You said

"I would only help in conjunction with someone else (preferably a woman)"

and

"I would not have assisted on my own"

What I was asking was, If, in the situation you described, there was no one else around, would you have just walked away? I ask that because it sounds like you would never help a child if you had to do it by yourself.

You haven't got a mobile phone?

Presumably the point in intervening would be to take the child and find someone else. It is at that point it could all go wrong, some mad imbecile of a parent sees me in the street with the child and kicks off. Even worse if we'd happened to be walking in the wrong direction as that could be seen as "taking her away" rather than "bringing her back".


Nope.

Although the child probably has.

My husband once found two small children wandering down the middle of the road early hours, he didn't hesitate to sit them in the back of his car to keep them safe and ring the police. He didn't meet the mother but I doubt she would have thanked him, the police did though.
I'd help any child if I thought they looked like they needed it, don't much care if the parents thanked or abused me, I'd do it for the kid not them.

Ah right, glad you clarified your unclear point.

Weighing it up I probably would not help in that specific situation. The consequences of coming up against an accusation could be a life-altering and career-ruining.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.
I would make every effort to alert the appropriate staff, or find someone else to help me sort it out. So the idea of 'doing nothing' you threw earlier is erroneous.

But doing it on my own would be a red line for me.

Dole out your opprobrium, I really don't care for the good opinion of randoms on the internet.

deleted

Perfectly put.

Some may poo-poo that it would happen but it does I've seen it on FB.

Some hysterical parent puts on social media about strange man hanging around etc and within minutes the pitchfork brigade are out looking for him.

I can understand both sides, to be fair to the men on this board who are hesitant about helping a seemingly lost child. It may not be the case that an accusation would definitely result from them helping a lost child, but it is a possibility. Hell, even a teacher taking a microphone from a child at the Thanksgiving production can lead to death threats and potential loss of job and income.

If you're in a crowded place, why aren't other people also concerned and helping - why should the lone male be the only person who potentially can help a lost child? It's not just the men who won't help, people tend to be very unwilling to help strangers these days.

I did see that video of the actress pretending to be a lost child - hardly anybody, male or female, went to help her. People are scared of the ramifications, no matter how much we know it's unlikely to happen - the potential for it happening is enough. We all know how easy it is to smear somebody these days, falsely or otherwise.

Perhaps calling the police about the child and then acting would be a good idea. If you've called before-hand, then it's on record. I think the idea of mentioning it to other people - who presumably are also not helping the child - is another.

We do live in sad times, but it's the world we've created.

You see a lot of strange stuff on FB. Although if you help a child out, you're more likely to be branded a hero on social media, rather than a paedo.

Having said that, there is also a version where that lost child is acting as "bait" and there is a verminous vigilante vlogger hiding in a bush ready to leap out with "look at the fat peado talking to the little girl".

Of course the accusation would not stand in court if it ever went so far, but my face on the internet and in the papers, the damage would be well and truly done before I cleared my name, so I don't need that, and the shame would probably kill my poor mum.

As a parent of a young girl, I would thank you if you helped out my daughter. I would never assume you were a paedophile, only be be very grateful, I'd offer to buy you a few beers or something as a thank-you. Most parents are the same. Stop falling for the stupid tabloids. Nobody gives a damn if you're single, how old you are, that you live in a flat or play games, that's just your own insecurities and paranoia about what others think of you.

Same here. Look at how many people regretted not stepping in to help James Bulger. Not every parent will react like the one in the OP.

Well im glad you're just passing a day at work rather than being serious.

Fair play, pal.

Nothing would stop me from helping out an obviously lost child, even if someone verbally abused me for it, better safe than sorry. I saw a young lad of about 4 in our shopping centre, obviously separated from his family, I gently approached him asking if he'd lost his mummy, stayed with him and his relieved mum thanked me. I think if you just stay put with the child, not take them looking for their parent, as that would freak a parent out, don't hold on to their hand, then the parent will see that you are not going any where with their child but just keeping an eye on them. I'd never forgive myself if I left a lone young child to just get on with it. Several years ago I came across a crying girl of about 7 in a department store, asked her if she'd lost her mum and stayed with her until her mum turned up, her mum just rolled her eyes at her daughter and told me she was always getting lost

It would be a result of the Bystander effect

If someone needs assistance and only one other person is around, its almost certain they will help. That same person when in a crowd will almost certainly hold back, as we assume that someone else will help or is more qualified to help than we are.

A couple of times my car has broken down, nobody leapt out to help me, but both times when I directly asked people for assistance it was given with good grace - effectively I had singled them out from the crowd and so negated the bystander effect. Sadly a lost kid won't know about that and, if anything, has had it drummed into them not to speak to strangers.

I hope people like this don't put anyone off. A 3 year old shouldn't have been left alone for that length of time. A child's welfare comes first. Adult paranoia and anyone's hurt feelings are irrelevant..

This has nothing to do with helping a child in distress.

I have rescued a 3yr old boy, barefoot and just in Huggies and a T-shirt on my street, early on a Sunday Morning (9.00am'ish)

He thought he would be able to direct me back to his house, but we walked up and down a couple of hundred yards and he couldn't (and was whimpering by now)

So I knocked at a few doors. Got 3 no replies, but the 4th with a houseful of kids was opened by a woman.

I explained the situation and asked her to call the Police.

2 Cop Cars within 5 minutes. I was impressed! One Officer shook my hand and said "Wish we had more like you"


Turns out the boy was staying with Grandparents for the night, but wanted his Mummy, so got a kitchen chair and let himself out the front-door.

Bless


I don't care what the paedo-accusation consequences are. You can't leave a child alone in those circumstances.

It's a fair question and I can understand people thinking twice about it, but it's probably better to get accused of being an abductor then something bad happening to the kid and having to live with that for the rest of your life.

There's a difference between grabbing a lone kid from say a busy dual carriageway to save his or her life, staying where you are and immediately phoning the police (which I would do... always) - and by myself taking a wandering kid's hand in a busy shopping centre for example (which I would probably not do, even to walk him or her to try and find a security guard). In the latter case, I'd think of another way to help... there are several 'safe' options as mentioned by others. I'd think of another way to help... there are several 'safe' options as mentioned by others. It's not rocket science.

You definitely have to be on the look out for the phone 'video and upload' brigade, something that did not apply years ago though I did once encounter it as long as 5 years ago while walking through a park... and because of that, I chose not to directly help the kid down from a high hedge, I gave advice instead.

All the above could happen if you were nowhere near a lost child, so on that basis, would you avoid shopping centres, parks, cinemas, basically anywhere that children may frequent, in order to avoid being perceived as a weird man hanging around?

I must say, the levels of paranoia in this thread is startling.

As for your point about FB, I've seen this many times on a FB group run by parent/s of the local school. "Warning - strange men in white Transit van" turned out to be council workers. "Strange man approaching children" turned out to be someone walking down the street. But when you confront these imbeciles, the usual stock response is, "Well, you can never be too careful".

So while I appreciate there are countless morons out there who would see a completely innocent act of a stranger comforting a lost child and turn it into PAEDOGEDDON, this could very well happen even if you were nowhere near any children, such is the level of hysteria with some people.

I disagree - doing bugger all and walking on by in the hope that someone else will step in is totally wrong.

I didn't say or mean that! To be crystal clear, you find a way to help but what you do and how you do it depends on the circumstances. I have modified my post to avoid others who didn't digest the entire post being confused by it.

I can see what you're saying, but it's not like you'll be grabbing the kid from the shopping centre and the safer way would be to go and help yourself and not worry about perception.

Exactly, I couldn't imagine not doing anything. At the end of the day most parents will be happy that somebody has found their child, and ungrateful arses like the OP mentioned will be in the minority. Generally people have the common sense to know helping a lost toddler is not comparable to approaching an 10 year old girl for directions when there are plenty of adults to ask.