So this one was a bit of a 'sitcom setup', but I still love it:

Dave: 'Ey, I'm rough today me me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.

Jim: I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you.

Antony: How d'ya know if its a bad pint?

Dave: Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle.

Jim: Where did you go?

Dave: Pear tree.

Jim: Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.

Dave: Well, I know that now, don't I?

Jim: Bloody hell, He doesn't clean his pumps him.

Antony: No, actually the lagers all right.

Jim: How would you know, soft lad?

Antony: Dad, I'm 15.

Jim: 'Ey! listen if I ever catch you in The Feathers I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep!

Dave: I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.

Think this was in the first xmas episode

Talking about Chris Evans..

Jim.....Aye and he's still got ginger b*****ks
Barbra: Ooh! Does anyone want a tangerine?
Jim: How does your mind work barbra?

Barbara (About Jim): Oh - he hasn't got a heart, Mam - he's got a swinging brick.

Kid comes to door asking to be sponsered


Barbara: Put us down for 50p love, we don't want his mam thinking we're tight
Anthony: 50p a length?
Barbara: No 50p the lot
Jim: They was here last week with a red nose, 'would you sponser me for this ,would you sponser me for that' I'll sponser the bugger not to come her tapping me for money!

Something on the lines of

Someone asks if Denise is having cravings while being pregnant

Denise : oh yeah Toffee Crisps and Areo's
Barabra : but you liked those before didn't you?
Denise : yeah, strange that'

Cheryl talks about her new blender

Denise: You got a blender?! I want a blender. What do you do with it?

Not the exact script but Denise and her mum were talking about a blue cardigan/jumper Denise had got from the market.

Denise was saying how nice it was and Barb was oooing and arring and then said .... Will you get me one.

I can remember doing this. not seeing it but wanting one

Haha, brilliant - thank you! 😆😆😆😆😆
'Skin colour not essential, no height restrictions' 😂😂😂😂

Jim - Has Dave's Dad ever worked?
Denise - He worked at Duggan's.
Jim - Duggan's? That's been shut at least 12 bloody years. Can he get me on this disability?
Denise - I told you, he's got a bone disease.
Jim - Oh I know. It's called bone idleness!

Maybe not totally accurate but it always makes me laugh

I love the manic laughter when Anthony says "I'm gonna manage a band"

Barbara : We've run out of Pomagne Cheryl, there's a lager going spare though.

Cheryl : No, it's Ok Barabra I'm on a diet. My mum's sponsoring me .

Jim : How much do you owe her ?

Is the equalizer on?
Equalizer my ass.

One of the Christmas specials Cheryl said she put a photo of Cheryl in with her mum when she died and Barbara said that was nice of you Cheryl so her mum wouldn't forget her. She replied not me a photo of Cheryl Cole.

Mary Mary Mary and Jim sitting behind Joe making stabbing gestures.

Mary's in the dyson after someone knocked over her urn and Barbara vacuumed them up with her new dyson.

Denise had to go to a meeting at the school for young David but couldn't make it.
Barbara asked why. I couldn't go mam because the DNA results were on Jeremy Kyle Show.

Jim and Barbara were in the caravan when the TV ariel kept playing up and Jim said if you want something done do it yourself - get up there Barb

I MIGHT watch the Queen of Sheba today. MIGHT.

Well make sure you are well hydrated because they'll be a lot of tears
🎶 scarlet ribbons for her hair 🎶

Victoria Wood used that joke in one of her sketches from the 80s. "Mr Right" I think it was called, with Anne Reid.

Anyway, I loved everything Nan said pretty much because she WAS my nan. From wanting to always take the 'free paper' and anything else going, to not wanting to leave, to not drinking "except champagne at weddings, sherry at Christmas, whisky at new year..." and then anything else medicinal.

Jim accusing her of being a freeloader, attending the funeral of someone she didn't even know.

"You don't have to have met someone to celebrate their death!"

I used to love Dave's dad calling Barbara BarbEra - as in Hanna-Barbera cartoons.

Deleted

I'm at "Que Que Sera" and I'm a bloody mess. And I know it just gets worse.

I wasnt ready. Im worse than first time round, possibly down to losing my own Nan a few years back.

Stupid bloody idea.

Nan 'Barbara'

Barbara 'yes'

Nan 'Thank you Barbara'

Barbara 'What for?'

Nan 'Everything'

My favourite

Bumping this thread in honour of Nana. Even if the quote has already been mentioned, Nana quotes, go!

"She had soup of the day....which was Friday"

Could she have some wafer thin ham?

Bye bye davy babid.

Losing both Liz and Caroline in the same year

Mam? Nothing for me, Barbara, not today.
On account of Elsie, God rest her soul.
You had all them vol-au-vents earlier.
Oh, yeah.
Just a pie and chips for me, please, Antony.

Believe thats also the episode where Jim pretends to be Elsie through the baby monitor at the end. Cracking episode

RIP Norma.

What were her last words?

"Trevor MacDonald"