Just like a kitchen gadget we bought but rarely used, for entertainment or intrigue, housemate Alex shows about as much promise as a spent SodaStream gas canister.

So … he should be re-purposed, recycled, re-imagined … as a useful domestic appliance.

How would you upcycle Alex Cannon?

As a door stop?

Perhaps as a draught excluder?

Maybe as a vocal “Bring your washing in” rain alert system?

Or would you re-purpose Alex as a modest, but functional, ecliptic sun tracking solar clock?

How could such an inert, non-demonstrative object of inertia be transformed into a useful or worthwhile piece of domestic hardware?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au9_vfx6t6c

a silent intruder alarm?

A silent film.

A washing line?

He could stand in a stately home kitchen, naked, and be a bespoke sort of mangle.

Both use and ornament.

I suppose he could be one of those whirly ones.

He could stand in the garden, naked, with his arms out, draped with washing items and spin around in an amusing way.

He could be a sort of food processor.

He could stand in a kitchen, naked, with a big cocktail shaker, and be there to shake things.

That would be useful and again, amusing, especially when he's doing his thing.

Ha ha. Great ideas.

Garden gnome??

I see a pattern here

It's because it is FUNNIER to imagine him doing these things all naked and jiggly.

A silent fart.

Naked, in different amusing positions: fishing, looking surprised, smoking a pipe, foot on a shovel etc.

Post bloody APPEAR

He could do that in interpretative dance.

I'm not sure he is that useful. Probably best left in an old attic to gather dust.

A under the radar detector.

You could always shove him in a specially adapted suit of armour and use him as a multipurpose tin/bottle/jar opener.

When I read the thread title I thought "domestic hardware" was a euphemism for a sex toy.

How very dare you

Whatever appliance he was, I'm sure I'd end up returning him to Argos because he didn't work properly.

A drip tray for those pesky hot fat splashes.

I would use him as a bed warmer

Filth!