Seems like 'banter' gives you free reign to be rude and disrespectful right to someone's face. As long as it's 'bants' then it's all ok right?

Another tactic is to laugh in someone's face when they're trying to be serious. And what's with the obviously fake laughs from Stephen and Colin?

Well it seems to work for Biggins.

.. and Rylan

You can get away with being as belittling as you like as long as you imply that it's only banter and accuse others of being "sensitive" when they react, it seems.

Him too but the difference is Bigz does it to smooth the water, it's a social tool. The others do it to provoke and diminish.

The problem is that there is an art to 'banter' and pretty much most people that do it nowadays are doing it wrong!

1) You need to know the person you banter with well enough to know what their limits are and also to get material that you can work with. And you need good material, of course! And timing!

2) you need to do it in good humour - banter is having a cheeky joke with someone, not a snidey dig at them.

3) Delivery is essential - you also need to be the kind of person that can get away with it! Not to blow my own trumpet but I did a stand up comedy course and could get away with a lot because I am not physically threatening (I get asked for directions and told people's life stories A LOT!), whereas other people had to reign themselves in because they didn't come across well when taking the piss.

4. You need to be able to take the response to what you dish out in good humour.

5. If you misjudge some banter and upset someone then you need to just apologise. And not in that mealy mouthed 'it's only banter' way. There's a difference between 'I'm sorry I upset you' and 'I'm sorry you're upset'!

To be honest, 'soft' communication skills are fast becoming a lost art form. Many people seem unable to express an opinion without being offensive (or taking offence if everyone doesn't just nod and agree with whatever they have said). Also, things seem to get misinterpreted because many people either don't read / listen fully or go to the other extreme and get fixated on a word or the way something has been phrased and attach a meaning to it that wasn't really there at all.

That's because he's a social tool

This 'bantah' business is nothing more than a way of pretending deliberate spitefulness is just a joke

It's funny that they think winding up others is just 'banter', but when they are pulled up on it they suddenly take themselves incredibly seriously and seem to lose their sense of humour and 'witty' repartee

Agree it is so laughable these days ...Insult and demean anyone ...call it Banter ..and there you are ..you shouyld not feel insulted or bothered ....Give me a break ..sick of this pathetic word

Great post, spot on!

What a brilliant post - it completely sums it up.

I'm naturally quite a sarcastic person and 'banter' with my friends a lot. But that's the point, with friends, people i know well and know will dish it back in a good natured way and I think will be able to tell if i've got it wrong by their reaction so apollogise, or that they will say if I've overstepped the mark as i would with them.

You've got to be observant to 'banter' in a non hurtful way, you need to be able to read how the person is taking it and care whether you hurt the person or not.

Friends banter with each other, they don't form a 'squad' to 'banter' with somebody outside of their friendship group and if they know they've upset somebody, they stop doing what they are doing. Also, banter is a two way street, it's only banter if both parties are taking part in it - just one way is an attack.

ETA. You're so right about the body language as well (i also get asked for directions constantly and even have bus drivers teasing me because i have that sort of smiley, friendly face and i do answer back in a jokey way). Not being able to gauge facial reactions and body language is the main reason I don't tend to be overly sarcastic on internet forums unless it is a poster i know very well, and have usually actually met in real life, as it is just too easy to misjudge it and offend somebody who takes you seriously. Smileys can only help so much and sometimes actually make it worse as sometimes i feel like people use them to hide behind - say something horrible that is meant but they'll be able to pretend was a joke if challenged by having put a smiley on it or said "lol". Almost liking saying something nasty and then sticking your tongue out!

It's up to the person on the receiving-end to decide whether it's "banter" or not; not the person dishing it out.

I hate the very concept of "banter", by the way. I thought it a wonderful re-affirmation of all that used to be decent in this country when Jimmy "effing" Bullard was first out of Celebs in the Jungle. He wasn't keen on anyone "bantering" back, was he?

With regards Chloe, Marnie, Bear and Lewis, it seems to be ok so long as it's directed at other people. It seems to become an issue when it's directed in their direction.

Good post. It basically comes down to rapport and delivery.