I quite like interviews, but i absolutely hate handing in my notice. I feel one should do it in person, but there's that awful moment where they read it and you just don't know what to say. I feel more anxious about that than i do the first day of the new job. Its the worst part of leaving a job by far.

Gosh - I would love to hand in my notice in my current job and see their faces fall. Without me they are doomed

I just can't handle interviews. I can't sleep for days beforehand and I become tongue tied and flustered during the interview. And as for the first day in a new job - oh my, its the worst thing ever. Actually having to talk to strangers and learning new skills - and looking like an idiot when the person training you can't teach for toffee and you don't get it. Ekkk. I like the fact that I know how to do my job upside down and I don't have to stress about it.

I have been in my current job for 11yrs now, and I dread the day they wind the business up. I would be happy to stay here until the day I retire.

It's odd, but having social anxiety in my case meant that I didn't mind interviews, but dreaded social occasions.

In interviews you're asked specific questions about your expertise in the job. And if you make a complete fool of yourself you're never going to see the people involved again.

In a social situation, especially with people you work with daily, you actually have to think about what to say and make conversation, try not to make too many gaffes, try not to sit in silence. Then you have to face them all the next morning thinking "I wish I hadn't said that!"

I work in HR and i've seen some pretty amusing attempts at handing in notice. One guy literally sent us a scrap of paper with nothing but his name and "I resign" in biro.

I suppose it depends on your situation at work and the type of employer. We have quite a regular turnover so my manager wouldn't really be that concerned if I left.

With regards to interviews; I take the approach that if you are right for the job then that will come across as long as you're not too nervous. The people interviewing you are just human - they're not expecting your to be perfect. The big 3 things they are after are:

1. Can they do the job - do you have the skills or ability to learn them?
2. Do they want to do the job - how motivated are you to do the job, are you likely to leave in the near future?
3. Do I want them to do the job - does the manager like the person, will they fit in well in the team.

I remember a teacher saying to me once that people are usually too busy worrying about what others think of them to really notice anything about you. I think it's true - we make everything hyper personal - everyone is thinking negative things about me, when really all they're concerned about is themselves. It's highly likely that even if you did say or do something stupid that no one would remember the next day and even if they did they would just see it as a redeeming feature. The truth is that we all like to see that other people aren't perfect as it makes them more relatable.

I say this as someone that went out drinking a lot in their 20s and completely humiliated himself in front of numerous different people on a regular basis - and we're not just talking talking rubbish or throwing up. It never cost me a friend that I can remember.

You are right, of course, but if you've got social anxiety as the OP does, knowing that doesn't really help.

I would say that if the OP is anxious about what other people think of her she would be far better going along.

If she goes along and is just a bit quiet no-one will probably care or notice too much.

But if she's the one person on the team who makes a point of not going for no good reason others are far more likely to have negative thoughts about her IMO.

I don't have anything lined up yet...I've got a day booked as holiday this week which I'm using to fire up my CV and apply to as much as I can, and also sign up with some agencies.

Certain things were announced as changing within the business yesterday, which mean it's going to make my job a lot more difficult and stressful, and I'm already struggling and have been since the second week. I'm not leaving until I have something lined up, but the sooner the better really.

I ended up going to the lunch. It was really awkward, all the established members of the team sat at one end of the table, leaving us newbies at the other end. All the others have become really good pals, so I was pretty alone. I tried to join in but it didn't go well. I had an anxiety attack and walked out "to the toilets" for half an hour.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Well done for going outside your comfort zone.
It may not went as well but at least you made an effort. It will probably be different next year as you'd been there longer.

Well done for going anyway.

It can be nervy having to spend time socially with a group where you're the newcomer - certainly that was the case for me last year when I attended my first Christmas party with my current company - as I'd only been with the firm a couple months at this point and didn't know a lot of people outside those I'd worked directly with, I largely stayed sat with that group and didn't really instigate conversation. This year was (slightly) easier, and that's in part because in the time between I'd made the effort to be a little more social, attending occasional nights out with colleagues (and even 'organising' a couple myself). This was a big step as I'd not really done anything social beforehand. So keep plugging away at the socialising and it will get simpler - being around others in happy, positive circumstances is a good way to get rid of anxiety and stress, I've found!

Are you prepared to face this same issue over and over again tho by keep changing jobs?

I am glad you tried and sorry it didnt work out. I think rather than moving jobs the best idea would be to get further help to deal with you social anxiety and maybe even bite the bullet and try to have a conversation with one of your colleagues

I'm leaving more because the hours have changed, which means everything I do outside of work (dancing, comedy, and yoga - which is the only thing I find that helps my mental health), I can no longer do. And it's not worth giving up everything I love for a job where I'm not happy anyway and am not doing well in, it's already been hinted at more than once that I'm not likely to pass probation.

Ok well good luck with finding a new position, It sounds to me you have interests that many would enjoy, perhaps bring these activities up in conversations with future colleagues.

I can relate to anxiety I have GAD although I can deal with social activities unless a place is overly noisy and crowded.

I get on well enough with people I work with but don't do the Christmas lunch thing. Just say no and that is that, in fact this year I just deleted emails without even opening them.