That's exactly right. She said all the carers were black and they were lovely, which kind of separated them as a race apart, if you know what I mean. I think Natalie? was just a bit thick, that's all.

She was talking about an abuse carer, no colour needed to be added.

It did because her mother was accused as racist.

I didn't hear that bit :/ Regardless, it's a sensitive issue and she is the only black person in that group, I can understand her reaction.

Exactly this! Natalie was pissed off over Jayne saying that her carers are black and from Nigeria and "they're lovely". The implication being that this fact should somehow be a surprise or something to comment about. hence the "we're not Aliens".

Natalie showing her true colours there If I can say that, she wont even take a complement.

I have to say that I understand Natalie's reaction. Suppose for a moment that a black HM told a group of black HMs how a white carer had abused her mother, but she personally had a white carer now who was great. Meanwhile a single white HM is in the vicinity and hearing this.

Why is the colour of skin relevant at all?

This was patronising to say the very least - and that moron Ryan made it worse.

Mountain out of a molehill.

She didn't accept the compliment because it seemed disingenuous; and that is how Natalie described Jayne.

It's people like Natalie who look everywhere to be offended where no offence exists. It belittles people who are genuine victims of racism. Can I assume that all conversations regarding skin colour have to run past her first to see if she will be offended. People like her stifle debate about racism

She mentioned colour because her mother had been falsely accused of being a racist. How do you manage that conversation WITHOUT mentioning colour?

It wasn't about the fact that the carer was black, it was about how her mother had been branded as a racist.

Her mother had been abused by a carer who happened to be black. As a result, it had gone on her care notes that she had a problem with black people. Jayne was angry about that, because her mother would never have a problem with black people generally, she had a problem with a single carer who did badly, and by chance happened to be black. If the carer hadn't been black, her mother would have had just as much a problem with that person - and as proof, she brings up the fact that there is another black carer that her mother gets on really well with.

The point of that conversation was not Jayne's opinion of black people, it was about her indignation that her mother had been branded as racist when she hadn't been. It is impossible to talk about that without mentioning that the abusive carer was black. Natalie just jumped on the defensive. I can't believe there is even any debate around this.

I can see a problem with it at all, some people make it a career to be offended.

The colour of skin is relevant in describing someone no matter what the skin colour is, the police use a code IC1, IC2, IC3, IC4, IC5, IC6, and IC9.

She reacted over the top, she hasn't done herself any favours.

Do you not see how the insinuation that the black carers were lovely despite being Nigerian isn't at the very least patronising?

As I said looking for offence where none was intended

there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeing the colour if skin and saying that colour. by pretending it's not there is silly. we fuel racism by making the colour of someones skin an issue by pretending it's not there.

by pretending it's not there is a form of racism itself. may sound silly but it is patronisingly silly.

if a black person were to ask you what colour is my skin. and you were to say no i refuse to say it. i refuse to say black! and that person were to reply. why? is black bad?

None was intended indeed. However I cringed at the conversation myself.

It was actually painful listening to Jayne.

This wasn't a police matter.

Why was it relevant in this situation?

I am a bit confused about this, because I thought the stereotype of Nigerian carers is that they are lovely and "better" than people from other cultures for this job?

Not if the suggestion is that the person is racist.

It's like if your best friend is black, but you have an argument with another black person, about something totally other than race, and it's suggested that the argument was because the person is black. You'd say, 'I'm clearly not racist, my best friend is black!' That's not the same as saying, 'This person is my best friend despite being black', it's saying 'This person is my best friend, and would be my best friend whatever their ethnicity, but the fact that they are my best friend proves that I am not racist, and the fact that I don't get on with that other person is completely irrelevant to their ethnicity.'

I would have thought this was perfectly obvious, but in the heat of the moment when someone is screaming at you, it's hard to articulate yourself in a way that they're going to understand and listen to. To be honest, I find Natalie's reaction despicable; if you're going to call the racism card on everything, it undermines anyone who has ever been a victim of actual racism.

Hear hear. You're quite right.

True - really it was ignorance/lack of thought on her part, not direct racism. Made me cringe too.

Spot on. It's quite obvious that a lot of people here did not hear the whole conversation and are commenting on half the story, wrongly as it happens.