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Dating: Are women unrealistic?


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Old 08-12-2016, 21:53
muggins14
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After my husband died, I really wasn't interested in anyone else. I just wanted to concentrate on my daughter. About 16 months after he died, I started a job. To cut a really long story short, me and my boss became friendly, as his mum had died and when he came back from compassionate leave, I would help him with paperwork and things on PC. We would chat alot about grief. 3 months after that, we started dating but kept hid hidden from workmates. Something just clicked with us. He's 8 years older than me, has never married, no children. When people at work found out about us (when we weren't working but went out for a night out and someone saw us) everyone was really happy for us. They say they've never seen him so happy until I started working there. We've been together 3 and a half years now. He wants us to marry. I don't work there anymore, got a different job. Maybe it was right time, right place.
How lovely. Your story made me smile Qwerty - a big wide smile
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Old 08-12-2016, 22:28
Brandy211
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Not everybody wants to partnered up just because others think they should be. Some people wait until they meet somebody they want to be with. Some women enjoy being single.
This...Is what many fail to understand.

Not everyone wants to be with somebody full time.

Some are scared of being alone, others aren't.
Women rely less now on men, than in years gone by & as you say, many are quite happy being single.
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Old 08-12-2016, 22:31
Brandy211
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But half of them are on various dating websites !!
There are also many on dating sites who are looking for nothing more than to be wined & dined...For free, then text that your not compatible after the first date or two

I have known of women that do this & have an extremely busy (and free/cheap) social life.

There might be other,s who are there just to test the waters to see if there,s any interest.

Some are already dating, but haven't deleted their account.
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Old 08-12-2016, 22:49
Brandy211
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80% of men apparently have below average looks. .
The reason why many of these 80% with below average looks are single, is probably that their seeking only women with above average looks, with long legs & supermodel type features
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Old 08-12-2016, 22:59
blueblade
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This...Is what many fail to understand.

Not everyone wants to be with somebody full time.

Some are scared of being alone, others aren't.
Women rely less now on men, than in years gone by & as you say, many are quite happy being single.
To be fair, as are many men. Increasingly so as the years go by.
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Old 08-12-2016, 23:06
Jason100
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I've been suspicious of online dating. I tried it once and they always message you a link to their naughty pictures asking you to pay to see them after the conversation gets flowing.

I moved on to dating apps and had one date where she didn't feel any romantic connection despite us getting on very well.
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Old 08-12-2016, 23:32
Pink_Smurf
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Everything seems to be done online now, shopping, dating and discussion. I think a lot of people are happy to be single instead of settling for someone they don't want 100%. I think men put a lot of store into looks while women look further than that. Looks aren't everything. Women on dating sites get many messages including a lot from proper creeps. I met some nice men online including a younger man I saw for months before I ended it and had some nice encounters with younger men. I met up with a very good looking but horrible and creepy guy. He was just awful as a date. I also met a guy who turned out to be someone different to his photo, 15 years older on real life and I think someone else altogether. I think women are more independent nowadays and finding a man isn't necessarily a priority any more compared to a few decades ago. Also I have read that hookers are using dating sites to make money from the men on there and link to porn sites etc. Finally just because someone is good looking of either gender it doesn't necessarily follow that they'd be snapped up and it doesn't always follow that they'll be a nice person or a good partner.
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Old 09-12-2016, 06:37
Tiger Rag
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I'm not unrealistic. I'd rather not date someone who is desparate. I've had a few ask me out who are desparate. I don't click at all with one (we'd known each other for a year before he asked me out) and the other, well, he was just creepy.
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Old 09-12-2016, 08:00
juliancarswell
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Word of the week....." Creepy"
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Old 09-12-2016, 08:12
tghe-retford
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Women rely less now on men, than in years gone by & as you say, many are quite happy being single.
That's reflected in the ONS figures - whilst marriage is dropping for both men and women (slightly more women than men want to marry) and co-habitation is increasing for both too, when you factor out population, you notice something about the numbers of singles per gender. There is a plateau or even slight fall of single men whilst there is a consistent rise of numbers of single women (though single men still outnumber single women).

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulat...ngarrangements

This is probably down to women holding all the aces when it comes to courtship and relationships, are likely to engage in more casual relationships (including no strings sexual encounters via Tinder) and the growth of "I'd rather be single than settle".
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Old 09-12-2016, 08:31
Tiger Rag
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Word of the week....." Creepy"
Having some random guy stand on a street corner and just approach you is actually creepy. And he wouldn't take no for an answer. Goodness knows why he thought I'd want to go out with him.
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Old 09-12-2016, 08:35
Ben_Copland
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Regarding that, I did see an article that suggested women were much fussier than men on those sites once. Now whether that means women can be unrealistic, men aren't fussy enough or a bit of both is for you to decide.

As far I remember the article looked at the one where you swipe left or right on your mobile to signal interest or not. Women were saying no much more often than men. It also looked at stats from another site, and men and women were asked to judge profiles out of 10. The average scores women gave men's profiles were much lower than the average scores men gave to women's. I think the average men's profile got about a 3 or 4 out of 10 and a woman's around a 6 or 7.
Every dating website I've been on, I have to lie on my profile. Just having a stable job and a great personality isn't enough. Some of the women on them are VERY materialistic. There's even options as to what someone must be earning before they can actually message them.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:02
juliancarswell
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Every dating website I've been on, I have to lie on my profile. Just having a stable job and a great personality isn't enough. Some of the women on them are VERY materialistic. There's even options as to what someone must be earning before they can actually message them.
Hypergamy. 😊
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:04
Turbulence
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They could indeed be waiting for Brad Pitt. Or they could be not dating because even just the thought of going on one date is tiresome. Or it could be one of the infinite other possible reasons.

The fact that they're attractive is irrelevant if they're choosing not to date or look for a relationship.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:05
Harvey_Specter
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................. when it comes to dating or are there really so few decent blokes about.

I ask as at 36, I know so many attractive women who are single, they could have any bloke they wanted, but never seem to date. Comments have been made of course about waiting for (insert perfect bloke here) and i assumed they were at least half joking, but recent experience suggests they are chasing that elusive perfect bloke who never appears.
As with my many subjective generalisations, the obvious answer will have to be no.

The more people who are happy with their own life instead of settling for a 'couples life' that may not be as fulfilling, is surely the way forward.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:16
vintage_girl
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................. when it comes to dating or are there really so few decent blokes about.

I ask as at 36, I know so many attractive women who are single, they could have any bloke they wanted, but never seem to date. Comments have been made of course about waiting for (insert perfect bloke here) and i assumed they were at least half joking, but recent experience suggests they are chasing that elusive perfect bloke who never appears.
Have you ever considered that they're actually happy being single? Not all women are looking for a man.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:20
Harvey_Specter
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Have you ever considered that they're actually happy being single? Not all women are looking for a man.
No, no women are clearly unfulfilled unless they're in a relationship.

Although to be fair I have a lot of female friends in relationships who say the same about me, so hmm.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:34
francie
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Have you ever considered that they're actually happy being single? Not all women are looking for a man.
God forbid
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:39
vintage_girl
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No, no women are clearly unfulfilled unless they're in a relationship.

Although to be fair I have a lot of female friends in relationships who say the same about me, so hmm.
Haha well I just know that anytime I've been single (out of choice) and some nosy bugger's asked me how come, my go-to answer's been "haven't met the right person/the One". Much easier than explaining you're happy on your own and getting a perplexed look, plus some idiotic question like "But....don't you want babies?"
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:41
vintage_girl
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Some might be looking for woman!
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:46
The Amazing
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I tried dating sites earlier this year but I didn't really take it seriously at all (my profile was a bit of a nihilistic piss-take). I think this was partly because I know I'm not a good looking guy and being able to say "Oh yeah, the reason I didn't have any online dating success is because I was only messing about" is easier than "Man, I'm not attractive AT ALL..."

I also did the maths once for people who I think would be interested in me, and starting at the Earth's population of 7 billion, I got down to about 3 and then gave up before it got embarrassing.

I don't think women are any more unrealistic than men, but I do think that you have to have something about you to get noticed on an online dating app ie. more than a profile pic of you in the pub and listing your interests as football and drinking.
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Old 09-12-2016, 12:52
Harvey_Specter
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I tried dating sites earlier this year but I didn't really take it seriously at all (my profile was a bit of a nihilistic piss-take). I think this was partly because I know I'm not a good looking guy and being able to say "Oh yeah, the reason I didn't have any online dating success is because I was only messing about" is easier than "Man, I'm not attractive AT ALL..."

I also did the maths once for people who I think would be interested in me, and starting at the Earth's population of 7 billion, I got down to about 3 and then gave up before it got embarrassing.

I don't think women are any more unrealistic than men, but I do think that you have to have something about you to get noticed on an online dating app ie. more than a profile pic of you in the pub and listing your interests as football and drinking.
This is true, online dating is really only going to be successful for attractive people, mainly because people are not on there to wait and see if they like someone, but rather if they have an instant attraction because of their looks.

If you go down the pub and sit at the bar a couple times a week either with friends or on your own, I guarantee you'll find success through social interaction, regardless of whether you believe you're attractive or not.
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Old 09-12-2016, 13:26
Susie_Smith
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Dating in this era seems so calculating and cold that if I was to break up with my OH I would not bother. Maybe the women you are talking about are just burnt out and disillusioned with trying to find a significant other. I was going to say trying to find romance, but romance seems thin on the ground these days. Swipe left, ghosting, commitment phobic - just seems like hard work.
The whole dating website thing seems so artificial to me. All of my relationships have started when I have been socialising, or at work/school. You get to know the person and after a while realise you both like each other quite a lot - this can happen over the course of months or in one evening.

I always get the feeling people on dating websites must be a bit odd if they can't go out and meet people the old-fashioned way.
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Old 09-12-2016, 15:57
jp761
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The very best looking women around, are often dull and dumb! I'm not sure why, but very often it seems to be the case. That is why many are single. It's not always by "choice". Or because they are the ones waiting for "Mr perfect for them".

Awesome looking women often are unlucky in love, being dull and dumb aren't attractive characteristics. This does go the same for the very best looking guys around to. The best looking people around, are often uptight and dull. Not always of course. But in my experience it's often true.

Many very good looking people have the attitude "whats going on I look fantastic" why am I still single.. They tend to forget they also need other good traits about them!
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Old 09-12-2016, 15:58
jp761
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Dating sites don't believe they are full of awesome looking females!

Like I say don't believe them!
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