Just phoned up to try and get a table booked.

McBeale: Och aye this is Beales, square go like.
J-B: Hi, I'd like to book a table please.
McBeale: Whin wid ye lik' tae book?
J-B: 7.30pm on Friday please. A table fo-
McBeale: Hold yirself there laddeh, I cannae shift muh hands to write it doon that quick.
J-B: Ok no worries.
McBeale: Muh son who ain't muh son caved mah heed in wae a wee caber and noo I'm reet crippled.
J-B: Oh no...
McBeale: How many of yis will be scrannin' doon wae us lad?
J-B: Just MyLauren and I. Can I make a special request?
McBeale: Och aye, anything yis want.
J-B: I'd like the table to be candlelit, with a bottle of your finest red wine waiting on arrival, and some gentle smooth jazz playing in the background.
McBeale: Och that soonds dead romantic, last teem ah got romantic was when ah had sex oan the spot ah dragged wee Lucy's corpse from, ah were daein it wae her dad, square go like. Reet there on the floor.
J-B: Erm... So that's all confirmed then?
McBeale: Och aye. Ah'll be oot back when yis come doon, Steven lad won't have us oot front because ah willnae stop tellin' punters aboot Bob and Lucy.
J-B: Fantastic, we'll be the-
McBeale: Dinnae ye dare be late. If ah cannae see yis and yur bird by 7.35pm it'll be the common for both of yis, nae question aboot it.
J-B: Bye.
McBeale: Nae bother lad.

Thanks.

Oh JB you never fail to make me laugh

I managed to get a table with David Wicks for Saturday but it's who you know...

lol

This is brilliant

It really isn't.

Awesome

Yeah I know. If another forum member wrote this people would think it was stupid.

Agreed.


Plus LousyLauren is an alcoholic... no red wine for her.

Question...why would you even want a table at a restaraunt ran by McBeale? She clearly wants to overrule Steven already. I'd much rather go and eat a tin of cat food... :/

Lighten up.

Just the usual creeps that lap it up.

You might not find it funny but there is no need for that.

Assuming Jane is called 'McBeale', but I can't work out why.

Laurie Brett is scottish

Excuse me? I don't find everything this OP posts to be funny, but this one was quite amusing. Why are you so mad?

No one talks like this. It comes across more geordie at times.

Thanks.

I never knew that.

You need to go stand in the corner this has been explained a thousand times

I thought I was gonna have to ask you for a translation

But it is ok think I figured it out

You need to educate yourself on Aaronisms

I mean thought I might need you to translate Jb's post

You need to be more clear what planet are you on today?

Earth 🌏 though I think I'd like to be on Mars

Too much travelling in one day

I'd love to know how customers would have figured out that they now had to ring the beale's family phone from no. 45 instead of the actual landline number for the restaurant, thought that was very silly but anyway