Shall we remember the genius of Caroline Aherne by sharing her most memorable work? I think thats a good idea. Me first.

Jim: "Put your coat on, Barb"
Barbara: "why, are you taking me out?
Jim: "No, I'm turning the fire off"


Nana: "A vegetarian? Oh, it is a shame. Can't you have wafer thin ham? Barbara, can't she have wafer thin ham?"

Jim: "A finger buffet? Finger my arse"

Only just heard, very sad RIP

Great thread.

Barbara: "We don't want Sky Jim, we don't watch tele enough to get the benefit"
Barbara (Something along these lines) "Just been out getting the Christmas presents (puts down all the bags on the table) It's chaos.... 2 hours I was in Pounland!"

Liked that she allowed the joke time to build up, for instance.
Jim fidgeting in his chair for a while, then says
"Barb, you know those pants u got me from the pound shop? Well I've got 50ps worth stuck up my ar$e!"

Barbra 'Who is going to make dinner when i am working'

Jim 'It's ok we will wait till you come in'

"Implants AND a dyson!"

Practically every single line in The Golden Egg Cup.

Barbara Royle: How's your diet going, Cheryl?
Cheryl Carroll: Oh, all right thanks, yeah, Barbara, I lost 4 pounds... and then I put 2 back on and then another 2. But I've not gained any.
Barbara Royle: Oh, well I think you're doing ever so well to stick to it, love.

When Dave is talking about his mum and dad's dog committing suicide and Jim trying not to laugh.

– How’s your mam and dad these days, Dave?
– Not bad really, but it’s coming up to the anniversary, you know.
– Oh Yeah.
– How long is it now, Dave?
– It’ll be a year next month.
– Anniversary of what, Dave?
– The dog dying.
– How did it die, Dave?
– Committed suicide.
– Ooh! How do they know it was suicide?
– Well, why else would it jump off the balcony?

a generic running joke.......

Barb - Have you had yer tea ?
Dave - yeah
Barb - What did you have ?
Dave - Toast

Barb gives Jim 'the look'........

Dairylea on toast.

or another similar one

Barbara: Have you had your teas?
Denise/Dave: Yeah
Barbara: What did you have?
Denise: Roast Chicken....
Barbara: (Looks at Jim) ooh Roast Chicken
Denise: ...Crisps.

And not forgetting

"Spaghetti"
"Bolognese?"
"Hoops"

Just remembered...

Denise: She is a terrible mother (Can't remember the character)
Everyone: Yeah.
Barbara: Where are Your kids Denise?
Denise: Ooh Dave, we forgot to pick them up from school!
Dave: They'll be at the headmasters house again.

Another "what did you have for your tea?"

Dave "sausage and chips"
Barb "oh...any gravy?"
Dave "no, me Mam couldnt be arsed"
Barb "I dont blame her, its nearly summer"

Denise Royle: Every time when I come out of the toilet she was round him, right, like flies, right, round s***.
And you're the s***, and she? she's not even the fly because she's to fat to be the fly and she's the s*** and that's what they are, they're two shovels of s***.

Barbara Royle: You don't have to bring s*** into it, love.

Talking of s*** - I snigger and feel sick at the same time remembering Barbara scraping dog muck off trainers into the sink with a knife .....

Finger my arse!

The entire Sunday lunch episode with twiggy is just genius from start to finish

Jim talking about Richard Branson

'He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss'
Barbara 'stop talking about piss please were at the dinner table'

The segment discussing dale Winton gets even funnier

Barbara: How's your diet going Cheryl?
Cheryl: Erm, I've lost half a stone.
Barbara: Have you?! Oh Cheryl well done!
Denise: That's loads that Cheryl.
Cheryl: No I don't mean half a stone I mean half a pound.
Barbara: Oh. Oh well its a step in the right direction!

Twiggy: Don't worry about me Barb, I eat any old shite!

"Tomato flavour crisps... one of the kids five a day"

Nana: "I like Richard Branson me"
Jim: "You don't even know who he bloody is!"

'Have you seen her nut bush city limits?'

Nana: "And then they had soup of the day.. which was Friday"

Cant believe I forgot that one! Absolutely brilliant.

Denise: (Talking about Chips) Our Little Norma made them.
Barbara: Oh that's nice.
Denise: I got her a stool so that so that she can reach the chip pan, well when you've got kids you've got to think safety first. That's why I make them wear yellow florescent jackets when I send them down the off license late at night.
Barbara: Yeah, safety first.

Not a quote but I feel like making "carrot crush" tonight