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Is Being Comfortable With Someone A Bad Thing? |
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#1 |
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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Is Being Comfortable With Someone A Bad Thing?
I was thinking over some past relationships last night and remembered how one of my previous girlfriends said that she was immediately comfortable with me when we first met. Now at the time I took it as a good thing but no way is my mind not going to twist things around when I'm trying to get some sleep!
I remember her saying how she didn't feel that she had to impress me, to hide what she perceived to be her failings or to maintain an appearance of dignity. She was a very sweet girl and like I said, at the time I took it as a good thing but then I thought: was it because she never saw me as a threat? That she never thought I could do better than her? That no one else would be with me so she didn't have competition? God does the mind run around crazy land when you need to get some sleep. Do you think that being comfortable with your partner, or them with you, could be a bad thing? |
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#2 |
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: London
Posts: 16,527
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I used to hate her ringing me up and saying "come home, I've got nothing to sit on"
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#3 |
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 15,017
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The alternative being...uncomfortable with each other? Doesn't seem like something that would naturally be conducive to a good relationship.
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#4 |
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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Quote:
The alternative being...uncomfortable with each other? Doesn't seem like something that would naturally be conducive to a good relationship.
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#5 |
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 626
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I would have thought it vital for any relationship
Companionship is vital as well, passion and lust fade so you need something else |
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#6 |
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 2,068
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After my wife had surgery and was convalescing at home, she needed to throw up. Because she couldn't move quickly she didn't make it to the toilet in time, so I ended up mopping vomit off the bathroom floor and picking bits out of the sink.
Then there was the time that we went to a "coffee" shop in Amsterdam. Not being used to that sort of thing I ended up unable to walk unassisted, and she had to drag me to our hotel room and stay up for hours to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit or do anything stupid. My point being that this sort of vulnerability and embarrassment happens now and again in any long-term relationship, and if it's going to last you need to be comfortable enough with each other to shrug and get on with it. I don't think it's possible to be too relaxed with a partner. |
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#7 |
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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Quote:
After my wife had surgery and was convalescing at home, she needed to throw up. Because she couldn't move quickly she didn't make it to the toilet in time, so I ended up mopping vomit off the bathroom floor and picking bits out of the sink....
I think sometimes we can be too comfortable with people and end up taking them for granted. That's what I'm trying to (and failing to) describe. |
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#8 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,714
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I can't speak for anyone else, but comfort is what I want in a relationship. Comfort sounds cosy and to some, that's boring and scary. It depends on the person though.
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#9 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The Pit of Despair
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If she said she was immediately comfortable when you first met, I take that to mean that she didn't feel awkward trying to converse or find topics of conversation, that she didn't feel nervous, tense, that she felt at ease with you, could be herself rather than put on an act, that she didn't feel you had unreasonable expectations of her.
Sounds like an almighty compliment to me, although it obviously didn't work out with you both - so perhaps you weren't totally comfortable with her ![]() I would love to have felt that way on first meeting somebody. |
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#10 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,335
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Quote:
I was thinking over some past relationships last night and remembered how one of my previous girlfriends said that she was immediately comfortable with me when we first met. Now at the time I took it as a good thing but no way is my mind not going to twist things around when I'm trying to get some sleep!
I remember her saying how she didn't feel that she had to impress me, to hide what she perceived to be her failings or to maintain an appearance of dignity. She was a very sweet girl and like I said, at the time I took it as a good thing but then I thought: was it because she never saw me as a threat? That she never thought I could do better than her? That no one else would be with me so she didn't have competition? God does the mind run around crazy land when you need to get some sleep. Do you think that being comfortable with your partner, or them with you, could be a bad thing? I never felt I had to put on a show to impress my BF ( now husband). He just likes me for who I am. I don't remember conversation being awkward or stilted - we just clicked. He's an incredibly quiet and reserved person, but I felt as though I got to see a side of him few other people did. Because we were comfortable together. I see it as a good thing myself. |
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#11 |
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: The Sixth Circle of Hell
Posts: 20,179
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No - how could it be?
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#12 |
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The Pit of Despair
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I presume you are the one who dumped this girl, because to me it reads like she was saying you're the perfect guy for her, because most women would love a guy that they could feel comfortable enough to be themselves around.
Also, why would you want your girlfriend to see you as a threat - a threat to what? Competition for what? |
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#13 |
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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Quote:
I presume you are the one who dumped this girl...
It just felt like I was putting in all of the effort into keeping the spark there while she was comfortable in doing nothing. I actually enjoy doing nice things but when nothing is returned it feels like a slap in the face sometimes, if that makes sense. So about being a threat, perhaps if she saw there was a chance in losing me, she would have made more of an effort. That's what I was wondering at least. |
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#14 |
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: London
Posts: 16,527
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it seems the problem was she is just a natural scruff rather than the comfort thing
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#15 |
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Inactive Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 17,092
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What she was saying was that she didn't feel like she had to pretend to be someone else but i guess the question is whose expectations was she trying to live up to.
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#16 |
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,402
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Quote:
I was thinking over some past relationships last night and remembered how one of my previous girlfriends said that she was immediately comfortable with me when we first met. Now at the time I took it as a good thing but no way is my mind not going to twist things around when I'm trying to get some sleep!
I remember her saying how she didn't feel that she had to impress me, to hide what she perceived to be her failings or to maintain an appearance of dignity. She was a very sweet girl and like I said, at the time I took it as a good thing but then I thought: was it because she never saw me as a threat? That she never thought I could do better than her? That no one else would be with me so she didn't have competition? God does the mind run around crazy land when you need to get some sleep. Do you think that being comfortable with your partner, or them with you, could be a bad thing? |
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#17 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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#18 |
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,402
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No but thank you for the offer
![]() (Oh and it was't an offer btw. ![]() )
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#19 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,718
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I think you can get "too comfortable" in a relationship, but not necessarily the way you're saying. I don't think not wanting to dress up for a restaurant is down to being too comfortable, that just sounds like her personality - Some people just don't like dressing up?
I have friends who talk about how they are so comfortable with their partners/husbands that they will be in the shower while their husband is on the loo and things like that... Each to their own but personally for me, that to me is too comfortable! I love my boyfriend and our intimacy and how we are comfortable with each other in that we don't feel the need to make a real effort with our appearance at all times and don't care if the other sees us looking not our best, but that doesn't mean I need to see him on the loo. Of course, if my boyfriend was recovering from surgery or became disabled or something, I would help him with toilet or whatever because I love him, but just for the sake of 'being comfortable'... No
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#20 |
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Inactive Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 17,092
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Quote:
I think you can get "too comfortable" in a relationship, but not necessarily the way you're saying. I don't think not wanting to dress up for a restaurant is down to being too comfortable, that just sounds like her personality - Some people just don't like dressing up?
I have friends who talk about how they are so comfortable with their partners/husbands that they will be in the shower while their husband is on the loo and things like that... Each to their own but personally for me, that to me is too comfortable! I love my boyfriend and our intimacy and how we are comfortable with each other in that we don't feel the need to make a real effort with our appearance at all times and don't care if the other sees us looking not our best, but that doesn't mean I need to see him on the loo. Of course, if my boyfriend was recovering from surgery or became disabled or something, I would help him with toilet or whatever because I love him, but just for the sake of 'being comfortable'... No ![]() |
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#21 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,718
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Quote:
I don't think that's what he's talking about. He's talking about not trying to impress him or hiding her feelings, not dressing up or farting under the blankets kind of comfortable
I realise I then went on a complete tangent though ![]() Sorry OP.
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#22 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: In a building
Posts: 24,018
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It's a terrible thing never let anyone get too comfy... it turns them into a serial duvet thief!.... People take liberties
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#23 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,889
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Comfort is one thing, complacency is quite another. Failing to keep up interest in the bedroom falls into the latter category.
Familiarity frequently does breed contempt, sadly. |
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#24 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Aberdeen
Posts: 12,197
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Everydboy needs a bosom for a pillow.
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#25 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 102
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I realise I then went on a complete tangent though
![]() Sorry OP.Quote:
she felt that she deserved more but settled, which i think is the point the OP is alluding to although i guess in order for that to be the case the OP has to have a bad self image.
Quote:
If you are not single then why are reflecting past relationships?
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