13-06-2016 at 16:56

Isih, I like the sound of your doctor.

Vodka on prescription. Who'd a thunked it eh

Vote registered Spree - sorry again for inadvertently putting you in the naughty corner
All votes are important & could save us from having to sort out what to do in the event of a tie - Hannah came up with some suggestions one of which involved me ending up as Len Now I know I can be grumpy but I don't like pickled walnuts

This is taking longer than expected as I'd forgotten how to do the links. Think I have it sorted now.

CURATOR OF JAYEWELLERY
KorkyTheCat << As I've have been refused my latest Jayjob applications and am consequently running a bit low on them I am wondering if I may be Curator of the Jayewellery. I would look after his bracelets and other wrist thingies and earrings and any more body jewellery which may lurk underneath his clothes. >>
ed. << I can't think offhand of any clashes there, so could be! New word, too. And should this be a subdivision of dresser or would you like it to be separate? >>
KorkyTheCat << I'd prefer a separate title please Isi >>

CURATOR OF THE UNDERCRACKERS and DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF UNDERWEAR
ed. << There has been a job description posted which I assume is acceptable to snippy. Launderess should also be referred to if the question of undercrackers arises >>
ORIGINAL JOBSPEC BY RAFFERTYCAT, PART 4 POST NO 8794 (p352)
snippy (very determined, anyone considering opposing needs to wear protective clothing) << I want to be curator of the Undercrackers. It is a job title I created for myself. I will not consider a jobshare. The Undercrackers are all mine and I will fight to the death to keep them >>
dancingfosse << Is putting my hand up and meekly saying, "me please" a suitable way to apply? >>
ed. << KorkytheCat - nice application, but aren't you risking the wrath of the snippy descending on you? >> #8811
hannah 01 << Must apologise for posts 1067 and 1070. They are being misread as the undercracker item is mine. IT ISN'T. SNIPPY THEY ARE YOURS .DS went wonky >>
ed. << snippy applied for leave of absence which was granted. During this absence (drum roll) >>
KorkyTheCat << May I please apply for Temporary Carer (Smoother and Tucker-in) of the Undercrackers (Jayndercrackers?) until Snippy returns? >>
DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF UNDERWEAR
UPDATE FROM RAFFERTYCAT
<< Anyway, one of the very many briefs you hold, is that of responsibility for the design, planning and implementation of a Garment Location And Retrieval Protocol. I was impressed to learn that GLARP was completed in record time, and now the proto-type is ready to be put into operation. The Garment Location And Retrieval Expediter(GLARE) is ready to dispatch at speed. The job description stated that new technology could be used to adapt GLARE in such a way, that it could be used to locate all of Jay's lost items, currently located in the Twilight Zone. (ORIGINAL DEFINITION, PEOPLE) It is for this purpose that you have been urgently summoned to HQ. It has come to our attention that, although there have been no recent reports of underwear being left behind in hotel bedrooms, Jay has just lost yet another phone. We note that there has been a steady throughput of assorted phones to the Twilight Zone. We think therefore, that Jay may have his own portal, or at least has worked out how to open one.
<< Now Snippy, your assignment is to go into the Twilight Zone, armed with your GLARE, and locate and retrieve said phone. In fact while you're there, you may as well retrieve all the items Jay has lost over the course of his life. We suggest you take a truck. One more thing to remember, and this is very important. You must remain tethered to the truck at all times. We don't want you floating off and getting lost. We'd have to send out a STARE (Search Track And Rescue Expedition) to look for you. The trouble is our crack team is still sleeping it off, after a long STARE during the night. We'll all be thinking of you, Snippy, and wishing you well. And just think how grateful Jay will be, when you turn up with a skip, full of all the things he has ever lost. Especially now that he has a shiny new flat. He'll have plenty of room to store it all in. He might devote a whole room (or maybe two) for the storage of his precious newly-found things. Do you know Snippy, I think Jay would be so grateful that he might offer you a promotion, maybe to a prestigious overseas posting. You never know. We'd all be so jealous. >>
ed. << This assignment obviously only applies to those phones which have escaped the attention of the PROTECTOR OF THE PHONES, who may wish to accompany agent Snippy >>
hannah 01. << Of course now I have my official HGV1 licence I volunteer to drive said truck/lorry. Come on Snips I'm waiting for you here engine running >>
APPOINTED: snippy. Transport, hannah 01.

CURL-TEASER IN CHIEF including HIGHLIGHTER
bubble_wrap (as long as you don't tame them) << It better be a 24 hour job!...I didn't sign myself up for any less >>
sammi42 (but only when on cardigan duty)
amaluna << offers to keep curls wild and unfettered >>
fridgesoup << bubble - are you sure you can cope alone being Teaser of the Curls? I feel it's a 24 hour job and surely we could work out a shift rota that keeps everyone [me] happy >>
jnb_7 <<*cough* if Bubble doesn't want the curl teaser job now they're shorter I can offer a friendly (!) lap for J to rest his shorn head on while I run my hands through his hair...I mean, make sure his hair's tidy. *sharpens nails for cat fight* >>
ed. << This has been dealt with in summary fasion by the Chief Curl Teaser >>
work place structure proposed by BW
BW as Chief Curl Teaser
Amaluna/fridgey as Assistant Curl Teasers (send in your applications! )
Please be warned...all work is subject to a spot test/tease with no prior warning
HIGHLIGHTER IN CHIEF OF THE CURLS
Lindy_Loue << I'd leave the teasing and coaxing to that post holder ! Honest .... >>
APPOINTED: bubble_wrap. Under supervision: Amaluna, fridgesoup, sammi42. Highlighter, Lindy_Loue

DANCE PARTNER (IN TRAINING)
rosedroplet << I know left from right .I can place my right chesticle on his buttons, will happily place my hand on his shoulder,, ( in order to hang on for grim death as my knees buckle, shoulders, fans self.)very happy to tuck in à la manner of Nadia, Loose women, who really didn't put the effort in frankly. I believe I could tuck in and get an awful lot closer.I might struggle with leaning away and not looking, but I'm sure that with hours of practice I could manage this for brief periods of time.I once did a roly poly at school, and am therefore gymnastically ready for lifts.I am even prepared to risk splinters / carpet burns in/on the buttocks if he insists on rampant crabbing me.I am available at the earliest opportunity to take up post and begin practicing . >>
Fred. << I'd like the job of J's handholder JUST when he's dancing - don't have any designs on him at all otherwise. I'd have to run very fast to keep up with the speed of his dancing - do you think they'd let me take a bicycle onto the dancefloor? I can provide my own bicycle >>
APPOINTED: rosedroplet, Fred.

DEBTOR see KEEPER OF THE LITTLE BLACK BOOK
Job spec
KorkyTheCat << ...but he doesn't because I am and ever will be Mistress of the Bedchamber! I concede that J had best be Keeper of the Little Black Book himself but I have had a sneaky look inside it and there is only one entry - KtC - with one hundred stars!! Therefore I am hereby applying for the Jayjob of J Favour Debtor or just Debtor if you prefer. I fear I shall remain ever in his debt and will endeavour to make this up to him. It may take some time though...probably years. >>
APPOINTED : KorkyTheCat

DIALOGUE COACH
ahouch << Will he be needing a dialect coach? I have extensive knowledge of American accents. I watch a lot of US dramas. I've been there. NY twice, DC, Vegas and Hawaii. I have also seen a Broadway show and been back stage (lion king you know). I will be happy to drill him until his accent is up to scratch, and will administer necessary punishment if anything 'british' sounding comes out. >>
KorkyTheCat << Yes; I suggest that you put in an application for the Jayjob of Dialect Coach. You seem to have the perfect qualifications - although I did have an American boyfriend for a few months once from whom I learned a little.. >>
DeiseDays*pushes Korky out of the way* It's clear that Jay will need an Irish Dialect Coach to help him cope with life in Dublin while his huge talent is on show in our venerable capital city. I know snippy is on the language list for Irish, but I'm just not sure if she has the credentials to help Jay with the many and varied foibles of English as she is spoken in Dublin. I would be willing to help him with his diction and explain any pronunciation differences he may encounter. He may not know, for example, that Dubliners pronounce "huge" as "hew-age", so should his huge talent come up in conversation I would be able to gloss over any misconceptions.I await your approval >>
ed. << The heinous omission of your name from the languages list and has been rectified >>
Polly-T << You get my vote Déise!!! You have the Dub dialect 'down to a 'T' '!! >>
APPOINTED: DeiseDays (RoI)

DINING COMPANION
KorkyTheCat << Application for Jayjob of Dining Companion I have noticed a vital need for a Dining Companion. This would be an on-call position, day or night, when he feels like a little something. I need not elaborate, but I know that he does not relish eating alone and I am always available to munch and nibble with him. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

DRESSER (EXCLUDING UNDERCRACKERS) including DRESSER (BIG) and DICOLAMOCOTU
ed. << KorkyTheCat EXCLUDING, Korky, excluding >>
<< What a messy eater! But fear not for as (I hope) J's Dresser I shall have the task of cleaning his clothes, necessitating sponging him off (not a euphemism) and helping him into clean attire. >>
DRESSER (BIG)
KorkyTheCat << As his Dresser I wonder if I may apply for the Jayjob of his BIG Dresser in the hope that the theatres won't allocate their own. Unlike the usual leisurely day-to-day dressing assistance rendered to him, helping J change between scenes in the theatre involves speed and efficiency. It would indeed be tragic if he tried to manage alone and, in his hurry, became caught in a zip ( ) or a vital button pinged off due to his *respectful pause* broadening manly chest. In my hands he wouldn't leave his socks or Jayndies behind either. I would frequently check visually 👀 and manually 👋 that he is wearing all he should - all part of the taxing, exacting and demanding Jayjob. >>
Lola the cat << Oh poohsticks, botheration and double poohsticks! I was so chuffed with myself, on my way home I thought of exactly the same job...punching air, thinking "yes, I've finally come up with a job that Korky isn't doing" and I get home, excitedly log on to claim my job and Korky has beaten me to it again. I'm going to eat chocolate, I'm not sulking - honest >>
DIRECTOR IN CHARGE OF LOCATION AND MAINTENANCE OF CLOTHING OTHER THAN UNDERWEAR
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BkFHttIIYAA2S55.jpg
CatO9Tales << Who is in charge of lost items of clothing etc? I fear they have been derelict in their duties - there are numerous empty coathangers in the panic room/portable wardrobe/whateva which suggests that many items of clothing have been lost en route .... >>
hannah 01. << Left in hotel rooms prior to the Jayjobs being filled unfortunately. 😆 >>
KorkyTheCat << They are of necessity (blush) in the wash. >>
Lola the cat << I am a bit concerned about the standard of washing that is being undertaken, I mean look at the state of his shirt and trousers. >>
hannah 01. << But he looks great suited and booted when the standard is upheld >>
KorkyTheCat << Trouble is that he now has such a strong, taut and *respectful pause* sinewy bod that he is bursting out of some of his clothes. I will endeavour to take him clothes shopping soon. >>
APPOINTED: KorkytheCat, as dresser. Shopping trips to be undertaken ONLY with the permission of the Jalionista Fashionista

EDITOR IN CHIEF (POETRY DIVISION)
APPOINTED: DeiseDays

EDITOR IN CHIEF, JALIONISTA JOURNAL
DeiseDays << an occasional publication that gathers the wit and wisdom of Jalionistas from around the globe >>
Isih << I feel greatly honoured to have an official title - but can I ask, please, no responsibility for poetry? >>
APPOINTED: Isih

EXERCISE BUDDY see KNEE CARE
KorkyTheCat << It is that time again when thoughts turn to how to make J's life easier - and an answer immediately springs to mind: become his Exercise Buddy. Jay needs to be kept in tip-top condition both for his general health and for the upcoming rehearsals which will no doubt involve lifting. I do not know whether he has a training pal but I am willing to oblige. He already does press-ups... ...but I believe he would benefit from a little more resistance. He can easily lift his own weight and so I would apply pressure on his *respectful pause* upper back and shoulders. To accomplish this I may even have to lie on him (). I know, but it's all in a good cause. As I am smaller than A he could also practise lifting me to strengthen his *respectful pause* muscles. J and I would need to put our heads closely together to plan a suitable exercise regime, including building up his stamina somehow, but I am open to all suggestions, especially his. >>
ed. << Lola points out that Jay has already a personal trainer >>
KorkyTheCat << I'd be his even more personal informal exercise buddy, on call whenever he felt like a little additional physical exertion. >>
Lola the cat << I appreciate how dedicated you are to the welfare of the young master but I think you might have to tweek the wording of your application. Rosedroplet is his Dance Partner in Training, Danceagogo is his Personal Trainer and JuliePB is Personal Choreographer. I can't see that anyone is taking care of his poorly knee, thighs yes, but not knee - could that be a possibility to expand into a suitable position for you? >>
POSITION WITHDRAWN but see APPLIER OF THE KNEE BANDAGE

FRECKLE MONITOR
ed. << Subsequent to a particularly appealing photograph of Mr McG, not clear whose wellbeing this is covering >>
FRECKLE COUNTER
Toasted Toad << Oh, that's gorgeous. I'll have to start counting Jay's freckles now too. It may take a long time and require extensive examination of photos... >>
jayfan << Is that a new jayjob?? If it is, whoever gets the position would have to be willing to accompany Jay to sunnier climes to get the full effect >>
StrictlyRed << You'd better snap up the jayjob of Freckle Counter before somebody else beats you to it, TT. >>
FRECKLE FINDER
Toasted Toad << Two jayjobs. A freckle finder and a freckle counter (I bags the second one!) Please take note of formal application for this post with references being that we both found one of the best pics of Mr Mcg 's freckles.I think Speedy and I qualify for the freckle finder don't you >>
APPOINTED: speedtrap (finder), Toasted Toad (finder and counter)

GIF HUNTER
ed. << This is open to all comers, I started to list them all then thought I could easily omit someone which wouldn't be fair >>
APPOINTED: Jalionistas

GO-FER / WALL SITTER
jnb_7 << See this is why I need to be Jay's Go-Fer. Keeping everything safe in his little back-pack (I can't carry it though - dodgy shoulder, neck and back Organising his diary (making sure we I mean he, has some quality down time built in - I'm thinking little sleeps on the couch with his head in my lap......oops. Went off somewhere else there PS I think this is a JayJob application, please Miss Isih: *puts hand up Jay stylee on ITT* >>
hannah 01. << We must make sure that everyone who apply for a Jayjob is fit and healthy for that job. Or has the correct equipment to undertake said duties under Health and Safety Regulations. To this end I offer this for you Jnb in stead of a back pack. Pick a trolley any trolley 😂 >>
Lola the cat << I am pretty sure that there is already someone who is in charge of his little backpack, and definitely someone who provides a cushion where he can rest his weary head. But I'm pretty sure that "Wall Sitter" isn't on the list of jobs and as wall sitting doesn't involve carting his backpack around for him it might be more suitable under said Health and Safety regulations and as an added bonus you get to ask him random questions to keep him occupied whilst waiting for train. >>
ed. << Head Lady in Waiting is quite correct (it's Korky) and the appropriate renaming of the post on offer has been effected. There are two roles up for grabs, QUESTION COMPILER and INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF. >>
POST WITHDRAWN. WALL SITTER TO BE RENAMED INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF

GRIPETTE
DeiseDays << Treat for any Dublin vistors — Ms Dolly Grip Featuring The Gripettes >>
BionicBard << Good grief! A Gripette? Does that involve gripe water? And gentle, over the shoulder burping? Korky'll never cope.... >>
KorkyTheCat << Too busy fulfilling J's multifarious needs. >> (nefarious, surely)
DeiseDays << Aw shur now BB, you're not pronouncing it the Irish way — it's Gripp-pett, (hence) Korky The Gripette — "Holding on strong" >>
KorkyTheCat << I'm weakening... Well, if a really firm grip is required... >> (ed. see also Crotch Coverer)
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

GUARDIAN OF THE MAIL SACK
[may clash with other secretarial / administrative duties, I believe, however, that Guardian of the Mail Sack can be considered as separate as it involves what I think is referred to as "hard copy."]
Rafferty cat << we all know that J receives a very large quantity of fan mail. If no-one else is willing to take on this arduous task, may I put myself forward for consideration? Duties would include: constantly checking that J's mail-sack does not become over-full, and therefore difficult to carry in comfort. Ensuring it is emptied on a regular basis. As this is a full time occupation, I would be available to handle any unexpected deliveries, and also be willing to keep the surrounding environment neat, clean and tidy. >>
APPOINTED: Rafferty cat

GUTTER PERSONNEL - HOST, CEO and DEPUTY GRIT, SWEEPER
speedtrap << So I'm thinking we should establish a more permanent location for discerning evening visitors ... a virtual social club. 'The Gutter' an exclusive hang-out where like-minded people can chat, enjoy some group generated entertainment and have a virtual drink in a relaxed atmosphere. If RL or too many spiced rums gets the better of you, we can accommodate you overnight in our purpose-built single bed-rooms. >>
ed. << Staff are going to be needed, might I suggest a revisit to the NAT thread to see if any of them are still lurking forlornly waiting for the return of their clientele
<< Lola the cat had wifi installed when voting was in progress, password jaystalent
<< Deputy CEO has had tea and coffee put in place. You can't beat a nice cuppa. >>
GUTTER RENOVATION INCORPORATED TEAM (GRIT ) - CEO
bubble_wrap << Duties. In charge of, and overseeing all gutter renovations. Mission is to have the best and most guttery gutter you ever fell into! I shall be running this role alongside my Gutter Host and Chief Curl Teaser responsibilities. >>
GUTTER RENOVATION INCORPORATED TEAM (GRIT ) - DEPUTY CEO
bubble_wrap << Duties - Wonderful deputy to the CEO also ensuring the smooth running of the gutter renovations. >>
A second appearance
hannah 01 << This container is currently installed in the foyer of the gutter. We always know when our patron is in residence in his box as we have to order more beer for The Navigation and skittles for the Skittle Alley Alcove. I believe the CEO GRIT is waiting for suggestions for the permanent position of The Jaybox upon her return. Of course the Mistress of the Wardrobe (Korky???) will have a point of view as to the exact placement >>
sky_lark <<As I appear to be down there quite a bit at the moment, I may have not built up the necessary immunity...being new etc,.......I will keep the beer fridge stocked up....just in case >>
ed. << Deputy CEO is also continuing duties as CHIEF RESEARCHER >>
APPOINTED: CEO - Bubble_Wrap , DEPUTY CEO - Hannah 01.
GUTTER HOST(ESS)
APPOINTED: DEPUTY CEO Hannah 01. . DEPUTY HOST - sky_lark
GUTTER SWEEPER (ALREADY DEFINED)
Delight - rejected appointment
APPOINTED: The Ghost

HAIKU HONER specialism distinct from POETS LAUREATE
BionicBard << ...Korky, knowing what a wordsmith Our Hero is, do you think he might be in need of a Haiku Honer? Someone to keep his stray syllables in order? Make sure he gets his 5-7-5 a day? And to avoid job sharing, you could volunteer to cover all four Seasons..... >>
KorkyTheCat << Why thank you, my bardy friend! This is a fine idea and one which will bring me much pleasure. I much prefer the traditional Haiku form and shall stick to those although other 'modern' ones sometimes have their merits.
Isih - I should hereby like to apply formally for the position of Haiku Honer to Jay. In view of this time-consuming Jayjob I have withdrawn my application for the position of Between. >>
ed. << The job will be added to the list forthwith. This does not necessarily mean that you have free passage on your existing jobs/applications, but should make the way smoother bearing in mind that it harmonises with some of your existing activities. And certainly as far as I'm concerned, there is no competition! >>
KorkyTheCat << Thank you for your endorsement. >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

HEAD HAIRDRYER (BLOWING JOB) #4 amended from HAIRDRYER (BLOWING JOB)
Jayfan <<Who has got the blow-drying Jay's hair jayjob?>>
Gilly-O << Me me me me .... please please please please (since it is straightening of the strands as opposed to teasing of the curls) - is there any chance of extending the role to include drying and general warming up of the jaybody >>
APPOINTED: Gilly-O

HEAD LADY-IN-WAITING (and we all know what for)
Lola the cat <<will be giving out timetable of when you are scheduled to perform your various jobs. so I can spend quality time with my master! Job share posts will have separate time-table, all holidays forms must be handed in at least 6 weeks before your holiday to McGuiness as his PA to give time to re-jig the time-table.>>
<<Danceagogo - as personal trainer I trust you have drawn up a training plan for his Sports Relief, no idea what he is doing but he needs his trainer - go to it!>>"
APPOINTED: Lola the cat

HEADLESS CHICKEN IN CHIEF
DeiseDays << In light of the likely impending absence of several Jayjob holders over Easter, can I respectfully suggest an official Jayjob Cheerleader Chant of "Go Korky! Go Korky! Go Korky!" as she runs round like a headless chicken trying to cover all her responsibilities and still find time to scour the Internet ether to find us pics and gifs >>
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat (holiday times only)

HORSE RIDING
ed. << JnB is perfect candidate but there might be a fight for it if job description said " imagine J in tight riding breeches, knee high boots and billowing white shirt" >>
AN OCCASION TO PAY TRIBUTE TO BECKS
APPOINTED: jnb_7

INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF
speedtrap << Cutting along story short...if I just happened to be seated next to Jay for 3 hours on a train what would we talk about. What three questions would I ask? >>
hannah 01. << First and foremost thank you Speedy for this wonderful train of thought. (Oops sorry for the pun) Preparation in compiling all questions in readiness for a group question and answer session with Mr Mcg.If I have missed you I am sorry. Whoever Isih allocates the job of question compiler to will I am sure add you to the list. If I have missed you I am sorry. Whoever Isih allocates the job of question compiler to will I am sure add you to the list. Come on Korky you know you want to do it. The sweetener is that you get to ask the questions . How's that. Good idea! Applicants please >>
BionicBard << Ahem, I would like to apply for the position of Interrojaytor in Chief. Korky's far too busy being Everything Else, and I've done it before. Admittedly, not with Jay, but with hundreds of other young hopefuls, although of course Jay isn't hopeful, he's already here, but nevertheless I feel I can add a little gravitas to the proceedings. And beer. And, if absolutely necessary, Skittles. And I'm not a cat, so there won't be any animal assassinations to deal with... >>
ed. << Wow - your first official job application. It will be treated with extreme gravitas, I assure you
ed. << Will applicants for the interrogation post please signify if they are willing to modify the role in the manner outlined under GO-FER / WALLSITTER? The definition of wall sitter could be expanded (park bench eg) - even train journeys - anything static, really
<< There are two roles up for grabs, QUESTION COMPILER and INTERROJAYTOR IN CHIEF. Are you interested in both or shall we keep them separate? >>
jnb_7 << Ooo INTERROJAYTOR please Thank you thank you >>
BionicBard << I think, in this instance, that jnb's need is clearly greater than mine, so I hereby withdraw my application. If there is a need, I can always do phone interviews, I find people are so much more forthcoming over the phone >>
ed. << This is very generous of you, BB, much appreciated. The definition can be extended to squishy sofas to tie in with jnb's existing roles, then! >>
ahouch << As official biographer/fan fiction author/Director of all associated motion pictures I will also need a private one to one with Jay - research you know >>
BionicBard << Could you be more specific as to the nature of your research? One to one what? >>
ahouch << I actually wrote one on one to begin with BB. Maybe that was more accurate to begin with! >>
BionicBard << Oh, OK, one on one what? >>
ahouch << Basketball? >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7 with special privileges accorded to ahouch as required

INTRODUCER TO MIDDLE CLASS FOODS
KorkyTheCat << I should like to apply for the Jayjob of Introducer To Middle Class Foods. Although I myself am firmly of the Working Class, and do not aspire to rise from this, I heard J in his radio interview mention that he now engages in the habit of dipping his Pringles into houmous and that he thinks he's becoming middle class. There is therefore an opening for a tutor to show him middle class comestibles. >>
Some examples:-
Raw organic fig and horseradish kale chips (several steps up from Pringles)
Quail eggs (hens' eggs? Huh!!)
Pheasant eggs (even more middle class)
Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal (none of your supermarket own-brand porridge oats thank you very much)
Brusselmole (instead of jam on his bread)
Rare muesli (bin those cornflakes, J)
Quinoa Sourdough bread (only a tad more expensive than Mother's Pride
Quinoa snack pot (ditch the Pot Noodle J)
And to drink? Why, Quinoa vodka, of course. Sorry J, no more beer or newly vegetarian Guinness for you any more.
Posh lollies (throw away those plebeian Skittles)
Samphire (cabbage is a no-no)
Artisan cheeses (Cheddar's out)
APPOINTED: KorkyTheCat

JALIONISTA DETECTIVE AGENCY incorporating SPECIAL AGENTS, JAYMATEUR JAYSLEUTH, JAYDETECTIVE
ed. open on an ad hoc basis to persons of any gender persuasion. Twitter is a new addition to the post
DeiseDays << Anyone want to join the Number One Jalionista Detective Agency? I certainly have the traditional build à la Mma Ramotswe for such a role >>
jnb_7 << PS I would like to apply for the JayJob of No 1 Jalionista Sista Detective Agency Undercover Jaygent......licensed to lurk on Squashy Sofas and on Twitter >>
hannah 01. << I think that job already has your name all over it Jnb. Didn't you invent that aspect of being a Jaygent with hotels that had irksome doormen Do you have the prerequisite mac to wear. >>
jayfan << I don't wish to brag or cast aspersions on the expert Jayhunting skills of Agent J aka JnB, but I think I was the jayagent who sparred with the irkesome doorman at the Lowry in my (successful) attempt to meet Jay. Happy memories. >>
jnb_7 << It was jayfan with doorman in Manchester......I did the first stake out in Birmingham on the first night of the tour (but Kazzie must have an honorary mention as the first DS Jalionista to get a JayHug and Jayphoto) >>
nelliek << Yes, Jnb was the one in squishy sofa land, back in the days when she was a meek little thing , dithering about having the courage to speak to Jay. A lot of prodding from the rest of us (and a reminder from me to say 'please') plus having got stuck in the lift with the fudge-who-can't-choreograph-his-way-out-of-a-paper-bag the previous evening gave her the impetus the following morning to run after Jay the next morning when he was on his way to the coach. Think she's changed a bit since those far-off days. >>
SPECIAL AGENT (Civil (or not so civil) War Alert, with apologies if adaptations do not suit)
Lola the cat << Korky, it is clear from the number of job applications you have submitted that you are extremely keen on "being there" for young master James. I have a fantasy of being a super spy, and have immaculate credentials, watching every episode of Spooks and the film so I know how to track down and kidnap someone. For a small fee (shares in the subject) I am willing to collect James and deposit him in a safe house where you can minster to his needs to your heart's content. Please let me know by secret dead drop if you would like me to proceed. >>
jnb_7 << Er, just remember there are already 3 JAgents in JCHQ so ask if you're disrupting any current missions Translation: back off, I demand at least a third of the time - unless of course 00Jayfan & Agent A want to share as well, in which case I make it 4 hours 48 minutes each, bagsy non sleeping minutes, ta very much >>
nos lowen << Korky & Lola - is this what happens when cats get opposable thumbs? He won't stand a chance... >>
Lola the cat << Ha, you will have to find us in the safe house first
jnb_7 << How do you know it's not OUR safe house, huh???? Mwahahahaaaa >>
KorkyTheCat << Thank you for your very kind suggestion but I shall have to decline your offer as I have just read the posts succeeding yours... >>
ed. << is this prudence or simple cowardice? >>
Following discussion as to whether Jay was in Bruges with the Kavanaghs and his brother/missus
StrictlyRed << I don't think J was there (only 4 places at the dinner table). >>
fridgesoup << Oh, well spotted! (That must earn you some credits towards your Jaygent badge) >>
StrictlyRed << I know. I feel so proud. I played the great detective on here a few months back too, although I can't remember what that was about now. That means I have 2 credits. >>
ed. << If existing agents are satisfied with the progress of StrictlyRed, could she be awarded the nom de guerre of Agent S? >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7, jayfan, Arnostae, Lola the cat (aka Agent J, 00Jayfan, Agent A and presumably Agent L). Agent S to be confirmed
JAYMATEUR JAYSLEUTH (not to be confused with the professionals at the No 1 detective agency)
Floppers << So I am currently unemployed in terms of Jayjobs - can I apply to be a Jaymateur JaySleuth? >>
CatO9Tales << If you succeed in finding out precisely what his work plans are for the next year (apart from Fusion Festival and Keep Dancing, that is .. ) you will be promoted and thereafter be known as Inspector Jayseau >>
KorkyTheCat << Of course you can! You have shown excellent credentials for the position. >>
floppers << Why, thank you, I have spent many months preparing for this role, going down YT rabbit holes, squinting at Instagrams and following often hopeless Twitter trails, so I hope to bring these sleuthing skills to my new, albeit unsalaried, employment. Gulp, now the pressure really is on >>
APPOINTED: floppers
JAYDETECTIVE (STALKING DIVISION) including SNIFFER IN CHIEF
jnb_7 << I would like to apply for the post of JayDetective.....stalking a speciality. I would completely be willing to look at him a little longer, and definitely, definitely find him attractive. As I have comprehensive knowledge of *cough* his form, various hairstyles, beanies, clothing etc and of course the Jaygrance, I would be able to keep hands, I mean tabs, on him at all times. Plus my previous experience in Squashy Sofa Land would be invaluable, I can blend into the scenery like a crazed fan, I mean who would look for a detective amongst all those adoring fans?! >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

JALIONISTA FASHIONISTA (in the absence of Mrs Kavanagh, who is retained in a consultant capacity if she so wishes)
jnb_7 << to avoid those negative comments at the Brit Awards Nominations: pick out clothes for him (NOT THE UNDERCRACKERS, SNIPPY, STEADY THERE, TIGER), supervise while he tries them on, hand him the next item of clothing, fetch different sizes, let him lean on me when standing on one leg to try on trousers. (while checking the JayRoma), make sure the changing room is locked (from the inside, heheheheh), fight off anyone trying to get in with us, I mean him......? Plus admire him from all angles, take photos, perve - I mean observe and proffer further fashion choices.I could also obtain a large range of Converse and suitable footwear to match the clothing. Oh and beanie hats.......>>
jnb_7 << Jay seems to be wearing a new shirt Korky in this photo How dare he go shopping without me, I'm the Jalionista fashionista (well - in charge of helping him choose clothes. From INSIDE the changing room >>
ed. << I think you need to have a word with Korky and direct her attention to restrictions laid down under DRESSER >>
APPOINTED: jnb_7

JAYBUS PERSONNEL - DRIVER, NAVIGATOR, KEEPERS OF : THE DVDs,THE JAYBUS KEYS, BUS TICKETS and CARDI
DRIVER
Job description 24/7, could be job share
Jelly_L << a driver be available at all times. Any applicant should be made aware that travelling in close confines for prolonged periods can be onerous and, if easily distracted by jayroma, may be unsuitable for some individuals >>
speedtrap (resigned for personal reasons) but has now accepted the post ivo the coming necessity to travel length and breadth of the country, not to mention crossing the Irish Sea, in the unceasing search for sightings of a Dancing Jaybird, which later transforms into a BIG Jaybird (cough)
speedtrap << So, if I'm the driver that makes me either Dick Dastardly or Batman...I choose Batman >>
APPOINTED: speedtrap
KEEPER OF THE AVATAR CD AND OTHER JAYBUS DUTIES
sammi42 << could also sit through multiple viewings of Avatar....things you have to do for the job . I vow to take my job roles very seriously. Nights wrapped up on a cardi watching Avatar - wearing the cardie as he rests his head on it >> see also CURL-TEASERS
callmepitstop << keeper of the bus tickets and DVD library >>
as pointed out by Fred. , this last is now twice as onerous as before, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit having been added to Avatar
callmepitstop << I certainly don't want to encroach on Sammi42's duties as Avatar keeper, so would be very happy to be Keeper of the Curse Of The Were-Rabbit DVD. >>
ED. << We do already have a librarian, so I have transferred the rest of pitstop's application to that post >>
APPOINTED: sammi42 (also Keeper of the Cardi), callmepitstop as travelling librarian
KEEPER OF THE JAYBUS KEYS (Call out for other drivers to confirm willingness to continue)
callmepitstop (resigned due to congenital lead foot), Alli-F (if ever she returns)
APPOINTED: rosedroplet
NAVIGATOR
nelliek << I'm last in the queue for the JayJobs. Not sure if the Jaybus has a navigator. If it hasn't I could volunteer for that, though strictly speaking it's not an actual JayJob. >> It passes for one!
APPOINTED: nelliek

JAYHUG CHECKER (QUALITY CONTROL AND ASSESSMENT) not clear whose wellbeing this is covering
JuliePB << I do believe we're missing a vital area of care in J world, and I should like to volunteer my services for the position of JayHug Checker (Quality Control and Assessment) We know from our Agents in the field that this is an area of extreme importance to the Jaliona populace, so I think it's vital that regular checks take place to ensure that Quality of JayHug is being maintained, as I'm sure he should be avoiding soggy snuggles Also is the right level of JayHug being applied - Friendly? Warm? Brief? Happy? Supportive? Affectionate? Total Crush I have a great deal of experience in the hugging department, as a performer (we hug ALL the time!!!) and from a previous incarnation as a "repeat attender" at West End shows and Stage Doors, daahhling - so I hope my application will be looked on favourably >>
jayfan << I hope I am not treading on Isih or Jelly L toes, but I think you make a compelling case for the role JuliePB! >>
APPOINTED: JuliePB

Half way there - dindins now, probably the rest tomorrow

Never grumpy Whiffle😊

But how do fancy Pickled Brussels Sprouts 😝😝

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...8254c420b5.jpg

Sadly I don't eat any vegetables - have tried the odd pea but just don't like them

Isih, this is truly an heroic effort!

Indeed it is!

Oh a girl after my own heart there😂😉

But an odd pea is OK. Honest

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xssyP_Qcjx...+for+peace.jpg

This might help....

I always eat peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.

Anon

Hello!

OT, but how can I delete a post? I want to delete one I posted a couple of hours ago.