That would seem contrived. I'd be rumbled immediately as I'm useless at lying.
Either that or 'sod's law' would happen like the boss would summon a doctor to see to my 'illness' or my O/H would ring up from home and ask my boss "What burst water pipe?"

The option is either to sit in the office on her own, which would be disastrous imo.
Nothing could be alienating when she is trying to establish a rapport with new colleagues.
Or bite the bullet and just go.
It really is just a meal and it will be over quick as lightning by the time they get there, get served the meal,, eat and come back.

I also think honesty brings out the best in people in a context like this. Be upfront about feeling anxious and people will help.

Be secretive and aloof and it will bring out the worst in people,
You can nearly hear them all saying at the lunch:
"Why didn't she come then?"
"She must think she's above eating out with the likes of us"

etc etc.

Only you can't do that every year. Making an effort now will help in future when there might be no need to worry about it if she has a good relationship with her colleagues.

Having joined this three pages in I'm sure you've had some great advice already.

Just from my perspective of someone who has suffered with social anxiety but to a very small degree (I'd pass out but luckily started to recognise the symptoms/on set quickly and was able to stop it from getting worse).

The good news from your post is that you have said there are new team members joining before this lunch so there will be others in a similar position to you.

If however you feel that this lunch will be too much for you, I guess you have to decide on a personal level which is worse; the lunch or the conversation with your boss.

this is a genuine question because I don't really understand - how is it you can be at work with these people but nowhere else?

The two situations are incomparable. If you're working with people, most of the time you're just getting on and doing your own thing and speak every so often. But in a social situation like a Christmas lunch where everyone's sitting facing each other, there's basically a restriction saying "let's socialise and we have to talk to each other... now!" with no room for a break like in a bar. And some people aren't comfortable with that, especially with people they don't know.

You should go, if you want to get along with your colleagues and be included in their conversations you need to get to know them. You're only young you won't be working there forever, each new job will have new people and new challenges, may as well put your big girl pants in and tackle the challenge of getting over being the shy anxious newbie now, the longer you leave it and the older you get the harder it will be to do it. It's too easy to make excuses and miss out on doing stuff, get out of your comfort zone and make yourself go. Don't overthink it and worry about what you'll eat and what you'll say just go and do what Academia said, stick on a paper hat and tuck in.

Could you volunteer to man the phones whilst everyone else is at lunch

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the responses, I've been a little busy so I'll read through them properly when I'm a little more awake and reply a little better.

I work in a call centre, so we don't really work "together" - there is no interaction. The rest of the team are on web chat and my training for that part of the job is in January, so I've been unable to join in on any of the conversations they've been having.

Just politely decline the invitation, you don't need to give ANY reason/excuse.

I never eat out, because I have my own special diet which involves me planning every single thing I will eat/drink at least a full day in advance.

Anyone, like you or I, can have our own personal reasons why eating out doesn't suit us. It's our own business and nothing to be embarrassed about or for other people to judge us by.

For me personally, I'm happy to be friendly with my colleagues, but they are colleagues, not friends. I go to work partly to be able to have a social life with friends from outside work.

I try and keep work and home life separately. Of course lines do blur, and over the years I have become genuine friends with some people I have worked with but mostly I like to keep work as work.

Since the OP has made a thread about this matter, it is pretty clear she wants to take part but feels there are circumstances she needs to overcome first, these being anxiety and concerns about the meal.

Do you think defensive responses, encouraging her to persist with her socially anxious feelings will be helpful to her?

Isn't that just the same as any situation? You meet people in a certain context, and you become friendly with some more than others because you click?

OP - you mentioned that you have more new starters at your work in the next coming weeks. Social anxiety permitting, could you not approach them when they start and start to make conversation. They will in effect be the 'newbies' and you would have relative experience in the role and might actually in turn help them feel more at ease in starting a new job.

If it will really, really make you feel bad and panicked then don't go but I think you might regret it and in turn feel more anxious that they are talking about you behind your back (not to say that it will happen as I have never been on a team meal or outing where we talk about people that didn't come)

Yes, but in some workplaces there is an atmosphere of "enforced socialising" and that if you don't spend every waking hour with your colleagues both at work and socially then you are somehow an antisocial miserable grinch.

I've worked in places like that, where if you decide not to take part in a dinner or an activity etc you're seen as not being a team player regardless of the fact you carry out the job you're actually employed to do really well.

My current workplace seems to understand I'm not someone who is into group activities/"enforced fun" etc and that if I say no to something there's no point trying to persuade me otherwise or make a big fuss because I won't change my mind. Generally I will take part in one or two things across the year but my work is not my life.

Just don't go OP. In total honesty, you really aren't missing out on one of life's hugely positive experiences.

An adult should be able to say no to something without giving an excuse. But if you do say you are going to do something then you should keep the promise.

I agree with netcurtains and if you don't go have you thought that it will be even worse when everyone comes back laughing about how hard the sprouts were or how good the dessert was? You will feel even more of an outsider and probably kick yourself when you hear what a good time they had.

As someone else said, put on your big girl pants and go.

This is only two hours out of your whole life; it's a lunch, no booze and the conversation will all be about the food, the restaurant, Christmas plans, the presents everyone hopes for and what they are buying their family and friends.

You will have things to say on each of these subjects and you'll be fine. Keep smiling, and remember everyone likes it when people ask questions and show an interest, and even if you don't say a lot, by making eye contact, nodding and making 'agreeing' noises you will be part of the conversations around you. Many people in a new job would feel like you to a greater or lesser extent and there will be other new folks there so relax and enjoy, focus on others and not yourself.

I rarely attend any summer or winter company bashes myself because I am just not interested.

I don't want to go to company summer bbqs, picnics, muder mystery evenings or 'fun days'.

My partner and I have December birthdays so we like to keep Christmas out of it until after our celebrations.

Then on Christmas Day 2008 my darling Mum passed away, so we keep the whole thing very low key.

Good luck, keep breathing and smiling !

Not necessarily. One of the staff in our office didn't go for the Christmas lunch last year as she had a meal in the evening.

That said for reasons already stated by others I think the OP should go.

I've worked at companies where we all went out together and it was great and I've worked at companies where we haven't.

If it wasn't for agreeing to go out for a drink after work in my first job 20 years ago I wouldn't have some of the friends I have now.

So sometimes it's worth taking the plunge and going because you don't know what it will be like and that person you sit next to in the office could turn out to be a good friend.

Reminds me of a team building event that we did in the summer which was mandatory attendance. One of the staff decided to go back to work 10 minutes in as he didn't like those sort of situations.

My colleague who manages him got a bit of stick for it so she wasn't best pleased.

Surely it's better to start working on these problems, rather than running away from situations as things will never change for you.

Thanks for all the replies guys - I've decided to leave the company after Christmas, so I don't think it's going to really matter whether I go to this lunch or not.

Lots for me to think about for next time I'm in this/a similar situation, so thank you again.

Bethaneeny you do what's best for you and tell the to go do one if they complain.

Team building is a load of useless shite used by poor management to make themselves look dynamic, I did it once, three days in the country at a luxury hotel, lies it was a cold damp hut in a outward bounds camp 20 miles from the nearest pub and civilisation.

First full of motivation speeches, think out of the zone, only the team can move forward guff, food was rank and there was NO BLOODY ALCOHOL to numb the pain of hearing a 55 year old motivation leader drone on about the companies mission statement, bastards were so cruel they confiscated our mobile phones,iPads etc.

Day Two was even worse, took it in turns to be a guide for a blindfolded person to navigate them through an knobsticale course ( no that's not a mistake that's what we nicknamed it) took great delight in guiding one of the team leaders into everything she could fall over as payback for trying to be a smart ass at work. Then more team building nonsense and more motivational talks. Happily that night the escape committee got word out to a friendly who agreed to drive one of our fellow captives to the nearest town and back again with some desperately needed alcoholic refreshment.

Day Three was bad, it was carnage like the aftermath of a stag and hen party to end all others, breakfast was missed, we were all pissed, lunch came and went it was only about 4pm some of us started to emerge from our pits, the course leaders were none too happy that a full day was wasted, a last desperate attempt was made to get us to attend a focus seminar to which a rather charming young very female colleague uttered you can focus right of or ill focus ma boot in yer nuts., most got hammered again that night.

Skip forward to the next full day we are back in work, we all got bollockings but it was worth it, that same year the then employer tried to make Christmas Lunch a mandatory work related event, only the suckups and saddest attended, everyone else clubbed together beforehand and booked up somewhere else knowing we were getting the afternoon off anyway.

Do calm down dear load of incoherent waffle. Ours was an afternoon in the park and it was lovely and had the desired team bonding effect.

Rather that make a mistake again the following is for the post above
Do calm down dear incoherent waffle😀

I replied to your post by mistake, the first sentence should have been a dead giveaway where I mentioned the OP name.😡

Really ? I thought it took you a while to find this job (or am I thinking of someone else ?). What have you got lined up ?

I admire you going through the interview process rather than going to a Christmas Doo. For me interviews are hell on earth and I try not to put myself through them. I suffer with anxiety and when I get a job I generally stay there until they get rid of me for fear of having to go through another interview.