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Over reaction from being deleted? |
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#1 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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Over reaction from being deleted?
A bit of advice needed..... I deleted this girl off my facebook who is in my circle of people I see regularly. She found out and got a mutual friend to message me to ask why.
I told this person it was because I felt she was false when out and didn't really make any effort with me in general this was relayed to her. I then found out she put a barrage of abuse on her fb account saying how I had an abortion slept around and id know what was going on around me if I wasn't too busy being drunk and having abortions. None of this was true apart from fact I do get drunk now and again. We fell out before in past for the same reason of her not bothering with me when someone better came along. I felt this was too much and way too much of a over reaction to what id done but heightened why I deleted her in the first place. Ive kept quiet and tried not to make a scene like she has and majority of mates were supportive and said she was a bully. Was I in the wrong or was she? |
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#2 |
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 53,635
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Well sorting things out third hand is never good, you should have told her to her face why you deleted her.
Sounds like you did the right thing anyway, so don't rise to it and just move on. |
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#3 |
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Brackley, UK
Posts: 16,657
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Sounds like a typical Facebook drama to me. Best thing is probably to delete your own account and find some other way to keep in touch with people.
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#4 |
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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Quote:
Well sorting things out third hand is never good, you should have told her to her face why you deleted her.
Sounds like you did the right thing anyway, so don't rise to it and just move on. She then messaged all our mutual mates after realising people didn't agree with what she said trying to get them to side with her but a lot thought she was out of order |
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#5 |
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,335
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She hugely over-reaccted. You shouldn't have to justify why you deleted her - it's a free country. Personally I wouldn't have explained why.
Post a message thanking your friends for not believing her stupid lies, block her and move on. She's not worth a second thought. |
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#6 |
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 3,618
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She has completely over reacted and been quite vicious which makes her look like a complete bitch and you are better off without her.
BUT - if she is in your circle of friends, friendship is implied. Deleting someone with no explanation is quite passive aggressive. You have publicly snubbed her and then called her false, you should accept that you would get a reaction of some sort. But as I've said, hers was OTT. |
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#7 |
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 15,305
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Quote:
A bit of advice needed..... I deleted this girl off my facebook who is in my circle of people I see regularly. She found out and got a mutual friend to message me to ask why.
I told this person it was because I felt she was false when out and didn't really make any effort with me in general this was relayed to her. I then found out she put a barrage of abuse on her fb account saying how I had an abortion slept around and id know what was going on around me if I wasn't too busy being drunk and having abortions. None of this was true apart from fact I do get drunk now and again. We fell out before in past for the same reason of her not bothering with me when someone better came along. I felt this was too much and way too much of a over reaction to what id done but heightened why I deleted her in the first place. Ive kept quiet and tried not to make a scene like she has and majority of mates were supportive and said she was a bully. Was I in the wrong or was she? Yes an over reaction on her part, but then you didn't keep quite on yours and you must have realised you were going to get a reaction to your comments and you don't know how they were relayed. You are both being infantile. |
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#8 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,595
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Narrow escape I think
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#9 |
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Oxford
Posts: 5,303
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Quote:
I then found out she put a barrage of abuse on her fb account saying how I had an abortion slept around and id know what was going on around me if I wasn't too busy being drunk and having abortions.
Straight to your lawyers for a strongly worded letter demanding that she take down false accusations. Unless, of course, it is true. Maybe speak to the police too. |
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#10 |
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Mount Olympus
Posts: 18,232
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You were both in the wrong.
You didn't have to delete her, and could have easily kept her on your friends list and just ignored her, which would have been the logical thing to do since you both move in the same social circles. However, she shouldn't have made things up about you in retaliation, but then that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't cast the first stone. |
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#11 |
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Inactive Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 328
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Quote:
A bit of advice needed..... I deleted this girl off my facebook who is in my circle of people I see regularly. She found out and got a mutual friend to message me to ask why.
I told this person it was because I felt she was false when out and didn't really make any effort with me in general this was relayed to her. I then found out she put a barrage of abuse on her fb account saying how I had an abortion slept around and id know what was going on around me if I wasn't too busy being drunk and having abortions. None of this was true apart from fact I do get drunk now and again. We fell out before in past for the same reason of her not bothering with me when someone better came along. I felt this was too much and way too much of a over reaction to what id done but heightened why I deleted her in the first place. Ive kept quiet and tried not to make a scene like she has and majority of mates were supportive and said she was a bully. Was I in the wrong or was she? And that's why I don't do Facebook or other types of social media, it's like the playground pettiness found a new arena to infest, get off Wastebook and forget da bout it. |
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#12 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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She has completely over reacted and been quite vicious which makes her look like a complete bitch and you are better off without her.
BUT - if she is in your circle of friends, friendship is implied. Deleting someone with no explanation is quite passive aggressive. You have publicly snubbed her and then called her false, you should accept that you would get a reaction of some sort. But as I've said, hers was OTT. She knows same people we fell out in past over same reason of her not really bothering with me when I was out. It's hard because I just didn't want someone like that on my selection of mates |
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#13 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Southern East Anglia
Posts: 75,214
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Quote:
A bit of advice needed..... I deleted this girl off my facebook who is in my circle of people I see regularly. She found out and got a mutual friend to message me to ask why.
I told this person it was because I felt she was false when out and didn't really make any effort with me in general this was relayed to her. I then found out she put a barrage of abuse on her fb account saying how I had an abortion slept around and id know what was going on around me if I wasn't too busy being drunk and having abortions. None of this was true apart from fact I do get drunk now and again. We fell out before in past for the same reason of her not bothering with me when someone better came along. I felt this was too much and way too much of a over reaction to what id done but heightened why I deleted her in the first place. Ive kept quiet and tried not to make a scene like she has and majority of mates were supportive and said she was a bully. Was I in the wrong or was she? I'm getting increasingly bored with facebook anyway. Just the same old junk over and over. Maybe facebook should tell you and post it in the news feed, Just like they do when they say "so and so and so and so are now friends", put "so and so just deleted so and so as a friend" ![]()
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#14 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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Massive over reaction. I never even know who it is that's deleted me. Never who I think it is.
I'm getting increasingly bored with facebook anyway. Just the same old junk over and over. Maybe facebook should tell you and post it in the news feed, Just like they do when they say "so and so and so and so are now friends", put "so and so just deleted so and so as a friend" ![]() ![]() |
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#15 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 719
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Storm in an internet teacup.
Ignore them and get on with your life, nothing annoys people more. |
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#16 |
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,314
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Storm in an internet teacup.
Ignore them and get on with your life . . Just ignore it and let her have her tantrum. Rise above it. Be the better person. Don't get drawn in. Maintain a grown-up and dignified silence etc etc. |
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#17 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,847
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Yes she overreacted. But why on earth did you delete her in the first place? The unfollow button works just fine for me when people I need on Facebook for various reasons post stuff I'm not interested in seeing.
And as for her 'not bothering with you' - couldn't you be accused of doing the same when you deliberately exclude her from things that include BOTH your friends? We can't get along with everyone in life, and there are certainly friends in my circles that I get on less well with than others. Excluding them creates a horrible situation for everyone else though, and won't improve strained relations when you DO have to see them with other friends. You can't force them to see her the same way as you do, or to cut her out of their lives because you want to. I think in this situation - for the sake of your other friends - you should talk to her in person, giving a simple apology for deleting her, explaining why in brief, and saying that you were hurt by her reaction to it. Be the bigger person - other people may or may not choose to estrange themselves from her. If this advice sounds judgemental, understand that I'm stuck in the middle of warring friend groups - three of us being made to choose between other sides of the argument. If you don't have any bigger problem with this girl originally than 'she doesn't bother with you' then I would advise strongly against making any further drama out of this. |
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#18 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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Yes she overreacted. But why on earth did you delete her in the first place? The unfollow button works just fine for me when people I need on Facebook for various reasons post stuff I'm not interested in seeing.
And as for her 'not bothering with you' - couldn't you be accused of doing the same when you deliberately exclude her from things that include BOTH your friends? We can't get along with everyone in life, and there are certainly friends in my circles that I get on less well with than others. Excluding them creates a horrible situation for everyone else though, and won't improve strained relations when you DO have to see them with other friends. You can't force them to see her the same way as you do, or to cut her out of their lives because you want to. I think in this situation - for the sake of your other friends - you should talk to her in person, giving a simple apology for deleting her, explaining why in brief, and saying that you were hurt by her reaction to it. Be the bigger person - other people may or may not choose to estrange themselves from her. If this advice sounds judgemental, understand that I'm stuck in the middle of warring friend groups - three of us being made to choose between other sides of the argument. If you don't have any bigger problem with this girl originally than 'she doesn't bother with you' then I would advise strongly against making any further drama out of this. I did unfollow her but everytime I commented on anyone's status there she was |
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#19 |
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Sees me at the tower
Posts: 1,669
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Quote:
I think in this situation - for the sake of your other friends - you should talk to her in person, giving a simple apology for deleting her, explaining why in brief, and saying that you were hurt by her reaction to it.
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#20 |
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Hebrides
Posts: 28,134
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We fell out in past for exactly same thing she hung out with me till someone better came along and ditched me. She's been out no of times not once has she bothered to ask how are you and regarding the night out loads of us was out she could've singled anyone but chose me.
I did unfollow her but everytime I commented on anyone's status there she was It's awfully old fashioned I know but it's still good advice, speak to her face to face and clear up your differences , this is a problem between you and her not others in both your circle of friends. |
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#21 |
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Sunny Side Of The Street
Posts: 40,099
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There is more to life than Facebook tantrums Time to move on.
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#22 |
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,433
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I would find it incredibly difficult to even consider apologising to somebody who made up that I had an abortion and slept around. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I say.
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#23 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 73
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I would find it incredibly difficult to even consider apologising to somebody who made up that I had an abortion and slept around. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I say.
This and the fact she said on the status I slept around and made fun of her cancer scare! Not one person who knows me knows I'm not like that |
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#24 |
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,847
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I would find it incredibly difficult to even consider apologising to somebody who made up that I had an abortion and slept around. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I say.
I still think the original action of the OP was unnecessary - itself an overreaction - and that it would be a gracious action to explain herself to this person, apologise and move on. It doesn't mean she has to be friends with this person, just not all act like drama queens about perceived and actual slights. |
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#25 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: farnborough
Posts: 1,732
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Storm in an internet teacup.
Ignore them and get on with your life, nothing annoys people more. |
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