I would advise the OP to carry on looking on dating/gay contact sites
My partner died very suddenly, we lived together in what we thought was total "normalness" as just two guys who lived together with a wide circle of friends and contacts. He wanted it that way, and did not want to "come out"
I was astonished at his funeral on the number of friends who commiserated with comments such as "It must be terrible to lose your partner in this way". They all knew
On my own I thought I would try the dating/contact site route, 99% of them were just after quick sex despite my profile stating that I was looking for a relationship and partner. Then suddenly HE made contact, we chatted non stop on cam for months, finally met, and he moved in. That was ten years ago, we had a Civil Partnership and have now converted that to a marriage with the new legislation. Just as happy now as we were at the beginning
So I repeat to the OP, don't give up - he is out there somewhere, just persevere and you will find him. Good luck

I took a job a few months ago and later found out that the boss of my department was gay. He interviewed me for the job and I would never have guessed that he was gay. I thought it was a wind up at first. However as soon as I accepted it as the truth this guy suddenly seemed a little bit more gay. The mind's funny like that.

I cant wait to come out to my boss as trans. When im good and ready, of course.

He just sees me as some big lumbering bloke. I can wait to blow his (very) tiny mind....

My best mate is gay but isn't prancing around like a complete tit like some of the camp ones do, you wouldnt even know he's gay he doesnt have the look about him, no limp wrist, sucked in cheeks, ear ring in the 'gay' ear you know the stereotypical ones he isn't like that. Theres plenty more Im sure out there that are not always hanging around women clapping like otters and saying OMG every five seconds.

I have had several gay friends, some of whom were overtly gay. I also had one friend who was the complete opposite - he spoke with a deep voice, wore 3-piece pin stripe suits (worked in a merchant bank) and no-one there had a clue that he was gay. I'm a straight female and wouldn't have guessed in a million years had | not known him.

Hahahaha

I didn't know this thread was still going.

When its all said and done, I think everybody, and this goes especially for gay men, should just lighten up and forget about what people think of you. So what if the guy in the football strip would never have guessed because you "don't look the part" or if the bimbo in the office assumes you know how to do her hair and make up for you because you happen to like gnoshing other guys off. You just do you

Just bumping this as the replies were very interesting and eye-opening to me and I hope more people will contribute.

I've still been using the dating apps with mostly no luck. I did come across a guy my age who (like most of the app) was "discreet". He seemed very straight acting and masculine in his pictures and we agreed to meet up on Friday at a bar. I felt sick with nerves and was shaking and had alot of anxiety but there was a tiny part of me that was excited thinking I was finally possibly about to meet someone. It then became apparent he wasn't going to show up and I slowly slipped into a very shitty mood.. He then messaged me that night apologizing and using excuses as to why he never showed up and then gave me his phone number. I wanted to check out he was genuine so I did the "find contacts" thing on Facebook and his number linked to the profile of an older, extremely camp looking and much less attractive man.

I spent last night feeling furious and really deflated that after years of using the app and finally finding a person who I thought I could be attracted to, it turns out he was just a fake. I feel ashamed to say it and hate myself for it but when I saw the picture of him with the dyed hair and the metal stud on his lip and the pictures of him posing in feminine ways I just wanted to message him and call him a ton of homophobic names and hurt him, but I just decided the best thing to do would be to block him and move on.

This is like a living hell. Every time I go on social media lately it's my friends getting married or engaged or going on dates constantly and the years are flying by and I'm yet to find a single gay male who isn't a complete stereotype.

And what will you do if he doesn't give a toss? Suffer bitter disappointment?

That was hyperbole, wasnt it......

Yes, I know one very well, he's my son and he still lives at home with me.

You had absolutely no suspicions or thoughts before he came out?

Ronnie Kray was a puff,.

The majority of gay men and women are non-stereotypical, not vice versa.

I wonder what age group he is refferring to.

I found with me, and many others when young and newly out of the closet we camped it up a lot and were more in your face for a few years. maybe something to do with feeling liberated and exploring the side of us we had to previously keep hidden. You tend to grow out of it in later years though.

I will camp it up to get a laugh out of people though, but right there you get a section of people who think that's you're personality card punched and logged.

Perhaps he won't recognise you at first?

Yes, I met up with an acquaintance of mine this afternoon. He is gay, but you wouldn't know it. He resembles the surfing type rather than the stereotypical gay man. I'm probably more feminine than he is, and I'm straight.

Only a minority are screaming queens (not my description). A friend of mine who is gay (and who gave me the previous description) has difficulty understanding why a certain percentage of gay people like him act like that.

He has pondered in the past that it might be because they think thats how gays behave. Where they've got that from I've no idea.

He thinks being gay is just what you are, not who you are. You shouldn't be basing your personality around it..

Me? Live and let live. If its not harming anybody...

Can I ask something here which doesn't get me a truck load of abuse.... Why do some gay men dance around with all this "I AM WHAT I AMMMMMM" attitude? why do they feel they have to prove themselves to people or keep ramming it down (ooo errr) everyone's throats, yes we know your gay! nothing wrong with that but do you really have to be so loud about it.

See my post above for my mates theory.

Ahh yes you posted at the same time as me. Good to see I'm not the only one who thinks that way in respect to being camp or loud. Its also not me being homophobic! like I said earlier in the thread my best mate is gay but he doesn't dance around being camp, in fact you would never guess he was gay.

For thousands of years gay people have be told that being gay is an act of shame. Isnt expressing a gay pride a reasonable response.

Why do people in opposition to the gay community always accuse them of 'ramming it down their throats'??

Its as if, subconsciously at least, they choose that phrase because its so 'descriptive'....

It just amuses me when people say that someone's personality and mannerisms must be 'put on' or 'over the top' because they're not like that themselves.

"But I know lots of gay people and they're not like that".

"Ah right, but maybe it's just their personality?"

"But I know lots of gay people and they're not like that".

Etc etc...

**** me dead ....why cant people be who they want to be how they want to be it

i have gay friends and two of them (a couple) are the biggest petrol heads you'll ever meet
another couple have a shrine to fricking madonna in their house but they are all amazing people who just happen to like men...ive seen camp (ive done a madonna new cd launch night at GAY late..and as a straight man myself..i tell you that was a an eye opening night )

there were butch guys camp feminine guys the bears and more straight women than you can shake a stick at ....having gay mates is awesome for pulling ladies

But when the camp ones all sound the same, their just copying each other not exactly being themselves is it. Another poster in this thread openly admitted to putting on a camp voice and dancing around a bit.

I'm not hating on it and I can see the tide slowly turn and the hate starts to come towards me, I'm just saying that you don't have to be over the top or try to always explain who you are to the point of it being annoying. Its fantastic gay people celebrate their sexuality what with gay pride events etc but I do feel that the camp thing is rather put on and copied by many, hardly you being yourself if you copy others just be yourself.