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Relationships/colleagues - am I the problem? |
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#26 |
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: SE London
Posts: 796
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You want to be careful she doesn't have enough of your pursuit to get in her knickers and raise a formal sexual harassment claim against with your management.
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OP, do you realise that you come across as needy, insecure and in confident? Your blog (what i managed to read of it) screams 'I'm desperate for attention! Nobody loves me!' my advice would be to stop publicly documenting your self-peceived failings . It's not attractive, and as you make no effort to hide your identity, pretty soon the girl you like will know how you feel. Think carefully about the image you portray and the information you share.
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I looked at your twitter, and pof and you look like a perfectly normal bloke. However your writing makes you sound so needy and wierd and clingy. Keep it inside dude, realms of trite prose will not endear you to anybody. Treat women like people not like imaginary princesses and just try and be friends with them before you think do anything more.
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Agreed. OP you come across quite stalkery, obsessive and creepy. Probably best to keep using the pay for service and leave the work colleagues alone.
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One of the things I see often amongst some of my friends and in everyday life, is that some people have expectations far higher than is real or warranted.
Some people I know will not consider someone unless they are a perfect 10, when in reality, they themselves are probably a 5. Maybe you are hoping to bat above average without considering those who are below average or even equal to yourself. You say your physical appearance and unfortunate health is a hinderance, well maybe to some but not to those who maybe have it worse than you. Maybe you need to set your sights lower is what I'm basically trying to get at. Quote:
I agree with pretty much everybody - I would say, you've got 1000+ followers out there on Twitter amazingly, give them something more upbeat to read of your tweets!
I would also say, get a social life. Give yourself something other than work - for yourself. Quote:
Are you autistic? You're obviously very intelligent, but seem to struggle with social situations and general social contact. If you have not been diagnosed i would suggest visiting your GP.
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#27 |
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 613
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I was just going to post, in response to the earlier one suggesting autism, that did you maybe have Aspergers, and now you seem to have confirmed it. Your lengthy and at times overblown writing style seemed to suggest it. I actually thought this was a joke at first, now it makes me feel a bit sad.
I would go with the idea that you should try and build up your 'real life' social life for now. It seems you're in the London area, so maybe if you went online to discuss an interest you could find similar enthusiasts and get to know them enough to meet them? Being based where you are is a godsend in that regard, at least you are close to millions of people and not living in the Highlands or something. I'd maybe cool off the girl for now as it sounds like you;re putting too much pressure on yourself and maybe her, and to be honest even if you looked like David Beckham (you look perfectly ok by the way) she might be put off by the neediness that came across. I wish I could be of more help. Good luck. The fact that you've got a job is great progress and more than many, self included, so keep going. |
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#28 |
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5,262
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I do struggle to keep a lid on my emotions, and when I get the opportunity to blare out how I'm feeling - on the blog, Twitter, Instagram or DS, principally - sometimes I forget to hold my tongue. That said, there have been times I've started to tap a weary response to something someone's posted, before deciding not to bother. Maybe I need to do that more often! And my POF is still up? Haven't used that in donkey's...
Back in my teens, when I was having issues forming bonds with classmates, I got booted across to the ed psych who diagnosed me with Aspergers. Whilst that did explain some of my more innate traits, such as my didactic memory for things like Teletext page numbers, I haven't really had to use the diagnosis in day-to-day work, as it doesn't impair my ability to punt stock... A friend of mine has Aspergers, and i tbh i saw a lot of him in what you wrote. He was the brother of a good friend of mine and just used to tag along with him to the pub. He was incredibly shy at first and could only socialise after downing a bottle of wine or 2. Everyone thought he was weird, but over time grew to understand him more and he became a good friend. He was still weird but we all liked him because of it. I think its just practising at social situations and finding people who accept you for who you are. He is married now with a couple of kids. |
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#29 |
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 11,776
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Back in my teens, when I was having issues forming bonds with classmates, I got booted across to the ed psych who diagnosed me with Aspergers. Whilst that did explain some of my more innate traits, such as my didactic memory for things like Teletext page numbers, I haven't really had to use the diagnosis in day-to-day work, as it doesn't impair my ability to punt stock...
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#30 |
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 11,776
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OP I'm worried that you have put a lot of personal, identifying information on the internet. Be careful if anyone you don't know approaches or contacts you as there are some manipulative arseholes out there.
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#31 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Is there life on Mars
Posts: 5,365
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OP, most people are common or garden, run of the mill types and like usually is compatible to like.
You seem to be a bit more quirky than the usual and so finding compatibility may be a bit harder. I think you need to cast your net into different waters . Try joining the more creative social networks such as book clubs or volunteer at a local museum . I suspect you may have more luck than at the works Christmas bash.
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#32 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,777
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Deleted
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#33 |
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Au nord de l'Angleterre
Posts: 23,699
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So you're a pallid, stooping basement dwelling romantic?
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#34 |
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,207
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This is a serious suggestion - is there a dating site for people with Aspergers?
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#35 |
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Southern East Anglia
Posts: 75,214
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Jesus - Dominic, I just took a glance at your twitter feed. You're even talking about this girl in such glowing terms on there - it comes across as creepy and stalkerish. She and others must be able to see this as well as we can on here. Obviously, she will be running a mile from you. Anybody would. Most blokes would from any woman obsessing with them like that.
You need to grow up and not place women on some form of pedestal to which they cannot possibly live up. Stop getting obsessed, and definitely let it go like a bad habit with this woman, before you really freak her out and get into serious trouble. Romance will come to you if you don't keep bloody chasing it. Run after it, and it will run away. Stop still, and stop caring, and it will come to you. Trust me on that. It's the magic formula. Mind, I love that 1982 letter from the old lady with the transistor radio you re-tweeted. Pure class, that More of that kind of humour, and less of the self obsessed pity on your twitter would be good.
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#36 |
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: SE London
Posts: 796
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You should of course have an outlet for your emotions, but somewhere not so public would be a good idea. You obviously enjoy writing so perhaps creative writing would be a good outlet.
A friend of mine has Aspergers, and i tbh i saw a lot of him in what you wrote. He was the brother of a good friend of mine and just used to tag along with him to the pub. He was incredibly shy at first and could only socialise after downing a bottle of wine or 2. Everyone thought he was weird, but over time grew to understand him more and he became a good friend. He was still weird but we all liked him because of it. I think its just practising at social situations and finding people who accept you for who you are. He is married now with a couple of kids. As to creative writing, that's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but never really gave myself the opportunity to do. I've done odds and sods - the old MySpace blog I had a decade ago now got a few pieces of fiction in between the whines - a misread article on the Arctic Tern led me to dump out an occasional series of sub-Adrian Mole extracts on the life of a fictional Arctic teen, though those posts are now lost (unless Timberlake's still got'em squirreled away on a dusty old server somewhere...) I'd love to have done something involving music, but the local community station I "auditioned" at went bust before I could actually get on the air, so that's DJ out of the picture. And I do admire folks like Paul Rose, Peter Serafinowicz, Chris Morris, Charlie Brooker and the guys behind Framley Examiner, so if I can ever write something which tilts in their general direction I'd be absolutely beside myself... But yeah, I'd deffo be more creative if I could get the chances... Quote:
OP, most people are common or garden, run of the mill types and like usually is compatible to like.
You seem to be a bit more quirky than the usual and so finding compatibility may be a bit harder. I think you need to cast your net into different waters . Try joining the more creative social networks such as book clubs or volunteer at a local museum . I suspect you may have more luck than at the works Christmas bash. ![]() I did recently wonder whether I'd get to meet the sort of charming, interesting girl who hangs around in bookshops and record stores, and where the hell I'd need to go to find such a lady. There was genuinely that moment of staring-me-in-the-face realisation: "oh hang on, I work in a bloody shopping mall! We actually have book and music stores!" The staff party wasn't really the ideal venue for conversation, the event was set up primarily for dancin', and whilst some folks did find places to chat, nobody seemed in any hurry to make arrangements to talk to me. Maybe by the time next December rolls up I'll have figured out a way to actually instigate a conversation, which is something I've always struggled with. Quote:
Jesus - Dominic, I just took a glance at your twitter feed. You're even talking about this girl in such glowing terms on there - it comes across as creepy and stalkerish. She and others must be able to see this as well as we can on here. Obviously, she will be running a mile from you. Anybody would. Most blokes would from any woman obsessing with them like that.
You need to grow up and not place women on some form of pedestal to which they cannot possibly live up. Stop getting obsessed, and definitely let it go like a bad habit with this woman, before you really freak her out and get into serious trouble. Romance will come to you if you don't keep bloody chasing it. Run after it, and it will run away. Stop still, and stop caring, and it will come to you. Trust me on that. It's the magic formula. Mind, I love that 1982 letter from the old lady with the transistor radio you re-tweeted. Pure class, that More of that kind of humour, and less of the self obsessed pity on your twitter would be good.That letter did tickle me, I do like a nice bit of slowburn humour with a big meaty payoff. I'd happily keep that sort of thing in my timeline, though that's often reliant on someone else punting it into my field of vision in the first instance! Quote:
So you're a pallid, stooping basement dwelling romantic?
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#37 |
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Forum Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,314
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Rather than referring to women as ladies, start using the 'woman' and 'women' words.
It can make a difference to your own perception. |
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#38 |
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 11,311
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Rather than referring to women as ladies, start using the 'woman' and 'women' words.
It can make a difference to your own perception. We are women. Just human beings like men. Nothing special that needs putting on a pedestal. |
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#39 |
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Devon
Posts: 8,086
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I got to as far as the bit where you were sat on the couple's laps before realising this is a joke.
This is a joke, right? |
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#40 |
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Liverpool/sarf London.
Posts: 11,740
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That was as far as I got...then I realised I don't think I could give adequate advice it would be more of a shaking and for gods sake man conversation
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#41 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,777
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For what it's worth, I think you are a hugely talented writer OP.
Perhaps tone down the flowery way of talking and you'll meet someone just right. |
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#42 |
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,103
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I'm sure I can't be the only person wanting to see a photo of this dream woman
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#43 |
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: SE London
Posts: 796
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I'm sure I can't be the only person wanting to see a photo of this dream woman
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#44 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,718
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Goodness me. This all (along with the Twitter posting) comes across as incredibly creepy. I know you don't mean it to come across that way at all, but it is how it reads and likely how the situation seems to the woman in question. And it's not just to woman, I think most men would be running for the hills too if a woman was acting like this.
You also seem to have posted 10 updates on Twitter while you were at your Christmas party, including one about the girl you're trying to impress liking another guy. Do your colleagues know your Twitter? |
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#45 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,777
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Please take this as a kind suggestion Dominic, I think you are in danger of getting into unnecessary trouble with your oversharing of information on twitter. If the woman you like sees the constant barrage of references about her that you make, she could understandably find it quite alarming.
Please be careful. |
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#46 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,718
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Please take this as a kind suggestion Dominic, I think you are in danger of getting into unnecessary trouble with your oversharing of information on twitter. If the woman you like sees the constant barrage of references about her that you make, she could understandably find it quite alarming.
Please be careful. But if I saw this stuff about me written by a colleague (it wouldn't be hard for her to then also find this thread as OP uses the same name here as for his Twitter) it would be definitely be alarming. Also, while we are on the Twitter subject, OP I think you really should take your pinned post down - "I'd like to be the kind of sweet, polite guy who treats ladies with respect, does nice things to make girls feel happy, beautiful, confident" - It shouldn't be the most important aspect of your twitter and I don't think it would have the effect you want it to. |
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#47 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Agreed. I do not think it is the intention at all.
But if I saw this stuff about me written by a colleague (it wouldn't be hard for her to then also find this thread as OP uses the same name here as for his Twitter) it would be definitely be alarming. Also, while we are on the Twitter subject, OP I think you really should take your pinned post down - "I'd like to be the kind of sweet, polite guy who treats ladies with respect, does nice things to make girls feel happy, beautiful, confident" - It shouldn't be the most important aspect of your twitter and I don't think it would have the effect you want it to. You are coming across very desperate and if you are as sweet as you sound, no need to broadcast it. Be your natural self but in perhaps less of a public way. Good luck |
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#48 |
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,048
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Agreed. I do not think it is the intention at all.
But if I saw this stuff about me written by a colleague (it wouldn't be hard for her to then also find this thread as OP uses the same name here as for his Twitter) it would be definitely be alarming. Also, while we are on the Twitter subject, OP I think you really should take your pinned post down - "I'd like to be the kind of sweet, polite guy who treats ladies with respect, does nice things to make girls feel happy, beautiful, confident" - It shouldn't be the most important aspect of your twitter and I don't think it would have the effect you want it to. |
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#49 |
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,335
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For the longest time, my failings were all I had, it's only since I've had this job that I've really had anything positive to say. As to not concealing my identity, again I had no real reason to hide behind a persona, I've always been quite open and honest about my feelings. I know that can rub people up the wrong way, but I don't deliberately set out to offend... I'd love to know how a literate, educated, motivated and obviously kind-hearted person can have 'only failings'? Don't measure your worth by your value to other people. I know it can be easy to catastrophise and always look at the negative - it's something I used to do to myself. You have to challege that stream of negativity. An example - my little one is currently undergoing the 'terrible twos'. Sometimes, after an epic tantarum I find myself saying 'I'm a useless Mum.' Then I think, hold on... she's clean, clothed, surrounded by books and toys, she's warm and safe, and even if she doesn't want to eat, she has access to food and drink. A useless or neglectful Mum wouldn't manage half of that. Chin up and carry on. You have to look at the bright side. Constantly. And don't broadcast your perceived failings. As to being 'open and honest' - it's good that you're an honest person, and that you don't want to offend. But you can't control how other people interpret your outpourings. Nearly every person on here has warned you that sharing such personal information online a) makes you sound too intense and needy and frankly, a little little like a stalker. b) leaves you open to abuse or manipulation by an unscrupulous person. If everybody on this thread has warned you against sharing so much of yourself online perhaps, just perhaps, we may all be right? |
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#50 |
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,718
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I'd love to know how a literate, educated, motivated and obviously kind-hearted person can have 'only failings'? Don't measure your worth by your value to other people. I know it can be easy to catastrophise and always look at the negative - it's something I used to do to myself. You have to challege that stream of negativity.
An example - my little one is currently undergoing the 'terrible twos'. Sometimes, after an epic tantarum I find myself saying 'I'm a useless Mum.' Then I think, hold on... she's clean, clothed, surrounded by books and toys, she's warm and safe, and even if she doesn't want to eat, she has access to food and drink. A useless or neglectful Mum wouldn't manage half of that. Chin up and carry on. You have to look at the bright side. Constantly. And don't broadcast your perceived failings. As to being 'open and honest' - it's good that you're an honest person, and that you don't want to offend. But you can't control how other people interpret your outpourings. Nearly every person on here has warned you that sharing such personal information online a) makes you sound too intense and needy and frankly, a little little like a stalker. b) leaves you open to abuse or manipulation by an unscrupulous person. If everybody on this thread has warned you against sharing so much of yourself online perhaps, just perhaps, we may all be right? There has been some really decent advice on this thread, OP. I really hope you take it in, although I know it might be difficult at first. |
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More of that kind of humour, and less of the self obsessed pity on your twitter would be good.