Groups and friends take on each other's mannerisms all the time. Hell, entire communities do; just look at other 'minority' groups like black people, asian, whoever adopting similar dress sense and vocabulary from America or even more locally.

It's something people outside of historically 'minority' or marginalised communities don't understand or want to understand. A sense of identity and community can be fostered in many ways, and it seems odd to me that anyone would say acting in a certain way, because it mirrors other people must mean that it's false in every example or even majority of examples.

It's just not true.

I think it is just to do with different personality types - nothing to do with being gay per se. How many loud and bubbly and ultra-extroverted "outrageous" females do you know? I know a few that are completely in your face, although most females I know aren't that way. How many straight men do you know who try so hard to appear masculine? I know a few that put it on a bit, although most men I know aren't that way. It is the same with gays --- I know a few that are camp and "outrageous" and in your face, but I reckon, and the ones that I know personally, most aren't that way.

(I am gay by the way).

You should see if there's a gay rugby team in your area, they are getting quite big now. I was in one for a year (last year) and they are often 90% to your satisfaction in terms of "straight-acting" vs. camp acting.

But when gay people say they are what they are, they are just another clone of the last gay person you saw. What Im saying is, where did this campness come from? was it the "ooh matron" days? and the theme has just sort of carried on? I find it refreshing when you speak to someone who is gay but doesn't make a song and dance about it. Once again this is not me hating on those that do have that way with their personality, I just think sometimes "Ok we get it your gay! don't need to tell us every five mins" or break into song it becomes a bit annoying. I dont go around singing about how I'm straight and love boobs and muff. I dunno it just seems all a bit fake to me, again just my opinion.

It's funny how you ended your post because frankly I do agree with what you say, mainly because you have used such an extreme example of how someone might 'throw' their sexuality in your face.

But thinking about it, and the people in the pubs I drink in regularly, they do throw their masculinity / heterosexual status in my face every day. I'm not gay, but thinking about it, when they're constantly going on about loving boobs, look her arse, what I'd do to her or what they'd already done with someone; you've just opened my eyes to that hetero version of telling me every five mins that they're straight.

True but I dont go to straight parades dressed as a pair of tits or announce loudly that I'm straight . There is a difference, the camp over the top gay ones pretty much bang on and on all the time, I think the only time a masculine male says he likes tits and muff is when he's with his mates at the pub.

Yeah I guess I just disagree with the final assessment.

It seems more accurate to me to suggest that people of whatever sexuality or orientation will have those who act in a seemingly 'over the top' fashion and will have their detractors for a variety of reasons.

I have known many in Spain (who are gay, but not Broadway musical gay so to speak), but not so many here in the UK. Many of my homosexual friends here perhaps feel they have to act a certain way.

I wouldn't say we are all clones. There might be overlap on interests like musical taste or hobbies but I wouldn't say I am a clone of every other gay man out there. Yes I go to the theatre and yes I like Madonna/Kylie... But I also like a range of artists that include people like Nightwish (operatic metal group from Scandinavia). Kate Bush is my favourite artist. I love horror films, hate most reality shows and enjoy reading books. I don't mince down the road practicing jazz hands like some people seem to think gay people do. I don't have any coordination or dance ability to do it for a start. People come in all shapes and sizes and we don't all act the same. We have different interests and personalities.

We don't tend to make a song and dance about being gay but many of us will speak up when we are facing abuse or discrimination, or feel like we have to defend our representation on TV and if we show any PDA in public.

The problem is, if we show any sign that we may be gay, we are automatically accused of "making a song and dance" or getting "in your face"

Or maybe they feel freer to act how ever they like here rather than those people you know in Spain.

Or maybe those people in Spain just happen to be different to those people you know here. In exactly the same way you think perhaps they feel they have to act a certain way, I wonder why it is people feel they have to label behaviour at all?

They're acting the way they act.

There is also a reason for Pride. Although most issues have been tackled and won, there is still an issue with LGBT inclusion in schools and recently, there feels like there's been an increase in homophobic attitude. Plus the money raised at Pride can help LGBT people abroad and in the UK who are suffering. You can be "camp and over the top" and not "bang on about it all the time".

You should hear the guys at my gym talk sex and women in the changing room. It's like a match to see who's the most hetero.

You'd be surprised how many "straight" married guys are up for it

blokes that go to gyms are not a representive sample, by definition they are trying to prove something, take a survey from pasty, flabby straight blokes

The fact that nobody has ever guessed that I was gay would suggest I must be fairly straight acting

Or perhaps those in Spain feel they have to act in a particularly masculine way. The concept of 'Machismo' still has a very strong grip in some Mediterranean countries. Perhaps people here feel that they can act more freely than those in Spain. Don't assume that people who appear masculine aren't also putting on a performance.

Who said all the people in the gym saying these things were muscular?

I find it is the opposite. In Spain - you still get a very strong cultural reenactment of La Movida Madrileña. Many Spanish saw sexual experimentation as a expression of freedom - it was and still is exceptionally trendy in Spain to be gay or experimental. To some it is even a rights of passage (excuse the pun).

I never said my homosexual friends in Spain act masculine. They don't. As I stated, what differentiates them is there is no obvious (intentional or natural) markers that they are gay or not. No flamboyant movements, lisps - or outrageous or scandalous vibe.. and no ultra-masculine over compensation..they are with their boyfriends and friends, just as I am with my wife and friends. I never get the feeling they feel they have to prove anything to anyone. However, I am speaking for Madrid and Barcelona. I am not sure what they get up to in Andalusia or Extremadura for example. Also there are one or two highly provocative and scandalous drag queens on TV with wild makeup and outrageous comments.. just don't see too much of it in every day life.

This thread is a hot mess.

I do not, but then again, how would I know if they're not flaunting it and it's never been an issue anyway?

As I said upthread, go into any pub and you'll hear the same.

I actually find men who go to the gym and have pamper sessions and wax their hair extremely feminine, despite the macho appearance.

We have two gay friends. One of them is an old school friend, and if he hadn't come out I'd never have guessed he was gay. No effeminate ways, no attendance at gay parades, no interest in the usual 'gay icons'.
The bloke he lives with is GAY. An attention-seeker, he loves throwing 'Champagne breakfasts' and treating people to a night out at a musical in the West end. He loves watching Bette Davies films and likes 'Kylie'. He's a bit too much for me.

Not one, even though the clues were all there, like wanting things like Barbie Dolls and Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony etc. when he was little. So, the day he told me, (he was 19 at the time0, everything suddenly fell into place. He'll be 36 in February.