|
||||||||
Relationships/colleagues - am I the problem? |
![]() |
|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|
#1 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: SE London
Posts: 796
|
Relationships/colleagues - am I the problem?
This is gonna be a bit lengthy but bear with me, trying to get my own feelings straight on this issue and could use the third party support/opinion. Here goes:
So as you may be aware from other threads, I'm interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with a charming, attractive female colleague. There's nothing in our lawbook preventing coworkers hooking up, indeed several such couples already exist. I genuinely adore this lady, she's sweet and smart and very beautiful (even if she herself thinks otherwise) and I would love nothing more than to cradle her in my feeble arms and make her feel loved and special. This gorgeous girl makes the day so much brighter and I want to offer upon her the love, affection and respect I am absolutely keen to give. I would absolutely shower her with adoration if ever the chance came. I've tried to be careful not to push too far and cause her difficulty, but with this restraint in mind I'm running out of ideas for ways to make my feelings clear, given I can't exactly control what order words come out of my mouth when I'm around her! Sadly, whilst she has taken my affections in good grace and appears to recognise that I only have best intentions at heart, it's become increasingly clear that any efforts I make are for naught and ahw bears little interest in taking our relationship any further. As you may have seen if you follow me on Twitter, last night it was the company's Christmas pub bash, and the girl in question was in attendance - indeed this was the first night out the two of us had both been onsince last year's work do, given she was unable, purportedly for entirely legit-seeming reasons, to attend either of the nights out I put on in between. And the apple o' my eye spent most of the night talking with another guy! Obviously a fellow member of the firm - which means the dreamgirl doesn't have a problem dating colleagues - he's not someone I'd taken much heed of previously (he works in a different area and apparently rarely frequents my sub-basement stock floor) but on the basis of last night he comes across as a decent enough bloke - there's even a photo (which I haven't put online) of the three of us together, me sat on their laps somehow looking like I'd been clipped from another shot and photoshopped in over the top of a date-night snap! And I know that this fella is far more up our girl's street than I'd ever be - he's an Adonis compared to myself, a sleek and healthy man compared to my pallid and crumpled appearance. He's still got frickin' teeth! And although I can't vouch for what he's like behind a closed door, in the crucible of the party the good lady seemed thrilled to be in his company. So here's the thing. I want her to be happy. Even if not with me. Nothing is more important to me than her happiness and confidence. I want this girl to feel like the most special, beautiful creature on Planet Earth. I want the lady to feel safe, respected, happy and confident in herself. And if this rare feller does all that for her, that's all to the good, and I won't stand in their way like the scrawny kid from an 80s movie (and hooboy have I ever seen a lot of them! ) I would say that "if he wrongs her, I'd sort him out", but that's a fight I'm destined not to win (and anyway, I'm a lover not a fighter. Well, technically neither...) The girl's feelings are what I care about now, more important than even my own. TVTropes calls it "I Want My Beloved To Be Happy". And I do. Rejection is no surprise to me: I was getting turned down by classmates I sought to date a good 25 years back, and virtually every employer I've applied to bar my current one has knocked me to the work kerb. But then I turn to wonder: where's my romance? I've seen a lot of love stories where a chap seeks to win fair maiden - from the John Hughes ilk of the late 20th century, through to Disney tales (Lady and the Tramp, Aladdin, Tangled being the obvious ones). And I see romance on the streets day in day out - guys protectively hugging their girlfriend that little tighter as I come past, even though I quite clearly pose precious little threat. I need love in my life, without the warmth of a good woman I have to return forlornly to the homestead and cuddle my mermaid (not a euphemism; I have an actual mermaid doll, as seen recently on Instagram.) It seems love is something desired by me but designed only for others. I don't have a circle of friends outside work, at least not that I see physically. I have online chums o'course, and some have risen above the call of duty (one superkind pair even supplying the very phone I'm slowly tapping this out with now!) But they're dotted all over London, the current UK and the globe, so a trip on the south-east's tiles may not be feasible for all. But meeting people online is easy compared to the daunting task of meeting in person. I'm not, as you'll have gathered, the most popular, successful or attractive guy. My wider body of colleagues, whilst happy enough to tolerate my presence in the workgroup and at company events (and a handful even turned out for nights I set in train, for which I'm massively grateful) don't seem hugely keen to have me penetrate their broader social circle and rarely invite me to spend time in their close quarters. Maybe it's because of my health - internal problems which long predate my involvement with the firm have left me cramped, unwell and not pleasant to stand upwind of. (They don't get in the way of doing the actual job, though.) I put looking after myself way away on the back-burner whilst out of work, and now it hella shows - nobody would describe me as a popular man, 'he exists' is probably the best I can hope for! So summat like Yellow would be manna from gods? Er, nah. Only met a few genuine actual people through that, been quite a chore to dispense with all the camsex girls once their true intentions become known... I don't want to pay some underfunded harlot to perform for me, I want real, genuine personal connection! I guess the point of this hour is to ask you the DS nation these questions: - How do I move forward knowing the girl I adore has snubbed my genuine affections and chosen someone who even I believe is the better man? - How do I find the girl who'll tolerate my many flaws and problems, and let me hold her tight such as to proffer the sweet kind love which I know full well I could proctor given the chance? - How can I be more sociable when my personality is let badly down by my very poorly-received physical form? - Or do I just give up, and carry on much as now: carrying on my work and remaining civil with colleagues, before returning home to the bitterness and resentment of home with nary but a mermaid for jolly company? Thanks for your time. Needed to get this off my chest and was far too rambling to put anywhere else! At least on DS someone may hear my wails! |
|
|
|
Please sign in or register to remove this advertisement.
|
|
|
#2 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 4,782
|
Quote:
- How do I move forward knowing the girl I adore has snubbed my genuine affections and chosen someone who even I believe is the better man?
![]() Quote:
- How do I find the girl who'll tolerate my many flaws and problems, and let me hold her tight such as to proffer the sweet kind love which I know full well I could proctor given the chance?
Quote:
- How can I be more sociable when my personality is let badly down by my very poorly-received physical form?
Quote:
- Or do I just give up, and carry on much as now: carrying on my work and remaining civil with colleagues, before returning home to the bitterness and resentment of home with nary but a mermaid for jolly company?
Best of luck! |
|
|
|
|
|
#3 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,305
|
First of all you need to dig yourself out of your romance-sodden make-believe world and start seeing things like an adult. Focus on you and your attitude to other people especially how you see women. Your OP is full of such unrealistic, starry-eyed stuff and if you present even a fraction of that attitude and outlook to others I would imagine that would put most women off you.
Sorry to be so frank but you need to lose the pink-tinted specs and recognise life isn't a fairy tale and women aren't there to be cradled in your feeble arms. Edited to add: which other threads have you brought this up in? |
|
|
|
|
|
#4 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,101
|
I got to as far as the bit where you were sat on the couple's laps before realising this is a joke.
This is a joke, right? |
|
|
|
|
|
#5 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 4,782
|
Quote:
I got to as far as the bit where you were sat on the couple's laps before realising this is a joke. This is a joke, right?
If this is a joke (unlikely), it's quite an extensive one judging by the amount of written text. |
|
|
|
|
|
#6 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: The Sixth Circle of Hell
Posts: 20,172
|
Deleted.
OP may not be serious about a very serious matter. |
|
|
|
|
|
#7 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,023
|
Mermaid?
Also talk normally. You're not Morrissey |
|
|
|
|
|
#8 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 6,365
|
Quote:
Mermaid?
Also talk normally. You're not Morrissey Not sure whether the occasional American term is an affectation or whether it means he actually is American - though living in London. My advice would be to ditch the self obsession and put the writing aspirations on hold (please don't give up the day job). If you like someone - ask them out. You are a grown man for heavens sake, not an inexperienced teen. Go join the real world. |
|
|
|
|
|
#9 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,101
|
Quote:
Christmas Party + Alcohol = Sitting on laps. Not too hard to imagine.
If this is a joke (unlikely), it's quite an extensive one judging by the amount of written text. |
|
|
|
|
|
#10 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Liverpool/sarf London.
Posts: 11,736
|
What a fishy tail/tale..
Mermaid doll???? |
|
|
|
|
|
#11 |
|
Inactive Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 11
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
#12 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: SE London
Posts: 796
|
Quote:
With some difficulty, I'd imagine. Do you know that she's romantically interested in this other guy? If so, then you'll have to cut your losses, that said, if you're merely speculating, and you'd like a chance with her - ask her out for a drink, even if it's just a coffee. You may not have anything in common with her to form a relationship on, but if you don't ask, you don't know.
![]() Quote:
That's a question a lot of long-time single guys (myself included) have been asking themselves for eons. Typically people just say "be yourself", or "you never know what's just around the corner", or "the right one will come along" or some other trivial trash (sorry). The fact of the matter is, some guys (and girls, I'm sure) are unlucky, be that life experiences, genetics or otherwise. it may be that you'll never find this girl you seek... It's the harsh truth. You may be better off attempting to extend your social circle; whatever cravings you have for a relationship may be filled by having a small group of friends.
Quote:
Can you elaborate on this? What's wrong with your physical form? Have you considered a gym membership (for weight training more than cardiovascular work)?
Quote:
Well that sounds morbid, but I can relate. Whilst it hasn't really worked for me, have you tried dating websites? Have you tried MeetUp.com?
Best of luck! Quote:
Christmas Party + Alcohol = Sitting on laps. Not too hard to imagine.
If this is a joke (unlikely), it's quite an extensive one judging by the amount of written text. Quote:
Mermaid?
Also talk normally. You're not Morrissey The mermaid is real - https://www.instagram.com/p/BM9Ej3QBP0M/ - and I'll let our friends at Wikipedia explain why it is I've got 'er: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_object Quote:
Check out the OP's internet ramblings. It seems he is real.
Not sure whether the occasional American term is an affectation or whether it means he actually is American - though living in London. My advice would be to ditch the self obsession and put the writing aspirations on hold (please don't give up the day job). If you like someone - ask them out. You are a grown man for heavens sake, not an inexperienced teen. Go join the real world. As to the fairytale talk, I guess it stems from my wanting to be the hero. I'm not one of those blunt sexists who thinks women are frail damsels to be cosseted, in fact I welcome female advancement in all its fields. But I do want to be the kind of fella who makes the ladies I care about feel confident, beautiful, respected, appreciated, happy and safe in all they do. I have so much love and respect for women and I just wish I could find some strong, positive way to express it... |
|
|
|
|
#13 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,023
|
Being frank. Do you realise you come off like a creepy weirdo?
Not saying there won't be some angel of wispy feminine wonder out there who'll fall for you. But come on. Women are people... same as men just with different underwear parts. Stop putting people on pedestals is my advice. And I said not Morrissey. as in...not at all. |
|
|
|
|
|
#14 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,305
|
Quote:
But I do want to be the kind of fella who makes the ladies I care about feel confident, beautiful, respected, appreciated, happy and safe in all they do. I have so much love and respect for women and I just wish I could find some strong, positive way to express it...
And that should be a question that's difficult to answer honestly and in depth. But probably worth answering if not here, in your own mind. |
|
|
|
|
|
#15 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,103
|
You want to be careful she doesn't have enough of your pursuit to get in her knickers and raise a formal sexual harassment claim against with your management.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#16 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Liverpool/sarf London.
Posts: 11,736
|
Unrequited love op, move on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#17 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Woking, Surrey.
Posts: 3,587
|
I you speak converse in real life in anything like the manner as your OP I'll be staying well away from you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#18 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 3,708
|
Another Mills & Boon audition.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#19 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,364
|
One of the things I see often amongst some of my friends and in everyday life, is that some people have expectations far higher than is real or warranted.
Some people I know will not consider someone unless they are a perfect 10, when in reality, they themselves are probably a 5. Maybe you are hoping to bat above average without considering those who are below average or even equal to yourself. You say your physical appearance and unfortunate health is a hinderance, well maybe to some but not to those who maybe have it worse than you. Maybe you need to set your sights lower is what I'm basically trying to get at. |
|
|
|
|
|
#20 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,334
|
OP, do you realise that you come across as needy, insecure and in confident? Your blog (what i managed to read of it) screams 'I'm desperate for attention! Nobody loves me!' my advice would be to stop publicly documenting your self-peceived failings . It's not attractive, and as you make no effort to hide your identity, pretty soon the girl you like will know how you feel. Think carefully about the image you portray and the information you share.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#21 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 11,776
|
Quote:
I you speak converse in real life in anything like the manner as your OP I'll be staying well away from you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#22 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5,261
|
I looked at your twitter, and pof and you look like a perfectly normal bloke. However your writing makes you sound so needy and wierd and clingy. Keep it inside dude, realms of trite prose will not endear you to anybody. Treat women like people not like imaginary princesses and just try and be friends with them before you think do anything more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#23 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: The Pit of Despair
Posts: 50,130
|
I agree with pretty much everybody - I would say, you've got 1000+ followers out there on Twitter amazingly, give them something more upbeat to read of your tweets!
I would also say, get a social life. Give yourself something other than work - for yourself. |
|
|
|
|
|
#24 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5,261
|
Are you autistic? You're obviously very intelligent, but seem to struggle with social situations and general social contact. If you have not been diagnosed i would suggest visiting your GP.
|
|
|
|
|
|
#25 |
|
Forum Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Sees me at the tower
Posts: 1,669
|
You don't sound remotely the problem, you seem like a caring nice enough guy. But then, the girl or the guys she's with isn't a 'problem' either. Everything just 'is', I guess.
As for the social situations, I'd suggest starting with small talk with some shop keepers or staff of places you go to. The conversation doesn't have to last very long, but by talking to those people you can have a reason to start it, then if you do that several times you'll start to gain confidence. Don't worry about throwing yourself into big group situations if you're not comfortable with it. I hate that myself. But talking to one new person at a time, and lots of times, goes a long way. That in turn, should help you move forward and think less about the girl who has a boyfriend. Or take up a hobby to keep yourself occupied, and you might meet the odd person there. |
|
|
|
![]() |
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 09:33.




