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Coronation Street - character hospital


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Old 16-06-2016, 14:05
KornerKabin
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I love a metaphor.

I also hate how bad Coronation Street is these days.

So, using a metaphorical hospital, I thought it'd be fun to group Coronation Street's current cast based on how 'sick' the characters are.

The five categories are:

DO NOT RESUSCITATE
The character has suffered significant damage, has run its course or is simply terrible. Should be written out at the first opportunity.

Intensive Care - critical
The character is in a bad state with serious damage, requiring lots of effort to bring it back to a state of former glory/watchability. The character can be saved.

Intensive Care - stable
The character is in a bad state but the damage is not extensive. The character can be saved with minimal effort.

Under observation
The character has some minor issues that may spiral out of control if not kept under observation. Minor tweaks may be beneficial.

Discharged
The character is in a near-perfect condition with few tweaks needed. The character should continue in its current state.


Which characters would you list under each heading?

What course of action would you prescribe to bring the character back to health?

Any other categories?
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Old 16-06-2016, 16:30
sam_gee
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Do not resuscitate Ches, Fiz, Cathy, Faye.

Intensive care Gail.

Will have to think some more about the other characters and categories
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Old 16-06-2016, 19:25
notdebbiedingle
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This looks fun KK!! Will have a think & post again later!!

Edit: Might add an extra category,
'Signs of improvement' especially for some of the newer characters who started crap but now I'm beginning to warm to!!
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Old 16-06-2016, 19:39
notdebbiedingle
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Can I just ask if I can have a special category for Tracy....

Who the f*** bothered to even admit her & why ffs????

Thank you!!
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Old 16-06-2016, 19:49
Cool_mate
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Do not resuscitate- Phelan!! Die die die!!

Intensive care critical- Tracy. Change your ways bitch! Final chance, you screw up again and you won't be resuscitated next time so think on!!

I would discharge Kylie

Not sure about the rest
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:26
KornerKabin
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This looks fun KK!! Will have a think & post again later!!

Edit: Might add an extra category,
'Signs of improvement' especially for some of the newer characters who started crap but now I'm beginning to warm to!!
Nice one!

The Nazirs are signs of improvement for me.
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:27
KornerKabin
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Do not resuscitate- Phelan!! Die die die!!

Intensive care critical- Tracy. Change your ways bitch! Final chance, you screw up again and you won't be resuscitated next time so think on!!

I would discharge Kylie

Not sure about the rest
Tracy is exactly who springs to mind for Intensive Care (critical). The character has been severely damaged but she's so important to the show that she must be saved ... somehow...
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:29
KornerKabin
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Do not resuscitate Ches, Fiz, Cathy, Faye.

Intensive care Gail.

Will have to think some more about the other characters and categories
I think Gail is Intensive Care (stable) as it's quite a simple fix to stop the buffoonish stuff so that she'll be back to her former self.

David and Sarah are both Intensive Care (critical) for me because of the Callum murder plot. There needs to be a believable conclusion that sees them both face up to their actions before I'll be able to take them seriously again.
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:32
SULLA
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David Platt
Tracy Barlow

Get rid
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:34
Ben96
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Do not Resuscitate: Tracy
Intensive Care (Stable) : Todd
Under Observation: Sally, Gail
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:48
BlondeGremlin
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Oooh I like this Kk😊

DNR- Chesney. Sam Aston just hasn't transitioned from cute child adult actor at all. The character is dull, he has no spark and is someone that, if he was off screen for months I wouldn't even realise. He can move to Portugal, and take his nasally girlfriend with him.

Fiz-the babyish voice, the patronising manner, the damage she has done to Tyrone. I didn't even care that Hope had cancer because I cannot invest in this family and that's down to Fiz.

Izzy - sorry but Sherry Lee is a poor actress. Not just poor, but terrible. The whole cannabis storyline has been ridiculous, the heavy-handed antics of Wetherfield police haven't helped, but if Izzy was played by someone more capable I might have been interested. Instead I just don't care.

Kirk - Andy Whymet is another poor actor and Kirk is an embarrassment. I believe he should have been killed in the Underworld bus crash- that was just weeks after his marriage to Beth and I'd like to have seen her cope with being a young, newly married widow. She's redeemable, Kirky has had his day.

Intensive Care/Critical - Eileen Grimshaw. I used to love Eileen but in recent years she's become a miserable, bitter, energy-draining bore. I think the rot set in with Fireman bloke. If she could get back some warmth and humour she could be saved.
Gail- what Corrie have done to Gail is a travesty. Deirdre went the same way before. Just a caricature of her old self. Simpering over Michael and letting her family fall apart isn't the Gail of old. She needs to take charge of her life, get a decent job, move out of David's and divorce Michael.

Intensive Care/ Stable - Steve. My favourite character but showing danger signs at the moment. I've never thought he and Michelle had any chemistry and I prefer him away from the Rovers. He can definitely do better and I'd like to see his depression explored a little more. Id love his brother Andy to return but don't see it happening. He needs to split from Michelle and concentrate on Streetcars rather than the Rovers.
Sally - another favourite of mine, but turning into a Gail/Deirdre. The Hyacinth Bucket thing is funny but it shouldn't be the be all and end all of Sally. She has potential, especially as a councillor.

Under Observations- Tim. I love Tim but he needs to be a bit more rounded. I'd like to see something slightly testing for him, Joe Duttine is capable of more than comedy.

Discharged- Todd! Loving Todd at the moment. He's well rounded, conflicted, manipulative but still caring at times. His work isn't done with Phelan yet and I know I'm in the minority but I like his scenes with Tracy, he's the only one who seems able to get to her at times. I don't mind him in the florists but I'd hope he at least trains in it professionally, perhaps going to college one day a week or something.

Anyway, those aree my thoughts, looking forward to reading everyone else's.
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Old 16-06-2016, 21:56
KornerKabin
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Oooh I like this Kk😊

DNR- Chesney. Sam Aston just hasn't transitioned from cute child adult actor at all. The character is dull, he has no spark and is someone that, if he was off screen for months I wouldn't even realise. He can move to Portugal, and take his nasally girlfriend with him.

Fiz-the babyish voice, the patronising manner, the damage she has done to Tyrone. I didn't even care that Hope had cancer because I cannot invest in this family and that's down to Fiz.

Izzy - sorry but Sherry Lee is a poor actress. Not just poor, but terrible. The whole cannabis storyline has been ridiculous, the heavy-handed antics of Wetherfield police haven't helped, but if Izzy was played by someone more capable I might have been interested. Instead I just don't care.

Kirk - Andy Whymet is another poor actor and Kirk is an embarrassment. I believe he should have been killed in the Underworld bus crash- that was just weeks after his marriage to Beth and I'd like to have seen her cope with being a young, newly married widow. She's redeemable, Kirky has had his day.

Intensive Care/Critical - Eileen Grimshaw. I used to love Eileen but in recent years she's become a miserable, bitter, energy-draining bore. I think the rot set in with Fireman bloke. If she could get back some warmth and humour she could be saved.
Gail- what Corrie have done to Gail is a travesty. Deirdre went the same way before. Just a caricature of her old self. Simpering over Michael and letting her family fall apart isn't the Gail of old. She needs to take charge of her life, get a decent job, move out of David's and divorce Michael.

Intensive Care/ Stable - Steve. My favourite character but showing danger signs at the moment. I've never thought he and Michelle had any chemistry and I prefer him away from the Rovers. He can definitely do better and I'd like to see his depression explored a little more. Id love his brother Andy to return but don't see it happening. He needs to split from Michelle and concentrate on Streetcars rather than the Rovers.
Sally - another favourite of mine, but turning into a Gail/Deirdre. The Hyacinth Bucket thing is funny but it shouldn't be the be all and end all of Sally. She has potential, especially as a councillor.

Under Observations- Tim. I love Tim but he needs to be a bit more rounded. I'd like to see something slightly testing for him, Joe Duttine is capable of more than comedy.

Discharged- Todd! Loving Todd at the moment. He's well rounded, conflicted, manipulative but still caring at times. His work isn't done with Phelan yet and I know I'm in the minority but I like his scenes with Tracy, he's the only one who seems able to get to her at times. I don't mind him in the florists but I'd hope he at least trains in it professionally, perhaps going to college one day a week or something.

Anyway, those aree my thoughts, looking forward to reading everyone else's.
Great analysis BG! I agree with you on all fronts, especially your descriptions of Steve, Gail and Sally.

I feel the same way about Eileen too as the character is such a miserable old crone these days. Hard to think of a time when she was witty and almost cheerful! Problem is, I wonder what they could do with her? She's been involved with so many men in her time on the street that another romance would be very boring. I think that she needs a storyline that is absolutely her own. When you look back, all of her 'storylines' have actually belonged to the person she's in a relationship with (the Fireman and his wife with early-onset Alzheimers and before that Ed who it turned out had killed Ernest Bishop in the 70s) None of them have actually been about Eileen.
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Old 16-06-2016, 22:00
Foxster Hotpot
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Good idea KornerKabin!

I would place Gail in Intensive Care-Critical as I think she fits the description well. There are still glimpses of the old Gail beneath the surface and in Helen Worth's portrayal when the writing allows it and I think with some better direction and stories and scripts to perform, Gail could be returned to the strong matriarchal figure she was. I'm not even opposed to the comedy scenes she can be involved in as good multilayered characters can have a variety of comedy and serious scenes, but everything should be done in moderation and its the silly simpering Gail in what could be powerful material that frustrates me so much. A prime example being the farcical story with NotGavin.

I will have a think of some others to diagnose.
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Old 16-06-2016, 22:01
KornerKabin
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Oh and definite DNR for Chesney for all of the reasons you stated BG!

At times I can't believe that he used to be the cheeky, energetic epitome of soap child star. Today he's dour, miserable and grunts through his lines. Is Chesney meant to be a miserable character or is it just Sam Aston playing himself?
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Old 16-06-2016, 22:16
BlondeGremlin
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Oh and definite DNR for Chesney for all of the reasons you stated BG!

At times I can't believe that he used to be the cheeky, energetic epitome of soap child star. Today he's dour, miserable and grunts through his lines. Is Chesney meant to be a miserable character or is it just Sam Aston playing himself?

I can't work that out, is the problem with Ches or Sam? Maybe a bit of both. When Sinead was introduced I hoped she might improve Chesney but sadly he's just draining her. She was quirky, a bit eccentric, fun, flaky. Now she's just another machinist, no character, no vitality, nothing.

Going OT a bit, what happened to her creativity? She was making soaps? Why can't she have a little business selling her goods online? There's a market for it. On my Facebook, every other person I know is selling detox things, knitted bits and bobs, home-made jewellery etc. Corrie don't even had a bliddy Avon rep!! Sinead would be perfect for some little sideline like that.
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Old 16-06-2016, 22:28
James_Langan
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Roy is in bed I see. The Dodge Ram wiring harness is wired up to him. The family have been called and are surrounding him in his battle for survival. They appear sombre. Then Kate Oates steps up and shows the dnr contract and much to my relief pulls the plug. Courteous to all civil to none doesn't cut it anymore Roy. You have to have more substance. I hold no malice towards him but it's good to see I'm not the only one who saw he was a shyster. A pity it was painless. Way to go Oates.
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Old 16-06-2016, 22:38
cardian
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Any other categories?

Bedpan tipped over the head - Sean
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Old 16-06-2016, 23:35
notdebbiedingle
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Ok here goes!! Haven't studied the character lists, just going by memory so apologies uf I've missed anyone out!!

Do not resuscitate:

Caz
Izzy
Johnny
Robert
Rana
Tracy

These are characters I feel nothing can be done to make them interest me in any way!!
Afraid I don't share your enthusiasm for Tracy as being too important to lose!! The show
managed just fine without her for three years & bringing her back was one of the biggest mistakes of recent years imo!!
Rana is a new character too far for me!! She just wasn't needed & has made no impression whatsoever!!
The other three is purely based on acting for me!!

Intensive Care-critical

Alya
Chesney
Dev
Fiz
Gemma
Gail
Sean
Kylie
Amy

Kylie is only here because, even if Paula Lane wasn't leaving there really is no way back from killing someone then covering it up!!
Gail was hovering between the two IC groups but decided to put her here just to reiterate how low the character has sunk!!
Amy annoys the crap out of me but I know others like her so I saved her from group 1!!
Alya should orobably have been in the first group as I find her easily the weak link of the Nazirs but just sometimes she improves!! Just don't rate the actress though!!
Dev, Fiz & Sean I can just about stand as characters as long as they aren't involved in big drama!!
Ches & Gemma work well together otherwise boh would be in the first group!!

Intensive Care-stable

Anna
Beth
Eileen
Kirk
Michael
Nick
Sinead
Sally
Steve
Sophie
Tyrone

Love Beth & Kirk but they really need to build on them somehow or they will become
pointless!!
Sally needs her whole character bringing back into focus instead of just one aspect of it!!
Anna needs to stick with Kev & she' ll be ok, Eileen & Steve need to work on forming a similar partnership with Tim to what they had with Lloyd!! That's when both are at their best for me!!
Michael & Sophie need to stop being a pair of moping Minnies & get a life, while Sinead &Ty desperarely need to leave their dull partners & move on!! Nick, get him back in the Bistro where he belongs!!

Under Observation

Aidan
Andy
Billy
Bethany
Faye
Freddie
Gary
Leanne
Luke
Maria
Michelle
Norris
Sarah
Steph
Simon
Zeedan

Most of the characters here just need decent material/storylines to work with!!
Michelle, Billy & Sarah have all proved their worth acting wise for me recently & deserve their place!!
Leanne I love but I just wish we could see more glimpses of the wicked, fun character from the 00s!!
Freddie I love as a character & I'm sad his friendship with Kylie can only be short lived!! One of Blackburn's shining moments for me!!

Discharge

Audrey
David
Craig
Emily
Eva
Jason
Jenny
Kevin
Ken
Mary
Rita
Roy
Todd
Tim

Just keep on doing what you're doing guys!!
Sad to see Jason leaving shortly, one of my favourites!!
Note Todd has jumped four groups for me cos if you'd asked this last year he would have been one of my prime candidates for 'do not resuscitate!!'

Signs of improvement

Alex
Cathy
Erica
Kate
Phelan
Sharif
Yasmeen

Fairly self explanatory, though Erica is only here because I liked her friendship with Mary!!
Cathy is fine by me but I REALLY think it's a mistake to have her & Roy talking about marriage so soon!! Way too soon after Hayley to make it believable imo!!
Kate would have been in the first group had it not been for her recently formed friendship with Maria, loving it already!!
Phelan is what he is!! Don't like him but then I don't think I'm supposed to!!


And breathe......
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